First I would like to thank you to follow this fic…

I know this story is sometimes hard to read but never forget this… Hope and light still there…

WARNING : T+

CHAPTER 4: THE SOUND OF SILENCE

The birds singing, the sound of rain, snow falling down the roof in a soft noise, the wind between the tiles, the sun bringing life through its warmth, the wood beams…

The sound of his silence…

She was coming 2 hours a day, sometimes a bit more, sometimes a bit less to break his silent kingdom with her loud and high voice. She was not talking, she was creaking like the trapdoor she was opening every day.

One day he tried to open it too because he was curious and was violently thrown back in a terrorizing and painful shock. She electrified it just to be sure he wouldn't flee. He was so used to be here he's never even thought about it before. Or maybe he thought about it once or twice but forgot.

He looked down from the skylight to the walls. There was shadows on them, it was like the sun was drawing birds and erased them right after. He was drawing too when he was little, but she took his paper and pencils away at the same time she stopped teaching him how to read and write.

She said he wasn't talented, she reproached him for being a huge and never-ending disappointment. When she said that the first time he looked at her very confused, he didn't know what she meant, he didn't know what a disappointment was. She said he was very lucky she was taking care of him because who would want to care about such a monster? She said he was ugly, deformed and stupid. She said God put him on her way to save him from hell.

God… She was always talking about God, quoting the Bible to justify her actions. Of course she forgot about the verses about love and tolerance, but he remembered he's read it when she left the book on the shelf. She thought he was stupid and couldn't read but he could actually read and remember a lot of things.

A piece of stone fell from the wall one day and he realized he could draw on the brick walls with it. Those walls which intensified both the cold and the heat, those walls which breathed in rhythm with his life. She tolerated what she called his "scribbles". One day he drew her face, it was almost perfect but when she saw her reflection on the brick wall her face froze in anger. He gave her a present, she thanked him with a beating.

From this day he wouldn't draw anymore.

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Dean finally received Gaby's text to confirm the fight, he would wait for him at his place next Saturday 6.30 pm. The fight would take place in an empty warehouse away from midtown at 9 pm. His opponent will be Fish, Dean winced. He knew him, he's fought with him before and he lost against this fish-man who fought so easily he seemed to swim in the cage.

He breathed and answered Gaby "See ya tomorrow." He put his phone back in his pocket and continued cleaning Shannon's room, one of the few patients he has met. She was sitting on her bed, swaying and hitting her back against the wall in a very annoying rhythm. Her mouth was a bit open and she was drooling , staring at an invisible point right in front of her with an empty look the whole time he was here. It was way better when the rooms were empty, at least he could forget he was working in a psychiatric hospital among crazy people and lost causes.

He was closing the supply closet's door when he heard Mary calling him. He turned around and she smiled at him.

"Would you have a few minutes to talk please?"

"Sure Ma'am."

She pouted but Dean still didn't want to call her Mary. He followed her quietly.

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Missouri talked to her about Castiel's reaction but Mary thought she was seeing signs that weren't existing. To be sure though she would check it was really something improbable because Missouri was not the kind of nurse to say things like that with no reason, especially about Castiel who was her favorite here.

So when she saw Dean finishing his shift this Thursday she jumped on the occasion and climbed the stairs in a rush. She went to Castiel's room and stood next to him, he was still at the same place, at the window, he rarely moved from there except to eat or go to the bathroom. He didn't react to her presence, it seemed he was fixing the emptiness, lost in his silence. A few seconds later, Dean opened the mansion's front door and went out. Castiel saw him through the window and his eyes fell on him and followed him. Mary seemed more worried than happy about his reaction. Of course she was happy Castiel was finally reacting to someone outside his room than wasn't Missouri, but she was worried because she couldn't see what positive results she could get with these two broken souls meeting.

She talked about it to Missouri who was more than determined to try it.

"We still don't know anything about Castiel. Where does he come from? Who he really is? How old is he exactly? What's his real name? We just know he lived in hell for years. Look at him Mary, he's almost dead. If this man can give him at least one tiny spark of life it will mean we brought a miracle."

"You and I both know cases like him are lost causes. He suffered too much and too long, but you're right about one thing: we don't know anything about the hell he lived in. Do you really thing bringing all those memories to him now would bring something positive in long term for him?"

"Who's talking about bringing bad memories?" Missouri asked looking down. "I'm convinced he remembers everything, we don't need to bring the memories back because they're still here with him every day and his silence is just a punishment he inflicts to himself. I've known a lot of Elizabeth McLeans and a lot of John Winchesters, they always survive but their victims are broken forever. They all think they deserve what happens to them and they deserve hell."

