Disclaimer: I'm not Cassandra Clare thus own none of the characters.
Note: "The sms parts are written in the same format as this sentence."
This chapter takes place a few hours before, and shows Alec writing the short message Magnus read, and also the other longer one, he didn't.
CHAPTER 04 – The other message
Previously: He had to ask him to do this. Shaking he took out his phone and began typing, breathing slowly to keep the tears from turning into sobs again.
ALEC
Day 1. Earlier that Night.
"Magnus…"
'Breathe, breathe, calm down!' he ordered himself.
"I know I…"
'Breathe!'
"…do not deserve another second of your time…"
a sob escaped his lips and he started crying harder. 'Calm down, breathe…'
"…and I know you rightfully hate me now"
Another sob. 'Breathe!' He ordered himself. 'Weakling. Everyone was right…'
"I never deserved you… I… I never had any right to even gaze at someone as radiant as you, to fly so close to the sun that you were… I never… Never…"
He struggled to pull it together, hardly restraining his sobs.
"But my wings, like everything else on me, were shabby and flimsy, and couldn't take your radiance. I should have known something as lowly as I, shouldn't even try touching someone like you. I shouldn't have had the nerve, and I, and…"
He managed to piece out in a fit of determination but then collapsed on himself, muttering in a voice broken by sobs "He'll never forgive me… He must hate me so much… I'll only bother him… I shouldn't… But… I have to… Tell… him…" So he went on.
"… It doesn't matter anymore. I deserve far worse than what you did. You should have killed me…You had every right. You… No. Actually… This is good. It is worse than Death, so much worse, and I deserve every second and more. You used to say I was an Angel, and you a Demon. You couldn't have been more wrong. You were an Angel who brought light in the darkness that was my life… I was the petty Demon, who destroyed everything by breaking your trust and hurting you."
With that, Alec lost it again, a flood of tears and half-controlled sobs overtaking him. 'Breathe! You have to get through this!' he ordered himself 'I can break down later…'
"I know you probably won't even read this. You are right not to. I wasted enough of your time which I never deserved in the first place and I keep bothering you still. What I wanted to say is I am sorry. I know it is by far, not sufficient and I will not ask for your forgiveness because I know I do not deserve it…"
By this point, he was just crying silently, having accepted that he was lucky in the first place to even get close to the Warlock. He really believed he shouldn't have tried to touch someone so divine. That was where he really belonged. Down here in the Darkness. Cold and alone with his grief. It was rightful punishment. "But it hurts…" he whimpered leaving the phone aside for a moment and hugging his knees to his chest "It hurts so much…"
After a while, he managed to regain his composure. 'I have to get this over with… I… Just a bit more…'
"I am sorry. More sorry than you could ever imagine. I just wanted you to know that. I am sorry for everything. For daring to even look at you. For the crime of hurting you… Heck. I am sorry for existing. I am sorry. I am sorry. So sorry…"
He sent the message and then realised that in his haze, he forgot to write what he originally intended to, about Isabelle. He hadn't even told the Warlock the real reason he went to see Camille… 'It doesn't matter…I don't deserve his forgiveness…' he thought, resigned, and started writing a second, shorter message.
"I know you probably weren't reading the last one, to the end at least. I'll go as far as to annoy you one last time. I am sorry. Again. I will forever be. I know I have no right. I know you told me you never wanted to see or hear from me or the others again, but this last act of selfishness on my part isn't something you will be against, so I will dare ask this of you. Please, if my sister calls or texts you ignore her. (Even though you probably would do that anyway.) I will say it once more. It will never be enough. I am sorry. Truly sorry. And thank you for everything."
Sent. Meanwhile Izzy had replied: "Okay big brother! Have fun! :D ^_^" "She bought it…" he sighed, "Thank the Angel…" He felt a little guilty for lying to her, but there was no other way. "It is done… Everything I needed to do… Now I can break down…" He wrapped up into a ball and let his hardly kept control break completely. His sobs consumed him, stealing the breath from his lungs again, and he fainted.
Was that any good? Please let me know even if you didn't like it, so I will know what to change etc... (No need to write a review if you don't want to, you can Pm me too. But please say something! Or I'll just assume it was really bad, {I already do.} and I should warn you, despair will make me update slower. xD [Just kidding about the update part, I don't mean to blackmail you..])
Teaser: Alec found himself in Magnus' apartment. Suddenly the front door opened, revealing the Warlock. Magnus looked calm but when he turned his gaze to meet Alec's, his eyes narrowed. "What are you still doing here?" he hissed. "I told you to take your things, leave the key and disappear."
