The Hand that Saves
It's not like he's going to find his sister among the cheering crowds, but Tomoki looks anyway.
On the bleachers, Tomoko is sitting with her hands over her ears as the crowd cheers for their school team. She cannot tell which one of them is her brother so she doesn't try.
"Hey, I think Kuroki is searching for you!" Kiyota nudges her.
On his other side, Hina Nemoto giggles. "That's so sweet. Stand up and wave, come on!"
Tomoko thinks she's going to cry.
:::::
In the end, Tomoko leaves the crowd half an hour into the match and Kiyota doesn't notice until an hour later.
Kiyota panics and goes look for Tomoko. He finds her ten minutes later stumbling out of the locker room with tears in her eyes and her face flushed. She has a hand over her chest and one against the wall.
"Kuroki-san! Are you okay?"
He sees her flinch, so he lowers his voice.
"Ah, are you alright?"
"F-fine…" She fumbles with her bag and doesn't look at him. She never looks at him.
"Are you not feeling well? Do you want to go home? I can take you–"
"I'm fine," Tomoko cuts him off hastily and sinks down on the floor.
She adjusts her position to look like she actually meant to sit down.
Kiyota doesn't comment on it. Instead, he sits beside her and leans against the wall.
"Man, the match is boring," he tries, "Our team is going to win, there's no doubt about it."
And it's true. Tomoki Kuroki is the star of this match and he's already had the all-boys school beat.
Tomoko doesn't answer.
Kiyota thinks this sort of silence is quite comfortable and it's hard to come by around his friends.
From here, they can hear the cheers from the soccer field in the distant but life seems like it is miles away. There is nothing here. The orange sun filters through the windows and onto the long corridor. It's nice, he thinks.
They are behind the gym and it's a cool place to sit and just think. Beside him, Tomoko fidgets. She looks restless.
"W-why…why aren't you with, with Nemoto?" she says, barely a whisper.
Kiyota isn't sure how to answer that. Should he say he doesn't like crowds? Would that get him on her good side? Or should he say he doesn't like Hina? Does Tomoko like Hina?
"I was looking for you. I promised Kuroki-kun I'd take care of you, didn't I?" he says instead.
"S-sorry…" Tomoko grimaces.
Kiyota cuts in hastily, "Don't worry about it. I'd rather be with you than at the match anyway. Honestly, I'm not a big fan of soccer."
Tomoko blushes and stares at her lap. Her hair falls over, hiding her face from him.
Kiyota has the impulse to tug her hair out of the way, so he can gorge her reaction properly. But maybe Tomoko won't appreciate it. Maybe she'll hate him. He doesn't know her that well.
"Kuroki-san. I'm just wondering," he starts. "Can I call you Tomoko? We're classmates after all. And since we're on speaking terms…"
Tomoko's black eyes snap up to meet his. He is surprised to see life burning so passionately behind those eyes. It's a fire that stirs something in his chest. It looks like hope, but also like fear, and Kiyota finds himself stuttering.
"A-ah, you don't have to– I mean, if you don't want to be friends, that's—that's fine, I…"
"Friends?" Tomoko says. She looks startled, like he's just slapped her or something.
"I'm sorry for asking. We're not that close after all, I don't know what I was thinking," he splutters.
The light in her eyes dims as she looks away.
"If, if you want to be…my friend. T-that's fine," she whispers.
"Really?" he says. "You're okay with that?"
Tomoko nods, and her cheeks blush a pretty colour.
Kiyota grins. "That's awesome. I get to be Tomoko's friend before anybody! Wait 'til my friends hear about this."
Tomoko tenses, and her face pales.
"Ah, I won't tell them if you don't want me to," he immediately says. "That's fine with me."
Tomoko nods. Or Kiyota thinks she nodded, he isn't sure. Tomoko is just so subtle that it's hard for him to tell. But she doesn't leave which he takes as a good sign.
Too bad the two of them don't linger long out of sight. Maybe Kiyota could have gotten Tomoko's number after a little preamble. He supposes that's got to wait.
They head back to the soccer field just in time to see Tomoki Kuroki score the last goal right before the sound of the whistle. It's extremely cliche, Kiyota thinks, but it's impressive enough that he doesn't mind.
