"Shepard," Hackett booms. "Glad to see you're up and about."
"Thank you, sir." There's a long pause. I want to ask about the war, but at the same time, I don't. "I-I assume the Crucible worked? The Reapers are gone, so it would seem to have worked properly…"
"Yes, Commander, it worked. The Reapers are history. And we're not. All thanks to you."
"And the cycles before us, sir."
"But you're the only one we can thank in person."
"And what about the other synthetics? EDI and the geth?"
"EDI is fine. The geth…were fine, as far as we knew. Both needed some repairs, but…" He pauses. "The quarians and geth have been out of communication for a few months now. We don't know what's going on. But you didn't hobble down to the QEC hopped up on painkillers to ask about the war, Shepard. What is it?"
"I… Sir, there's a small group of civilian ships that have gone missing."
He shakes his head. "I heard about that. Transporting bodies back to their home worlds, and they get lost. Shame. But we don't have the manpower to go searching for them right now."
"What if I were to go looking for them? I seem to have a habit of finding things that were supposed to be lost. And it's not exactly hazardous work. Just find a few ships and make sure their comms are working. Put them in touch with their respective command HQs, and…" I trail off.
He's silent for a moment, hand to his chin. "You'd want the Normandy, I assume, for this?"
"And Joker, if he's still able to fly it."
Another contemplative pause. "All right, Commander. Normandy, Joker, and I'll try to find some of your old crewmembers for this. Acceptable?"
"If I may, Admiral? I'd like to bring Kolyat Krios with me, as well."
"Kolyat Krios? Why?"
"It's…sir, his father's body may be on one of the ships."
"Thane? The drell who died protecting Councilor Valern?"
"Yes, sir."
He looks unhappy. "Very well, Commander, but I hope you're not undertaking this just to find the body of one man."
"No, sir. The bodies of all the dead should be returned to their rightful homes."
"All right, I think you've earned a bit of a joy-ride, Shepard. The Normandy and your crew will be in touch soon. Hackett out." I salute, and he returns it. The QEC clicks off.
I've moved the armchair so I can sit in it and look out the window. I can't see the people walking on the street, but I can see the skyline. It's beautiful. Ships flying in the distance, workers moving up and down scaffolding like ants…
My eye catches a familiar silhouette among the ships. The Normandy SR-2. My ship. I break into a smile.
"Beautiful, isn't it?" a familiar voice croaks out from behind me.
I don't even have to turn to look at the visitor. "Hello, Kaidan."
"Heya, Shepard." He walks over and sits down in the other chair. "And I thought Vancouver was beautiful."
"It might look like this, too, now." I smile. "Hell, it might look better than this." I turn toward him. "So, Major Alenko, what brings you to Williams Memorial?"
He laughs. "Hackett sent me. Something about 'one last mission with Shepard'?" He leans forward, clasping his hands together. "What's this about?"
"We're just going to find some lost ships. That's all."
"Uh-huh." He stares at me, unmoving. "What's the real mission here, Shepard? Lost ships sounds like a ruse to me. What are we actually going to find?"
"Lost transport ships. Civilian registries. They're carrying…" I take a deep breath. "They're carrying some of the deceased that were on the Citadel."
His head tilts slightly to the left. "Oh, I see." There's silence for a moment. "You're trying to find Thane's body, aren't you?"
"That's…not the primary purpose of this, Kaidan."
"Yeah, sure. Come clean with me. If you're just going after these ships for him…"
"You really doubt me, Major?" Quite by accident, it comes out sharper than I intended it to.
He holds out his hands, palms toward me. "Whoa, hold on. I'm behind you, a hundred percent, no matter what. You know that. Just…well, if I'm asking you to be honest, I should be." He sighs. "Hackett didn't just send me to go along with your mission. I'm supposed to, uh, keep an eye on you."
"What do you mean 'keep an eye on me'?" The second the words are out of my mouth, I understand. "They think I'm a danger to someone?"
There's a long pause. "To yourself, Shepard."
"What?"
He sighs again. "Apparently your mother and Hackett have been talking. About you. A lot. They think…they think you might want to…well, join Thane."
"Really?" I'm furious, but I don't want to show it. It's not Kaidan's fault. "You think the same thing?"
"I don't know what to think. But from what I've been hearing, it's like…" He pauses. "You're not yourself anymore, is what I've been hearing. That the Shepard who saved the Citadel, the Shepard that defeated the Collectors…it seems like she died when you charged the beam." He shrugs. "At least, that's what I've been hearing. Like I said, I don't know what to think."
I'm silent, staring at the floor. What do I say to that? What can I say to that? "I wish I could explain it to you," I finally say, "but I can't."
"Shepard…"
"Kaidan, I was always a military brat. I only really joined the Alliance to make my mother happy. After the Blitz, well…" I shrug. "Like I said, I got a little more noteworthy than Mom expected. And then…and then the Reapers happened." I look up at him; he's staring at me, his hands on his knees. "That Shepard that everyone knew, the one who saved the Citadel, took down the Collectors and the Reapers…that's not who I wanted to be, Kaidan. It's who I had to be."
He tilts his head. "I don't understand."
I chuckle half-heartedly. "I was always a really girly girl. Long hair, dresses, the whole nine yards. I loved to dance; I wanted to be a ballerina."
He smiles. "Really?"
"Yeah. Seems silly now." I sigh. "When I joined up, that all had to change. No more extra-long hair. I traded in dresses and ballet shoes for armor and guns. I…I guess I've sort of regretted that these last few years."
"Shepard, no one else could have done what you did."
I laugh, looking out the window for a moment, then back at him. "That's such bullshit and you know it, Alenko."
"No it's not. After the beacon on Eden Prime…"
"Which nearly grabbed you, remember?" I shake my head. "If I hadn't pulled your ass out of the way, you would have been the one with the visions. Not me."
"Yeah, and no one would have listened to me, Shepard. You were already being considered to be a Spectre. I was just a lieutenant." He sighs. "If it had been me with the visions, we'd all be dead now. The Reapers would have won." There's silence in the room for a minute. "Yeah, okay, maybe you didn't want to be the hero when you joined. But you are now. Who you were is in the past. You're Commander Shepard, galactic savior. People are writing songs about you."
I smile. "I have an idea. Why don't you be Commander Shepard for a while? Too much pressure for me."
"I'm not pretty enough."
Now I have to laugh. "Well, you're still prettier than Garrus."
