RFSP episode #104

Final Stand

Chapter 4-The answer


"You see the cork on that test tube?" Davenport motioned the test tube containing Chemical Z to Cartman. "If you're the kid who can open it, you'll be able to yank it out."

Very slowly, and very affrightedly, Cartman attempted to pull out the cork and…failed.

Everyone had a look of total shock on their faces. They were really convinced Cartman would be the one to break the magic seal, but alas, he wasn't.

"WHAT!?" Davenport screamed, furious and surprised at the same time. His admins were just as shocked. "T-this can't be! I had it all figured out and-and-and I could swear you were the one!"

The kids were having just as hard a time believing it as the bad guys were.

"It's not Cartman!?" Kyle exclaimed.

"Who did Dylan say would be the second most likely?"

"Me!" Ike answered.

"No matter." Davenport resigned his shocked look. "I'll just call up the next kid. Bring me…Ike Broflovski!"

Moments later, two AGA goons approached the front of the room, with Ike in their grip. Ike tried to open Chemical Z…and also failed.

"Fine!" Davenport growled. "Bring me…Kyle Broflovski!"

"Good luck due." Stan told Kyle as two gingers grabbed him.

"For what exactly?" Kyle asked.

Once Kyle got to the front, he glanced at Cartman and noticed the intense fear in his eyes. Normally, Cartman would LOVE seeing Kyle in a situation like this, but not now. But right now, Cartman had been reduced to nothing but fear and sorrow. Normally Kyle would laugh if Cartman was in a situation somewhat similar to this. But at that moment, Kyle only felt compassion and sympathy for him.

"Do I have to do this?"

Trent pulled out his switchblade as an answer.

"OK, OK, fine."

"I'm still getting you afterwards!" Trent reassured Kyle.

Kyle tried to open the test tube, but like Ike and Cartman, failed to do so.

"I don't believe this!" Davenport said exasperatingly. "Three tries, and still nothing! How can-."

Davenport's thoughts were interrupted by sudden flashes of light coming from a large and empty corner of the drill. In a matter of seconds, Unit 14 and the all of the EOH 11th graders appeared.

"Sorry I'm late!" Dylan smirked. "Did I miss the party?"

"DYLAN!" the kids happily rejoiced.

"ERIC!" Liane noticed him up at the front with Davenport.

"I must say Davenport, you sure know the right time to really ramp up security up there." Jessica commented.

Chris looked over and noticed Stan and the others. "Boy am I glad to see you kids still alive!"

"It's over Davenport!" Leah shouted. "Give it up now! We may be outnumbered, but you're outmatched!"

"It's time for you to finally face justice!" Bailey added.

Davenport was bewildered, and angry, at how they had gotten inside the drill.

"B-But how did you-."

"Easy." Edith answered. "We broke through your massive security forces above ground! We do that kind of thing all the time!"

"But how did you-."

"Teleport ourselves inside the drill?" Chris asked. "It's easy when you know how to build a miniature teleporter AND when you see a bunch of blueprints for the drill lying around your base!"

"Right then." Dylan added. "Now put down Chemical Z! It's far too complicated and dangerous for any one person to use and you damn well know that!"

"If it's a fight you want…." Davenport snickered. "Then it's a fight you got! Attack!"

The 11th graders and Unit 14 began engaging in an extremely fierce battle with the AGA and the ginger kids. Everyone else just tried to stay out of the way. The good guys were doing quite well…until….

"Enough!" Davenport exclaimed. "I didn't concoct this plan only to be stopped so abruptly!"

Davenport pushed a button on the drill's control panel, causing all the good guys to abruptly keel over and collapse to the ground.

"What did you do!?" Kyle asked.

"A little semi-weapon I installed that I like to call 'Facial shock recognition.' It sent out an invisible electric wave and took them all out in one fellow swoop. They'll only be stunned for a minute or two."

Two minutes later, all the good guys that had been knocked out came to, only to find that their hands were tied behind their back, and that they were all being held onto by the grip of two AGA goons each.

"Last minute rescuers...aaaannnndddd it's gone." Stan remarked.

"Oh no!" Butters exclaimed. "Now we're really doomed!"

"MWAHAHAHAHA! Now bring me…my nephew!" Davenport commanded as two gingers took Butters up to the front. "Why hello there dear nephew...we've never been properly introduced, have we?"

"Uh-."

"We can talk later. Open it!"

