Sans did not get up from his bed that morning. Papyrus tried to get him up earlier. He didn't even bother responding. Nothing was as it should be. He wanted to hug papyrus again. He wanted confirmation. Confirmation that this world would continue, that Sans could learn to be happy again. But that confirmation would be false. He would be lucky if this timeline lasted another month. What's the point? He should cherish every new moment with his brother. But if he did, it would crush him when it was gone. Like it always would be.
Sans had gotten enough sleep that night to know that he was completely out of it the day before. He had gone straight to his room and let the Pain knock him out. It wasn't a healthy type of sleep. He didn't feel better when he woke up, he didn't feel well rested or accomplished. He didn't remember much of the time after Frisk broke his wrist. That was maybe serious, but Sans didn't care anymore. He was weak and needed help. His wrist had numbed. It hurt at the slightest movement. He couldn't feel his fingers either, they were stiff and lifeless. His thumb wouldn't move. It made him slightly sick at the possibility it wouldn't move again. Of course, it would though… eventually. Or would he need to visit his doctor? If he didn't get it treated would it ever work again? It would probably get infected soon. Even though he didn't have skin it was a serious problem.
Sans didn't know where they kept the first aid equipment. If he asked papyrus, he would probably be suspicious. He'd have to find it himself. Sans whimpered at the thought of getting off his floor. Sans preferred the floor over his bed. He found it more comfortable and it wasn't as squishy. And also if he slept on the floor he wouldn't have to tidy his bed. Sans didn't have the energy to get up. He would have to use his hands to pull himself up. One handed and wobbly sans rose from the floor. He felt dizzy and lightheaded for a whole minute. The noise in his head didn't cease like it usually did, as he walked painfully and slowly to his bedroom door.
Same old song and dance. How many times had this happened? Sans complains to himself, he complains about his problems, he gets up slowly he goes downstairs… sans was tired of it. Maybe one day he wouldn't get up at all. Maybe he wouldn't get dressed. Maybe he wouldn't force himself to clean or look happy. Maybe he would let his wound get infected, and let it spread. Let it spread through his entire worthless body and kill him. 'A small easy to treat fracture could cause so much harm if only you let it.' a voice reasoned.' but what about papyrus?' another voice argued. ' who would care about this miserable excuse for a brother enough to get upset when he dies!' yet another voice says. There were too many clashing opinions, it was driving him mad!
He didn't need to break his cycle. He didn't want to be hurt again.'come on give in, you deserve a break after all frisk put you through~' the first voice said. This thought made him drop back to the floor he rest his head on the door.
"But I-I don't- I don't want to h-hurt again." sans said aloud, staring at his trembling hands. ' no, consequences were never meant to be thought about.' the voice said reassuringly. 'just let go, aren't you tired of this?' it whispered.
" No, shut up! What do you know anyway?!" sans yelled shaking his head trying to dismiss the thoughts.
' that's right don't listen to him.' the second voice said. 'he's just trying to trick you! Don't listen to him!' it continued.
" N-No stop it, i- I don't like this…" sans said squeezing his eyes closed. ' come now those two are both trying to trick you, I'm the only one you can really trust…' the third voice said. ' and I say you should stop fighting, you're worthless, you deserve to suffer forever.' it hissed. Sans felt something wet on his cheeks.
"Please…" Sans said weakly.
'Let it kill you, I wonder what the look on Frisk's face would be…' the first snarled.
"Stop…" sans whispered.
'no! You have to keep fighting, for papyrus!' the second said. The voices all revealed their true natures. Sans couldn't take it anymore! they all rose good points, and sans was overwhelmed and scared.
"JUST SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!" Sans cried trying to shake the voices off. He curled in on himself shaking violently. "Just...stop…" sans said quietly.
….
Frisk insisted that she visit Sans today, again. This was a common occurrence in the Dreemurr household. But this time was different, Frisk had a frightening look on her face, and she looked like she wouldn't take no for an answer. She looked oddly commanding and angry. Toriel had never seen her like this before. And this time when she purposed they visit, she insisted Toriel came along as well as Alphys and Undyne. She did plan on bringing asgore too, but the poor man had gotten little to no rest the night before, so Toriel thought it best to leave him to sleep. Frisk didn't argue.
So after lunch was eaten and chores were done frisk impatiently got into the car. Toriel was a rather bad driver, even worse than Asgore. So when they were on the road Toriel let loose some words accidentally. She also threw in various other noises that are best left forgotten. Undyne and Alphys were less than enthusiastic to be woken up. Apparently, they had both planned on sleeping in past noon. But undyne's annoyance vanished immediately after being invited to join. And she was quiet on the drive to Papyrus and sans' house. Almost as if she was thinking. The look did not suit her. Toriel thought jokingly.
