PAGING DOCTORS BONDEVIK AND KOHLER
Follow-Up


Emil did not like the look his brother had on his face.

To anyone else he may have simply looked like his normal cool, collected, and carefully composed self; but, to Emil, he saw the hidden heartbreak.

It was all that damn surgeon's fault.

He had tried hiding the letters from Lukas, hoping he'd forget about the other man so far away and go back to being normal, but when the letters didn't come, Lukas got worse. The more time that elapsed between envelopes, the more Lukas seemed to lose control. Unable to be the cause of more pain, Emil would produce a yellowing envelope and push it in to Lukas' cool hands.

"Oh," he'd say, his voice smooth and even, "where did you find this?"

"Just arrived this morning," Emil would lie, "I guess it got lost in the mail." Lukas would stare at the envelope, turning it over in his hands, before excusing himself to his office and shutting the door behind him.

This time, it was worse. It was worse because Emil had not hidden the letter that Lukas was waiting for; he had no way to drag his brother from his slump. Lukas would come by reception at the hospital every morning and every afternoon asking if the mail had been delivered, nonchalantly adding that he was waiting for something important. Eventually, he no longer had to use his words. He'd give Emil a cold stare and Emil had no choice but to shrug and shake his head in response.

At home, Lukas would retire early to bed, shutting his bedroom door and locking it. Emil knew behind that closed door Lukas' casual demeanor would crumble, giving way to the emotions he so carefully hid from everyone. He could hear the quiet, shuddering breaths if he pressed his ear to the door. When Lukas thought Emil was sleeping, he could hear the odd choking sob breaking the silence of the house.

Long stretches of time had passed between letters before, but this time it felt different, wrong. Emil tried to ask Lukas about it, but he waved him off, assuring him that nothing was the matter and that his Mathias was likely busy with work.

'His Mathias.'

Emil wasn't sure how he felt about that. Despite the rocky outward appearance of their brotherly relationship, Emil did not like the idea of sharing his brother with anyone – especially someone so far away. He had more than four years to slowly get used to the idea, and it still never settled in his chest. Every yellowing envelope and the way Lukas' eyes would flash when he saw one made his blood boil. He never had a chance to get to know this Mathias before he disappeared, taking his brother's heart with him. He had heard his name pop up in conversation over the rare dinner previously, but always told through gritted teeth and ending in a flippant, "what an idiot." When did that change? He supposed it never did. Lukas would still talk about how the surgeon was an idiot; but, now he was Lukas' idiot and he said it with a faint smile playing on his lips. He sounded wistful when he spoke of Mathias, not annoyed. His brother was never wistful.

Perhaps what scared Emil the most was that if his icy brother could fall so head-over-heels in love, it could happen to anybody. It could happen to Emil.

Emil did not fancy the idea of being in love with anybody. He did not like the notion that he could become so drawn to a person he lost all sense of reason. His lip would curl in disgust if he thought about ever needing someone so desperately, being so emotionally dependent. Being with his brother was enough for Emil, and it used to be enough for Lukas, too – they had always been similar in that regard. He did not like that Lukas would get so lost in his thoughts of another person so far away he did not realize the cup of coffee he was pouring was overflowing on to the kitchen counter and spilling to the floor.

Love was stupid.

A month had gone by and Lukas was sitting at their kitchen table, his skin an unhealthy gray and laden with shadows. His expression was neutral, but no longer filled with a sense that there was something else going on behind those sad eyes. His face was completely devoid of anything, like he was lost, his mind detached from the present world.

"Just forget him," Emil had suggested, pouring himself a glass of orange juice. He had not expected Lukas to answer at all, that he would simply fix him with an icy stare. Instead, he was met by the soft, honest words whispering out of Lukas' chapped lips, "I cannot." Emil froze and turned to face his brother. Lukas was staring straight ahead, not focused on anything, but his lower lip was trembling: the first sign of any sort of blatant emotion Emil had seen in weeks. "He promised he would keep writing no matter what."

"Lukas..." He was not sure how to handle the situation when his brother finally turned to focus on him, blinking rapidly. His eyes were beginning to spill tears and he brought his shaking hands up towards his face. "What has he done to you?"

Mathias had stolen the brother Emil knew so well and left him with this broken man sitting at their kitchen table.

Emil hated Mathias for it.


AN: Very brief follow-up. Posting Part Three tomorrow!