"Oh raw hamburgers…." Butters pulled on the cork as hard as he could, but to no avail.

"Damn it, I don't get it! What the hell am I doing wrong!?"

All the way in the back of the room, Dylan and Jessica began to chuckle a little.

"You mock me now!?"

"Yeah because if you were REALLY evil, you'd have bothered to find out that it takes two kids to open it!" Jessica replied.

"How's THAT!?"

Davenport growled loudly. "Fine! But who would be the right couple for the job?" he thought to himself.

Trent pointed his switchblade at Cartman. "He HAS to be one of them!"

"No shit kid." Scott Tenorman replied, irritating Trent.

"You!" Davenport pointed to Kyle.

"Me?"

"You're his arch rival, so it should be you!"

"I seriously doubt that."

"No one ever said it has to be a couple that liked each other! Now get a move on!"

Kyle and Cartman, reluctantly, went up to the cork, pulled on it as hard as they could, but it still wouldn't budge.

Davenport pondered the situation a bit. "OK…maybe the couple does have to like each other."

"Like each other?" Bebe thought to herself. "Unless…." She gasped. "Wendy!"

"OK fat boy, who do you crush on?" Davenport asked.

"Oh please!" Kyle answered for him. "Since when does he have a crush on someone?"

"Never." Butters agreed.

("In our dreams!")

The kids began to chuckle, but deep down; Cartman knew that there was one person he liked….

"I guess you lose dude!" Kyle taunted Davenport.

"Kiss my ass!" Phillip agreed.

"We've finally beaten you!" Terrance added.

"A true villain never concedes defeat when he's in the face of victory! Just bring me the rest of them!"

On his command, the remaining 4th graders were brought up and paired up with Cartman one by one. And one by one, each pairing didn't work. Eventually, only Stan and Wendy were left. When Stan and Cartman failed to open it together, all eyes were on Wendy.

"These two?" Kyle asked. "I seriously doubt that."

"Especially after she beat the living shit out of him that one time." Stan recalled.

("Yeah.")

"Let's just hope you're right." Wendy remarked.

Cartman and Wendy, with Trent's switchblade pointed at them, cautiously approached the test tube. The two stole a glance at each other, with Cartman staring at her, scared at the more likely outcome of the situation. Wendy, unsure why his facial expression showed that, curiously raised an eyebrow at him. Slowly, as if for dramatic effect, the two grabbed ahold of the cork, pulled as hard as they could…and it…opened. It opened, and nobody could believe it. While everyone else just stood there, completely shocked, Davenport immediately snatched the test tube and began making the loudest, most wicked laugh to ever have left his mouth.

"I don't get it…." Wendy told Cartman. She was just as confused and surprised as everyone else. "There's nothing like that between the two of us-."

"No Wendy, there is." Cartman replied.

"Huh?"

Davenport kept laughing wickedly and maniacally, while Unit 14 and the others figured they were all as good as dead.

"Oh no…." Dylan began to panic. "No…no…no, no, no!"

"Aw man! Now were really fucked!" Stan remarked.

"I guess it's over now!"

"W-what are you going to do with it?" Liane asked.

Davenport finally shut up and turned around to face everyone. "That's right. What am I going to do with it? Well I suppose now's the perfect time to unveil my intentions. You see…many centuries ago there existed a secret society known as The Society Hell-bent on International Takeover, or T-SHIT for short. T-SHIT worked in extremely mysterious and discrete ways, and few even knew of their name, let alone their existence. T-SHIT was founded by my very distant grandfather, the late Edward U. Davenport. Edward had always believed that the world was slowly being destroyed day by day by how humans lived at the time."

"But all those centuries ago, modern technology didn't exist!" Stan commented.

"Forgot what my nemesis told you already, did you? Edward lived during the time when that technology did exist, about a decade or so before that serum with the false timeline was developed. Edward always believed that day by day, mankind was slowly killing the Earth. You see, Edward believed that Earth was created by aliens and that the aliens built Earth using a mixture of Uranium, Hydrogen, and Helium. Edward claimed that the mixture is what allowed mankind to have that technology back then, and he claimed that mankind's daily activities were causing the mixture the Earth was built on to react negatively, which he believed would ultimately lead to the apocalypse. And so, Edward founded T-SHIT. T-SHIT grew quite large and expanded all over the world. Eventually word got out about their existence and beliefs, and when the serum was ready, 90% of T-SHIT's members were forcibly injected with it, without any second thought given on whether or not they should've been the few not to get the serum. The other 10%, Edward including, escaped and never got the serum. Edward's secret legacy lived on and T-SHIT strived to locate Chemical Z. Once they found it, they'd use it to eradicate the practices Edward feared would cause the apocalypse and construct a new world order in which the Earth could never be harmed in such a way again. And so when I learned of my distant grandfather, I quickly made it my mission to fulfill T-SHIT's mission. And now…it's complete!"

