Gradually small details trickle into consciousness as Katniss wakes with the muddled head and heavy limbs accompanying a dreamless sleep. Through her closed lids sunlight glows russet veined with crimson. Gentle rhythmic slapping of lake water against rock somewhere near her feet. A soft breeze carries the nearly cloying scent of blossoms laced with verdurous undernotes. Unbound, her hair lifts and and flutters, tickling the skin on her shoulder and back.

They had arrived at the lake a few hours before. Katniss suggested Peeta go sit and rest beside the lake. Carefully, she swept out the one-room cottage with the twig broom her father made long ago. Dust bloomed in a cloud around her and clung to her sweat slicked body. Skin crawling, she collected their packs and brought them inside, dropping them beside the small woodpile.

A flat glacier rock lay in front of the cottage, stretching out over the lake before sloping down into the water, where it cut off abruptly. Peeta sat at the edge, leaning back on his palms, both legs submerged. Katniss plopped down beside him and dangled her legs over the ledge.

"This place is beautiful," said Peeta. "Thank you."

Katniss nodded.

"So," he said, after several minutes of companionable silence. "What is it that you want?"

Katniss looked at him with a confused expression.

"You said that I never asked what you wanted," Peeta said. "So, I'm asking. What do you want, Katniss?"

Her head was such a jumble that she hardly knew what she wanted now, much less before. She had been angry that Peeta blamed her so unfairly for his disappointment, when he hadn't been open and honest. They had agreed they would be in the future. But how could she tell him that it wasn't that she didn't want to be with him, but with anyone? Would he understand the distinction? She'd rather cut off her own arm than cause a reappearance of that broken expression from all those weeks ago.

"Everything I ever wanted was already provided for us in the new house," she said, looking across the lake.

"But, don't you have any dreams?" he said.

"My dreams were Prim going to bed with a full stomach," she said, quietly. "My dreams were fuel for a warm fire in the middle of winter. My dreams were no more hollow days."

Peeta glanced sideways in Katniss's direction, lips pressed together. "Isn't there anything you want, just for yourself? Or that you want to learn more about? Can we call Effie and get you some plant books? Is there another subject that interests you?"

"Plants? Why plants?"

"You seemed to know a lot about them. But maybe you'd like to know more about plants from other regions. Just an idea. What was your favorite subject at school? Mine was art, but we haven't had that since we started secondary. I feel like history could be interesting if I could get ahold of something other than Capitol propaganda. I guess my favorite has been English."

"Really? That was all rubbish, too. Or do you like writing?"

"I like words," said Peeta. "But, no, not the books from school. , our English teacher, from a few years back lent me books, even after I wasn't her student. Sometimes she'd quiz me on stuff. I have no idea where she'd have gotten them, her family probably had them from before the Dark Days. They must be illegal in the districts."

"Mrs. Fallow lent you books?" Katniss said. "Why?"

"I think, mostly, she did it for herself, to teach something real to someone," said Peeta. "She told me once it was because I was smart, but maybe she meant I knew how to keep my mouth shut. I think she'd have gotten in a lot of trouble if she had been caught sharing them. I certainly can't borrow anything from her now. Of course the Capitol would never allow this stuff to be read, inviting individualism would be like inviting dissidence. It's just another way they control us."

Katniss found it hard to believe old Mrs. Fallow, with her severe grey bun, chalk dusted tweed skirt, and stockings perpetually wrinkled at the ankle, could be passionate about anything, or more strangely, harboring rebellious sentiments.

"So, you liked art class best when we were younger," she said."Then English later, because you discovered you liked reading."

"Oh, I already knew I liked reading," he said. "We had books at home, poetry and a few novels from my mothers side of the family. She brought them with her when she married my father. They were packed with my things in the new house. But I've known them backwards and forwards for ages, so Effie is sending me some new books, along with painting supplies."

This artistic version of Peeta didn't exactly fit with popular, athletic, outgoing Peeta. His words echoed in her head.

"You're such a bad liar Katniss. I don't know how you've survived this long."

What, or who, had he survived that necessitated the acquisition of those skills that she lacked, yet he had perfected?

"Your mother?" she said. "Your mother doesn't seem like the type of woman that reads poetry."