She twisted her fingers nervously. "You're the manager of this hospital so it's your decision, but I'm absolutely convinced those two have to meet."

"What if it doesn't work Missouri?"

"What do we have to lose?"

"Nothing… but they could lose everything."

"They already lost everything" Missouri whispered.

Mary looked at the nurse turning her cup of coffee in her hands.

"I will think about it, and fate will do the rest."

Missouri gave her a surprised look.

"I'll let you know about my decision soon. But for now…" she stood up "we have work to do."

She smiled and left with her cup of coffee.

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Dean sat down in front of Mary. She observed him for a while.

"Phil asked if he could take a week off. I can't refuse because he hasn't take a vacation for almost a whole year."

He didn't react.

"I know I ask a lot from you Dean, more hours, helping Mark…" she posed.

"I don't mind. Otherwise I would've told you."

"I hope so." She smiled and got more comfy in her chair. "You wanted to take care of the East quarter didn't you?"

She saw his face lighting up a little.

"You want me to be in charge of the East quarter during his vacation?" Dean asked.

"I wanted to ask Garth first but…"

Dean had a tiny smile and Mary frowned.

"Why are you so enthusiast about the East quarter? You think it's like a zoo and you'll get to observe the animals in their cages?" She said that with a bit of anger and coldness.

Dean tensed on his chair, he was a bit vexed.

"No." He replied quickly as cold as she sounded. He looked down holding on his anger.

"You need to tell me the truth Dean, why? Or I can't let you work there and I'll find someone else to do it. I can't take any risk, for my patients and for me."

They stayed silent a long moment.

"My brother ended up in a padded cell in St Denis." Dean said in a shaky voice.

"St Denis?" Mary leaned on his desk. "Dean?"

He looked at her and saw a soft look on her eyes, she was full of compassion. In his own eyes there was only contained anger and distress though.

"He strangled our mother… and then he waited for my dad to come back home sitting in the living room's chair, and he cut his throat." He explained in a cold tone.

"After the Court process, psychiatrists declared him irresponsible… schizophrenic… bullshit! They just couldn't understand… no one could." He let go in a whisper. "He was transferred in St Denis where he ended up killing himself. There you know, this is the truth: he was not crazy, my brother wasn't crazy, he wasn't irresponsible, he was just a FREAKING VICTIM among others and everybody GAVE UP ON HIM!" he screamed.

He stood up and left the room saying "Go fuck yourselves!" and slammed the door behind him.

He exploded in the wrong place, for bad reasons and in front of the wrong person. He was enraged about this stupid uncontrolled reaction and his weakness.

The Impala left loudly and Dean disappeared for the rest of the day.

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It was silent when he came back home.

"Sam are you here?"

No answer. He looked in the hall, his schoolbag was here so he probably was back from college already. Dean hung his jacket and saw someone lying on the kitchen's floor.

"Sam?"

He panicked and rushed into the kitchen, but Sam was not on the floor, it was his mother, her eyes bulging, her mouth hanging with a piece of tongue showing out. A strong ammoniac smell made Dean wince. He bent over her lifeless body and noticed blue marks on her neck.

"You son of a bitch… I'm going to kill you!" he growled.

He opened the kitchen drawer and took a big knife.

"WHERE ARE YOU SON OF A BITCH?" he yelled in tears.

He rushed into the living room and saw Sam sitting on the armchair with a threatening smile on his bloody face. He was holding a huge knife in his hand, the blade was red.

"Sammy…" Dean breathed out.

He followed his brother's eyes looking right in front of him. The knife he was holding fell on the floor and he suddenly puked.

There he was, sitting against the television, his father's throat was cut, full of blood. The cut was so deep his head was hanging and threatened to fall off his body. His eyes were frozen in terror, the same terror the boys had in their eyes when they were with their father.

Dean took his head in his hand and cried.

"Oh Sammy what did you do?"

He came closer to him, he still had this scary smile on his face.

"Cut the pig's throat… Strangled the sow."

Then he straightened on his chair and stared at his brother.

"Tiger won." Sam gave him a deep and full of happiness smile.

Dean took the knife from his hand and put it on the floor. Sam didn't resist, he was gone already. Dean took his face between his hands, put it in his shoulder and cried holding him tight.

"Sammy… my Sammy… forgive me…please forgive me…"

Sam was 17, he died 2 years later after his last suicide attempt. Dean tried to transfer him to another place to help him feel better but what could a young man do in front of the resistance of justice?

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Mary was reading a case when someone knocked on the door.

"Yes, come in."

Dean appeared with a sad and tired face.

