Note: I read all of your reviews before going to work this morning. Was so happy, I hugged the screen, I love you all. So nice. I'm angry tonight and work was just ... well, work. So I'm writing the next chapter, because it makes me feel happier to write sbout someone else's tragic life. Lol, so I think it's going to be an all-nighter. Just to make sure you don't have to wait to long for the next chapter. And I wasn't too sure when Weir's birthday was, so I just stuck it on in March, never a dull moment and her age, made it up!
Snow'sLuckyCat: Lol, I continued, just for you! My first reviewer sniffs am so touched. And I'm glad you saw her as Bridget Jones'ish. I saw the book and thought, hold up! OMG! A girl, all alone on atlantis with people like Sheppard and McKay and all sorts. This could be fun. Hope your still reading and still enjoying.
Woodentree: Excellent, laughter is what it's all about. Crazy stares just make the laughter more rewarding.
BeachchickJASSNL: Thank's for the review. Read more, chapter 1 was just an intro.
theminority: Lol, more laughter. You guys are great, you know just what this story is for. A good old fashioned chuckle. Your lucky your reading this story then if you like McWeir. I wasn't going to put anymore of their moments in, but I had to. I have to please the readers and it's not so hard. Greetings from Aus to. Woot!
ashipper: Look out. It's a shipper! Which one? Hmmm. Really should wash my car. Thankyou for the review! Sparky? Confused me there, lol. Still puzzled.
Hazeydream: I'm pleased to see your trying to guess who the secret stalker is. You think it's John ey? Could be ... he does seem rather shifty lately. Ohhhh, I just yelled at my dog in a very impressivly loud and angry voice. He came right to my side. Muhahahaha, the power. I'm also pleased that your a fan and you still think I'm writing it well. Very flattered.
gatelover313: Sorry gatelover, the gates not in this story much. I can write one for you though. About a person who fell in love with the stargate but they could never be together because of obvious difficulties. Hmmm, good plan. Thanking you so much for nice review.
finnstardust: No more waiting for March. It is up, hurrah! April is already in the making.
kazechyme: Am very happy to see I have made you become addicted. Yes, very addictive and it's at the stage where its basically writing itself now, dosn't even need me anymore. Oh well! I thought the same though, it's not really Weir, but it is and it could be and ... weird!
Sheppardster: love the username, don't know why, just very funny. HURRAY FOR FUN! And here's March for you ... now, on with the chapter.
Disclaimer: I do not own StarGate Atlantis or the novel "Bridget Jones's Diary" by Helen Fielding.
Warning: Low level swearing used and some adult scenes.
Elizabeth Weir's Diary!
March: Severe Birthday Panic!
Satuday, 4th March
56 kg (don't ask. From now on I'm going to stop all of this counting, what's the bloody point. I'm never going to stop drinking, am never going to stop smoking and I'm going to be having a heck of a lot of negative thoughts with my birthday so close).
7 a.m. Just realised my birthday is few days away. What am I going to do? I don't want to be 32. It was hard enough turning 31, now I have to be 32.
7:15 a.m. I better not get another damn jar. Already have 2 I do nothing with.
7:24 a.m. Still, it is the thought that counts. And John must have been thinking of me when he got me the jar.
7:32 a.m. Why do I remind him of a jar?
7:43 a.m. Ridden with guilt. Thoughts of John reminded me that he is now out of the infirmary and I haven't seen him once yet. Haven't seen him since he came back from off-world. Which dosn't count as he never saw me see him as he was knocked unconcious by my sub-concious wanting him to die for being with skanky nurse friend, Mindy.
7:44 a.m. Honestly. Mindy, what sort of a name is that?
7:51 a.m. Really need to find something to do ... can't go out into city, John is there. Must stay in office.
Late Night. Atlantis: My Office. Ran into John today, literally ran into him. Was so busy trying hard not to run into him which ultimately led to me running into him. Makes sense really as world is out to get me. Very awkward moment.
'Oh, Elizabeth, hey!'
'Hey!'
'So ...?'
'Errr, how are you?'
Stupid question. No, really! What sort of an idiot asks a sick man how he is? Well I guess he's not sick anymore.
'Fine.'
See, not sick anymore. Can stil picture his shifty look. Does he know I sub-conciociously killed him? Well tried anyway because he's still alive. Musn't have strong sub-concious, wonder if Teyla has program to work on that. Athosian equivelent to Tai Chi. Maybe could have helped me take a calmer approuch to awkward moment with John.