Peeta sighs. "She hasn't. In years. I think she was different, in some ways, when she was young. She used to keep a journal before she was married. I read some of it it once, before she burned it. I guess my father wasn't her first choice. Their parents arranged it."

"Their parents?" she said. "An arranged marriage?"

"Yeah," he said. "It doesn't happen often now, but if a kid reaches a certain age and isn't already engaged or toasted the parents try to find a match. They don't do that in the Seam?"

"No," she said. "I mean, maybe, but I've never heard of it. There's a few perks with marriage there. There's a marriage stipend at the mines. And the assigned house. Plus, once you're past reaping age you don't collect the tessera, so marriage means one less mouth taking rations from the little kids. But marriage is our choice, it's one of the few liberties we have. What happens if a town kid doesn't want to get married?"

"Some families can afford it," said Peeta, shrugging. "But mostly there's a lot of pressure to have kids, for the business. "

Having children out of obligation was both foreign and repugnant to Katniss. Her parents had loved each other, and their children. They were precious, not a business commodity. As a healer, Mrs. Everdeen could choose when to have children and when to prevent it. She and Prim were wanted. Was Peeta?

Clearly he'd been inconsequential to the witch, judging by the reappearing bruises and cruel things she'd said over the years. But surely, if Mr. Mellark had wholly loved Peeta, he would never have allowed anyone to harm his son. How could , who'd always been so kindhearted to her and Prim, not cherish his golden boy?

The sudden itching in her throat and watering of her eyes reminds her of the dust that she wished to wash away. She scrambled to her feet.

"Watch out, I'm jumping in!" she said, over her shoulder, as she skipped toward the to the other end of the rock.

Then, just as she always had as a child, she sprinted the length of the rock. Leaping into the air she wrapped her arms around her shins, and met the water with a enormous splash.

When she surfaced she turned towards Peeta. Looking shocked, but laughing, water dripped down his face and torso.

"Sorry!" she said.

"Are you standing or swimming?" said Peeta.

"Oh, my feet don't touch the bottom here. Did you want to come in?"

"I can't. I don't know how."

"Well, if I can teach Gale to swim I'm sure I can teach you."

"Gale? Oh."

He glanced around, an odd look on his face.

"Yeah, there's another lake, bigger, closer to 12," said Katniss. "We fish there a lot."

Looking reassured, he cleared his throat, hesitated, then said, "Your father taught you?"

"He must have, though I've been able to swim as long as I can remember. My mother never came here."

Peeta nodded. "So, should I just get in?" he said.

"Yup."

Katniss wanted to help him somehow, but he'd been so stoic during their hike, so insistent that he was fine that she'd ignored all the times he stumbled. She wouldn't want help either.

Peeta inched forward till he was sitting at the very edge of the rock and then, in one smooth motion, crossed an arm over his body and flipped over. He held himself up by just his arms, then slowly lowered himself into the water, displaying, that while he was weakened from hunger, his broad shoulders and strong arms were still powerful.

"We'll head over to where it's shallow," she said. "I'll teach you to float. Once you can float, swimming is pretty easy."

Indicating which direction with her finger, he moved along the edge of the rock till they were close enough to the shore that Katniss could stand. She took his hand and pulled him away from the rock to where she the water was waist deep. Here Peeta could kneel with his head above the surface, in case he sank. She explained how to float and sink, and then demonstrated floating on her back, then sinking.

She had him tilt back into the water placing one hand under his shoulder blades and the other under his lower back, then instructed him to bring up his legs so he was horizontal in the water. With his eyes shut he looked like he could have been sleeping, except for the small smile curving up the corners of his lips.

Carefully, Katniss slowly withdrew her hands from under him. She stared down at his face, noting that his eyelashes were impossibly long, practically tangled. And they were more pale than the golden hair that spangled across his chest. Like her, he had deep purple bag under his eyes.

"Peeta," she said softly. "See, you've been doing it on your own."

His eyes popped open and he immediately sunk. Sputtering, he got to his knees and then stood, smiling enthusiastically. He practised floating for a bit. Then she showed him how he could propel himself in the water with his arms. While he practiced near the shore she collected onion shaped tuber that tasted similar to potatoes.

