All mistakes are mine.


Tyler isn't objective by any means, but he knows when to pretend to be, knows how to hold back, how to the stationary axis she revolves around. That's a talent the oldest Gilbert and Miss Mystic Falls haven't mastered. He's her anchor and it's evident whenever she feels herself slipping more than usual, when that weightlessness comes back and he drags her back down to earth.

It's two days before Christmas break when she asks Tyler to come with her—leaving out the big details because they don't matter. This isn't some quest to find where she came from, and it isn't a road trip set to figure out where she belongs. She needs help, doesn't know any other witches and her days are numbered.

Finding her mother's the only option.

They leave before school lets out, Bonnie wanting to skip so she doesn't have to explain to the girls who have been on her case about not hanging out with them lately. It's something she should want to share with them but she knows that it'll put more pressure on her.

It'll become a thing.

She'll have to perform with them, and while she's got the part of Bonnie, The Witch down most of the time, her acting gets a little shaky when it comes to Bonnie, The Girl (probably because she's spends less and less time rehearsing those lines). Oddly enough she doesn't see herself like that, and yet she finds herself filling those roles because it's easier than trying to make them understand that she's the same girl she's always been, not when their entire world has changed so much.

Bonnie's hatred of her mother has simmered over the years. It's no longer hate because it's easy to forgive a woman you think of as dead. So there's no nervousness, no anxiety. Either she'll help or she won't.


She gets invited into her home, the one that's tucked away in the country, a long snow covered driveway leading up to the house. Tyler's invitation takes longer, a little hesitancy on Abby's part, which is understandable. The hybrid thing is such a hard thing to explain, and Bonnie forgets how comfortable she's gotten with it.

Bonnie meets Abby's stepson (the one she didn't abandon), but he doesn't stay long. He kisses her mother on the cheek and jumps in the pickup in the driveway.

They sip at tea that Tyler will later ask her about because he "feels a little stoned," and he'll dismiss himself into the living room before anything serious is discussed. He's still close enough that Bonnie doesn't feel alone, but far enough away that she doesn't feel like he's intruding, even though she knows that he can hear everything; he's accommodating like that.

Their conversation doesn't last long after she finds out there's no help to be found here and really she should've expected as much. The odds haven't been in her favor for a long time, but before she leaves she has to ask; she's not sure if she really wants to know.

"Why didn't you come back for me?"

The woman's face drops and she starts before having to stop again. "Bonnie I'd just lost my magic…I was so lost then and young…I didn't know what to do…I figured your Grams could handle it."

Bonnie takes her time responding she doesn't know why because the words spill out. "It wasn't her responsibility to handle it! It was yours and now she's gone. What now? I've seen people I love die, people that helped raise me and I've been alone because you weren't there. They died…I've died and this could've been prevented if there was somebody there to help me. You lost your magic, so have I…and you know what? I didn't run away from the people that needed me. Grams would've never done that and you know she would've helped you if you came back.

You know my dad hates magic because of you? Of course you don't," she scoffs. "But he does. He tries to pretend I'm not what I am, and that's not all on you, but you leaving has done nothing but make it harder for me and to find out that you're two hours away and you've never tried to contact me…you do understand that I'm your only daughter right? I grew up without a mother. You were young? I was young…" She laughs, " I pretended it didn't hurt me for a so long…and you're right, my Grams handled it, she was a great and I owe her so much…and after seeing what a coward you are I know it worked out for the best, but I needed you.

I just want to know was there something wrong with me that kept you away? You have another family, so it had to be me. If it was just my dad you could've taken me with you. So it had to be me. What was it?"

The older woman reaches out to touch her hand that's holding her tea mug and Bonnie snatches it away. "Bonnie…"

"You don't get to do that and you don't get to look sad. Do you even have an answer? Do you even know why you did it?"

Bonnie's begins to rise from the table, never letting Abby to get a word in. Her chair scrapes against the linoleum floor of the old house, her tea sloshes over the rim of the cup.

"Never mind. I don't care about what you have to say. Maybe you leaving was a good thing…I don't know. But you don't have magic so you're of no help to me. I can pretend this never happened. I can go back to thinking you're dead and be in the same position I was in before coming here."

She can feel Tyler's presence at the kitchen entrance, can feel him assessing the situation. Her mother looks heartbroken and Bonnie wants to laugh. This is definitely the opposite of the reunion she'd fantasized about as a child. No hugs and kisses here. A strong hand touches the small of her back and with a little bit of force, he guides her to the door.

The screen door slams when they're crunching into the snow down the walkway.

Tyler takes the keys and she lets him.


"Are you okay?"

She knows he's going to ask before he does, knows that he'll blow it up bigger than it needs to be.

"I'm fine."

"Are you?"