Tomoko watches Tomoki gets swarmed by the crowd. Kiyota thinks there is something lonely in her eyes. She looks so sad that Kiyota feels an urge to give her a hug, but that'd be stepping out of line; he doesn't want to scare the crap out of Tomoko on the day she decides they are friends.
:::::
The crowd cheers and follows Tomoki like a loyal pet to the side of the bleachers. Tomoko is staring at her feet, because she's just caught Kiyota watching her and she doesn't know why.
Her brother calls her name.
Tomoko looks up and her breath catches, not at the grinning face of her brother, but the sight of the crowd that tags along with him. She wants to run.
:::::
Tomoki is too high on his win to notice and the first thing he remembers doing is hug his sister. She struggles in his arms but he ignores it, because his sister deserves a hug for making it through the game.
His head gets ripped out of the clouds and the euphoria shatters when the spectators coo and one of his teammates has the guts to wolf whistle.
"You should punch that guy," Tomoko tells him as he pulls away.
"He's my kill," says Tomoki.
His sister blinks up at him, then the belated joke registers and she grins.
Tomoki laughs at the silly look on her face, and he swears he's going to slaughter all of his friends.
Over his sister's shoulder, the conflict on Kiyota's face doesn't go unnoticed. Tomoki knows he can use that.
"You stink," Tomoko says, because she is his conscience.
Yeah, but somebody's got to do something to help you, he thinks.
:::::
Kiyota seeks Tomoki out in the locker room. He recounts to him what happened during the match, and worries that Tomoko might be feeling unwell. Tomoki listens.
"Kuroki, c'mon! We've got a few hours before curfew," one of his teammates shouts.
They are heading to celebrate their victory at some joint restaurant.
Tomoki is about to tell them he's fine and that he can't go when Kiyota offers it.
"I can walk Tomoko home if you like. Enjoy the night with your team. You deserve it, kid," Kiyota says.
"Are you sure?" Tomoki says.
"Yeah. We'll be fine." Kiyota smiles.
Tomoki only agrees because he is tired and hasn't thought it through properly. They part ways by the school gate, and Tomoko looks less nervous than she had been at the beginning of the match. He thinks it's an improvement.
"I'll see you tonight," Tomoki tells her.
Tomoko nods and waves.
Neither of them notice the odd looks they get from their friends.
:::::
Kiyota walks that path he's walked with his brother last weekend. The comment Tomoki makes unsettles him, and Kiyota wonders if it's just something the freshman said unconsciously, like when people say 'see you' or 'love you, bye' after a phone call, some words that they throw out but do not really mean.
His doubt vanishes, however, when they reach their destination.
"Ah, isn't this…isn't this Kuroki's house?" says Kiyota.
Confusion must've written all over his face.
Tomoko nods. It's tentative. Her eyes don't leave his eyes when she nods, and he thinks it's adorable because she is obviously gorging his reaction. And it's funny too, because she is starting to look as confused as he feels. He wonders if confusion is contagious or Tomoko is just extremely receptive.
"B-bye," Tomoko says and fumbles with the lock.
Kiyota panics. He's seriously got to step up his game if Tomoko is staying at Tomoki's house tonight. The thought makes him flush, and his fingers are now alien things.
"Ah, Kuro– I mean, Tomoko. Can I have your number?" he blurts out.
Tomoko freezes.
In the end, they manage to exchange numbers and Kiyota no longer is the only one blushing. This is something, he thinks. But he's really got to step up his game if he's going to win Tomoko over.
The soccer star's words of 'See you tonight' becomes clear, and it's beginning to bother Kiyota a little too much.
This is crazy, he tells himself.
:::::
When Tomoki gets home at quarter past eight he is exhausted. He greets his mum and stumbles his way up the stairs. He drops his bags in front of the bathroom and takes a quick shower before entering his room.
He doesn't usually do this. But he is too tired and he doesn't think he will make it out of his bedroom if he enters to get his clothes.
Yawning, he stumbles into his room in a towel and freezes.
The lights to his room is on.
His eyes take a little time to focus and he sees his sister asleep on his bed, her phone clutched tight to her chest. She must've been waiting for him, he thinks and sighs.
He puts on his pyjamas in a hurry and stumbles into bed. Her phone makes a beeping noise and he wrenches it out of her grasp.
Tomoko grumbles and rolls over against the wall and that pretty much leaves the whole bed to him. If she doesn't invade his space during the night he is sure he isn't going to mind.
