REPETITION
Pepper goes for a jog early one day; she's on vacation – the first one in years - (and yes, it's only a 'one morning vacation' but semantics.) and she's determined to enjoy it.
She's left the Avengers compound and spent the night in New York. (She had a business meeting the day before and thought – why not make the most of it?)
Tony is still putting himself back together after the events of the Sokovia Accords (if Pepper hears those words again she'll do something violent. Like kick a piece of furniture.) Pepper doesn't quite know how to fix him, so she's stayed by his side. Just being there.
Wherever he has gone, she has gone.
Except for the toilet.
(That's a step to far.)
And except for those times when he's in his workshop or hanging with Rhodey (who is slowly getting better).
Today … today she feels that she needs some time alone. True, years ago, after she first flickered and Ironman was born (the two events were not linked though both were somewhat traumatic) she swore an oath that she would always stand by Tony's side … but she's been doing that for years now.
The longest amount of time she's been away from him has been two days. Two. Days. And even then she was sick with worry – so she doesn't like to count that time.
Today … ah … today is a day just for her. To recharge her batteries, to remember her – Pepper Potts - and to have a day not thinking. Not having thoughts of that Other place nipping at her heels. Not to feel the absolute agony that rests on her shoulders every time she looks at Tony.
He pretends that he's coping with what happened. That he can deal with it. But late at night, he lies in her arms – or doesn't (he's often sleepless) - she thinks: I would have left him. If I hadn't have flickered I wouldn't be here – I would have seen the danger and realised that I couldn't cope with it.
So – in this case – she's almost glad she flickered. Because it taught her that danger and fear and worry and hurt and hate … you can't avoid them, in life.
You have to accept that they are as much part of life as breathing.
You have to slap a smile on your face and say yes, this hurts, yes I can't breathe with the fear of it, but … this is only for a while. A little while.
This, too, will pass.
It's all about perspective.
And she chose Tony.
She chose and chooses and will always choose, to stand by him.
Because he can do good and she sees him (beneath the ego, beneath the quick one-liners, beneath the wealth and the issues that cling from his upbringing) for who he is, and who he can be.
(And – you know, totally beside the point – she's quite desperately in love with him and they're married and to lose him would to lose everything that makes life worth living.)
She chose him.
(But sometimes she can't see herself anymore – past the memories of the Other place, past Tony, past everything.)
Today is for her. Just for her.
Today, her sneakers hit the paving and the sounds of traffic echo around her. The sky is very blue and the air is crisp – fall is announcing its imminent return. She finally feels a little at … peace.
Yes, she's never told him about her long and unexpected jaunt into a different universe. But she's totally fine.
Well, not really fine, but almost fine.
Well, just … she's a … distant cousin of fine.
She jogs onwards, ignoring the people who rush past her, concentrating on her footfalls and a sudden thought:
Is not telling him a barrier between the two of them? Will it help him if she tells him – tells him she can relate to having her world turned upside down, that she's suffered pain – so much pain – and so much fear and worry and sickening anxiety that she'llnevergethomeshe'sstuckhereforever …
Pepper runs even faster, turning a corner and pelting down the sidewalk. Maybe, if she runs fast enough she'll outrun these memories.
But haha! She runs into someone. Slap bang into someone and sends them both tumbling to the ground.
(FATE STRIKES AGAIN!)
"Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!" Pepper exclaims, getting to her knees.
The woman she knocked over sits up.
She looks at Pepper and Pepper (naturally) looks back.
WHY PEPPER DOESN'T [USUALLY] SWEAR
In the Other place … there was this innkeeper who was cursed and every time he swore, his tongue would split. Which was well and dandy and so very very weird until he stubbed his big toe and swore for three entire minutes. His tongue was split into one hundred wiggling individuals and Pepper's face still contorts whenever she remembers the disturbing sight.
The man was the Medusa of Tongues.
(And yes. Pepper is traumatised. It just looked so wrong!)
(Tony would probably love this short anecdote.)
But in this moment, Pepper does curse. Well. Like a toddler.