For once she is. She's not in the business of forgiving, never really has been, so she's mainly just upset that she wasted time and energy looking for the older Bennett.

"If you want to talk—"

"I don't."

She turns up the radio as he hits the highway south back to Mystic Falls.


When they stop for food twenty miles out they sit in the car Bonnie munching on fries and Tyler sipping idly at his coke.

"I don't know what I expected, but she's pretty," she says and it seems like such a stupid thing to say once it leaves her lips.

He takes his time answering, "she is. Have you never seen pictures of her?"

"When she was younger, yeah but nothing after I was a born. My Grams had photo albums full of her as a kid but my dad never kept any of the recent ones in the house."

He nods in understanding.

"You resemble each other," he says, his eyes scanning her face. He's looking at her intently, like he's imprinting it on his memory, his expression is the one she can never read. The one that's just shy of making her skin crawl. Her nose scrunches in confusion, "is that a compliment?"

Tyler smirks, "could be."

She leans back in the passenger's seat eyes on the field of snow stretched in front of them. "I'm not sad."

His expression is a blank like he's waiting for her to tell him how to react. That's something else she likes about Tyler, that he doesn't make her feel weird for feeling the way she does.

"I think that I should be or that I feel something. Angry? I thought I was back at the house but I just wanted her to feel bad….there's just so much on my plate right now to deal with…I just…I'm not even numb really.

I don't feel anything."

She watches his face drop into a shadow of something that he quickly masks before smiling at her. He reaches out to cup her face in his hand and Bonnie leans into the touch.


He rises up into her warm palm, the shape of him familiar, his eyes on hers. She presses a few kisses to his chest, the touch of her lips soft, a harsh contrast to the feeling of death that's still got her scalp tingling.

And even now that's become comforting.

The goofy way he smiles, the way he tells stories, the way he looks at her, all comforting.

Tyler expresses so much with his face, even when he tries to hide it, but he's always good at showing her that he sees her; he acknowledges her.

He's looking at her like she's hung the moon and stars, the same way he does when she's performing spells, the same way he does when they're sitting on the couch watching TV.

However, the way he speaks to her, the tone of his voice, his cadence when they're alone comforts her the most. No matter what happens when they're at school or in a crowded room, it doesn't even matter what he's saying, when they're alone his voice wraps around her spinal cord and she feels enveloped in security, there's safety with Tyler. It's not on the large scale, he's can't do much against Klaus, but he allows her to be as vulnerable as she'll ever be; she couldn't do that if she didn't trust him.

Bonnie," he whispers in a choked off groan. Wrapping an arm around her middle he lifts her, her legs instinctively going to his waist and he drops them both on the bed.

"Is your mom waiting up for you?"

He grins, "no."

So even though the day was a bust, he gives her something tangible, something she can feel, and really she can't complain.


The Founder's host a holiday brunch that Bonnie gets invited to by both of the girls.

"You can be our plus one," the brunette says as they lounge around Caroline's living room the first official day of break. The girls have finally dropped the disappearing act she pulled the week before but they're definitely not letting her out of this.

She tells Tyler that she'll be there and who she's coming with in warning more than anything else. He and Caroline are cordial but they haven't been shoved into a situation where they'll all be together. The vampire thinks she knows what's going on with Bonnie and Tyler, but Bonnie's pretty sure she doesn't grasp what this is (she herself barely can),b ut she's good at hiding it either way. She's not ashamed of what they're doing, it's just easier to keep the guise up that they're friends only (instead of friends that sleep together).

Bonnie sits in between her girls as they eat rich finger foods and talk to the other Founder's kids. She's always felt out of place during things like this, her legacy while intertwined with theirs has never been given the same respect. But still she laughs at jokes that she doesn't really understand and talks about how she hasn't finished her senior scrapbook with feigned interest. It's a struggle but she barely manages to keep her eyes from following the only male Lockwood present around the room (who's decided that evasion is the best way to deal with the Caroline thing).


Caroline's talking about beaches and tans and Bonnie pretends to be invested. The blonde is leaving directly after the brunch is over with her father and his boyfriend who are taking her to Florida for the holiday. Elena will be leaving tomorrow to spend her break with Jeremy (and Bonnie wants to avoid talking about that at all costs).

There's a feeling of joy in the pit of her stomach when she realizes that she'll be alone, not completely but Matt's mom blew through town the day they got out of school and Bonnie knows that as much as Matt hates her, he won't turn her away now, not when Vicky's gone and the Gilberts are too. He'll spend as much time with her as possible until they she tires of Mystic Falls or she gets a new boyfriend or she and Matt get into their next big fight. So she doesn't count on seeing him on Christmas.

Tyler however, will be at home.

That's honestly the best part, uninterrupted privacy.