Her phone beeps again.
Tomoki checks it.
His eyebrows shoot up at what he finds. A smile creeps onto his face and he stifles a chuckle.
Kiyota: Have a good night Tomoko-chan!
Tomoko: yes thank you for everything kiyota-kun
Kiyota: Today was fun. I'll see you tomorrow!
Tomoko: see you
Kiyota: I just got home. I'm glad we got to know each other.
Kiyota: Good thing we have no homework today. I'm tired.
Tomoki guesses this is where his sister fell asleep since she doesn't reply. Instead, there's another message from Kiyota.
Kiyota: I'm going to bed now. Good night again. See you at school, Tomoko-chan.
Tomoki turns to stare at his sister's sleeping form and a smile graces his lips. He reflects.
A month ago, the mere thought of his sister would creep him out, much less the idea of having her next to him in his bed. But now it seems natural, like they might be able to interact like normal siblings or something. And the thought gives him hope, it fills him up at the parts of his heart where he has long forgotten. It's silly, he thinks. It's silly how he can forget this warmth that resembles his sister, this childhood nostalgia he thought he had lost forever ago. It's got to mean something that Tomoki can feel it again, right?
It's got to mean something that he's trying to feel her again.
:::::
The days are getting warmer. Tomoki is sitting in third period and he's in a good mood. He notices the way the class is throwing curious looks at him but he cannot bring himself to care.
He almost smiles at Akira Okada even but he catches himself. Tomoki turns to stare out the window instead. His good mood doesn't last, however, and his senses start to kick in. There's something different with the way people greeted him.
"Hey Kuroki. Got a good night's sleep?" asks one of his teammates when he ran into him this morning.
"Er, yeah. You?" Tomoki says.
His teammate elbows a friend and the two of them snicker. "Not as good as yours I'm guessing."
Tomoki blinks. "Er. Okay."
He leaves them there.
His run-in with Yuichi at the locker was sort of strange too.
"Hey, Tomoki."
"Hey."
"How did last night go?" says Yuichi.
"What do you mean?"
"Ah nothing," says Yuichi. "See you in class. I got some errands to run."
Tomoki wouldn't say he's a slow person, he just happens to be extremely slow on this particular uptake. When Tatsuya attacks him at lunch, Tomoki is hit by the force of the revelation.
"You're in a good mood today, aren't ya?"
Tomoki's just about to make his way to his sister's class.
"What are you talking about?" Tomoki grumbles but his lips twitches.
Kirito laughs and pats Tomoki's shoulder.
"Did you know my brother was freaking the hell out when he ended up sending your girlfriend to your house?"
Tomoki freezes. "What?"
Tatsuya laughs and elbows Kirito. "I bet your bro got all jealous since he never got laid!"
"Oh shut up. It's not like you ever did either," says Kirito.
Tomoki blanches. He can feel himself pale.
He leaves immediately.
Tomoki panics when he enters Tomoko's class and doesn't find her there. The black scribbles and vile words on her desk make him feel sick. He leaves his lunchbox there and runs out again.
"Have you seen Tomoko?" he yells at the first person he sees.
It happens to be Nemoto.
"I'm so sorry Kuroki-kun!" Nemoto says immediately. "I should've stopped them. I–"
"What happened? Where's Tomoko?"
"O-Ogino took her to the infirmary. Some girls played a prank on our Kuroki. I think she broke her arm!"
"What?"
He doesn't wait for an answer. He dashes off.
"Tomoko!" he shouts.
Ogino and Kiyota are supporting Tomoko down the corridor.
Against his better judgment, Tomoki pulls her into a hug.
"Are you okay? What happened?"
His stomach drops.
Tomoko is crying.
"We think she broke her wrist during the fall," says Kiyota shakily.
Tomoko is covered in white powder from head to toe, and the stuff gets on Tomoki's uniform. He doesn't care. He continues to hold her.
Her hair is wet.
"What happened?"
Tomoko doesn't answer. She looks like she wants to kill someone but is ten times more angry because she can't. She's still crying. They are the tears of frustration.
Tomoki swears he's going to kill that person for her.
Ogino sighs. "Let's just get your sister treated. We'll worry about that later."
"S-sister?" Kiyota splutters.
They ignore him and take Tomoko to the infirmary.
:::::
"It's your fault, you know."