Davenport began to laugh evilly again, until Stan cut him off.

"That's retarded."

"HAHAHA-what?"

"That has got to be the most retarded origin story I have EVER heard."

"Yeah really." Kyle agreed. "I thought what the Super Adventure Club believed in was bull shit, but this is through the roof!"

"Oh really?" Davenport retorted. "Is it any more retarded then what any other religion in the world believes?"

"Yes." Stan answered. "Its way more retarded dude."

"You clearly have NO idea how fucked up that story is." Kyle added.

"Jesus Davenport, I knew you were a madman, but damn!" Dylan remarked.

"You psycho!" Terrance yelled.

"Am I? AM I?"

"Yes."

"And this guy's your uncle!?" Cartman asked Butters. "Dude…you have one MAJORLY screwed up family tree!"

"That might actually explain quite a lot." Stan jokingly whispered to Kyle.

"Psycho or not…." Davenport continued. "I now finally have the power to carry out my distant grandfather's plan! Now all I need to do is-."

Before he could continue, he was cut off by a bright flash of light right in front of him. In a few seconds, a figure materialized next to Davenport and knocked him out, grabbing the test tube before any of Chemical Z spilled out, and put the cork back in. Everyone looked up and saw that the figure…was Chef! Still in a robot suit, but Chef!

"Hello children!" he cried out happily.

"CHEF!"

"I'm back baby!"

"But how did you get down here?"

"Same way they did" Chef motioned towards Unit 14. "I used the teleporter they just made."

"TRAITOR!" Scott Tenorman exclaimed.

"I guess we'll be the ones to complete the mission now!" Saddam added.

"Come and get some then!"

That's when a huge fight broke out. Saddam, Trent, Scott, and the half robot Ms. Ellen all attacked Darth Chef, but they were no match for him. Unit 14 and the EOH 11th graders took out the AGA goons holding them and began battling the AGA goons and the ginger kids. Suddenly feeling a great surge in confidence in them, Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, and Butters all rushed down to join them in the battle. Cartman took great pride in socking all the gingers he could and at one point, Kenny jumped into Dylan's hands, and he spun him around as a weapon, taking out everyone close to them. Everyone else just tried to stay out of the way. At some point, the Super Adventure Club tried to attack Chef, to which Chef responded with even greater force, force that was fueled by pure rage. Amidst all of this, Wendy was still baffled as to how she and Cartman were the ones destined to open Chemical Z.

"I just don't get it Bebe. Why Cartman and I? It doesn't add up."

"Well…."

"Well what?"

Bebe couldn't bear it any more. She still felt a heavy amount of guilt for Cartman's heart having been broken. She figured Cartman would be too scared to tell Wendy his feelings, so, in an attempt to make it up to him, she told Wendy his feelings for him.

"A few days ago…Cartman told me something…that you should know."

"What?"

Back in the battlefield, it became quite evident that the bad guys were no match for the good guys. A few minutes later, all the bad guys were lying on the ground, unconscious and defeated.

"We…won?" Stan asked between pants.

"We won." Jessica answered.

("WOO-HOO!")

"Yeah! We did it! We really did it!"

"Chef! Where did you learn to fight like that!?" Kyle asked.

"What, you think this intimidating appearance of mine is just for looks? As much as I hate to say it, one good thing did come out of joining that fruity little club! They programmed me to fight when they revived me!"

Wendy approached Cartman. "Hey Cartman." She said.

Cartman turned around, and his facial expression immediately went from triumphant to nervous.

"Wendy? Um, well you see, about the cork, I-."

"No need. Bebe told me everything. Is it true?"

Cartman realized this was his chance. His one chance to tell Wendy he loved her…but still he didn't have the guts to do it.

"Well…that depends on…it can be quite…." He sighed sadly. "It…it is."

"If that's how you felt, why didn't you just tell me?"

