A/N
I own nothing.
Hope you enjoy this chapter. Please review and let me know what you like or want to see. I love getting reviews so I know you're all enjoying the story.
Thanks to Michy Drarry Shipper for being my Beta for this story (and some others).
:)
Sirius had made the decision to tell Remus about his own past. He wanted Remus to realise that he wasn't alone in this, that others have suffered and made it through. That he could trust Sirius not to judge him. Maybe he could talk to Sirius if he realised that Sirius understood.
Remus felt worried, Sirius had seen his arm and was now making him sit down and talk. It made him wonder if Sirius had figured it out. He doubted it because if Sirius had, then he wouldn't have been so careful with cleaning Remus' arm.
Sirius cleared his throat nervously. He saw the panicked look in Remus' eyes.
"I ran away from home during the summer," he began. "My parents - my insane parents - got too much, I thought I'd die if I stayed there longer. They've been beating me for years, each summer that passed it got worse and worse until this one gone."
Remus was shocked. The conversation was unexpected and he didn't know what to say.
"It all started when I came here. When I was sorted into Gryffindor, well I think that was strike one, being friends with a member of the Potter family - that was strike two and strike three was refusing to believe all their pure-blood supremacy."
He bit his lip nervously. "At first the beatings were very few and far between. Mostly the first summer consisted of them screaming and shouting at me. The second and third summer I was ignored, unless they were beating me of course. It was as though I didn't exist the rest of the time, I wasn't even allowed to leave my room. No owls from friends, no going out of the house - I was a prisoner."
Remus went to speak but Sirius continued before any words could leave Remus' mouth.
"The next summer between fourth and fifth year that's when it got worse. The beatings got more regular. My brother who had found them ignoring me a high form of entertainment - even he was shocked at what was happening in our home. He would try calm them down, or would try to stop them but they didn't even listen to him. They hated me and they made it clear. They knew everything I done at school - every prank, every friend I had... Each and every thing I done was a taint on the family name. The Potters are considered Blood traitors so it was wrong for a Black and a Potter to be friends."
"Sirius..."
"Please Remus... just let me get this all out. It's not something I like to talk about and I don't think I can talk about it again." Sirius said quickly.
Remus nodded.
He was worried if Remus showed sympathy or distracted him from his words, he may lose the nerve to share. It was hard to talk about, he had suffered in silence for so long, scared to tell anyone what he was going through, scared of peoples reactions, and if they would believe him.
It wasn't until it was at his worst that he actually was able to leave, and he didn't want that for Remus.
"The summer between fifth and sixth year was the worst, the beatings were extreme. They happened daily and I wasn't able to leave the house. The wards stopped me leaving. I wasn't even allowed to go to the hospital, instead Reggie would wait until my parents were done and would sneak in, heal me, get me food and drag me to bed. This summer however was a whole other story.
It got worse, I was beaten unconscious at times and then the truth came out - a secret I'd been keeping was revealed when they found private things in my room and it was the ultimate betrayal to them. I was never going to be the heir to the family, that much was clear. They tried to force me to... take his mark - the dark mark, telling me it was a way to redeem myself, well, that and change who I am and who I want... I mean everything about myself. I refused and they would torture me daily, with hexes and finally after a nasty bout of the Cruciatus curse, they left me unconscious on the floor.
Reggie healed me but didn't wake me, and when I finally woke it was night-time. I believe it was so my parents would leave me alone. The wards had been taken down and my trunk was by the door. I thought my parents were giving me permission to leave, but there was a note in my pocket from my brother. It was spelled so once I finished reading, it would disappear, but it was basically a letter telling me to run tonight, because it could be my only chance. So I did. I snuck out and made my way up the road. I was close to collapsing and managed to summon the Knight Bus, I asked to go to the Potters, I couldn't even afford the bus, had to ask James for the money once I arrived at his."
He paused for a long time, Remus was unsure whether the story was finished. He stayed silent, watching Sirius. Sirius had lost himself in the story, picturing that moment in his head again, remembering how much it hurt to get off the floor, how unsteady his legs were and how he was terrified that one of his parents would follow him out or catch him leaving. He hadn't felt safe until he had actually got into the Potters home.