After piling the roots on her foraging bag, Katniss raced across the rock and dove into the water. The forest noises were muffled as she floated about on her back, staring at the sky, her hair undulating around her like some strange water plant.

Exhaustion swept over her and, as she swam back, she saw that Peeta was already laying out. Appearing to be asleep, he had one arm was flung over his eyes, the other tucked under his head. Hauling herself up, she crawled over to join him.

Katniss enjoyed the heat of the rock against her chilled flesh. She could even feel the warmth radiating from Peeta beside her.

"I feel so free here. Today has been the best day I've had in a really long time, even though it didn't start out very well," said Peeta, without removing his arm.

"Mmm," said Katniss, her eyes shut.

"So," he said, "what were you feeling, exactly, when you had to remind yourself… it wasn't real? I mean, when we were in the cave?"

She shook her head, eyes shut. After a moment, "I was confused."

"You said that before," he said. "But why were you confused? I don't understand, I'm sorry."

Katniss bit her bottom lip, scraping teeth against peeling, uneven skin. She gazed down her body and across the lake, contemplating. Finally she offers with a grimace "the closest to what I was feeling was like... a moth to a flame."

"Okay", rolling onto his side to look at her, "that's an idiom. The moth is attracted to the flame in a way that's beyond it's control. Is that what you mean?" he said, carefully.

Startled, Katniss snapped her head up, making eye contact. Her olive cheeks flamed crimson and she blinked several times.

Turning over to face him, she said, "Well, the moth flies towards the flame, despite the potential injury or possible death. It doesn't consider it's own survival. That's what I mean."

He stared at her, expression intense but unreadable. Heat seemed to roll off his body in waves. Her heart began to pound hard enough that she heard it's beat in her ears.

"OK," said Peeta, suddenly rolling to his back again, bending an elbow to cushion his head.

The explanation seemed to come out different than her original intention, but her words caused her to think of another conversation, in the cave. One that caused her to realize she didn't want to lose the boy with the bread. Had Peeta's thoughts gone there as well?

Katniss laid back, slipping her hands behind her head.

"Thanks for teaching me how to swim," he said. "You were right, I think the cold water helped with the swelling."

"You picked it up really fast. It took Gale a few weeks to figure it out. He just couldn't-"

She didn't want to think about Gale. And surely Peeta didn't want to be compared to him.

"Did something happen with him?" said Peeta, sitting up.

"What? Why?" said Katniss, blushing. Peeta just looked at her, raising his eyebrows.

"I really haven't seen him since the day we got back, except for today. I met him like normal. Normal day, normal place, normal time. He showed up late, but everything else seemed... normal. But then..." Katniss sat up.

Peeta waited. Katniss looked down at her hands.

"He kissed me."

Peeta's nostrils twitched slightly, and his eyes seemed to darken, but otherwise appeared impassive.

"And?" said Peeta, gently.

"And why couldn't he just be my friend?" said Katniss. "Why now?"

"You really had no idea, how he felt?"

"No! I don't know. Something seemed different, but I couldn't tell you what."

"Well, I don't think he can understand what you went through. He's not seeing you as a survivor of a massacre, but as his friend, Katniss, the girl he likes who's been kissing another boy. He's probably been feeling like he missed his chance or something."

"He never had a chance! Not like that. That's not what I want."

"So," he said, in a slow placating tone, "what don't you want?"

"I never want to get married, and I've never seen the point in romance if I'm not getting married," she said, not able to look at Peeta. "Marriage leads to babies. And you know what happens to Victor's children. Do you want that?"

"No," he said. "I used to want them. How long have you felt this way? Not wanting children?"

"Around the time of my first reaping. Before really."

"Ah," he said, in an understanding tone. "Do you think you ever could have been tempted to marry?"

"No."

"Not even for Prim?"

She sighed. "How would me marrying help Prim?"

"I wasn't kidding about a lot of boys liking you," he said, smiling. "You'd've had your pick."

Katniss snorts. "You're insane."

"Insane with boredom. There's not much to do now that I'm not allowed in the bakery. Everyone else our age will be going back to school soon. They'll graduate in two years and go to work. It's weird to think that everyone else's life is just continuing on, the same as it's always been. And we're getting left behind, except- except it's not like we're frozen in time. Everything's different for us. We have the rest of our lives with nothing to do but go to the Capitol once a year for the Games."