Stan was confused. "Wait, hold up. What's going on?"

Cartman turned to face Stan. "Stan you should know that…I've had a crush on Wendy for years now."

Stan was completely taken aback, not expecting Cartman to have said that in the least. "W-What!"

"I was too shy to make a move, even after the two of you broke up. I never thought she could ever like me back." Cartman sighed sadly and tried to hold back a tear. "Stan…if you want her back…or Wendy, if you don't want me at all…that's…that's cool."

"Well I-."

Before she could finish, and without any warning, Wendy was suddenly grabbed by Davenport, who had regained consciousness and was now holding a gun to Wendy's head.

"ALRIGHT THAT'S ENOUGH!" Davenport yelled, extremely pissed off. "If you want her to live, you have two seconds to hand over Chemical Z! NOW!"

"Don't do it dude!" Dylan yelled from the back. "He's probably going to kill her anyway!"

("Dude! He's going to blow her fucking brains out!")

"Whose side are you on Kenny!?"

Davenport cocked the gun, scaring Wendy to an unimaginable degree. "Hand it over! NOW!" he demanded through clenched teeth.

Cartman didn't know what to do. Save the girl he always loved, or save the world? He just stood there, paralyzed with fear about the possible outcomes.

"I believe you owe Eric here an explanation!" Chef demanded.

"An explanation!?"

"Yeah! If you're going to win, at least tell him who his real mom was!"

Liane gasped, having hoped all her life it wouldn't have come down to this.

"No…please don't-."

Davenport snorted angrily and agreed. "Very well! You!" he motioned to Dylan. "Tell this boy what he wants!"

Dylan sighed. "I guess there's no sense in avoiding the inevitable."

Liane pleaded through tears for him not to go on. "Dylan please don't!"

"What choice do we have Liane!? Even if he wasn't pointing a gun at someone, Eric still has the right to know!" Dylan said to her. "We can't hold on to this secret forever. Cartman, your real mother…was your old 4th grade teacher, Ms. Choksondik."

Everyone else in the room was totally in shock, with their mouths hanging open so wide, they could've shoved a forty pound fish into it. Nobody, NOBODY, was expecting to hear this information!

"Ms. Choksondik!?" Kyle gasped loudly.

"Holy…shit!" Stan added.

"It's true…." Liane admitted. "Diane Choksondik is your real mother."

Cartman's facial expression indicated that the emotional pain was just too much to bear.

Liane began to cry. "You never knew she was your mother. And when she lived in South Park, nobody knew the two of you were related. Not me, not my unit…we all thought Davenport had killed her before you were born. Nobody knew, not even her…she never knew that you were the child she never had."

"No…no…." Cartman said in sad disbelief, in an effort to ease the pain.

"Eric I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!" Liane burst into tears, as the rest of Unit 14 rushed over to try and comfort her.

"So…any more secrets?" Stan asked.

"No…that covers it all." Dylan answered.

"Well then…." Davenport said slyly as he placed the gun to Wendy's head again. "I suppose I should still make something of my failure! If you want her to live fat boy, hand over Chemical Z NOW!"

Cartman didn't know what to do. It was all too much happening too fast. He glanced over at Wendy, then Liane, then Chef, then Kenny, then Dylan, then at the test tube, and then back at Wendy.

"Y-you…you killed her…you killed my real mother…didn't you?" Cartman asked Davenport as he tried not to cry.

"Oh my God!" Stan recalled with the others. "He might have a point there! We never found out how she died!"

"I thought I had!" Davenport answered. "But even I had no idea she had evaded me, I thought she was already dead too! Now give me the god-damn test tube!"

At that precise moment, Dylan thought of something…something that would change the outcome of this whole thing….

"Hmmmm…. Call it a hunch but…just give it to him Cartman!"

("DUDE!")

"Relax. Just watch."

Davenport cocked the gun again and pushed the barrel right up against the side of Wendy's head.

"You've got five seconds to give it to me! 5…4…."

Reluctantly, Cartman tossed the test tube to him. Davenport shoved Wendy aside and put the gun down. He took the cork back out of the test tube, since the magic seal was already broken, and dumped the small sample of Chemical Z into his hand.

"Yes…yes…YES! IT IS MINE!"

He began to laugh extremely wickedly, but was abruptly cut off when he noticed Chemical Z evaporating into thin air.

"What the-NO! NO! The…THE FUCK!?"