"Motherfudger! You!"
"Bloody hell! You!"
Two voices speak at once.
The woman gets up and legs it and Pepper – who probably should run the other way, but doesn't because the years may not have given her bravery, but they've given her a thirst for knowledge – chases her.
She runs and runs and thinks that she's lost track of HER when suddenly, the mutant veers off to the left, down a conveniently placed alley-like path and Pepper follows her.
Pepper probably should follow strangers into dark-ish alley-like places.
But she does and so there's that.
And when she does – the mutant is standing there, not even a bit out of breath (come on! How is that fair?!)
Pepper doesn't exactly say anything coherent – the sounds that come out of her mouth are a mixture of how? You! WHY DID YOU DO THAT? Wha-!
The mutant is slim, short, with bright pink hair and a celtic tattoo over her left eyebrow. She is also glaring at Pepper.
"You!" she says with considerable loathing.
"Yes," says Pepper. "What the hell did you do to me?"
"I did something to you? What the hell did you do to ME?"
Pepper gapes like a fish. 'Wait. What?"
"You took everything from me! And get your husband off my back - I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU WENT, OKAY?! And guess what, idiot, I didn't do it on PURPOSE!"
Pepper's mouth is wide open. "Okay. Wow. You're really aggressive and I am not an idiot and 'my husband off your back' is Tony in contact with you? Is he, uh, asking questions?"
"Five months ago. He came by, asking questions. Asking about what happened. As if I knew what happened?! AND HE HAS ME FOLLOWED I SWEAR."
Pepper finds herself apologising. (She's not sure why.) "Well, I'm sorry about- wait. No, I'm not. You ruined my life. I still have nightmares. I can't watch Lord of the Ring's for heaven's sake!"
The woman steps forward, stabbing a finger at Pepper. "You took my energy. Two seconds and I was drained." Each word is punctuated by a footstep. "Give. It. Back."
Pepper takes a step back. "How?"
The mutant stops. She looks confused. "You know, like, give it back to me."
"How? Like regurgitation? You want me to, to regurgitate the, the energy that … that-" Pepper throws her hands up in the air. "That's not how energy works."
The mutant pauses. Thinks. "It's how this energy works."
Pepper's face becomes almost cartoonish. "Eh?"
"Just, give it back. Okay?"
"I didn't know there was anything to give back!" Pepper says, and flinches because suddenly, the mutant is putting her hands on both sides of Pepper's head.
One moment, Pepper is standing in an almost alleyway, location: Planet Earth. The next? The next she's standing on a dark landscape, beneath a starless sky.
The mutant drops her hands from her head. Her face is full of betrayal. "It won't come back."
Pepper is trying not to scream. Her jaw has dropped and she does a full turn to take in … everything. It looks like whoever made this place took inspiration from the colour schemes of black and very dark grey.
"Where are we?" she demands. Reality sinks in. "Oh my GOSH! WHERE ARE WE?"
The mutant glances about her. "No idea. Probably the place between places. I don't care. Do you want to know what I do care about? MY ENERGY. THE ENERGY BELONGING TO ME. THE ENERGY THAT YOU TOOK."
"OH MY GOSH, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT ARE YOU SURE IT'S PHSYCALLY POSSIBLE?"
They are both yelling at each other; two small figures in a large, desolated plain.
"I HAVE TO HAVE IT."
"-I MEAN IF THE ENERGY HAS BEEN USED HOW CAN IT RETURN?"
"I HAVE TO SAVE THE WORLD!"
"IS IT RENEWABLE? BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT ISN'T RENEWABLE."
"I HAVE TO STOP HIM."
"I CAN'T REGURGITATE YOUR ENERGY!"
"I HAVE TO STOP THANOS."
"AND HOW IS THE PLACE BETWEEN PLACES? IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!"
"Listen. Shut up. Just SHUT UP! Our world is doomed, okay? Doomed. Half the whole damn population is going to die. But I" and the mutant jabs her own chest "can save it. All I need is my energy back. From you. Which you took."