'Look I never REALLY wanted you to die!'
I shouted this at the top of my voice, hopefully didn't sound as hystrerical as thought I did. John looked at me oddly after that. Almost as though he was upset or angry or frustrated or confused or something. There was definitely a strange expression on his face. So I left. Yup, good ol' me ran away again.
Sunday, 6th March
Don't care anymore, no point, we're all going to die anyway.
VERY Early Morning. Atlantis: Control Room. Was radioed at unearthly hour this morning. Don't these people know I need my beauty sleep. Damn them all. But, I suppose the news did need my attention. Would rather not have known. Why must they tell me these things? Can't I die without knowing it's coming.
Late Afternoon. Atlantis: Caldwells Office. Has been confirmed, have seen the satalite pictures. Wraith, everywhere! Not quiet near Atlantis yet, but obvious that they are making direct bee-line for us. What are we going to do? OKay ... will be calm ... relaxed. We will get through this. I'm Elizabeth Weir, I can't die.
5 p.m. Oh fuck it! AM GOING TO DIE! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!
5:15 p.m. Am so not going down without a fight. Those Wraith want to take my life away, they have to earn it. Plus, John thinks it will take them at least a few more weeks to get here. We can destroy them all before then.
Midnight. Atlantis: My Quatres. Just realised, if going to die, would rather die now. I would rather be 31 and die then 32. KILL ME NOW! Oh, why is life so cruel.
Tuesday, 8th March
56 kg (am eating away my sorrows), 3 glasses of moonshine (am drinking away my sorrows), 64 cigarettes (am smoking away my sorrows), amount of death scenarios thought up: 652 (very bad), amount of conversations with Simon: 0 (terrible).
Afternoon. Atlantis: My Office. OKay, I want to know what is so wrong with me! Why wont Simon talk to me. He has been avoiding me. First he keeps his distant, then there is lierally no distance between us, we are lierally on top of one another. Next thing, he's ignoring me. What did I do wrong this time?
2 p.m. Maybe should see Heightmeyer. Have sudden urge to jump into ocean. Maybe I'm being too forward for Simon, perhaps he's loosing interest.
2:15 p.m. He can't loose interest. He is the only person that is going to make me feel better when I die. Knowing that at least I had a boy friend. What if he dumps me before then? He musn't loose interest. If I'm going to go down at 32 then I am not bloody going down alone. From now on, Simon gets the cold shoulder.
Friday, 11th March
Haven't weighed myself, haven't counted drinks, imposible to count cigarettes, no number exists for amount of negitive thoughts had.
9 a.m. BASTARD! FUCKING BASTARD!
9:15 a.m. Was doing so well ignoring Simon, even shut him down when he was giving me sexy looks. Well it's going to be alot easier to ignore him now as he has GONE! They needed help on the main land, so he said he'd go help. I didn't even hear it from him, had to hear it off Bates when I asked where the hell he had ran off to. How could he not tell me? Why didn't he tell me? I am going to die alone!
Afternoon. Atlantis: My Quatres. Just shoved John into a wall. Surved him right for getting in my way when I'm trying to walk with an attitude.
3 p.m. Feel really bad, after all he's been through. Maybe I should go appologise.
3:30 p.m. Bloody Mindy. Could her skirt get any shorter? Why don't the two of them just announce their engagement and get it over with already. I hope the Wraith feed on her first.
4 p.m. Hmph! Forget appology, next time I see John I'm going to push him THROUGH the wall. Stupid fly boy!
Saturday, 12th March
2 a.m. Well, that's it. No more days left. Tomorrow I will be 32. And what do I have to show for it? Stuff all, that's what. I have no boy friend, he's ran off to some other needy people; I have no back-up boy friend, am all along in this big, cruel city; and I have no friends, everyone hates me, there only nice to me because I'm the leader and they must bow down to me.
2:15 a.m. OH MY GOSH! A WRINKLE! Why wont the Wraih just suck this cruel life away from me now!
Early Morning. Atlantis: My Quatres. You can tell I've really lost the will to live. Teyla came up to me today and asked if they could celebrate my birthday tomorrow in the traditional Athosian fashion, i.e. a big, crazy party with lots of booze (who would have guessed those quiet people were such party animals!). I knew John had put her up to it, but I didn't care.