"Uh…what just happened?" Butters asked.

"My theory was right." Dylan answered. "That sample of Chemical Z is so old that the second it touches the air, it'd evaporate and essentially be gone."

Dylan paused for dramatic effect.

"BOOM BABY!" he yelled smugly, while he and the rest of Unit 14 and all the 11th graders bursted out in fits of laughter. "Boy did YOU completely make a fool out of yourself!"

"But…no…it can't be…." Davenport stammered in extreme disbelief.

Chris and Sara walked up to Davenport and handcuffed him with ease. Davenport was in so much shock, he didn't have the willpower to resist.

"We finally got you now!" Chris exclaimed.

"NO! NO! NOOOOOO!" Davenport yelled.

"Dude. Get over yourself already." Sara replied.


Several minutes later, the drill had been piloted back to its launch point in the AGA's base, and everyone inside the drill was once again on the surface. Like Edith had mentioned, Unit 14 and the 11th graders had completely tore down the giant wall Davenport had set up around the prison area when they stormed the place earlier, as well as having torn down the prison area itself. Large amounts of local, state, and federal law enforcement officers had all arrived on the scene and all the AGA employees and ginger kids were in the process of being arrested.

"Well Davenport finally got what was coming to him." Dylan said as he thanked the kids. "I guess I couldn't have done it without you kids. Thank you, all of you."

"That was pretty neat-o huh fellas!" Butters asked his friends.

"Yeah it kind of was!" Bebe agreed.

"Can we all agree to never, EVER, consider golf more then what it really is ever again?" Stan asked.

"And what would that be?"

"Stupid."

"Boring." Kyle added.

"And apparently life-threatening." Cartman added.

"Agreed." All the kids replied in unison.

A few police officers walked by with Trent Boyett in handcuffs.

"All right you miserable shit!" the officer said to Trent. "Back to juvie with you!"

"IT WASN'T ME! I JUST GOT IN THE MIDDLE OF IT!" Trent protested loudly. "C'mon guys!" Trent turned towards the kids in a desperate attempt at not going back to juvie again. "Tell them I practically didn't do anything the entire time!"

"Well?" The cop asked. "Did he have a big part in this or not?"

"Trent Boyett is a liar sir." Stan answered.

"Thought so."

"NOOO!" Trent yelled as he was drug away. "Oh man! You guys better PRAY I don't get out AGAIN!" he warned the boys as he was placed into a police car.

"Oh my God dude! He's going to REALLY stop at NOTHING to get us the next time he gets out!"

"Whatever, that's like five years from now." Cartman reminded the group.

"Oh yeah."

"Yay!" Butters cheered.

The next people they saw pass them was the Canadian police force, with Saddam Hussein in their grasp.

"No! Hey, relax guy!" Saddam was carried past Terrance and Phillip, whom he tried to make a desperate plea with. "Uh…oh wow this is all so crazy huh? Here we are where we can all just set aside our differences and-."

"Oh stop it! Just stop it!" Phillip cut him off.

"What gives you the idea that anyone is going to fall for that again!?" Terrance asked. "Get the fuck out of here!"

"No, relax guy!" Saddam continued to protest as he was carried away. "Hey buddy-oh fuck it! I'll be back! Just all of you wait!"

After he was carried off, a helicopter appeared and landed a few feet in front of the group. The door opened and the same Iraqi men Wendy had paid to shoot Ms. Ellen into the sun all those years ago hopped out.

"There she is!"

The Iraqi men walked over to Ms. Ellen and quickly restrained her.

"This is her right?" one of the men asked the kids. "This is Makesh Alak Makarakesh?"

"Apparently so."

The half robotic Ms. Ellen desperately tried to get Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny on her side as she was taken to the helicopter.

"Where's my support!? Stan! Kyle! Eric! Kenny! Don't you all still think I'm hot?"

"Well yeah, a little…." Stan began to answer. "But dude, you worked for Davenport!"

"And you really were an Iraqi traitor!"

"And now we know what a lesbian is!" Cartman added.

("Yeah!")

"This isn't over! You haven't seen the last of me! Especially you!" she pointed at Wendy, who became a little frightened by her threat as the helicopter flew off.

"I wouldn't worry about it." Bebe reassured her.

"So that just leaves Scott Tenorman." Dylan recalled. "Anybody see him?"

"Uh…too late." Terrance said as he pointed towards the sky. Scott Tenorman was escaping into the horizon on a jet pack.

