Jamie Chapter four

Dean storms out of Jamie's house, Sam hot on his tail, "Dean, we can't just leave, give her a chance." He says in hushed but strong tones, "A chance, Sam? This isn't just some simple thing that could easily slip her mind, this is a son! A pretty grown one, from the sound of his voice." Dean yells back to Sam, still walking to the impala. Jamie sprints after them, "Sam! Dean!" she yells out to them. She reaches Dean, grabbing his upper arm and turns him around. "Please, I'm so s…" "Sorry?" Dean finishes. "Yeah, you've been real sorry since we've been here. But, as soon as we heard that boy's voice, you rushed him up the stairs, not even introducing us." Dean squares his shoulders, "What, Jamie, are we some big secret you're ashamed of? A part of your life you want to keep hidden?" "God, no! That's not it at all!" She protests. "Dean," Sam pleads, "Let her explain." Dean shoots Sam a look then smiles to himself, "Fine, Sam." He chuckles then looks back at Jamie, "Go on, explain. Please tell us how not only were you able to abandon us, but you stayed away all these years and, oh yeah, kept the fact that we have a nephew from us!"

Then it clicked, like a light bulb, when Jamie bit her lip and looked back to the house. "How old is he?" Dean asks her authoritatively. Jamie clenches her jaw and swallows. Dean knew that he was right. Sam starts to walk closer to his siblings. "How. Old." He states. Jamie clears her throat and mumbles something. "I'm sorry, what was that?" Dean asks, "He's 15, ok?" Jamie says louder. Dean scoffs, "And some odd months, I'm betting." Dean says as he walks the few feet to the driver side door of his baby. Sam just stands there, staring at his older sister, confusion and betrayal covered his face. "Is that why you left?" he asks accusingly, "What, Jamie? You were going to have someone else to be responsible for so you got rid of your burden?!" "God no! Sam, please," Jamie pled, grabbing for his hands, trying to get a connection to him, "You two were never a burden. It wasn't like that." Sam yanks his hands away and walks over to passenger side door. "Come on, Dean. Let's go." He says with the door open. Dean just stands there, looking at Jamie in all seriousness, watching her. "Dean?"

"But it was because of him, wasn't it? That thing dad was after during your last hunt with him, it did more than torture you?" Jamie looked away, biting her bottom lip and holding back the tears. "It's…" She clears her throat, "It's hard to explain." Dean scoffs, "Well, when you decide to explain it," Dean says as him and Sam get in the impala, "You be sure to let us know." Dean slams his car door and drives away, speeding down the road as both him and Sam trying their damnedess not to pay attention to Jamie yelling after them and running after the car.

"Please stop! I'm so so sorry!" Jamie screams, "Don't leave me!" After she's no longer in ear shot of the house, she stops running, trying to catch her breath, "You just came back to me." She says softly with tears falling down.

Sam basically charges into the motel room with Dean following close behind. Dean chucks his keys on the bed and b-lines for the fridge, grabbing and chugging down a beer. Sam sits at the small table that was in the motel room, grabbing for his laptop, wanting a distraction as Dean passes him a beer before plopping down on one of the beds. "How could she not tell us?!" Sam bursts out before his laptop even had time to warm up, "A nephew, a whole person." Dean lifts up the beer bottle to his lips, "That's what I'm saying." He states before taking a sip. Sam opens the beer bottle that his older brother had given him and chugs down a few gulps. Dean finishes his second bottle and stands up, yanking off his shirt as he walks to the bathroom, "I gotta take a shower." He says more to himself than Sam, who just nods blankly, now nursing his beer.

