"I would ask if you've made any new friends, but I bet you haven't. Who, exactly, would want to be your friend? The emo gag. That's all you are, you know?" He towers over me with a finger extended in my face. "A tiny, pathetic, piece of worthless crap."
I don't say anything. I only lay there and listen to him go on and on about how useless I am. He even goes into how he never wanted me but my mother insisted on keeping me.
"If I had my way, I'd dump you out on the street," he says before hitting me. Right in the eye, too.
His hand comes back before striking again, this time attacking my nose. I hear a crunch and I can just about feel it fill with blood. I watch his hand retreat to his side with stinging eyes. Then he shoves me into the flooring of the stairs while yelling something I can hardly make out. There's a dull yet very painful stabbing feeling in my head and he yells again.
"I said get up! GET UP!" He shoves me back again. I get up, a little too quickly, and turn around to make my way to my bedroom.
I shove the door closed with what small strength I have after I enter. Before I can make my way to the bed I look down and notice the ground coming upward. The flooring is rising and coming to greet my face, or am I falling? I hear a thud before my eyes close and I lose consciousness.
When I wake I find that it's dark both inside and outside of my room. I carefully lift my head from the carpet and notice a small spot of dried blood right next to where my nose would have been. Slowly, I get up from the floor and instead lay down on my bed. The soft comforter is welcoming even though I cannot sleep now. Now, I am wide awake with mixed emotions and too many thoughts.
The emotions? Anger, fury, and rage. Upset, rejected, and afraid. The first three are, indeed, because of my father. The last three are for…well Mr. Way, of course. Well, I could say I feel angry at him as well for making me feel like this. Or, more so, for treating me the way he did.
The thoughts, of course, are targeted at Gerard as well. They're the same ones, replayed in my mind over and over again. Surely, he hates me. But that brings up the question of why he'd try to get my attention or act kind to me. Why would he so those things if he did? No normal person would unless they were looking for forgiveness.
Which brings up the question of should I forgive him? I mean, if he really meant what he was saying, then…
No. I won't. I can't. I will not forgive Gerard. The things I've done because of him and everything he has put me through cannot be forgotten.
A soft knock on the door interrupts my thoughts, thankfully. The door slowly opens until my mother's figure comes into view. A small light is on in the hallway just enough so I can see her face. A small, sad smile plays on her lips.
"Frankie," she whispers. "May I come in?"
Of course I nod and grant her access, but part of me wishes I didn't. I could have acted as if I were sleeping to avoid this. She will obviously want to talk, which is something I don't exactly wish to do right now. I was perfectly fine alone with my thoughts, thank you very much.
With her sitting on the edge of the mattress, I notice something in her hand. A mug with a steamy beverage in it that smells like coffee. Well, maybe letting her in was an okay thing after all if I get coffee.
"Yeah, I brought you this," she says as she extends her arm towards me. I take the mug and give a soft smile in return.
"Thank you," is all I say, all I can say, before she breaks down and begins to cry.
"I'm sorry, Frankie. I'm just so sorry that we have to go through this," she sobs out. "I don't want this life for you, sweetie. If I could do anything different, trust me I would. I'd buy us a house and you could go to the finest school and…and-" The sobbing finally takes over and I can't understand a word she says afterwards.
I shush her and wrap my arms around her, pulling her closer. "It's alright, mom. I'll be fine. A few years, okay?"
She nods her head and wraps her arms around me as well. "I feel so bad, honey."
"Don't mom," I say, shaking my head. "Don't feel bad. Let me deal with dad, okay? It's because of me that he…"
She shakes her head and mouths the word "no." I know netter though, but I let her have the satisfaction and just keep quiet about it. Soon she leaves and I'm left with my mug of coffee that isn't so hot anymore.
Taking small sips, I begin to dread tomorrow. Or later this morning, I note when I glance at the digital clock. I don't want to deal with them. I don't want to deal with Gerard or dad, or anyone at school for that matter.
Without thinking, I get up from my bed and walk over to my desk. I pick up a pen and tear off half of a blank piece of printer paper. Before I even realize it, I'm scribbling down a message.
Mom, it's 1:27 and I decided I'm leaving. Don't worry, I'm not running away. I'll be back after school tomorrow. I just can't be here right now. I love you. I do have my phone, but please do not contact me. I'll have my backpack and some money and my pocket knife. I'll be fine. Bye.
I look down at the note and smile to myself. Even if I'm not okay by morning, the world will keep spinning. If I'm jumped, it will be no big deal. I won't be missed, except by my mother of course.
I grab the note and spin around to grab my backpack. Opening the end table next to my bed, I find my new pack of cigarettes and a black lighter along with a couple twenties. My pocket knife is already in my backpack, even though I know I can get in serious trouble if the staff at school found out I was carrying one. Not that I care about them, or anything.
I slowly inch the door open and am relieved to see no lights on in the house. My father's snoring is loud in his and my mom's room which is another plus. I doubt that my mom would be downstairs, and luckily for me she isn't. I drop the note right by her purse and swiftly unlock the front the door. I slip past it and let the cold air burn my lungs.
A/N: Oh gosh guys, I'm really sorry! I've just lost interest in writing, you know? Or basically everything I had interest in. Been a bit disappointed because I'm not able to get a puppy my neighbors (or once neighbors) are offering us. Hmm.
Anyway, I know it's a bit short considering how long it's been since I last updated. Hope you enjoyed. If you do then remember, constructive criticism is always welcome.
Oh and you might be getting some Frostiron your way, guys. Just uh, thought you should know.