"I'll be back Unit 14!" he swore as he flew away, laughing maniacally. Cartman became a little frightened.

"Ah, don't worry kid." Jessica tried to reassure him. "I'm sure you'll never have to deal with him again.

Cartman just breathed a sad sigh, walked a few feet away, and plopped down on the ground. Liane went up to him and tried to talk with him.

"What do you want?"

"Eric I…I'm sorry." She pleaded as a tear came to her eye. "Really I am. Please…you have to understand that I was only trying to protect you…." She said to no response from Cartman.

"I was just…no they were right…I should've just told you everything way sooner. You had every right to know the truth…and you have every right to be mad at me. I'm sorry…." She said as she cried some more.

"No…I was wrong." Cartman replied.

"You what?"

"You are my real mom."

"But…I'm not."

"But at the same time you are." Cartman told her. "You see, I learned something today. Family isn't just about whose blood you share or who's DNA you inherited. Family…real family…is about those who take the time to care for you and love you like one of their own. You only kept quiet about everything for fear of my safety. That's what a real mother would do. You are my mom…mom."

"Oh Eric!" Liane cried from happiness, as she shared a very touching hug with her son, causing everyone watching them to get a little emotional themselves.

("And you know what?") Kenny realized. ("I've learned something today too. At times, special abilities we may have can seem like a curse, but in the end, we should always focus on the good things that come from it and how we can use those good things to others' benefit.")

While Kenny was having his epiphany, two federal officers walked by with Davenport in their grip, as he struggled to break free.

"You haven't heard the last of me you little bastards! None of you have heard the last of Shelton J. Davenport Junior! Especially you!" he motioned to Cartman. "And you!" he motioned to Dylan.

"Just give it up already dude." Dylan suggested.

"You're finally going to where you belong asshole!" Jessica added.

"Where would that be?" Kyle asked.

"Camp 853." Liane answered.

"WHAT!? How would you know that!?" Davenport asked.

"How would we not?" Jessica replied. "Dude, the feds made your private cell there years ago; it's just been unoccupied this whole time."

"Yeah have fun in solitary buddy!" Dylan chuckled at Davenport.

Davenport continued his oath of vengeance as he was escorted to a federal helicopter.

"All of you listen and all of you listen good! I WILL break out of jail! I WILL reformulate my plan! I WILL get my revenge! And I'm going to make sure each and every one of you standing here right now is dead at my hand IF IT'S THE LAST DAMN THING I DO!"

"Seriously. Get over yourself." Terrance told him.

"So long fucker!" Phillip yelled.

Davenport was placed into the helicopter as it began to lift off the ground.

"I'LL BE BACK, YOU HEAR ME!?"

"Yeah. Right."

"Uh…bye Uncle Davenport!" Butters waved. "It was sort-of, kind-of, not-really nice to meet you!"

"I'LL BE BACK! I'LL BE BACK!"

The helicopter flew away into the horizon, with Davenport swearing his return the entire time.

"Anybody see where that fruity little club went?" Chef asked.

Sara motioned to more police cars as William and the rest of the Super Adventure Club were being taken away.

"One of these days you boys will be sorry for ever getting in our way!" William yelled to Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny. "And Chef! How could you-."

"How could I not!? I should've never joined you sick bastards in the first place!"

"The next time I see you I'll-."

"Be getting your ass whooped! BY ME! I'd advise you to rot in jail if you don't want that!"

"This isn't the end!" William swore as the Super Adventure Club was taken away. Chef turned around to Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny.

"Children…I want to apologize. About what happened on the bridge right before I died…I'm sorry for even considering that staying with those perverts was what I really wanted."

("It's OK Chef.")

"The important thing is: You're back now."

"Yep…it's great to be back! When we get home, I need to find a nice woman to make sweet love to!"

"Now THAT'S the real Chef we know and love!"

"But dude how do we get you out of that…thing?" Stan asked.

"Erm…good question."

"We'll take care of that!" Dylan offered. "I'm sure I can find something at The Agency's old HQ to get you out of that thing and make sure your body is sustainable enough in no time!"

"Great! But first…." Chef said as he turned to Stan and whispered. "You need to find a woman to love too."

"Huh?"

Chef motioned towards Wendy and Bebe.

"Oh…right…."

"Just follow your heart Stan."


While Stan was thinking on that, Wendy walked over to Cartman.