He's supposed to see Klaus later on this week, but he's become quite the actor. Klaus has no clue about the sire bond and besides the occasionally visit he doesn't require a lot of Tyler's attention.

She won't have to divide her time to be with him (she's taking a break from spells for a while).

She can just exist, take time being Bonnie —take time being Bonnie with Tyler.

Bonnie excuses herself to the bathroom when she sees Elena and Tyler having what looks like a compelling conversation over in the corner, and Caroline's telling her about one of the six swimsuits she bought for her trip. It's not long before she hears a soft knock on the door.

"It's me," he says opening the door.

She knew it was.

She's standing against the counter wiping her hands on a plush hand towel when Tyler gently closes the door behind him. It locks with a clink.

"What's up?"

"We haven't talked all day," he says as if she isn't well aware of their lack of communication or proximity, "I can't wait until everybody leaves." He brushes his hand along her tops of her knuckles that are gripping the counter, steps in a little closer. He's tipsy, maybe a little bit farther gone than that, the smell of wine strong on his breath.

"My mom's gonna go over to the Fells after it's over. She goes over every year for drinks . And she'll probably get someone to bring her back…she kind of lets loose around the holidays. That'll be a few hours we'll have alone…you won't have to do the glamour thing."

His hands move to her hip, trail down to the hem of her dress. There's not a lot of tight showing between the end of her dress and the top of her riding boots but Tyler clumsily yanks at the stretchy material of the stocking and pops it against her skin.

"Blue is a really good color on you."

"Thank you…Tyler, what's wrong?"

His hands grab her hips lifting her onto the marble countertop. "Nothing." His mouth finds her neck and she leans into the kiss. "I just missed you," he mumbles and heat flushes through her face.

Tyler saying things like this has become the norm now, it's like their getaway to the cabin made it okay to say them, but this feels weird. His mouth is insistent as he pulls down the collar of her dress to nip at her collarbones and then his tongue licks a strip back to a neck, and she feels herself groan. His hand's palming her breast and she knows what he's getting at, and she wants it. It feels like it's been forever since they've had time alone, but she knows that something's wrong now. It's something that he doesn't want to talk about, which is a rarity, and it would be easy to comfort him the way he comforts her—to open her legs and let him fall into that hazy static he's oh so good at providing.

And she would enjoy it.

But she and Tyler react differently, and what works for her, avoidance, doesn't work for him.

This is different though. She's never the one in the position to comfort, not like this at least.

They don't do this. They're private and careful. Sex has never been something they rush into. It doesn't take much to get either one of them going, (she's wondered if it's a supernatural thing or a teenager thing, or maybe they've developed a Pavlovian-like response to each other) but it's never been something they've done hastily. They don't fuck in bathrooms and definitely not bathrooms in houses full of people that include his ex-girlfriend (who happens to have supernatural senses).

He's licking into her mouth and his hand's creeping up her leg now, the combination of that with the feel of her tights scratching her skin sending shivers down her spine. She almost moans but she pulls back to catch her breath, to collect herself.

"Tyler, what happened?"

His breathing is labored, probably do to the clumsiness the alcohol is given him rather than exertion. He's going to say nothing again and her expression must stop him in his tracks.

"Caroline wants to talk when she gets back from her dad's."

Bonnie looks at him blankly, "so? Talk."

He looks down then, his eyes where his hand is resting on her thigh. "I think she wants to get back together."

"Well that's great, Ty." There's enthusiasm in her voice and it's sincere. She never expected this thing they have to go this far and she's been preparing herself for the end. Her only upset is that she'd grown so attached; she knows he doesn't think she has, but he's made her life easier in a way. But she can get used to doing things alone again. It didn't kill her before and it won't now.

"I know it's stupid but I don't want to…talk. I don't think we have anything to say to each other."

It's not often she feels her age and it's even less often that Tyler feels like he's only been on this earth eighteen years, but in this moment it's evident that they're still kids. These are the kind of things they should be dealing with.

His urgency, his hastiness all makes sense now.

"Tyler maybe you should hear her out. You don't know why she wants to talk…maybe she wants closure. I don't know, she hasn't said anything to me… I'm not the one who should be giving you advice on this. Really, I'm not. But if you think going out there smelling like me is going to fix anything or make it easier, it won't."

He looks like a berated child and it makes her bury her head into his shoulder. She wants to laugh. "Later if you still want to…because you know I still want to, we can. But maybe you should sober up some." She kisses his cheek and jumps down from the counter and walks out of the bathroom.


The house is empty. It's after the staff has cleaned up and Tyler tells them to go home early. They're lying in his bed under the huge down comforter—sweaty and reeking of sex. He's better now, whatever came over him has seemed to pass and now he keeps cupping her between her legs almost possessively, just touching, brushing his fingers against the most sensitive parts of her while he keeps apologizing. "I'm really sorry about being weird earlier," he says and she sighs another dismissal.

