I would just like to thank everyone so much for reading, reviewing, following, and favouriting! I can't reply to reviews yet because I'm on a 24 hour waiting period because I'm a new account, but I will when I can! This has been such a cool experience for me already :) So, I'm writing a lot about Morgan's school, and I'm using sophomore/junior, etc. (we don't use that in Canada), but I'm calling the courses the same names we do in Canada (the subject with the grade number after it) because I don't know how they're named in America...sorry! Hope you're enjoying, I absolutely love writing about Morgan, one of my favourite characters ever :)


IV

Despite the fact that I had never felt more petrified over anything in my entire life, I was sitting in my first class of my sophomore year. It was Science 10, a class that I was really looking forward to in theory. However, I don't think it was actually possible to have the feeling of excitement for anything regarding this experience, except being able to go home at the end of the day.

In my effort to not make a complete and utter fool of myself by running into class late, I had decided to get there early. I soon found out that sitting in a classroom by yourself, waiting for other people to show up, is probably more humiliating than being late. Watching other people slowly filter in and purposely avoid sitting with me made my stomach drop with anxiety. I couldn't help but feel that if I had chosen to find my class after the first chime of the morning bell; my nerves would have been just slightly more at peace. Instead, I was plagued with the fear that these other students were making the decision to sit away from me because I was the loser that showed up early and on time. But, even if I had showed up at the same time, nobody would have wanted to sit with me. I knew that, but it made more sense in my mind to make whatever scenario was actually happening the worse one. I also realized that if someone did sit next to me, I would have to speak with them, and that scared me just as much, if not more, than having everyone leave me alone.

Eventually, there were only so many spots left, and the unfortunate individuals who didn't show up quite as fast would have to be stuck with me. I waited patiently, pretending to shuffle papers in my notebook around, when really I was subtly watching the door. A girl did walk in, and she looked nice enough, and normal enough, to be a potential new friend. Even though I was desperate to not be a complete loner for the year, I did have some standards. The girl strode over to the table I was residing at, and it looked like she was going to sit beside me. I smiled at her, because a mumbling of "hello" seemed to be caught in my larynx. She gave me a half-smile back while she picked up the chair next to me and moved it two tables over to where her friends sat. My heart sank, and I immediately felt my face flush crimson. Surely everyone had seen that, and they were all internally laughing at me.

Once the second bell chimed, the rest of the hour and twenty minutes was slightly better than the first five. The teacher, a stereotypical science nerd, talked for the majority of the class, which I didn't mind for once. Anything that kept me from being in an awkward situation was welcome in my life, even though such opportunities did not come around frequently.

The rest of the day was more of the same fear and anguish, which included sitting outside of my locker to eat my lunch, praying anyone would take pity on me and ask me to hang out with them. As I sat there with my thoughts, I thought of other kids who have been in my position for their whole life. How did they get used to it; not talking to peers all day, and constantly having the fear of judgment rattling their mind? Or worse, was I going to have to get used to the same thing?

Later in the day, when I was finally at home, I had gotten into yet another fight with my mother. She had mocked my inability to make friends, which had actually really bothered me, as she was the one who put me in the situation. Everything had gotten pretty heated, and eventually she decided to leave with Jerry to who knows where for some time away from me. I pretended that didn't bother me. I repeatedly told myself that there was a bright side; I had to house all to myself for a couple hours. That was always something I really did enjoy, even though I never fully exploited the opportunity like every other teenager would. There were no parties or even friends over when I was the only person left in the house; it always just ended up being me and homework, or me and procrastination. It was usually the latter.

While I was in the middle of singing along to whatever song I had typed into YouTube at that juncture, the phone rang. I sighed and cursed my mother yet again for never agreeing to spend the money on caller ID, meaning I had to answer the phone and risk talking to a stranger, or worse, my father.

"Hello?" I said as I turned the volume down on the computer speakers. A rush of an anxious feeling quickly trickled through my brain; the moment of not knowing who was on the other line after answering was one of my most hated feelings.

"Hey, M, is your mom there?" the familiar voice of my father poisoned my ears. I wanted to hang up the phone right there, but who knows what that would make my mother do. She had already sent me off to what was essentially my own personal hell, but she could probably come up with something much worse. Even though they hated each other now, her and my dad must have had a lot in common at some point.

"No," I replied sharply. It wasn't his fault for not knowing that, of course, but it made sense to me to make him feel like it was.

"Oh, alright. Tell her I called. How was your day?" I sighed audibly into the phone. I really didn't want to take part in any form of conversation with this man, despite the fact he seemingly wanted to make peace. That did not sound like a viable option to me, therefore it couldn't happen. Why should I accept any apologies, or worse, be forced to come up with some apology, for the world's worst father?

"It was fine. I'll tell her you called," I told him quickly, still maintaining my icy tone. Honestly, it didn't matter to me that I was coming across as rude; it actually made me just the tiniest bit better.

"Morgan, listen…"

"I don't want to listen. I don't want to hear a made up apology, or worse, an explanation of why you're not going to apologize. If you don't want me around, I won't be around, even on the phone," I exclaimed angrily, quickly hanging up the phone afterwards. I knew there was going to be a price to pay for my quick temper, but there always was, so I was used to it.

The following days continued as the first one had; an anxiety filled day at school, followed by some unfortunate event at home. Convincing myself that there could be worse, I powered through it like it was a completely typical week. I lied to my mom, telling her I had made a couple of friends, even though in reality, that couldn't be further from the truth. I guess I would just have to get used to being a loser that couldn't even maintain a healthy relationship with her own parents.


I'll be uploading more chapters shortly :) Although this chapter is a little short, I really enjoyed writing it because it pretty much mirrors my exact experience on my first full day of school this year, so writing as though someone else went through the exact same thing is nice (especially when it's my favourite fictional character, haha.) Thank you for reading!xo -Camille