"Dean…" She stood up worried but smiling at him. She would have hugged him but she knew it wasn't appropriate.

"If you still want me to be in charge of the East quarter… I'm in. You just have to change my shifts so I can still clean the West quarter too." His voice was deep.

"Suzanne actually offered her help for next week, she will be in charge of the West quarter but won't be able to help on Wednesday as it's her free day. She's currently in training. This is why I hired you in the first place, you had to replace her for 6 months till her training's done."

"So when do I start?"

"Next Tuesday. Phil will explain to you what the job consists of next Monday. You'll work with him that day."

He nodded and was about to leave when she said "Dean I… I wanted to apologize for my previous behavior."

"It's ok. I'm sorry too. We're good."

Then he went out without giving her the time to answer.

She sat back and wondered if it wasn't a mistake, but Missouri was right about something: they've already lost everything. Who knew what fate would bring? She tried to convince herself it was destiny.

"Alea jacta est…"

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When Missouri entered his room he wasn't standing at the window as he always was. She looked at his bed, the cover was gone so she knew. She turned around the bed and saw him sleeping on the floor. He did that quite a few times, curled up, showing a scar at the bottom of his back. He was holding the cover tight.

Missouri leaned her back against the window and observed him. Was he still a boy? Was he a man? Has he ever been a child?

"How can someone end up like that? Human being will always surprise me pushing cruelty further and further. My poor Castiel… God only knows how much you suffered." She exhaled looking at the ceiling.

"In moments like this I wonder if he really exists. How can he let this happen? How many Castiels are suffering in total indifference? How many will end up here? How many will die in silence? How many more will I have to take care about?"

She stepped forward. "This is a hopeless quest, but I'll never give up. More people need to be saved."

She felt observed. Garth was looking at her, he smiled tenderly.

"Don't worry I'll watch over him."

"I know. See you on Monday Garth."

"See ya Missouri."

Missouri looked at him one last time and closed the door on his nightmare as she left.

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"Look at that!" she pointed her chubby belly. "This is your fault, YOUR FAULT!"

He didn't understand what she was saying. She screamed for a few minutes. He was curled up against the wall.

"You'll pay for that! I'll get rid of this abomination and then it will be your turn."

At least she wasn't hitting this time.

She came back two days later with a pale face.

"No man will want me from now on!" she stepped forward. He couldn't stand up he was too weak so he stared at her.

"But you love me right?" she kneeled next to him. "My beautiful angel… you love me right?"

She caressed his hair and he tensed. She ran her finger down his chest, he was begging her to stop with his eyes.

"You're beautiful… more beautiful than in my dreams."

She slid her hand in his pants smiling at him.

"You will love me forever, angel… forever."

She closed her eyes. On that day, pleasure won over reason.

His desire woke him up and he looked panicked under his cover, searching for her. He hid further in his bed covering his face with his blanket.

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Dean was early. He parked in front of the building but stayed in his car. He was nervous, his hands were shaking full of adrenaline. He stared at his mirror view and get lost. A knock on the window woke him up from his thoughts, Gaby was here in a nice suit. Dean opened the window.

"Why don't you come in?"

"I just got here."

"Follow me it won't be long. About 20 minutes."

"Okay." Dean agreed.

"I'll take my BMW tonight."

Dean followed him and saw Bibi waving at him from the walkway. He didn't answer.

On his way Dean surprised himself thinking about next Monday. Why did he want to do it so bad? She was right. He didn't lie when he talked about Sam but it wasn't related to his work at the mansion. He simply didn't know why, that was it. He was probably just curious or had a sick interest in doing it.

He was working in a place full of crazy people at least he could share their universe. What healthy person would agree to be locked in a cage to fight after all? He didn't care about money he just wanted to find a meaning to his pain eating him from the inside, fighting it out and share this burden with his opponents.

Gaby's car parked on a huge parking lot. It would be six fights tonight, Dean would be part of the second one. There was a bodyguard at the entrance checking invitations as they were very private events. He waved at Gaby when he recognized him, then he greeted Dean who did greet him back.

The warehouse has been rearranged, dozens of guests were already here, they invited 100 guests tonight. The Cage was in the center, full of lights, with sawdust on the floor to soften the shocks and to absorb blood. There was an icecream truck turned into a bar with music next to it.

Dean felt his muscles tensing, he saw "The Killer" near the front door. He was a tremendous fighter, a mountain of muscles, a real wall. He only lost 2 times in his career.

Gaby greeted Shark and thanked him for the organization but Dean wasn't listening to them, he was staring at the cage. He closed his eyes and heard the shouts of the crowd like he was back in antic Rome.

