THIS STORY INVOLVES SELF-HARM AND SELF-HATE. IT HAS THE POTENTIAL TO BE TRIGGERING. DON'T READ IF THIS WILL BE AN ISSUE FOR YOU.
Blaine flew down the flight of stairs from Kurt's room to the main floor. Kurt followed two steps behind him, desperately trying to get Blaine's attention. At the sound of the footsteps, Carole popped out from the kitchen.
"Come on boys, I don't want it to get cold! Kurt, I made your favourite, and I even remembered to use the low-fat cheese for you and the low-sodium seasoning for your father" Carole beamed at them as she spoke the words; her hair was slightly dishevelled, with some of what seemed to be alfredo sauce smeared on her cheek, but still glowing.
"I'm so sorry Mrs. Hummel, but I don't think I'll be able to stay for dinner" Blaine said politely, the waver to his voice barely distinguishable.
"Oh, that's not a problem sweetie, don't worry about it! I'm sure that your parents will have wanted you home by now, maybe another time" Carole's sweet, sympathetic voice just made Blaine feel worse.
Blaine gave the family a polite nod before heading towards the door. Carole smiled, said a farewell, and then beckoned for Kurt to come into the kitchen.
"I'm just going to say goodbye to Blaine" Kurt said shortly, before racing out the door behind him.
Blaine was already halfway across the driveway when Kurt came out.
"Blaine! Why won't you talk to me? What's wrong?" Kurt called out. Blaine stopped in his tracks and turned slightly. He made no sound. "Blaine, please talk to me. You're always helping me; maybe for once I can help you." Kurt's voice was small and scared. He looked so vulnerable, shivering from the cold, obviously distraught at the thought of Blaine being upset. It was this that helped Blaine to remember that he couldn't talk about it. He needed to be strong. His strength was an inspiration to Kurt. Blaine would be suffering whether Kurt knew about it or not, but by not telling Kurt what was wrong he was saving Kurt from his potential hurt. What he wanted their relationship to be didn't matter. Blaine was his mentor, and that's all he'd ever be.
"I'll see you later, Kurt" Blaine whispered before hurrying into his car. He kicked the car into gear and sped out of the Hummel driveway, taking one last look to see the beautiful, hurt, boy that he had left there.
Look how much pain you've caused. You've done it again. Can't you please anyone? Can't you make anyone happy? All you do is cause pain. The voice crept into the back of Blaine's head. The taillights of the cars around him began to seem much brighter than they were. He struggled to keep his hands on the wheel of the car and off of his suddenly itching wrists. Disappointment. You are a disappointment to everyone. You don't even deserve a friend like Kurt. No! He couldn't let this happen now, he had to get home. He had to stay safe. He wouldn't live through it if he let the attack get to its full force while he was driving, and he had to live. He had to stay safe, or at least seem safe, for Kurt.
He knew that Kurt would be asking questions tomorrow at school. He probably already had a dozen messages on his machine at home, but he couldn't bear to think about that right now. But right now he just had to get home.