Dean undresses and turns on the shower, getting in the tub before giving the water time to warm up. Dean flinches as the cold water hits his skin, only relaxing slightly as it got warmer. He leans forward, resting on his forearm, as the day replays in his head. A part of him, a huge part, wanted today to go well, so badly wanted that. If it had, then maybe he'd finally be able to get all the weight off his shoulders again. He wouldn't have to always worry about Sam because someone else would be there. He would be able to let go and be young again, instead of the old man he has to be now. He'd have his big sister back. The person who showed him unconditional love after his mother died. The person that was there for all his cuts and bruises, the school fights and report cards. The person who would lie in bed with him, holding him tight, so he could just let go of everything. The only one that had fought tooth and nail, and won at times, for him to just be a kid. But, no, that was all fucked up. Maybe he had over reacted about the whole son thing, but he was pissed. She was always all about one's family, but she didn't even give a shit enough to tell them she had a kid. She took that from them, too.

Dean started punching the wall, not caring if Sam heard him. How dare she take another thing away from him? What right did she have to do that? Once Dean stopped punching, he let his back hit the wall behind him, the water violently hitting his chest. He didn't know when the tears started falling, but when they did, he couldn't stop. And, once again, as what always happens during those very few times he'd cry, he wished that Jamie was there to hold him, to make him feel better by just allowing him to let go. Dean's mind starts to replay his memories with Jamie when he was a kid. Then, out of nowhere, he hears his father's voice, telling him to man up and stop crying. It felt like a mental slap. Dean snaps out of it, rubbing his face, and turns off the shower.

Sam still couldn't believe it. He had a nephew. That was probably the worst of everything. He felt hurt and betrayed by Jamie leaving, but he mostly blamed it on his father. He truly believed Jamie when she said her leaving had nothing to do with him and Dean. But, a son? Was it because she was going to have her own family that she was done pretending with them? What was this boy's name? What did he look like? Was he smarter than Sam? More loyal than Dean? Does he make her more proud? Why the hell did he get to have a life with her and Sam and Dean didn't? Sam chugs the rest of his beer and shakes his head. Of course, he was over-reacting a bit. Jamie always had let the boys know where she was, always sending post cards, birthday cards, even Christmas cards, to Bobby's since that was the only consistent address. And she always had put her phone number on there. Why they never showed up, never called, Sam still couldn't answer that question. Maybe he was afraid of rejection. Maybe Dean was right and she didn't care about them anymore. Maybe the knowledge of her having a son was proof of that. Sam hit his head against the wall. He just couldn't understand any of this. Nothing had made any sense.

Dean walked out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around him. Sam laughs once, "You forget something?" He says, lifting the second beer to his lips. "Shaddup." Dean responded, rummaging through his duffle bag. Sam looked down at his empty bottle, "Do you think things would have been different if we knew?" Dean had flinched at Sam's question. Because it was on the list of many things he did not want to talk about, but also because he didn't really know the answer to that. Dean sighed heavily and sat on his bed. "I'd like to say yes. In a way. But I really don't know" Sam laughed once. He hadn't expected his brother to be so honest. Or to be on the same wave-length as him. Sam would love to have known about his nephew, but he didn't know how it would had changed things. Would their father not be so stubborn and actually go after her? Would they had become the family they once were with this new addition? Of course Sam would want to say yes, want to think bigger of his family, but he really didn't know.

Dean had started rummaging through his duffle bag again when another question had popped into Sam's head. "What did you mean, exactly?" Dean paused before he turned to face his brother, hoping he was going to ask what Dean thought he was. "When you said that the thing dad was hunting didn't only torture her, or whatever." Dean sighed heavily; of course he wasn't going to get a break tonight. He looked down at his hands, messing with the t-shirt he was holding, taking a deep breath before looking back up at Sam. "You don't remember?" He asked, not sure what he wanted more—Sam not remembering the horror of that not or not wanting to explain what happened. Sam sat up a little straighter, his whole back resting against the wall. "I remember dad wanting to take you on a hunt because Jamie wouldn't, I remember him hit…" His eyes fell for a second, not wanting to finish the sentence, "And I remember waking up to you and dad fighting in the car and that Jamie was in the back seat. Everything else is pretty fussy." Dean grunted and leaned against the dresser that his duffle bag was on. "Yeah, she went on a hunt with dad last night, and, uh…" Dean scratched the side of his mouth, "Jamie almost didn't make it. I'm not sure all the details, and I'm not sure if I wanna know." Dean looked up at Sam but not in his eyes, he couldn't make eye contact when talking about this. "Dad said he made a mistake and Jamie paid for it." Dean laughed to himself once. "Hell yeah she paid for it. Five broken ribs, four cracked ones, a broken arm and a dislocated shoulder. Not to mention all the…" Dean cleared his throat, trying not to cry at the memory, "Not to mention the 10 stab wounds and all the slices and cuts." Dean rubbed his sinuses and chuckled. "What?" Sam asked with a faint smile. "Nothing, just…She was, well, broken and bleeding to death, and still made sure dad got us to make sure we would be safe."