A hand on his shoulder made him jump.

"Wow calm down Rage it's just me!"

"I already told you not to do this anymore Black J., one day it will end up badly."

The big black guy laughed.

"So what about your little jail vacation?"

"Very relaxing." Dean joked. "Who are you fighting with?"

"Guess…" He said nodding at The Killer.

"Oh crap."

"Don't worry, I'll destroy him." Black J. said pointing at his biceps.

"If you say so…"

Gaby waved at him.

"I gotta go prepare" Dean said.

"Good luck"

"You too."

Sitting on a chair, Dean was looking at Gaby bandaging his hands. He gave him instructions but he wasn't listening, he was staring at the curtain separating him from the crowd. He heard them scream to support Black J., and then a very loud disappointing shout. Dean figured Black J. lost the fight.

"And as usual you haven't heard a single thing I've said. You will do whatever you want again."

"Gaby this is not my first fight." Dean sighed.

"Yeah yeah I know… Excuse me for worrying uh" Gaby pouted.

"You're not worrying for me Gab, you're worrying for your money."

"Yeah well… it's the same. Don't play with words."

He patted his shoulder, it was time to go. Dean took his red and black head protection. He loved that sensation to finally be alive, to exist even if it was through a new fight. He entered the Cage barefoot, wearing black shorts, and placed his teeth protections.

Fish, his small but vivacious Asian opponent, entered later under the crowd's shouts. He was wearing Thaï-boxing clothes even if he was from Vietnam. Shark introduced them, and there were more shouts and more dollar bills rising in the crowd. A white clothed man was taking bets. At the first hit he would stop. Dean felt Gaby's look on him, he was sitting in the front row with Bibi at his side, she was very excited. She loved those fights so much she was attending almost every time, even the ones without Gaby's fighters.

The music stopped, only a few guest's screams resonated. No observation round.

Fish made the first move. Dean avoided his foot and hit his opponent's back which made him fall on his knees. Dean bent over to hit him on his neck but the young Asian guy got up using his hands before he could do anything else. He threw both his feet in Dean's chest forcing him to step back exhaling. Fish punched him right in his face, Dean answered with his foot hitting his leg violently. Fish fell but managed to punch him again, this time on his neck. Dean flew back hitting his head on the cage bars, making the crowd scream even more.

Compared to the previous fight, this one was less violent but fast. The way they fought was almost elegant. After ten minutes, Fish's nose was bleeding and so was Dean's eyebrow, despite their protections.

One more punch in the head and Fish swayed. Dean took this opportunity to rush to his legs, lift him and throw him on his back to the floor with rage. The shock was so violent it took Fish's breath away. Dean rode him and started to punch. Fish tried to escape and to hit his ribs but Dean wasn't Dean anymore… He was Rage. He was uncontrollably punching Fish again and again, supported by the crowd's shouts. After a while Fish wasn't moving anymore but Dean was still punching.

He heard a voice "Rage stop! You won! Dude calm down!" and someone caught his arms to stop him from hitting. He turned around ready to beat the one who did that but he stopped when he saw it was Shark.

"It's over man, you won. Relax."

Shark took his hand and lifted it proudly in the air.

"Here is the winner! RAAAAAAAAAAGGEEEE!"

The crowd screamed and Rage was gone. Dean was back, watching the doctor checking for Fish who was now moving weakly. Dean breathed deeply.

He turned around and crossed Gaby's content look.

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He came back early Sunday morning. It was his free day and he was dreaming about sleeping. All his muscles and his injured eyebrow were sore. He touched his bandage wincing.

"Shit!"

When he looked up he saw Mark.

"You ran into a bus?"

"No, a rickshaw." Dean joked.

Mark was confused and Dean walked by with a smile on his face.

"You want breakfast? I've made French toasts."

"Give me five minutes." Dean said entering his room.

He opened his nightstand drawer, took the bills out of his pocket and threw them in it. He stood still looking at the photo of Sam and him in the drawer. He must've been 10 at that time, Sam was almost 8.

He closed the drawer brutally and winced. He lifted his shirt and looked at himself in the mirror. He saw he had a contusion on his right side. He touched it, it was sore but nothing seemed to be broken. One more pain considering his broken rib was not healed yet. He went out through the yard to go to the refectory.

Castiel knocked his forehead on the window, bringing blood under his bandage and making the window all dirty.

"Good morning Castiel." Mary greeted.

She stepped forward and observed him for a while. She sighed.

"Armand, would you please change his bandage?"

"I'll take care of it."

"Thank you."

He sighed… He would need a lot of patience today.

End of chapter IV