'Sure, why not!'
Then I walked back into my room and slammed my door shut. Now I have to go to a party tomorrow. Why can't everyone just let me die in peace?
Late Night. Atlantis: My Quatres. Why didn't John come and ask me himself. What? Is he not talking to me now? Loser!
Sunday, 13th March
57 kg (great, so on top of everything else, I am going to die fat and ugly), 8 bottles of moonshine (could be last party ever remember), 0 cigarettes (killed liver, may as well give lungs a rest), 8965 calories (what was in that Birthday cake?).
12 p.m. Why did I agree to this party, is going to be a disaster, can already tell.
2 p.m. I think Mindy is a mind reader. Just walked past her, thinking of ways could make her fall flat on her face and embaras herself. Just as I was contemplating simply sticking my foot out, she stopped, starred, opened her mouth to say something, stopped half way looking worried, closed it again and walked off. WTF? Dumb girl. I'm not even going to think on this one.
2:45 p.m. What is her problem anyway?
Late Night. Atlantis: My Office. On my way to party now. Don't want to, am scared.
2 a.m. Bezt partie EVER! going drinkies wid all da fellas cause iz mi birfday. WOOT! Jon iz srange boi, mindi iz evil.
'I HAT YOUZ JON!'
Huh! that besta shows him. WOOT!
Monday, 14th March
8 a.m. Was meant to be up an hour ago ready for day of work, slept in. Surprisingly don't have hangover, is miracle, maybe moonshine dosn't leave you feeling hangover.
8:10 a.m. I'm dead. I must be ... so much pain ... moving was a bad idea. I think I'll just stay here for today, maybe no one will notice I'm not there.
8:30 a.m. The night just came back to me in one horrible flashback ... what have I done? This must be wrong. Somehow someone has tampered with my memories. Must be Ancient, perverted ghosts in city.
8:35 a.m. No, is definetly real, I remember now. Why? Why did I do it? What is so darn attractive about Rodney when I'm under the influence of some illegal substance?
8:45 a.m. Oh, Rodney is so dead. You think he'd be a nice polite man and say 'No, Elizabeth, I can't kiss you, you're not yourself, you're pissed.' But nooooooooooooooooooo, instead he has to take advantage of me. Bloody Bastard!
8:51 a.m. I guess this is Rodney we're talking about here. Suposse I should be grateful we only spent half the night, kissing with our hands all over each other then spent the whole night together doing things we'd REALLY regret.
9 a.m. Screw Rodney!
9:15 a.m. Makes me wonder though. He must be good kisser for me to keep trying to hunt him down all the time. Can't remember though. Maybe I should try kissing him NOT drunk or drugged.
9:30 a.m. No, what am I thinking. Ack! What is Simon going to say?
9:32 a.m. Fuck Simon! Prick!
9:40 a.m. Just remembered, Caldwell's briefing. He made a note of making sure we would all be there because is very important, regarding Wraith and certain death. Must try to stand ... maybe water will help.
9:50 a.m. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Standing ... bad idea ... head, going to explode ... toilet, best friend ... going to be sick again.
10 a.m. This is so not good, how can I have this much in my stomache? All that birthday cake, what am I going to do. Can't stand ... can't walk ... stupid briefing ... stupid Wraith ... stupid Simon.
Afternoon. Atlantis: Breifing Room. Found solution to problem. Got to breifing room earlier then everyone else so I could take my time and drag myself along without anyone seeing. Sitting is little better. Haven't listened to a word Caldwell has said yet. Table feels cool, but can't rest head, Caldwell will see.
1:30 p.m. Stupid Caldwell for keeping me here this long, stupid Rodney for avoiding my eyes, stupid Sheppard for giving me strange looks. Hope he didn't take me saying I hated him seriously. I said hat anyway, not hate, maybe he misunderstood.
1:32 p.m. Aw crap! Am going to be sick again. I'm concidering simply running from the room, maybe noone will notice. Really, really shouldn't have drank so much. Will never drink again. SHIT! Must leave room ...
Late Night. Atlantis: Infirmary. Well that plan backfired. Made a complete arse of myself. Stood up to leave the briefing room, getting weird looks from everyone as I did so. Then next thing my head explodes, I loose my balance and conciousness and end up here in the infirmary. Only person here is Carson. Nice man, always looks out for me.
