IV

Once again, Mitsuru found herself staring at the door through which Yukari had left. She was slowly waking up from the spell the intimate scene with Yukari had bestowed upon her. There was a tumult in her body, all sorts of different feeling were clashing against each other. Lust, confusion, arousal, regret, happiness, guilt. Her head and her heart were about to explode from the overdose of emotions, so she buried her head in her pillows and closed her eyes. She took a few deep breaths and tried to collect herself. What had she just happened to her? Moreover, what had she done herself? Mitsuru felt dizzy when she thought about it – how could she possibly have lost control of herself, in such a scandalous way? If anyone was ever to know this, what would it do to the integrity of the Kirijo group's heiress? She buried her head deeper into the pillows – what a shame! Her whole body was still trembling; was it because of the embarrassment or because of this ... fever that had come over her? Mitsuru felt very warm and sweaty. She sat up on her bed and opened the first button of her shirt so she would get a bit more fresh air. Her fingers ran over the now exposed skin of her throat, down to the button-facing of her shirt. Again, there was this little shiver which seemed to be caused by a jolt of pleasure. Mitsuru had to stop herself. No more. All would return to normal now; she'd forget about the incident and just move on. One had to set priorities in life, and as a Kirijo, guilty pleasures certainly were not among them. Intimacy was nothing to be fooled around with. Mitsuru had to think of the one she had been promised to. A leader of a concern with which they wanted a positive relationship. A marriage between her and the manager would secure the Kirijo group's future. "What will it be like with him?", Mitsuru wondered. The man was much older than she was; he probably had had more experiences than she had. Mitsuru had spent most of her teenage years with this marriage on her mind, so she had never dared to enter a relationship. She didn't have any experiences at all. "Tch," she thought "Being so naive when it comes to that – it's not like me!" ... Wait, no experiences? Mitsuru shuddered. Most certainly, this had been an experience. But no, no, this didn't count. It couldn't. Yukari and she were ... girls, after all. It had been a mere accident. Nothing more. They had just been very touched and confused by subject of their fathers.

Mitsuru tried to continue her lecture but had to admit that it was impossible for her to concentrate. She put the book away and got up with a sigh. What a mess her clothes were – she went to the bathroom to fix herself. In the mirror, yet the next shock awaited her. It was on her neck, exactly the place where Yukari had placed her most passionate kiss. Mitsuru felt as if she just had been branded. Physical evidence of what had happened, could it become any worse? After disguising it as good as possible with make-up, Mitsuru put on a scarf to hide it from the others. Fortunately, it wasn't summer, when a scarf may have raised suspicion. Prepared like this, Mitsuru went out of her room. She didn't even hope there would be no one in the lounge – there was always someone around. Walking Korumaru was probably the easiest way to get out of there as quick and most unsuspicious as possible. No one would ask any questions – it would look as if she just needed time alone because of her father. Wordless, she led Korumaru outside, a few pairs of eyes following them – but she didn't care. They walked to the shrine as always, however, it was unusual for Mitsuru to be out with Korumaru. Playing with animals hadn't been part of her strict upbringing. Korumaru ran off happily as soon as the shrine came into sight; Mitsuru followed with normal speed. She sat down on a bench at the shrine. Hopefully, the darkness and silence surrounding her now would allow her tortured mind some peace and rest. "Just an accident, it was just an accident," she kept telling herself. There wouldn't be any consequences – for sure, Yukari was embarrassed by her actions as well; which was probably why she left all of a sudden. They'd just silently agree to forget what happened. That would be the best solution. Korumaru sat down at Mitsuru's feet and tilted his head, as if he felt that something bothered Mitsuru. Carefully, Mitsuru stroked Korumaru's fur. It was short but very thick and soft. However, Mitsuru preferred the touch of Yukari's hair. Mitsuru looked up in shock – she thought of her again. She shook her head to make the thought go away and headed back to the dorm with Korumaru.

Mitsuru had changed to her pyjamas and was lying under the sheets of her bed. Only a small light next to her bed was still on, creating interesting plays of light and shadow on the bed room walls. The air was chilly and she snuggled more into her bed to save her from getting cold. Her bed was big enough for at least two people and she suddenly felt lost, all alone in the middle of it. From childhood on, she had been sleeping in beds like this, this was however the first time she felt that way. So many emotions unknown to her before had been awakened by the incident; Mitsuru hoped this impact would only be temporary. She turned off the light and closed her eyes, trying to sleep. She knew there was no way she'd be able to.

Mitsuru was haunted by images that would keep coming to her mind, that she couldn't stop, that made her move around restlessly in her bed. No matter how much she'd force her thoughts away, they'd always come back to one thing: Yukari. Mitsuru felt ashamed and guilty. Those things certainly should not be on her mind – she was already promised to somebody, her discipline shouldn't allow her to desire somebody like that, especially not a woman! She felt, however, a certain enjoyment in the fact that this kind of thinking wasn't acceptable to her – being forbidden only made it more alluring. After all, she couldn't deny that, despite all the shame and guilt, thinking of Yukari filled her with a kinky sort of pleasure and arousal. She had ruled off what happened this evening as a mere coincident, a one-of-a-kind event that was just a result of unusual circumstances. But what where those thoughts of Yukari doing to this explanation? Was she just being tempted by the immoral, the forbidden – or was there really … ?

It would be too early to jump at conclusion now, Mitsuru decided. She'd sleep a night or two over it and then recollect her thoughts. This would probably make her able to think clear again; now she was still too confused to really analyse what had happened. Until then, it was no use fighting off the strange thoughts that made her head buzz with confusion; she could as well give in … Mitsuru arranged the sheets and pillows she had turned into a mess in her fights against the images in proper order again. She made herself as comfortable as possible and, after a bit of embarrassed hesitation, hugged a pillow like a stuffed animal. This time, she didn't fight off the images but channelled them, allowing her imagination to completely take her away. Once again, she felt warmth spreading out in her body, though it wasn't as sudden and extreme heat as the first time. Yukari appeared in front of her mental eye, she was coming closer to Mitsuru and closed her arms around her. Mitsuru tightened the hug around the pillow as she imagined hugging Yukari back. Yukari ran her hands down Mitsuru's arms and took her hands; lifting her face of Mitsuru's shoulder and snuggling it against the other's cheek. Mitsuru had to smile at the imagined cuteness of the situation – she wouldn't have expected herself to enjoy such things. She closed her eyes again to continue the daydream. Her cheek was tingling; she searched for Yukari's lips, longing to unite with them. Being completely caught up in her fantasy, Mitsuru didn't even notice how she slowly drifted off into sleep …