And the votes (a combination of reviews and Private Messages) are in. This story is getting more choose-your-own-adventure-y by the minute! I have decided to include a few of the thoughts in the story, so bear that in mind!

To recap, Pouncival had just asked out Tantomile in an impressively abrupt fashion. Tantomile asked for assistance, you all gave recommendations and here we are now...


be Tantomile

Spirit guides. I asked of you a very simple question – what should I do? I don't want to do anything foolish, I know that I shouldn't behave inappropriately when all I have as evidence of his age are his words. But still... I can't pretend that I am not tempted. Please, what should I do?

[user pouncii suggests: I'd go out with Joseph Pouncival Cool. No hesitation. Because unffff]

...interesting. I take what you're saying. The cat in front of me is definitely an attractive one. He has a pair of quite remarkable eyes, they're a type of mahogany brown. His fur is hardly a variety of colour at first glance, largely browns and blacks and whites... but when you look a little bit closer there are a host of other colours on show. That white is actually more of a silver, it almost glistens against the simple lighting of this room. The browns are in great variety and some seem more orange than anything else...

...am I rambling? Oh cat i'm staring. I quickly look down to divert my eyes from his physique.

[user anon suggests: Didn't you say he was a kitten, though? Can you trust him that he's really 19?]

A good counterpoint. I have my suspicions that he is not to be trusted on this point, although his mind is so clogged with thoughts about sugar, rainbows, unicorns and somebody called 'Joe Cool' that it's impossible to judge whether he was telling the truth or not. Though some might say that the things he thinks about really should confirm that he is not nineteen.

I want to believe him though, I really do. It has been too long since I had a tom show much interest in me, far too long. I think half the tribe seems to think that Coricopat and I are an item – we are siblings. Seriously. I don't know how much clearer I could be on that point. And just when I was getting comfortable in the thought that I might be sentenced to none other than the companionship of my brother for the rest of my life...

I don't mean that to sound sombre or angst-ridden, as though I was a teenage queen. I am most decidedly not. But I am very concerned that the tom sat opposite me is a teenage tom. I glance up at him once again. He is clearly trying rather hard to keep himself still, his thoughts are about as loose-weave as is conceivable and physically...

Look, I have already commented on this. This tom is both young and attractive. Should I just take his word for it? Surely I must. I could always conspire to ask his father or brother at a later date, perhaps tomorrow, in which case I could chalk up whatever I do tonight to wishful thinking. If it turns out that he lied to me, well... at least I tried.

[user Paradox Predator suggests: Aw, let Tantomile go out with Pouncival. He's a nice guy and apparently she likes him]

I didn't expect the spirit voices to be so opinionated.

But I agree. He is a nice guy... perhaps he's a little eccentric but who amongst us is not? And I do like him! This is all beginning to be quite straight-forward! I hadn't considered things from his perspective at all, but perhaps I am being too defensive here. If he wants to go out with me, why should I say no? And after all, we are just talking about 'going out' here. There was no mention of anything else.

A fleeting thought passes through my mind that I was supposed to be doing something important here to do with making Pouncival think a little more clearly and a little less as if his brain was about to explode with sugar crystals, but I dismiss it. I asked a silent prayer of my spirit guides and they provided me with an answer.

"Pouncival," I say quietly, glancing at the patch over his eye before putting my paws on the wooden table between us, allowing a smile to form on my cheeks.

"Whilst I cannot be certain that this is a very smart thing to say... yes. Yes I will go out with you."

be Pouncival

YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YE-

OKAY BRAIN CALM DOWN STOP SPEAKING IN CAPITALS that's better.

I had no idea that being calm and collected would work so incredibly successfully like serious nobody ever told me when I was growing up that the way to make someone interested in you is to just stop being so goofy all the time. Tumble is a king amongst cats. He brought me here to hook me up with Tanta and now I have! Legend! Tumble made this happen – sure, he got himself kicked out for thinking stupid things but that's life! Sometimes you do stupid things, sometimes you get kicked out of places for those inappropriate actions. Just ask Hades.

I actually did something right for once and i'm struggling to believe that this incredibly hot queen in front of me actually said yes to me. This is like, one of the best days ever. This is better than when the Great Rumpus Cat saved the day. This is better than when Mistoffelees magicked Old Deuteronomy back. This is better than when Daniel Bryan won the belts at WrestleMania.

Or something. I heard some humans talking about it and they seemed happy.

Noticing Tanta's paws on the table, I place mine beside hers and smile back. She's totally smiling at me. This is so awesome. I take a mental picture of her expression and consider my options, before deciding that the only thing for me to do now is keep being Joe Cool.

"I'm so glad you said that and it makes me so happy that I want to jump up and down-"

I cut myself off. These are not words that Joseph Pouncival Cool would say. Taking a deep breath and smiling widely, I move my paws to take hers in mine as I try again.

"I mean, i'm glad that oh wow your paws are really, like really extremely soft how is that even possible I mean what do you do use magic on them or something because i've never felt anyth-"

be Tantomile

"Breathe, Pouncival."

I cut him off. He takes a mild gasp and slowly tries to calm himself down. I try my level best to not consider the current situation that I find myself in, as it makes this whole thing a lot easier to understand if I simply try not to think about it too much.

I am sat very calmly in my den. There is a tom holding my paws. This is not uncommon. The fact that he is not my brother... okay, yes, is exceptionally uncommon. But if I simply focus on everything that is common then maybe I won't be freaked out by this and at least one of us can be calm. Because Pouncival is clearly failing quite dramatically at keeping himself together.

The table between us was once something I was happy for, but now it feels almost like a hindrance. Part of me wants to break it in half and tackle him to the ground, just to see what he would do. Does Pouncival even know what going out with someone would be like? What it might lead to? What kind of expectations does he actually have of this? Is he stroking my paws?