"My uncle came and sorted me out with some a few days later when he found out what had happened. He had a falling out with my mum over it, heard from Reggie that his name has been hexed off the family tree as well as mine."
Sirius rolled up one of his sleeves. "Cursed blade," he explained and pointed to some scars. "There are more because my parents are sadistic. They wanted to hear me scream but I wouldn't."
Remus had worked out what was going through Sirius' mind through the story.
"I know you didn't ask for my life story, but I just wanted to say if something is going on at your home, you don't have to be alone. Having friends can help you and even save your life."
He reached out and put his hand on Remus' arm, resisting the urge to take his hand. "I can't help but worry about you, you look like I felt after my parents were done with me. I could at least come here and not return until the following summer, whereas you're always called back home and come back hurt over and over. I won't ask questions because I know you won't answer them, but when you're ready..."
Remus swallowed nervously. "I... its more complicated than you think Sirius, I'd rather not discuss it right now, but thank you. It's nice to know someone cares. I'm glad you had James to help you. I'm sorry, I didn't realise..."
Sirius waved it off. "They always left me alone the last couple of weeks so I was healed by the time I returned, there was nothing to notice by that point. It even took James a while to notice."
He paused and thought back on what Remus had said, and his face dropped into a frown. "I'm sure there are a lot of people who care about you mate," he said.
Remus' gaze dropped from Sirius' and he started rubbing the back of his neck with his free arm.
"Just so we're clear here, if you need anything. Anything at all, I mean someone to talk to, or to help with anything, if you need to run away, or just get out for a few days, or just need someone to sit with you in silence, or to heal you, I want you to come to me. I don't want to see you hurt and alone again, and you won't be alone because you have me and James now."
Remus looked up quickly. "I'll always be hurt Sirius, there's nothing that can be done about..." he trailed off, realising that there wasn't much for him to say that wouldn't give his secret away.
Sirius' eyes narrowed. "You don't have to go home next time, or maybe I could go with you that way you could still see your mum... We could speak to Dumbledore about it?"
Remus closed his eyes as he felt tears prickle behind them. He knew he should be alone, he shouldn't let people get close to him, but he was so alone. He couldn't take it much longer.
That evening had been something special to him. He had a friend, someone who actually noticed he was missing from dinner. Someone who took the time to get him food and notes and even after 6 years of Remus brushing him off, still wanted to be his friend. He had shared something big with Remus and he cared about him. Remus had forgotten what it felt like to mean something to someone.
He knew Sirius wouldn't want to know him when he found out the truth, but for now he would allow himself the privilege of having Sirius Black as his friend.
"I can't promise anything Sirius, I can't do anything right now... But thank you for caring, and thank you for trusting me with your story."
"Of course I care, Remus," Sirius smiled softly at him. He actually more then cared but that would be too much to tell Remus at that time.
As Sirius stood up, Remus quickly grabbed his sleeve. Sirius stopped and quickly sat back down.
Remus had realised something at that moment, it wasn't just him that needed Sirius, Sirius seemed to need him too.
"I know I'm not able to talk right now, but everything you said... If I need someone for whatever reason... Well, that works both ways. If you need anything, then let me know," Remus said softly.
Sirius stood up again and put his hand on Remus' shoulder. "Thanks mate, I'll keep that in mind."
Remus hesitated for a moment. "What was your big secret?" He asked.
Sirius looked sad. "If I tell you, you might look at me different, you might not want to be my friend," he said softly and Remus smiled at him.
"I don't think that's possible Sirius," he replied.
Sirius returned his smile. "Maybe one day I'll be able to tell you," he replied. "I'll hold you to that promise if I ever need to talk as long as you do the same."
As Sirius walked away, he felt a bit lighter, it was hard to talk about what had happened, it still hurt to think about, but even though his parents had done so much to him, the bad memories always reminded him that his brother had helped him escape. He hoped that his story somehow made a difference with Remus.
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