He's sobered up by now but he's reaches over to grab the bottle and cork he'd stolen from the party. When he opens it, it pops and fizzes all down his arm and she moves to slurp the fizz from his skin. He motions at her and she tilts her head back while he brings the bottle to her lips. Her nose tingles from the bubbles and she laughs.

They're lounging on pillows so soft to be real, giggling, and the next thing she knows Tyler's pressing into the mattress (also too soft to be real). He hooks her legs around his arms, his mouth close enough that she can suck on his tongue that tastes of the champagne.

Sex with Tyler is a lot of things: fun, comforting at times, but right now it feels expensive.

If he and Caroline reconcile she might miss this.

Tyler watches her face and his hips keep churning, slow, syrupy in the same the way she says his name, holding the sticky last syllable until it's almost pried from his lips. He freezes for a moment and she thinks he's come by the way he grunts into her ear. He says something she can't interpret and then his hips start to move again. A little faster this time, no longer a grind, it's more frantic, less fluid and her actions mirror his. She grasps at anything she can reach: back, biceps. She bites weakly into his shoulder and that's enough to make him come.

Her hips keep moving searching for the right movement to get her off until he pulls off of her, letting her legs dangle in his arms.

There's frustration written across her face and he picks up on it immediately.

"I haven't forgotten about you." He drops a kiss to her mouth. There's a smile playing on his lips that's vaguely reminiscent of the that kid she used to know and right now, it's equal parts endearing and obnoxious. He drops her legs and moves back on top of her, one of his legs thrown over hers. His hand moves to cup her, this time his fingers touching her with a purpose, however the sense of urgency he had is lost. It's not enough pressure, not fast enough, her flesh feels more like a liquid than solid. His thumb circles and her hips lift. She's teetering on the precipice of something amazing and yet she still can't get there.

"Tyler, please…please."

"Tell me what you want?"

She wants it faster, maybe more fingers but she feels so good now, warm and kind of tired. She wants to come but she also wants this to never end. He's soft against her thigh, still watching her face when he says her name again and her heart leaps in her chest. It's so obvious, she wonders why she didn't think of it before.

"Talk to me."

"Like sexy talk?" There's a lilt to his voice like this is amusing to him.

"No…well yeah. I don't know."

He apologizes again which isn't sexy at all but he follows it up with telling her how good she looks. "You're so hot, you've always been hot but it's different now."

She laughs.

"I'm never the one who does the talking," he says self-consciously.

"You're fine. Keep go—," her voice gets caught in her throat. It's just so good, and Tyler's so Tyler, and she really wants to hear his voice when she comes.

"Just talk to me about anything."

"It's kind of surreal, that's the word right? Unreal? I had the biggest crush on you when we were younger, but it was one of those crushes you don't expect to act on… I can't believe we're doing this, that we do this…You're so hot, you're pretty too, but you're so hot." he laughs and his hand speeds up and a sigh falls from her mouth

"I wish that I could kiss you in public….holding hands is cool but when you walked in today all I could think about was kissing you…actually it's pretty much all I think about…but I guess I like that we don't tell anybody either, that's it's just between us…our secret. It's private."

It's private, it only belongs to them. Not her friends, not Klaus, not the spirits. It there's and there's alone.

That's another reason she likes Tyler because sometimes he just gets it.

She falls then, bubbling over like the champagne they'd just drank.


It's the morning after and she's getting dressed when Tyler asks her to come over on Christmas.

"My mom still really wants you to come, and I just don't want you to be alone." Bonnie's father will be home until Christmas Eve which isn't surprising, it's always a busy time of year for him.

"I'll be fine."

"Please?"

"I don't know. Can I think about it?"

"Of course you can. But I really, really want you to come."

She nods, pulling on her dress, opting out the stockings Tyler's busy running through his hands. She raises her brow and he shrugs, "I like the way they feel." She laughs and mumbles that he's such a freak, which causes Tyler to grin.

Her phone rings then startling her and Tyler reaches over to the nightstand to get it. "No name is popping up on the caller ID, do you still want me to answer?"

She shrugs.

His thumb swipes the LCD screen and his voice is still sleep-raspy when he answers. "She's right here," he says before passing the phone to her. She puts it up to her ear to be met with the voice of her mother.

"I know you don't want to talk to me…but I think that I still may be able to help."


A/N: Thanks for reading!

This is basically a chapter of me trying to go back and touch on themes that were in the earlier chapters that I thought were important but still showing that there's been development. I've also been going in order which isn't intentional bc any chapter could be at any time chronologically.