Both brothers flinched when they heard someone banging on the door. As Sam gets up, he picks up his gun, cautiously walking to the door, dean standing behind him, gun in hand. Sam quickly opens the door, shocked and relieved to see Jamie standing there. Jamie smiles awkwardly as she lifts up her hands, a bag in each one. "I come baring gifts." Sam scoffs, "Really?" He asks accusingly. Jamie looks up at him, "Please, Sam. I don't deserve it but give me a chance." She looks in and sees Dean, who's shaking his head. Sam sighs heavily and lets Jamie inside. "Come on." Dean grumbles angrily. He grabs his clothes and quickly walks into the bathroom. Jamie laughs to herself. "Dean, I had bathed you or helped bathe you until you were eight." "Yeah, well, a lot has changed since puberty." He yells out of the bathroom. Sam laughs as he hesitantly moves a chair to the table, sitting kind of far from Jamie. Dean walks back into the room, putting on a shirt. He stands in front of the table and stares down at her. "What the hell do you want, Jamie?" He asked angrily. "You said that when I was ready to explain to let you two know." Jamie pulls out a half gallon bottle of whiskey from one of the plastic bags, "I'm letting you know."

Dean pulled out a chair, sitting a foot away from the table, with his arms crossed in front of him. Jamie takes the bottle of whiskey, taking a big gulp. She takes off her jacket and slouches into the seat. "The reason I left…" she looks up at Dean and then Sam, "100% had nothing to do with you guys." Dean sighs angrily then groans, "We've heard this a million times, Jamie." "But it's the truth, I swear on my son's life." Jamie rushes out. "But, I did leave because I found out I was pregnant." Sam stiffens and clenches his jaw. Jamie places her hand on Sam's forearm, "But, I was going to come right back and get you guys after I found a place." Sam rolls his eyes as he pulls his arm away from her. "Who's his father?" Dean sternly asks. Jamie takes another big gulp of whiskey before answering. She looks up at Dean knowingly. "Remember that guy I was dating at the time? Carl?" Dean stiffens at the name, sheer anger on his face. It wasn't towards Jamie, like Sam had initially thought, but the sound of the man's name brought nothing but rage and disgust in Dean. Sam looked back and forth between his siblings, "Yeah," he said, his voice wavering in confusion, "He was a great guy. Took all of us to the arcade and the carnival." Dean made a noise that one could almost classify as s growl and rolled his shoulders. "Dean, what the hell is wrong?" He asked as Dean took the lid off one of the bottles and chugged a few gulps.

When he was done drinking, he wiped his mouth, slamming the bottle on the table. "Him?! He's the father?!" Dean asked angrily. "Dean!" Sam yelled, knowing there was something he wasn't told. "Ask her!" Dean yelled as he stood up, now pacing the room. Jamie looked up at Dean with pleading eyes, begging him to relax. She turned to Sam whose face was turning red. He absolutely hated not knowing important things. "About two months after I left, Carl's body was found in a ditch somewhere in the southern part of Maine." Sam furrowed his eyes, "We were in the southern part of Maine around then." He glanced over at Dean who could only nod his head once. Jamie now looked up at Dean, tears in her eyes. "Carl was possessed." She said without looking at Sam, keeping her eyes on Dean.

