"BOYS! BREAKFAST IS READY!" called Ruby, and then she remembered that her boys were still restrained by handcuffs.
She went to Dr. Crane's room. "You can quit trying to pick the lock on the cuffs, darling, I'm going to release you anyway. I just wanted to see what you'd do if I left my hairpin within your reach. Let's hope you'd pick that lock faster in an actual kidnapping situation."
She took the key and released Dr. Crane.
"What do you want with me?"
"Haven't I made it perfectly clear? I want to be your mother. Why else would I have swept you away from that awful, dark, scary place? Don't think I'm oblivious to what happens behind the scenes. I know how the patients are treated behind closed doors. Not to say you were totally innocent. And that leads me to a rule of my house: No fear gas for innocent people!" She gave him a slight slap on the wrist with a rolled-up magazine. "Well, I'll let you get dressed. I hope you like your eggs scrambled!"
When Ruby unlocked the Joker's handcuffs, he instantly had her pinned against the wall and started choking her. "Release me!" she managed to say. And he did. He let her go. "Do you honestly think I would invite two criminal psychopaths into my home without some sort of protection? I kissed you with a dose of my lipstick, and now you're completely under my control."
At his silence, she realized he was still under her spell. "Oh, right. Libertatem. Now you're free again, until I say otherwise."
"Nice magic trick."
"There's loads more where that came from, now get dressed so we can have our first family meal together."
Ruby slid plates to her boys which had eggs and bacon smiley faces, which gave the Joker a laugh. "First order of business: we need to lay down a few ground rules. I know you don't like rules, Joker, but every family needs rules, and I think we could have a wonderful little family right here."
Dr. Crane spoke up, "I'm sorry, exactly when did we become a family? I've never seen you before in my life."
"Watch your tone with your mother, young man. And we became a family last night when I had two guys carry your unconscious bodies into a truck and I took you home. Is that a sufficient answer for you?"
"I don't do the whole family thing," said the Joker. "I hated my father."
"Well that's what mothers are for, dear. Now, onto the ground rules:
One, No fighting each other. You're both equally loved by your mother. There's no need for sibling rivalry.
Two, No guns, knives, explosives, drugs, toxins, attack dogs, or weapons of any kind in the house. You can save that for the garage.
Three, No running away. You're not prisoners here. I wouldn't bust you out of Arkham just to make you inmates in my house. You wouldn't get far, anyway if you did try to run. I've got a spell that's binding you to this house. We can take outings every so often with my permission, but I can't see why you'd want to leave. The police would never find you here.
Four, No killing, or injuring, or kidnapping innocent people. I've got a few jobs for you to do which might tempt you.
Five, No intentional destruction to private or public property, especially not my property.
Six, If you're going to steal, steal from criminals, and be smart about it.
Seven, Above all, stay safe. I want both my boys coming home in one piece. Make Mommy proud."
"Did you say there was a spell keeping us here?" asked Dr. Crane.
"And I'd like to know what these 'jobs' are," said the Joker.
"I'll answer your questions one at a time, boys. To clear up any confusion, I'm Ruby. I'm a witch. Magic has been in my family for over 300 years."
"And I thought I was losing it," mumbled the Joker.
"I didn't expect you to believe me that fast." Ruby picked a wilted azalea from the vase on the table and cupped it in the palms of her hands. When she held it up again, it was blooming and fresh with life.
"Whatever. You've got powers. What I care about is what I can do with those powers," said the Joker.
"We're going to turn Gotham City upside down."
"I see. So really you've just taken us out of Arkham just so we can do your dirty work for you."
"Not at all. We're going to bring justice to this city; we're just going to do it my way. And for your information, I'll be going along with you every step of the way.
"What makes you think we'll just agree to all of this?" interjected Dr. Crane.
"Joker here can tell you about that. I've put a spell on both of you. I can make you my servants at any moment. If you don't do what I say by your own free will, your will becomes mine. And it's not like what we're going to do is much different than what you've done before you went to the asylum, just with a little twist."
"What's first on our list?" asked Joker.
"Well first, you boys are going to needs your toys back. Once that's taken care of, we're going to steal from the leading mob in Gotham… and we're going to give the money to an orphanage. The Scarecrow and the Joker will once again be at large."
"When would you like all of this to be done?" asked Dr. Crane.
"I was hoping to be done and home in time for afternoon tea."
Author's Note: When I say that Ruby is a witch, I do not mean to offend any Wiccans or any other witches. I'm just telling a supernatural story.