Toriel herself was happy to be with her friends at any time. It felt good to be with somebody again, after years of loneliness and isolation. The thought of being all alone with only the occasional monster terrified her to no end. The only company she ever had was the children, the children who were all dead now. All their smiling faces. Toriel remembered distinctly the smile of one face in particular. The smile of her own adopted child. Her Rosy cheeks and self-deprecating humor were hard to forget. Toriel wondered now if she was watching over her. If she knew how much everyone had loved her. If she knew how missed she was. She and Asriel had been such close friends. Asriel… she sniffed, blinking her itchy eyes.
Now was not the time for that. She had had plenty of time to think about it in the ruins. And pushing back her sad feelings would only make them fester and grow. She would have to have a long talk with Asgore when she got home. Asgore understood her pain. Asgore himself had felt similar feelings of pain. Hadn't they all? Pain is what the world turned to. Pain helped people understand each other. Pain humbles us and lets us reunite, and rekindle. Hurt and loss truly find a way to bring people together. It had helped them together, Toriel truly felt loved and appreciated by her new family. Loved and appreciated in a way she wished Chara could have felt as well.
When they arrived, Undyne jumped out of the car eagerly, she looked about ready to charge the door when Toriel finally knocked. It only took a few seconds for Papyrus to open the door. His worried face brightened a little as he saw the four of them.
"Hey, nerd! Where's Sans? He in there with you?" Undyne spared no time. Toriel was surprised at the fish's manners. Papyrus' worried expression returned.
"HE'S IN HIS ROOM…" Papyrus said slowly glancing in that direction, obviously bothered by something.
"Papyrus dear, what's got you so worried looking?" Toriel asked concerned.
"OH, OH IT'S NOTHING, I AM NOT CONCERNED ABOUT ANYONE. *ANYTHING." Papyrus said loudly. Frisk narrowed her eyes.
"Is it Sans? Is Sans okay?" Undyne said. She obviously had some sort of idea in her head. It got Toriel worried as well. Papyrus looked nervous.
"ER NO, Sans Is COMPLETELY FINE!" Papyrus said doubt in his voice. He looked once again to Sans' room. "WHY DON'T YOU GUYS COME IN?" Papyrus said, opening the door further as to let them in. Toriel felt uneasy and it mirrored in the rest of them. There was something horribly wrong with this whole situation.
Sans was... odd, it made Toriel sad to see her old friend in such a state. He didn't laugh at her jokes. He didn't even make any of his own. In fact, he had barely talked at all the night before. And he had looked Scared after he returned from his "talk" with Frisk. What did Frisk have to talk about with sans anyways? It had worried Toriel when they had suddenly disappeared from the group. Papyrus didn't think to tell her after they left. He's such a dork, Toriel could just scream. She might have been a bit paranoid. Toriel was very protective of Frisk. She didn't want to lose another child. What could she say? Old habits die hard.
….
Sans was not ready for it. He was still Against his door, trying to stop the voices in his head. It was too confusing. Oddly enough all the voices were right. The ever-persistent madness only making more and more sense in his head. He was still in his bed clothes, a normal white shirt and a pair of too big sweats. It was hard to find anything his size, and he didn't care enough to try. 'Papyrus would be ashamed.' It was right.'it's too bad you patched your wrist up, now Papyrus is stuck with you.' it was the first again. Sans hadn't moved from his spot against the door. The sarcasm only reminded him of his inevitable choice.
He fell sideways and covered his ear holes in an attempt to block the voices. But it was in vain, they were in his head. Sans groaned rolling over on his front side. He needed a jacket to sink into. 'then get up you worthless shit, time's a wastin. You've got an eternity to look forward to!' Sans was tired of hearing it. He hit his head against the wall.
"Just. Be. quiet. already!" Sans managed between each thump of bone against the drywall.
"Sans? SANS WHAT IS THAT BANGING NOISE?! Papyrus shouted from the other side of the door. 'Now look what you've done.' Sans eyes closed in hopelessness. 'it's only expected he can't do anything right.' sans was tired.'that's what you get for trying to get rid of us.' 'why fight anymore? We haven't done anything to deserve this.' 'your best bet is to pick one of us to listen to.'