Yes, yes he is. Well, that's weird.

I readjust the way we're holding paws, trying to take his in mine without bluntly telling him that he needs to stop doing and saying weird things. I mean, did he genuinely just ask me if I used magic on my paws to make them feel soft? What kind of a thing to say is that? No, I did not. I obviously didn't use magic on my paws to make them feel soft for goodness' sake.

Wait – am I getting defensive? Why am I feeling oh i've just realised. There is another cat, who is not brother, holding my paws. It feels as though it's been forever.

And perhaps it has been. The last time a tom was looking at me with tender eyes like his... he would have been a kitten. A real, genuine, proper kitten. A six-year-old kitten. I shut my eyes and try not to think about that too much. Oh, why did this have to happen? Why is this actually happening to me? Has it been so long since a cat other than my brother showed me affection that I am actually freaking out about this?

Apparently so.

Pouncival's mind seems to be buzzing; Ride of the Valkyries appears to be running through his head. I take a deep breath and open my eyes again, resolving to outwardly make myself seem a lot more calm, as this current state won't help anyone. "I'm sorry," I apologise, taking to my feet and assisting Pouncival to his. "You asked me on a date. It would be very rude of me not to oblige immediately, especially considering I said 'yes'. Was there anywhere in particular that you wanted to go or anything you wanted to do?"

That would do. Get him talking and maybe I can quietly calm myself down in the mean-time.

be Pouncival

Duh-duh-duh-daaah-duh, duh-duh-duh-daaah-duh, duh-duh-duh-daaaaaaaaah-duh, duh-duh-duh-daaaaaaaah! I am so beside myself right now. Okay, so maybe the words that rolled out of my mouth weren't definitely the right ones but that isn't a big deal! She is totally interested in me and that's basically my number one priority right now. I can't believe i'm actually holding a queen's paws! I am totally the most awesome cat ever. Tugger look out, here comes Joseph Pouncival Cool, hombre!

You know what's even cooler? She totally started holding my paws. Sure, I held hers first, but then she totally took the initiative and squeezed my paws and this is going to be so awesome, i've never even kissed a queen before in like, a romantic way so this is going to be epic.

I get to my feet as Tanta does, keeping my eyes locked on hers. She is so pretty. I can't even decide on her eye colour, it's like a mix between amber and smiles. Like, big wide beaming smiles not dissimilar to the one on my face at the moment. Her fur is crazy, it's like someone made ice cream out of gorgeousness and catnip. I can't look away, it's intoxicating.

Okay, the date is happening now. Right now. As in, literally as these thoughts flicker through my head it is happening now okay don't panic don't go all 'Pouncival' on me, Pouncival. You have to focus your mindbox and be sure to do the correct things and not look like a complete idiot otherwise everything will stay as it is and you know you're not very happy with the way things are right now they're far too quiet.

I shake my head. Joseph Pouncival Cool would totally throw a curve-ball.

"I was hoping we could stay here and talk. I'd love to get to know you better."

As if I was ever any good at talking.

be Tantomile

Talk? Him? Me? Neither of us have been historically known for 'talking'. Perhaps he was making a joke, except his face looks so serious and happy that I can't be sure, and I can't read his mind because he's thinking of too many songs all at once and lots of other stupid things why is he making this so difficult for me?

Oh. I may have spent slightly too long in his head, I believe i'm starting to sound like him. I make a resolution to stop reading his thoughts for the time being and instead decide to find out about him the way other cats apparently do so. Through words. Perhaps this whole 'talking' idea isn't so bad after all.

"Well, whatever the case we ought to leave this room. It's far too small and it's beginning to irk me."

Definitely too long in Pouncival's head. I release his paws and step past the table, slipping through the entry-way as I beckon for him to follow. We walk slowly through the hallway, saying very little and continuing through into the bedroom. "Not that you should get any fanciful ideas," I say with a small smile as I place myself down one of the many plush cushions that adorn the room, "but this is easily the most comfortable room in the den."

Now, what to talk about? What do I ask him? Hey, spirits, you've been good to me so far. Got any more ideas?

be Pouncival

I am totally in a queen's bedroom -do not freak out- seriously this is like what the hell. Talking is the most magic thing ever and I have a newfound respect for it.

But genuinely, this room is like, woah. There are so many cushions everywhere I don't think i've ever seen so many! When I was growing up, me and Tumble used to have to share a pillow to sleep on because we didn't have so many although in hindsight I wonder if we actually did have enough, but he was just scared of the VERY REAL monsters at night. Or maybe that was me.

I used to have these crazy nightmares. I don't get them so much anymore but when I was a kitten I could hardly ever sleep, most nights I would wake up feeling very distressed... actually, recently this has been happening again but this really is not the time to think about those kinds of things. Awesome, hot, attractive queen sat on cushion in front of me. I, Pouncival, cannot miss out on this kind of an opportunity. That would require a particular brand of stupid I do not currently possess.

I sit on the oh so comfy cushion just opposite Tanta and smile at her again. Who am I kidding? I haven't stopped smiling for quite some time now.

But... wait... this is the bit where i'm meant to say words, isn't it? I feel a choke in my throat. There are about ten billion thoughts all scrambled up in my head but I can't unscramble any of them! What do I say? What does anyone say in this situation? A little help, please?


SO! Both Tantomile and Pouncival are in need of your help. Please review or send a PM with suggestions for what they should say or do - would you have Pounce ask something serious? Stupid? Anything specific? Or would you have Tantomile do the same, or even perform an action, like moving in close..? Drop your thoughts into a review or PM and I will do my best to incorporate them. Thanks x ktm