"H-hey Wendy…."

"Hey Cartman. Look…I-."

"No, no it's OK." He replied with sadness in his voice. "I get it. You want Stan back. I…I understand." He said as he began to walk away, but was stopped by Wendy placing her hand on his shoulder.

"Well…yes there is Stan. But I'm not entirely sure who he's going to choose."


"This is it dude." Stan thought to himself. "Just follow your heart. Who do you REALLY want to be with?" Stan walked over to Wendy.

"I'm…I'm sorry."

"Huh?"

"During our falling out." Stan continued. "You were right. I was just being a selfish asshole. I get that now and…I'm sorry."

"It's OK…but there's still just one thing, and only one thing, I need to know from you."

"What is it?"

"Stan Marsh: Do you still love me?"

Stan paused for a bit before answering her.

"Don't take this the wrong way but…no."

"Well...why not?"

"In the end…I think I just wanted us to be friends and leave it at that. We've been together for a very long time and you know…when we got back together, I had always felt like our relationship wasn't as strong as the first time."

"As a matter of fact Stan…I was kind of feeling the same way. I know what you mean."

"You do?"

"Yes, I do. And if that's what both of us want…then we should do it."

"You really think so?"

"Definitely. Based on what's happened…I think it'd be worse for our overall friendship if we got back together again."

"So…then it's settled?"

"I suppose it is."

"Friends?"

Wendy smiled. "Friends."

"Then…good-bye?"

"No…until we meet again."

Slowly, Stan and Wendy began to inch their way close to each other. In a few seconds, their lips touched and they kissed…without a single bit of vomit emerging from Stan's mouth. The kiss ended, and they stood there, surprised by the lack of puke.

"Whoa…."

"That was…clean."

"And hey if…you want to be with Cartman…I'm totally OK with it."

"You are?" Wendy asked.

"Yeah. It seems like he really likes you and since we…"

"Thanks Stan."

"So…until we meet again…friend?"

Wendy smiled. "Until then!" she said, kissing Stan on the cheek one last time before walking over to Cartman.

Kyle, however, was having the EXACT OPPSOITE reaction, as he was so SURE that Stan and Wendy would get back together, he had trouble finding any words to say, as his mouth just hung gaping open.

"Did he just-." Kyle stammered.

"Uh-huh!"

"And now they're-."

"Sure are dude."

"But they-."

"They did."

"Oh my God…." Kyle remarked as he continued to sport a dumbfounded look on his face.

Stan walked back over to Bebe to inform her of his decision.

"So…are we still a 'we'?" she asked.

"We are."

"Was that hard at all?"

"A little. But it's what we've both felt for a while now. The hard part was getting the words out."


Wendy walked back to Cartman to cheer him up with her decision.

"So…you really do love me, don't you?" she asked him.

"Yeah…you probably think it's just nothing more than sexual tension again..." Cartman replied sadly.

"Actually…I think it's rather sweet of you Cartman!"

Cartman perked up out of surprise. "You…you do?"

"I do. I was facing death back there…and you gave Chemical Z to Davenport, putting the whole world at risk. You risked the whole world to save me…and that's really sweet of you." Wendy said as she kissed Cartman on the cheek.

"So…does that mean you'll-?"

Wendy took Cartman's hand in hers. "Yes! I will!"

Wendy scooted closer to Cartman and kissed him full on the lips, just as she had done that one day when they were in 3rd grade.

Kyle was even more shocked and bewildered now, and was having an even more difficult time saying anything.

"B-but did-!?"

("Yep.")

"Wendy!? And Cartman!?"

"Yes."

"But that means that-!?"

"It does."

"But…but that's crazy!"

"Love can make people crazy Kyle!" Chef reminded him. "You'll see some day!"


Cartman and Wendy walked back to the group holding hands. Stan and Bebe were also holding hands.

"What a crazy two weeks this has been! Am I right guys?" Cartman asked his friends.

"Well it sure has been fellas!"

("A lot has happened.")

"Truths were told."

"But it all worked out!" Stan added.

"But dude! Now that Davenport's been captured…what are you going to do now?" Kyle asked Dylan.

("Yeah now that this has all been dealt with, does that mean The Agency has officially crumbled?")

"Maybe. Maybe not." Dylan answered. "I think now I can just go back to living a normal life. It has been a while since I did."

"But when trouble is lurking, you can always count on us to be there!" Jessica added.