Sam sat back in his chair as he took a deep breath, everything now clicking in his head. Dean stopped pacing and looked at his older sister with angry eyes, holding his hands on his hips. He takes a deep breath and subconsciously takes a step a back as Jamie moved to stand. She decided to sit back down, but looked up at him. "As soon as I heard the news, I knew it was John who did it. All I could do is pray that you weren't with him. That he did it on his own or with Bobby. Dean, please believe me. If you don't believe anything else, believe that. I never thought John would put you through that." Dean's body relaxed a little and his face softened. "Was he…" he started to say, unable to look at Jamie, "Was he…himself? Or that…that thing?" he spat out the last two words. Jamie sighed and wiped under her eyes to stop any possible tears, "When I found out how far along I was, I knew it was before he was possessed." Dean quickly walked up to the table, "How do you know that for sure?" He asked angrily. Sam had snapped out of shock at this time, his head shooting over to Jamie, "Answer him, Jamie." He said with authority. Jamie looked down at her hands and took a deep breath. "He told me, while…" She attempted to look up at her brothers but could only manage to look in the corner of the room, "He, I mean the demon that possessed him, was the one that attacked me that night." Jamie cleared her throat. "He told me how long Carl had been possessed," she says in a whisper, "While he slowly stabbed into my lower abdomen." Jamie could barely get the last word out and couldn't say any more.

Dean sat back down at the table, rubbing his eyes as he sluggishly grabbed one of the bottles again. He hasn't thought of that night in so long and he just wanted to forget what he saw. Jamie clenched her jaw and slammed her fist on the table. "How dare he fucking do that to you?" she asked through her teeth. Dean glared at Jamie, "What else was he supposed to do?" He asked his voice raising. "You were gone! And, as he always said, I was second oldest! Did you really think life was just going to be the same for me after you left?" This time Jamie didn't flinch away from Dean's anger. She knew he was hurt and pissed and everything, but she was sick of this. She knew how this was supposed to go—her boys yelling and screaming at her and bitching her out—and she'd except that, but not this. Not the fact that Dean was a part of something he never should have seen. "When you left, all your responsibilities became mine!" Dean continued. "Dean, whether you believe me or not, I am truly sorry for leaving, but what John did was wrong. I won't forgive him. You were 12! No 12-year-old should see what happens during an exorcism!" She spat out with such fury that it made Dean feel like he was a little kid again. Even Sam flinched back a little.

"Did you ever think about us?" Sam asked softly, looking at the table. Jamie looked over to her baby brother, hiding a flinch when he looked up at her and she saw the anguish in his eyes. "Every day." "Oh, god." Dean mumbles as he leans back in his chair. "You know what, Dean? Grow up. If you don't believe what I have to say, then I'm sorry for you, but I've never lied to you two before. I may have left, but I never stopped thinking about my two boys." She says as she looks both to Dean and Sam. Jamie sighed as she yanked a whiskey bottle off the table, "Give me a break." She says under her breath as she takes a drink. "See you've taking up 'How to Cope 101' with John Winchester." Dad says grimly. Jamie rolls her eyes, "Wouldn't be a Winchester if I didn't drink, huh, Dean?" she said with bitterness in her voice.

Jamie clears her throat and looks at Sam. "Every day, I thought about you two. I love my son and the life I built for us and I won't say I regret having him…" Jamie hesitantly but lovingly placed her hand on Sam's cheek when she saw him clench and move his jaw, a tell that he was trying not to cry, "But there was never a time I didn't wish you and Dean were by my side. Helping me through the pregnancy, picking out names for him…"Jamie pauses, trying to keep her composure, but it didn't work, her voice breaks anyway, "Watching him take his first steps." Dean sat there with his arms crossed in front of him. "What's his name?" He asked lowly, not looking up. Jamie laughed once and leaned back into the chair, "You won't believe me when I tell you." "Oh, God." Sam growned, "You didn't name his Carl Jr., did you?" Jamie snickered and pushed Sam's shoulder, "No I didn't, smart ass." She clears her throat, "His name is J.D." "Which stands for…" Sam said to her, Jamie looked down at the table, "Jonathan Dean."