Pepper shakes her head a little. Feels her pony tail shake behind her. She's trying not to freak out. Really, really trying. But …
"I don't know how to give it back to you, whatever it is you want. And, and are we really doomed? Who is Thanos? Oh and can we go back now?"
The mutant huffs and looks up to the sky, as if pleading for help. "One, fine – I'll try take my energy back. Again. Two, yes. We're screwed. And c, we're in the place between places and it'll spit us out when it wants to."
"That's three, not c- and what the hell do you mean it will 'spit' us out when-"
There's no snap. One blink of the eye, one sharp breath to keep not yelling out her panic, and they're back on Earth, in the not alleyway.
Pepper could almost cry with relief.
She doesn't.
She screams.
The mutant's arms are folded. She's glaring. If looks could kill, Pepper would be dead. "It spit us out like that. And do you know why it does that?"
Pepper doesn't know why it does that. She doesn't want to know why it does that. She wants to go home, crawl into bed and never come out from under the covers again.
"Because I took your energy?" she guesses with a sigh, she's verging on hysteria but is desperately trying to keep it together. Which is kind of hard at the moment.
"Yes. Because you took my energy. All I have are dreams, merging with the time stream, and flickering for like, three seconds in random ass planets as random ass people. Are you happy?" The mutant throws out her hands. "Look what you've made me." She turns to the side – to both sides – as if addressing an audience. "Behold your creation!"
"Well, I'm sorry about that but I didn't mean to. Also-" and Pepper Potts has never been a hero. She's never even thought herself as one. Never considered it. But when you've been around the Avengers enough, their way of thinking rubs off on you. Their priorities do to. "Who is Thanos and, and how do you know that-"
"That half of the world's population is going to disappear? Because Scott Lang told me and I have to stop it."
"Who?"
"You know, the Ant-man."
Pepper's jaw drops. That's classified information. How does this woman know how … who ….
"I'm going to try take my energy again," says the mutant. "And then I'm going to go to another universe with a similar timestream, find out how to rescue that one, and then come back and save ours. Oh by the way, you're welcome. Also, I'm doing this at great risk to myself – I could go forward or backwards in time, and posses just about anybody's body, and if I get eaten by a T-rex, I blame you."
She raises her hands.
To say Pepper has a bad feeling about this would be an understatement.
The mutant raises her hands and Pepper feels something in her shift. Leap out and collide with whatever the mutant is doing.
And then the world shifts.
Pepper's eyes snap open and she looks down. And guess what?
No. Really.
Guess.
She's purple. She's purple. She's wearing blue … spandex? She looks like ABBA had a love child with Elvis and David Bowie. Thoughts alien to her are running through her brain. One moment, she's Pepper Potts, the next she knows everything he knows.
She's on another planet – looking out on an infinity of stars.
She's in a different body.
His name is Thanos and he's in love with Death and oh by the way he's just about to snap his fingers to erase half of life in the universe.
He's about to.
But in one instant, Pepper Potts sees him (She doesn't understand him though. She doesn't understand how anybody could be in love with Death. She doesn't get him. Or how DEATH IS A PERSON BUT LET'S NOT THINK ABOUT THAT) And she sees him - who he is and why he is and what he's about to do.
Genocide.
Genocide on a scale which no one could even comprehend.
(She can't comprehend it … but she tries to.)
(She's not a hero. And Tony isn't here. But suddenly she can do something. In the Other place, she never could. In her world, she clung to Tony. He was the centre around which she orbited. But now … it's just her, in this place, faced with a decision which Tony will never know of.)
(She chooses.)
(Because she may be a little broken, she may be a little mad, she may not even be a hero. But she knows what is right and she knows what is very, very wrong.)
Thanos finds himself screaming like a little girl.
And Pepper Potts snaps his fingers.
And a single life blinks out of existence.
i know whAT THE HECK WAS THAT? that, my friends, was my brain relaxing and Spewing Out Things.
i make no apologies.
(Movie-verse Pepper saving the comic book version of the Infinity Wars? Pfft. Why not.)