Picturing the empty years stretching ahead, never being able to truly put the horrors behind her, caused her calm to crack, and panic to seep out. What would that be like, year after year with Peeta and Haymitch, watching children die. Witnessing the murders of district children surrounded by Capitol bacchants. Every year adding to the list of kids she couldn't save.

"Oh, Peeta," she said, plaintively. "We're trapped."

Her ribs burned as she gasped repeatedly, unable catch her breath. The world tilted and began to go dark as the anxiety clawed through the place where her heart was, squeezing till it'd surely burst. She vaguely registered Peeta lifting her from a fetal position and placing her in his lap, wrapping his strong arms around her, and stroking her back in soothing circles.

Finally having something sturdy to cling to, her walls crumbled. She pressed her face into his chest as the tears started, swiftly evolving into uncontrolled hiccuping sobs. The guilt, rage, anguished sorrow, and fear regurgitated out of her till she felt empty.

Languidly stretching, her toes brush against toes. Her face and arm lay on Peeta's chest, his heartbeat thuds steadily under her ear, his soft breath caresses her brow. His arm rests heavily across her ribs. Cracking an eye open she stares at trees in the distance. Often, visiting her father's lake causes more sorrow than consolation, but now she feels only relief. Knowing the reprieve is temporary, she savors the serenity.

Peeta stirs and stretches his limbs. Free from his arm Katniss sits up and pulls her knees to her chest. After a moment Peeta rises up yawning and crosses his legs, placing his stump on the opposite calf.

"I've missed you," says Peeta, nudging his shoulder against hers with a sweet smile.

Katniss attributes the flutter in her midsection to hunger. It's a relief to feel hungry again. Not one to waste food she'd force herself to eat the meals her mother cooked, but hadn't been truly hungry since she'd had her first real meal in the Capitol after the arena.

"I started missing you on the train," says Katniss, returning the smile.

Peeta stares ahead, looking over the lake toward the late afternoon sun.

"The mosquitos will be coming out soon," he says. Leaning back he reaches his hand out to retrieve his prosthetic. He stands after wriggling into his jeans and limps to where Katniss had carefully laid out her clothes. He tosses them at her before snatching his own shirt and sitting next to his boots.

"I'm all dry," says Peeta, standing again. "You?"

"Yeah," says Katniss.

Peeta drops her socks and boots at her feet.

Peeta's quiet for a moment, before saying "So, that was the only time you kissed Gale?"

"Yes," says Katniss, surprised. "But, I was just standing there, I was too shocked to react."

"Oh," says Peeta. "Where did it happen? Could someone have seen?"

"I didn't see anyone, but that doesn't mean someone didn't see us," says Katniss, pulling her boot laces. "I was kind of preoccupied."

"I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but it's probably not a good idea to go into the woods alone with Gale. The reporters called him your cousin, but it's a good bet the Capitol knows the truth."

It rankled Katniss to her core that the Capitol can control her in yet another way. She frowns and rubs an ache on her forehead, and climbs to her feet.

"If you want, I can go in with you. Find a nice place to sit and sketch. Your Sundays are important, you shouldn't have to give them up because of me."

"Peeta, its my fault, not yours."

"Katniss, you did it to save me. You could have let me die, but instead you- you risked your life, again, to save mine. If the gamemakers never made that last second rule change, would you have- gone through with it?"

Katniss looks across the lake, thinking back to the moment right before they were declared the winners, poisonous berries laying on her tongue, waiting to be crushed between her teeth. She nods, squinting up at him, then looks away.

"Why?" he says, in a near whisper, shifting to shield the sun from her eyes.

Looking up at Peeta, it's as if Katniss has never truly seen him before this moment. Like a moth, her silver eyes are drawn in. His hair has dried haphazard and wild, and the sun, now directly behind his head, haloes his curls, setting them ablaze. The mesmerizing azure of his eyes are intense as the blue center of flame. He is a vision.

Her sudden terror isn't that his fire would ignite her, but that his own light would be snuffed out, and she'd be forced to flit around in the dark forever, his loss leaving her an empty shell.