"SANS…?" Papyrus said, from his side of the door. He didn't dare think or breathe. The banging had stopped after his first intrusion, and there had since been silence. A small muffled noise came from the other side. It was… laughter? Papyrus released his breath. Laughter is good, laughter is happy. But there was something unsettling about it, and it made papyrus' skin crawl. In a figure of speech that is.
Papyrus stood there unable to speak, listening to his brother as his giggles died down. His adoptive family stood in the entryway tense and stiff. Papyrus had rushed to his brother's room instantly when he heard the banging. They had all heard it. But papyrus was certain he was the only one who could hear the laughter.
"What was it Papyrus?" Undyne asked.
Papyrus ignored her question. He had his head against the door waiting to hear any signs of life. When none came, Undyne raced up the steps joining Papyrus. Frisk promptly followed her face unreadable. Toriel stayed put, she was having none of it. Alphys was trying to look annoyed, but the curiosity was too strong and she couldn't help but join them. She shot Toriel an apologetic look, before placing her own ear against the door. Toriel only rolled her eyes, refusing to snoop.
….
Sans had not acknowledged Papyrus yet, just as he hadn't that morning when breakfast was ready. Maybe Sans hadn't heard him.
"SANS? SANS, ARE YOU ALRIGHT? OUR FRIENDS ARE HERE," Papyrus said loudly so that Sans could hear. A shuffling sound so faint, even Papyrus with his ear against the door could barely hear came from right below where papyrus was standing. Papyrus jumped back, frightening Undyne and Alphys in the process. Sans was against the door the whole time. How hadn't he heard Papyrus?
"P-Papyrus 's that you…?" sans said softly, seemingly disoriented. Papyrus rushed back to press his hands against the door.
"YES SANS, IT'S ME. UNDYNE, ALPHYS, AND FRISK ARE HERE TOO," Papyrus said, overjoyed that Sans had finally responded.
"F-Frisk's here?!" Came Sans fearful voice. Frisk grit her teeth,
rage flashing through her eyes. Papyrus was confused. Undyne narrowed her eyes.
"YES... SHE'S RIGHT HERE." Papyrus said puzzled.
"O-Oh… s-she is? That's g-good," Sans said his voice sounding as happy to see her as he could muster.
….
Alphys narrowed her eyes, She hadn't heard Sans talk very much last night, but she was definitely hearing him stutter. Alphys herself had used to have a stutter, it was gradually getting better the longer she hung around her friends. She felt more and more confident every day. But the reason she had a stutter was because of all the problems she caused. She felt extremely bad and guilty. Causing her to look down on herself, and feel unconfident and worth less than others.
But she knew better now. Thanks to Frisk. Frisk looked angry, it was scary seeing her like that. And what was she angry about? Was she angry at Sans? It sure looked that way. Alphys may have been a little bitter but she wasn't angry or anything. And nobody else seemed to be anything but welcoming. If anything they were tense and worried. Even Papyrus sounded worried.
"SANS WHY DON'T YOU COME OUT? EVERYONE IS HERE TO VISIT." Papyrus said looking pointedly at Undyne frisk and Alphys.
" Er yeah come on out nerd," Undyne said. Frisk smiled sweetly the anger on her face not evident in her voice as she spoke,
"Yeah Sans come right out." There was silence from the other end.
"I'm coming," Sans said his voice just louder than a whisper.
Frisk smiled wider, then turned back to go sit on their couch. Alphys and Papyrus joined her after a quick shared glance. Undyne stayed put. She sat down pressing her fins against the door again. Toriel had moved from the entryway to the foot of the stairs so she could hear what they were saying. She gave Undyne the look. Undyne stared back matching the intensity. Stubborn like always.
…..
Undyne could hear Sans against the door as he pushed himself up, notably very slowly. She was silent when she heard a little bit of muffled noise. Presumably, Sans doing or getting something. Then the noise stopped. There was a small popping sound and Undyne pressed her ear harder onto the door. There were no more sounds for a minute then another quiet pop rewarded her. Along with some mumbling, there was a lot of mumbling. The only parts Undyne could make out were "no- I can't do that…" and " that's a bad idea, would you just shut up already?" He said those louder. Who was he talking to? she could dismiss the first sentence for just scolding yourself, Alphys did that a lot. But the second one he had phrased it 'you' like he was talking to somebody else. Undyne had no guesses on that front.
when she heard the quiet tapping of feet and the turning of a knob, she panicked getting up from her unassuming position quickly before he could open the door. Sans stepped halfway out the door before noticing Undyne, with guilt Written across her features. He was frowning for a split-second before he saw her. He quickly grinned.
