As soon as I entered the house, I was in shock. They were not there, I mean the bodies, of course the cop would take care of that and I really need to go to the police office to identify them.

But the blood was still there. Sure. Nobody got in the house after that.

I don't know how long I stayed like that, just staring at the little house, lost in my own thoughts.

Edward just stayed there waiting for me to snap, to break in to tears, which I should but I couldn't find my tears. I walked through the little living room to the bedroom, I grabbed the only big handbag we had and started to stuff my clothes in.

I locked the door and we left.

We went to the city morgue to identify the bodies. It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my whole life, to see them there, but I know she is in a better place now.

Edward took me to the hotel, guess which one, yes, the most expensive hotel in the city, Copacabana Palace. Five minutes with the check in lady and I was in, booked in a good room with my stuff in there.

"So, what are you going to do tomorrow?" Edward asked as I was having fun with the channels of the tv.

"I am going to talk to Laura, to see what she is going to do with me." I answered and yawned.

"OK, I am leaving, you are tired." he said ready to leave the room.

"Wait up." I yelled as he was leaving.

"Hm?"He came back.

"Can you give me a ride to the club tomorrow at 5?" I really hope so, it would be a long walk.

"Yeah, sure I will be here at 5." he said and left again.

Alone the pain was worse, like watching a horror movie and going to sleep alone in some room you don't know.


The morning finally came, I woke up at 8 a.m. and went down stairs to have some breakfast, wow, what a breakfast, so good, everything I could imagine.

Now was my chance to go see Jonny without Edward.

A couple buses and I was there, going up those streets I knew better then my own palm.

"Hey Julia!" Pedro called as he spotted me first.

"Hey Pedro, where is he ?" I asked.

"What you don't say hi anymore?" He asked with a smirk on his face.

"Hi." I answered getting impatient. "Now where is he?"

"Hm...Up there." He pointed some stairs behind him.

"Thanks."

I climb the stairs and found him with two other guys and a girls snorting some cocaine.

"Well well, look who finally showed up." Jonny said rubbing his nose.

"You wanted to talk to me?" I asked now impatience.

"Hm...Yes I did, Guys, sweety." He said to his buddies and the girl, motioning them to leave.

"Ahhhhh, boss, already?" One of the guys complained.

"Get the fuck out of here, before I kill you." He said to the boy and the boy left glaring at me.

"How you doing Lily?" He said as they left. He was using my old nickname from when I was a kid.

He was one of my fathers friends, everybody knew my dad, he was so nice and everybody was sad when he passed.

He told my dad that he would take care of my mom and I. He did in the beginning. When I was raped, he hunted the guy down and killed him. But he was more worried about getting drugs and all that stuff.

"How do you think I am man? Not good." I told him.

"I am TRULLY sorry, I am." He said that with a face that told me that he was telling the truth but I couldn't help myself from being mean.

"Well you should, you broke your promise and now they are gone." I cried as the anger got bigger..

He hugged me, like my father used to do it, stroking my hair and pulling out of my face.

"I know, and there is nothing I can do to change that, I'm sorry."He let me cry for a few minutes.

As I was done, I made a rapid decision, I took the straw from the table and sniffed the line of cocaine from the board that was laying on.

Jonny looked at me as if I grown another head. "I didn't know that you liked that."

"There is a lot of stuff you don't know about me, I used to like it, I just stopped because of my baby." I said as sniffed another line. I had nothing else to loose anyway.

"Well, good to know." He called the boys up again and we stayed there for the rest of the day, just doing drugs and drinking. When 3:30 came a long, I decided to left. It took me an hour to get to the hotel, because I was to high and I kept missing the bus.

When I got into the room Edward was there, he looked like he was about to kill someone, probably me.

"You guessed right." He got up from the chair he was sitting. "I came earlier to see how you were and when I get here all I find is an empty room and people telling me that you left here and got a bus to somewhere." Wow, he was angry. "Where were you, you smell like drugs and alcohol."

I replayed the whole day in my head, and as I did, I saw so many emotions pass through his face so fast that I think I even lost some of them.

"What in the world is wrong with you, are you trying to kill yourself, after all you have been through, you are going to give up on yourself........why are you being so reckless and stupid?" He yelled at me.

He shouldn't yell with a high, drunk and angry girl, its like yelling at a pregnant woman full of hormones.

"What the hell, I didn't ask you for your sympathy,and you know what, someone told me once that pain is game we all gotta play. So why am I in overtime and sudden death every other day? I know that for the good of life there's a price we all gotta pay. But I'll pay till I'm poor and I still don't know what it is to have a good day. Since everybody knows what it is that I need to do. Well do me a favor, let me worry bout me and you worry bout you, 'cause I don't need no one to put me down, I'm on the ground can't get no lower. And I don't need no one to hang around an make me frown just makes me look older. And I don't need no one to black my eye an tell me lies. Don't wanna cry over nobody else, 'cause I can do bad all by myself." I said and passed out for the lack of breathing and drug abuse.