11 a.m. Carson let me leave. OKay, I really need to get my act together. Head still feels groggy, Carson said should leave with sleep, hope so. Tomorrow I have to find out what the heck Caldwell was blabbing on about.
Friday, 18th March
55 kg (but all muscle as have been training with Teyla), 0 moonshine (am leader of city, cannot afford to drink and cloud my mind), 0 cigarettes (must be good leader), 4 cups of coffee (excellent), 968 calories.
Early morning. Atlantis: My Office. After episode in briefing room have been proving to everyone that I am perfectly fine and can still be a good, capable leader. So far so good.
Afternoon. Atlantis: My Office. Am so excited. Finally caught up on Caldwell's briefing, I get to go off-world! Apparently there's a planet located near where the Wraith are hovering, planning their attack and our ultimate demise. Teyla thinks they have advanced weaponry that could help destroy them or at least put a damper on their plans for a little while. And, naturally, they need a great diplomat and important person such as myself to go negotiate. Can't afford to screw it up with John's braun, so will use my brains instead.
2 p.m. I wonder how Simon's doing on the main land. He's been there long enough, surely his work is done by now. Stupid, why do I care, must forget about that stupid loser and move on.
2:15 p.m. Why dosn't Simon love me?
Tuesday, 22nd March
54 kg, 2 moonshine (only due to confusion), 7 cigarettes (only due to confusion), 16 cups of coffee (am hardworking girl now), 86 calories (may have been more, hard to tell when most of my food was thrown at skanky nurse), no. of ways thought up about how to kill mindy: 98 (very good).
Afternoon. Atlantis: Labs. Am very confused. On my way to see Rodney and Zelenka when once again Mindy walked by me.
'Doctor Weir?'
'What?'
'N-nothing.'
Very odd, then again, she is a very dull, boring and stupid girl.I wonder what John see's in her. Probably the fact that she's skinny, young and has perfect body. Damn it, I want to destroy Mindy. Dex likes me, he's big strong man, maybe should ask him to help me.
Late Night. Atlantis: My Quatres. Haha! Will teach Rodney to try and ignore me. Ever since birthday he has been ignoring me. Probably feels guilty for taking advantage of him. So just to break the ice I yelled at him today and threatened to strangle him and feed him to the Wraith. It was justified of course, he blew up the labs again. OKay, so it wasn't him exactally, but it was an experiment he was supposed to be keeping an eye on. Now he's still awake, cleaning filthy labs. At least he wont give me the silent treatment again.
Thursday, 24th March
Afternoon. Atlantis: My Office. Just came from Caldwell's office, update on new planet information. There on some religious fast thing at the moment so can't gate travel there just yet. Stupid aliens. They act all nice and holy, but they're probably just like the Athosians. Party animals, ack!
Safe to say everything's in order with John now I suppose. He sat next to me during the briefing, agreed with me, disagreed with me, got yelled at for disagreeing with me and then stood very close to me again once was over and I had to listen to Rodney's bable once more. Back to the good old times.
5 p.m. Fucking Sheppard and his nurse hussy. How dare he leave my yelling match with Rodney to hang out with her.
6 p.m. Am so alone.
Tuesday, 29th march
54 kg, 0 moonshine, 0 cigarettes, 6 cups of coffee, 1456 calories, poisitive thoughts: infinate.
Late Night. Atlantis: My Quatres. Have decided that next month I make a fresh new start. I am quiting smoking and I am quiting drinking. I am going to be cool and calm at all times. Simon is forgotten, John is ignored and Rodney ... well, Rodney is just Rodney. For now! If he messes up, he is so dead ... cool, calm.
I must go on for the sake of my people and Atlantis.
2 a.m. OKay, one last cigarette before I quit.
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AN: Another Month down, woohoo. I know that chapter was a little slower, just had to set up the scene for April. Okay, seeming as though this is the Authors notes, I am going to make a note. Mindy is a very nice name, I have nothing against people called Mindy. These are Elizabeths' thoughts, not my own. Lol. Seriously though ... I have nothing against the name. And what is wrong with me? I'm a ShWeir shipper and so far I've put in more McWeir, ack! Oh well, still plenty of the year left yet. Next chapter, hold on to your hats, because April is going to EXPLODE!