"That's right!" Terrance agreed.

"No doubt about that!" Phillip added.

"What do you think mom?" Cartman asked Liane.

"Well…everything worked out and Davenport's been caught…." Liane answered. "But Dylan's right. It'd be nice to have a normal life again for a while."

"Except South Park isn't exactly 'normal' though." Cartman reminded.

"Exactly my point." Liane smiled. "South Park is all the normal I need."

("What about the rest of your classmates?") Kenny asked Dylan.

"Oh we'll still be around." Dylan answered. "Davenport's gone and he was our primary focus and all, but we can still fight evil on the side."

"What about you Kenny?" Leah asked, with Bailey and Edith wondering the same thing.

("I think I'll just live easy and keep it real.")

"Can we still count on you for whatever we might need?" Chris asked.

("Sure thing!")

"Well…I'm going to miss you kids." Dylan told Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Butters. "I feel like meeting you, even though I was originally hoping I wouldn't have to…I feel like meeting you kids changed me in a really good way. I want to thank you for that."

"Glad we could help!" Cartman replied.

"We'll all keep in touch though right?" Stan asked.

"Thankfully, with Davenport out of the picture, we certainly can." Dylan replied.

"And will!" Jessica added.

"You look out for your friends now Kenny!" Sara told him.

("I will!")

Dylan turned to Stan. "Well…I guess this is good-bye."

"Not good-bye. Rather, until we meet again."

"Right on my friend!" Dylan agreed as he high-fived Stan.

And so with their adventure at an end, Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Ike, Kenny, Bebe, Wendy, Butters, Chef, Dylan, Jessica, Terrance, Phillip, Liane, Sara, Chris, Leah, Bailey, and Edith all gazed up towards the sky triumphantly. A lot had happened, but it all worked out in the end. And they couldn't ask for anything more.


A/N: And...the 4 part series premiere of Rad Fanon South Park is complete! WOO-HOO! *dances happily* And if you though the ending was a little cheesy, especially the very last paragraph, I apologize, but I wanted a very happy and cheery ending since the second half of the plot was pretty dark. So keep your eyes peeled-."

("For Chapter 4 of 'Worlds Collide', since you've abandoned it for the past two weeks?")

"Kenny! What the hell are you doing in my author's note?"

("I have a starring role in Worlds Collide you know! I demand to know what happens to me next! Especially since you had the Dylan in that story bail Rouge out and-.")

"SSSHHHHHH! Don't spoil it for those who haven't read it!"

"Yeah shut up poor boy!" Cartman agreed.

("You're just jealous because you've had a very minor appearance so far fat ass!")

"Nuh-uh, I was the first one in the first South Park part of Chapter 1 of Worlds Collide!"

("Technically, Butters and Dougie were.")

"Kenny, if you want to still have babies, don't make me come over there and kick you in the nuts!"

Kenny flipped Cartman off as Stan and Kyle entered.

"Why does everyone keep invading this author's note?" I asked.

Ignoring me, Stan started talking. "Readers, the author, beastlycharizard13, wanted you to know that by the time all chapters of 'Final Stand' are posted, he will have likely already posted Chapter 4 of 'Worlds Collide'. You see, for the past couple of weeks, he's been focusing on RFSP a lot, but has uploaded the chapters way slower than the speed he wrote them, since he didn't want readers to be overwhelmed by having an entire story posted in one day."

Kyle continued talking. "The RFSP episode 'Final Stand' was actually completed the day after the first chapter of 'Deep Secrets, Dark Secrets, And Plans' was posted. This works out, as now he can work on Worlds Collide and uploading the remaining chapters of 'Deep Secrets, Dark Secrets, And Plans' as well as 'Final Stand' simultaneously, giving him enough time to think up more episodes of RFSP in the process."

"That's right everyone!" I added. "I've got a few ideas already that I think you'll really enjoy! So make sure to look out for RFSP episode 5! And thank you so much for reading the 4 part series premiere of Rad Fanon South Park!"

Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny left. As they left, a ceiling tile suddenly came loose and crushed Kenny, killing him.

"Oh my God! They killed Kenny!"

"You bastards!"

"Well at least we know he's immortal now!" Cartman reminded them. "Kenny will be back!"

Stan, Kyle, and Cartman left.

So uh…yeah. Thanks again so much for reading the 4 part RFSP premiere! Please leave a review! :)