Lately people got me all tied up, there's a countdown waiting for me to erupt. Time to blow out!
I've been told do what you do with it: 'we keep both my hands above the blanket' when the light's out —Britney Spears '
I Wanna Go'

"And in this dream, you got caught with your hand in Emma's cookie jar? So fascinating. Tell me more! What flavor are Emma's cookies, exactly?" Dr. Whale rolled forward on his stool and rubbed his hands together as Regina recounted a few of her dreams.

Archie's book had been worthless, she had thrown it back at him, and he stammered recommending that Regina keep a dream journal. After another week of confusing Emma centric dreams and sleep deprivation, Regina was at her wits end. At times she couldn't keep her eyes open and when she did succumb to sleep she could barely tell where the dreams ended and waking life began. She decided to seek more professional help.

"I don't see how this is relevant? I just want a prescription to help me sleep. I don't see why you need to know about the dreams," Regina twisted her hands nervously, and looked down in embarrassment, quietly adding, "She had white chip macadamia nut cookies…"

"Hmm, I really always thought of Emma as more of almond or snickerdoodle girl…but white chip macadamia could hit the spot," Dr. Whale stared off into the distance for a moment, before his attention returned, "Regina, we have to get to the root of the problem, and from what you're telling me it's not your ability to fall asleep that is cause for concern. Your subconscious is trying to tell you something. In your dream, who was it that caught you in Emma's cookie jar?"

"No one!" Regina snapped, her mind automatically racing back to her mother's words of advice on Regina's wedding night so long ago: Pleasure your husband that is your purpose now.

Regina's diverted her eyes, "And the only reason I wanted Emma's cookie so badly was because she licked the frosting off of my red velvet cupcake."

Dr. Whale raised his eyebrows and flipped through the pages of Regina's dream journal, which Regina had initially resisted giving over, but finally conceded in exchange to avoid wearing the paper thin examination gown. Dr. Whale raised his eyebrows when he got to the dream where Emma was sitting behind Regina at a pottery wheel, and they were both shoving their thumbs into the soft, wet clay to form a bowl.

"Well, I have good news. The solution to your problem is quite clear to me," Dr. Whale smiled as Regina leaned forward eager to hear the solution.

"What is it? Tell me what I need to do. I'll do it…anything," Regina sounded far more desperate than she intended, but this was the first real bit of hope she'd had.

"In my medical opinion, you need to have sex with Ms. Swan. Or at the very least masturbate and have an orgasm….or in your rather…erm… severe case, perhaps a dozen or so. Did you know in the 19th century, doctor's used to masturbate women diagnosed with hysteria? Funny, that's really the only thing I remember from medical school, actually."

Regina's face widened in outright shock. She heard Dr. Whale rambling, but she had stopped listening after the words 'sex with Ms. Swan.' The very idea was impossible. Two women, having sex! How would that even work? Regina interrupted his explicit rant to exclaim, "What?! Sex?!"

Dr. Whale paused and took a breath, "Okay, calm down. I'm sorry if that was crude. No sex then: make love to Ms. Swan. Is that a more suitable way of putting it?"

"No, I do not want to involve Ms. Swan in my problem, that is definitely not an option," Regina pursed her lips, standing firm. "Besides sex only occurs between a man and a woman…with a woman and a woman.. it couldn't even work."

Dr. Whale grinned, wide, smarmy and toothy, "I beg to differ. You don't spend much time on the internet, do you?"

"If I need information I have Henry look it up for me," Regina ran her hands down her shirt to smooth invisible wrinkles as she tried to make sense of this new information.

"Well, I wouldn't suggest having Henry look up lesbian sex…just yet, but I do have some literature and DVDs I'd be happy to share with you. Tell me, do you touch yourself regularly?" Dr. Whale regarded Regina with rapt interest.

Lesbian?

She blushed again, embarrassed and mortified, her voice cracking, she managed to squeak out, "No, never. That's dirty…I couldn't. I'm a good girl… A lady. I could never…"

'I could supervise if you need some pointers. I happen to have a whole box of latex gloves and lube right here. Let's start the physical examination, shall we?" Whale snapped on a glove as he looked Regina up and down expecting her to undress.

Regina was outraged, "This is totally unprofessional and inappropriate. I'm leaving now, and if you weren't the only doctor in town I'd fire you on the spot!"

This was not the solution to her problem and the thought of Whale going anywhere near her body turned her stomach. The bastard was still smiling.

"I know you're just saying that because you're tense, hormonal and horny. You desperately need to rub one out. Your case is tragic, but I can help you.'

Regina stepped up and slapped his face hard, while simultaneously kneeing him in the balls. She took off down the hallway, heels clicking at a quick clip.

Dr. Whale doubled over and coughed. He struggled to stand up and yelled after her, 'Damn it, I just wanted to help…if you don't do something it's just going to get worse, and if you won't ask Emma, or even touch yourself at least you could do us all a favor and get a sex toy!"

Regina stopped and whipped around, her face blazing in anger, about to give him a piece of her mind. She opened her mouth but nothing came out. She was so tired, and she didn't have the energy to fight. She let her shoulders slump and took a deep breath. She had just made this appointment because she wanted a damned Ambien. Was that too much to ask?

Whale recovered quickly and helpfully added, "Oh, and Regina, mention my referral at "The Lion's Den: Toys and Video" and you'll save twenty percent. Cheers!"