Duo's Journals
Entry 4: House
Damn, I actually am glad I have this thing to rant in every now and again, granted I don't do it often... Anyway, to the story-telling!
Okay, so it's been known at work lately (the past few weeks actually) that I've been complaining about getting tired of my apartment and stuff. I mean I don't go off on a rant about it any chance I get, but if someone asks "hey, how's the home front" or a bunch of them start talking about their apartments/houses or whatever I mention that I'm growing tired of living in an apartment, sure I've used the phrase 'dingy little apartment', but in actuality my apartment is rather large- five rooms, and is not dingy… I just… want more. Human nature I guess.
Though, I will also blame human nature for this, but every time people talk about how they 'think she might be the one' or about their kids I get an INCREDIBLE pang of loneliness. I think of you every time, and then for some reason immediately after that, think of how it's never going to happen. Talk about teenage angst right? I'm not even a teenager anymore, what gives?
But yeah, so apparently word about my restlessness about being in an apartment has been getting around and on occasion people have come up to me and asked particular questions about why I would like to move, or if I was able where I would move to. Funny thing is I usually answer "I don't know" or "I'm not sure yet, I'm just tired of an apartment, I want something that feels more…permanent" and it's the truth. A condo, a house, maybe I just need to find a good house to lease, right? Though I don't have the expenses for that, yet.
Maybe that's why people get married before they move into a house, so they can pay for it, right?
And then today, before we leave, I remember because it was about the only time today that I saw you - seeing as you had all those runnings-around to do to finish that review for Sally. But in any case, as I was packing up to leave and you had just come back into our office and saw that I was about to leave. You put your stuff down- I remember cause it made a huge clunk noise. I waved and said something like I usually do so that you can't tell I like you, but I can and tell you to your face without having you catch on "I'll see you later" "I'll call you about" whatever, to me it's just short of saying "I love you, and look forward to seeing/hearing you later/tomorrow". But today right as I turned and almost opened the door you called me. I turned, I wasn't anticipating anything, I was just surprised, usually when one of us leaves it's the same ritual: "bye", "bye", door closes.
"Duo, is it true that you are tired of living in an apartment?"
"Hmm? Yeah. It's odd though, cause usually when people ask me why I would wanna move somewhere, shall we say 'more permanent', I say I'm restless. At least that's how I feel, you know? I dunno. Usually when I say that they reply, 'What? You're only 24, how can you be restless, wait ten more years'. I don't wanna wait, you know?" sighing I continued, "I just don't think they get the whole story, you know. I grew up different then them and all…" I leave it at that and I see the pain I know means you can relate.
You're silent for a while and I wonder if my statement, my truth, which in all honesty I doubt anyone other than the other pilots would truly relate to, has answered the question to your liking.
"I see" You say. You say it so plainly, but I know that means you're thinking up a storm. You're not monotonous, as everyone seems to think, you just have a much calmer way of talking. Or maybe I just watch your expressions a little closer than most. You look down as I made this mental note and then look up and continue, thought chain clearly over, "I understand what you mean. I can relate, in a way. It's just - a house, Duo? That's too expensive for one person."
Briefly I wondered why you cared, but instead teased, "Aww, whassamater? You could always live with me and we could split the cost, eh?" It was just a tease, even if it would be nice, but in stead you look at me, then to the side-wall, a habit you might've picked up from me, I think. (Of course when you left your head turned slightly to the wall as your eyes looked at me with the makings of a seductive and evil smirk on your face, I wonder where else you could have gotten it from)
"Oh? Was that an invitation."
"Only if that's how you took it man" I throw back with a slightly more intense version of the same look. This sort of teasing has been happening quite frequently now-a-days, actually. But only when it's just us in the room…
"Accepted." He said and grabbed my jacket, taking it from my grasp. "I know, though I doubt I'm the only one, that knows you are by far, not an idiot-"
"Gee and with all that 'baka'ing-"
"Just listen!" he said as he walks over to his computer which humms to life when he touches it, I swear all the computers in the world purr to smudge Him. Dude, almost wrote his name! I walk back after him, seeing as I can't leave without my jacket, it's chilly out there man!
"Okay, okay" I reassure him.
"You are not one to make empty statements."
"Oh really? How would you know, huh?" I wink.
"You would most likely have searched and found something better, am I wrong?" he continues and takes a seat at his desk.
"As in 'have I done house searches for things in a reasonable price range'? Of course"
"That's what I thought. Any of them match these?" he asks and swivels slightly in his chair to look at me as I look at the screen and reach around him- shortest distance to the mouse, since I am behind him- to scroll down.
"Yeah, quite a few actually, why?" I say and look to him. We are barely a foot apart but, as much as it makes me tingle, I would never do anything based on love or lust alone. At least not if I can't tell if he'd mind…
"They are in order of preference. Any matches?" he ignores my question.
"Uuuh" I mumble scrolling, there aren't too many, maybe twenty on the page and I select one about a third down. "That one was about the same on my preference list as yours until I saw it, it's nicer in person."
"Hnn? You actually went and looked at it?"
"Don't do anything half-assed in life, name"
"(some word in his native language) Duo. You are a piece alright."
"What am I a piece of?"
He doesn't answer right away.
"Gold."
"Scuse me?-"
"Mind going to look at it with me? We can talk logistics on location," he ignores me again and, getting up now, folds his computer and grabs his coat, and the things he always takes home to bring in the next day. And starts to walk to the door, handing me my coat.
"Huh?" BLANK STARE
"I told you, I accept. We'll see what we can do. Come, I'll walk you to your car. When should we go?"
And etcetera.
I think that was a pretty damn accurate retelling I've written here. It also makes this my longest journal/thing letter/entry thing ever. GO ME!
So yeah… there is now a very real possibility of me living with him sometime in the next few years… talk about unsettling! But it also is exciting, you know? A HOUSE, and also with HIM! GOD my insides are all squigglies right now!
That was today. We shall see where things go now.
And was it just me, or was he flirting back? Sometimes I can't tell if he's joking or teasing or if he's actually feeling what he says. I wonder if he thinks the same about me?