"Oh, U-Undyne how kind of you to escort me," he said looking up at Undyne's taller form. Even if he was short, he was damn intimidating right then.
Undyne beamed embarrassed scratching the back of her head guiltily.
"Hey Sans," Undyne said, catching Frisk's attention from below. She gave sans a smug look, and Undyne could swear she saw him shiver. He was wearing dark gray shorts and a red sweatshirt today, and his sleeve was pulled over his right hand. Undyne gave him a small friendly shove and they walked awkwardly down the stairs. Undyne could hear the sound of bone scraping against bone as sans grind his teeth, his thoughts lay elsewhere.
Toriel, Alphys, Papyrus, and Frisk were playing a board game on the Wii when Undyne and Sans entered the living room. They had apparently bought that Wii when they moved in and only played it once! Undyne was Jealous of Papyrus, she and Alphys spent their leftover money as soon as they got it, and had never gotten much other than anime and figurines. But papyrus and Sans had apparently never really spent anything and had started to accumulate a hefty savings account. And when Papyrus saw that Mettaton had released a new game, available only on the Wii, he just had to have it. In fact, that's the only game they had ever bothered to purchase so that's what they played now.
Undyne joined right in weren't any rules against joining in later on, you could tell Mettaton had a hand in making it. Sans joined also, sitting next to Frisk. Frisk even crawled onto his lap. He was a stiff and tense the whole game only occasionally making passive aggressive remarks. Unlike Undyne who didn't hold back, It was a close win for Undyne, with Toriel in for second place. The game took longer than Undyne thought it did, It was almost time for dinner by the time they were through.
Sans was relieved when Frisk finally got off his lap, His entire mind, voices and all, were on shut down the second she gave him that look. The look that screamed danger if not obeyed. Undyne and Toriel were totally emotionally invested in the game, unlike Papyrus who Sat next to Sans. He kept glancing at Sans periodically the entire game. Sans could think of many reasons why he would do so, so he didn't mention it.
'look what you've done, he's worried about you now.' "I know, you don't have to remind me." sans whispered. 'what a failure, you deserve what's coming to you.' Sans grit his teeth. 'you'll just have to try harder, it's not that hard just do what you were doing before.' 'no you idiot, you think Frisk's just gonna leave him be?' 'Even if she doesn't, he'll deserve it, he let her kill Papyrus.' 'don't bring papyrus into this, that's playing dirty,' Sans wanted to scream at them to shut up, but he couldn't with everyone this close.
'Sans you need to listen to me, you should just end it. End it all, end it so frisk doesn't have to.' 'she won't be expecting it, it'll be a total surprise! Come on, don't you want to win at least once?' 'that's no victory, it's selfish. Plain and simple.' 'but doesn't he deserve to be a little selfish, once and awhile?' 'no failure deserves anything but unhappiness.' Sans didn't even notice it was his turn til Papyrus nudged him. It was all too ridiculous. He fought off another bout of laughter threatening to overtake him.
Toriel was arguing with Papyrus about who should get to make dinner, Sans thought they would leave but apparently, they had other plans. He just wanted it to end. Sans sat on the counter, nobody bothered to tell him off. He rocked back and forth as they decided they should all make dinner. Unfortunately, Papyrus had used up the last of the groceries that morning, and all they had left was leftover spaghetti. And nobody particularly wanted to eat that, so it was a miracle when a small knock interrupted Papyrus's speech on leftovers.
It was Asgore, he had brought Pizza. It seemed a little too convenient to be a coincidence, but Papyrus didn't catch on. And now the whole gang was together, eating ham and pineapple. Sans couldn't wait until they left. He didn't want to eat anything either, just the thought of it made his stomach churn. Memories from the night before flooding had already been hell trying to use the Wii remote, even if he was left handed there were points when he was jostled or he had to use both hands. His whole arm was stinging from the strain.
So he kept rocking back and forth on the counter avoiding Frisk's eyes. When they were finally done, Sans thought they would leave, leave and let him be alone with the voices in his head. But no. Frisk wanted to stay.
"mom, Papyrus said it was fine, and besides, Undyne's staying!" Frisk whined, Toriel caved not wanting to deal with it anymore.
"Alright, fine you stay with them. Papyrus, I want you to make sure she gets to bed at a reasonable time alright?"
"YOU CAN COUNT ON ME TORIEL!" Papyrus saluted.
Sans' eye lights had gone out. 'that's bad' the voices in his head said, agreeing for once. Sans nodded, joining the consensus.