They are crowded in the nurse's office. All of them. Kirito, Yuichi and Tatsuya had been called in by Ogino who was now seated at an interjecting angle from Tomoko, whose wrist the nurse was nursing. Soccer Kuroki is sprawled on an old spongy leather armchair looking ridiculously exhausted.
Kiyota is there in one unassuming corner, making himself as unidentifiable as possible.
He is part of the wall. He is part of the shadow. He is—
"Don't blame me for something I couldn't control," soccer Kuroki snaps.
He glares at Tomoko who is done crying, but she seems too taken by the pain to be as shy or self-conscious as Kiyota knows her to be.
It's an impossible sight. He doesn't want to miss out on any of it.
"Do you know how obnoxious that sounds?" says Tomoko.
"No. I don't know what you mean."
"If those girls weren't in love with you, they wouldn't have done this to me," says Tomoko.
"She has a point," mumbles Tatsuya who gets an elbow in the ribs.
"I'm not– that's not-"
"It was your idea to keep our relationship a secret," says Tomoko.
"Oh. Shut up," grumbles soccer Kuroki. "It's them who are delusional, coming up with weird shit-"
"Language," says Ogino.
"-how's that my fault? The world is rotten."
Tomoko looks away. "It is rotten. But that doesn't make it okay. You deliberately poured oil into the flame."
"I didn't! I just– jesus fuck, it spilled!"
"Enough!" Ogino launches from her seat and crosses her arms. "I'd like you to refrain from swearing, Kuroki."
"Soccer Kuroki?" says Kiyota.
"Soccer Kuroki," Ogino corrects. "The problem isn't whose fault it is. What matters is how we deal with it. Understand?"
Everybody grumbles.
Yuichi slowly raises his hand.
"Ah. I'm just wondering. Why did you call us here, sensei?" says Yuichi politely. "It wasn't us who-"
"We know it wasn't you guys. But you're Kuroki's friends, correct?" says Ogino. "Aren't you worried about him?"
"Of course we are," says Yuichi hastily. "It's just, what does it have to do with us? I mean, are we supposed to be helping with something, or…"
Ogino nods, turning to soccer Kuroki who shifts restlessly in his seat. "Don't you think it's time you tell them about you and Tomoko Kuroki?"
"If it's about them going out, we're already aware of it," Tatsuya cuts in.
Kirito adds, "Yeah. By this point, the whole school knows Kuroki-san is Tomoki's girlfriend."
"I'm not his girlfriend," Tomoko wails and she looks like she's going to cry again.
Kiyota's body twitches on its own accord, like his instinct is to comfort Tomoko, but his rational mind commands him to remain one with the wall.
"Oh, shut up Tomoko," growls Tomoki. "You might as well be by this point, considering how much control you got over my life."
"Control? I don't have control over anything! You're the one in control here. Since when do I ever have a choice over what happens to me or anyone? Everything is unpredictable. Everything is out of control," cries Tomoko.
Kiyota is shocked by how forceful Tomoko sounds. How can such a small person hold so much anger? And here he'd always thought Tomoko Kuroki was a plain jane who didn't really have anything going on up there despite being top of the class.
Soccer Kuroki shoots up from his seat. He stalks towards Tomoko and everyone steps out of his way on instinct, even Ogino. They watch in horror as Tomoko pushes herself further into her plastic chair like a cornered animal, wide-eyed, as Tomoki grips her head with the tips of his fingers.
Tomoko cries, her arms flailing.
Kiyota flinches imagining how much it's got to hurt to have blunt nails dig into your scalp.
"You idiot, you need to stop," says soccer Kuroki darkly. "Stop blaming other people. Stop lying to yourself. Shouldn't you be able to figure it out by now what I want from you? I thought you were smarter than this.
"Can't you just try to understand how much I want it back? That part of my life? Maybe it's too complex for your neet brain to understand, so I'm just going to tell you." For a second, his voice shakes, but now it's angry again. "We used to love each other to death, didn't we? I want that again. I haven't forgotten and I want my sister back. I don't know what the hell happened to you but I'm trying my best to understand. So, just deal with your stupid fears, would you? And if you can't, then at least make it easy for me to help you!"
Tomoko whines, clawing Tomoki's arm with her uninjured hand. Kiyota thinks she's crying again.
"I, I really hate you, little brother," says Tomoko.
"I hate you too," says Tomoki.
