Part 3 - Damned

Sorting through the rest of the delivery for the bookstore I catch Shannon looking at me incredulously.

"What?" I ask her as I smile at the customer that just entered the store.

"What's with you?"

My look probably mirrors hers as I reply, "What do you mean, what's with me?"

"You can't stop smiling, you look like you're glowing and you've been humming some tune for the past I don't know," she glances at her watch. "Twenty-five minutes. What's the deal?"

I shrug my shoulders. "Can't a girl just be smiling and humming a tune for no apparent reason?"

Shannon rolls her eyes at me. "Must you keep answering my questions with a question?"

Glancing at the inside jacket of the books I have just removed from the box I retort, "I don't know, must I?"

"Most girls I could understand being happy for no reason, but you." She trails off walking over to the counter. "You're not most girls Joey. So, spill already!"

"I'm just in a good mood, that's all. Things went well at the gallery."

"Wait a minute; you were supposed to come back to my place two nights ago, is something going on with you and Pacey? You're pregnant, or he proposed."

"Shannon, calm down." I stop her, guilt starting to take hold. Guilt because I've lied to her, lied to Pacey. "I'm not pregnant, he didn't propose."

"There's a shocker, I doubt he ever will." She trails off as a customer approaches her. "Can I help you with anything?" She asks, he voice full of sweetness, totally different to the tone she was using a moment ago.

Now that I've been granted a short reprieve from her interrogation I take the books I've unloaded to the back of the store.

Why does she have to be so good at reading me? More importantly, what am I supposed to tell her? "Oh by the way, that guy from the gallery...yeah funny story, I've been fucking him since the day after the opening night." I mumble and a lady browsing the aisle looks up at me, her look reproachful.

I want to die, now!

But I plaster a smile on my face, "Can I help you at all?"

"No thank you." She replies with a fake smile.

'Who is she to judge me?' I wonder as I return to my shelf stacking. That's not important!

I hate all this lying. I've told so many lies to Pacey, to Shannon, I even told Bessie a few tiny lies but at least I told her I saw Dawson. The only person I've been more honest with is Dawson. Ironic how I haven't seen him in so long yet he's the one I want to be most honest with.

Funny how life works out.

"Joey?" Shannon calls to me, pulling me from my thoughts. "Adam's here to cover for you now."

"Huh?"

She rolls her eyes at me. "You said you had an errand to run, taking someone to the airport...ring any bells?"

Glancing at my watch I realize I should have left here ten minutes ago. "Thanks Shannon." I call to her as I head to the office to grab my jacket and car keys.

"Not a problem." I hear her reply. She's probably going to flirt with Adam until I get back. Poor guy.

But that's the least of my problems. I'm supposed to drop Dawson off at the airport but before that we were going to go for a coffee and now it looks like we won't have time for that.

Hurrying to the car I pull my cell phone out of my jacket pocket so I can call him to let him know I'm on my way and see that he's tried calling me already, twice.

I call him quickly, so he knows I didn't forget and that I'm on my way.

"Hey, I'm sorry." I begin when he answers the phone. "I kinda got held up at work, but I've just about reached the car."

"Hey to you too." He replies and I can tell just from his voice that there's a smile on his face. "I was beginning to think I'd been stood up or something had happened."

"Nothing like that." I assure him. "Are you still at the hotel?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, I should be there in a few minutes. Do you want me to come up and get you?"

"No that's okay, I'll come down." He laughs. "You might get frisky and I'll miss my flight because how can I possibly ward off your advances."

"I might get frisky?" I ask him questioningly as I enter the car. "That's not how it was the other night."

"What can I say; it was a moment of weakness on my part. My one and only moment."

Starting the engine I cut him off. "Yeah, yeah Leery. Whatever you have to tell yourself. Now I gotta go, I'll see you in a few minutes."

"Okay."

Fifteen minutes later the car finally makes it to Queens and the roads seem clearer as we head to La Guardia. My eyes are concentrating on the road, but even as I do that I can feel that his gaze is on me. Every time I change gears his hand moves over mine or rests on my knee.

I change gears again but this time his hand lingers on my knee as I change lanes and his hand starts to wander under my skirt, up my thigh.

"Ya know Dawson, if I didn't know any better I'd think someone was getting frisky." I tell him as his hand moves a little higher and he strokes my thigh.

"So it's obvious?" I see him smirk. "It just sort of hit me when we were coming across the bridge that I'm not going to see you for days."

"I know." I reply as I look at him again with a weak smile on my face. I place my hand over his. "But all this is going to do is cause me to crash the car."

He lets out a small laugh as he removes his hand from under my skirt. "That's a bit more explosive than I was going for."

Pulling the car over, I put the handbrake on and take one of his hands as I turn slightly in my seat. "I don't want you to go either. It feels good to have you back in my life." I lightly shrug my shoulders. "There's some part of me that's scared I'm never going to see you again."

He brings his hand up to cup my cheek. "Joey." He begins but I cut him off.

"I know, you've told me already. You'll be back in a few days but I just, part of me just wonders if something will come up and you can't or won't come."

This time he cuts me off by brushing his lips against mine, his thumb caressing my cheek as his lips move against and then with my own. Parting my lips I allow his tongue to enter my mouth as I hunger for more contact, my free hand now on his chest.

When the kiss is broken we're both breathless.

"I'm coming back Joey." He assures me as he gently squeezes my knee. "Now come on, we should still have time for that coffee."

As I start driving again a grin plays on my face and I reply, "I have a better idea."

A few minutes later I've parked the car and we're making our way up the path to the front of the house, Dawson at my back.

"You're sneaky." He says as I put the key in the door. "If I didn't know any better I'd say this had been your plan all along."

Turning to look at him I can't help but smirk. "You'll never know for sure."

As I push open the door I manage to force whatever feelings of guilt I have to the back of my mind. I know this shouldn't be happening between us, I know it shouldn't be here of all places. But there's another part of me that needs this.

No sooner have we crossed the threshold than our hands are all over each other as the door slams behind Dawson and we kick off our shoes. Tugging at the collar of his shirt I pull him towards me, his lips barely brush against mine before I pull away, taking a step backwards as I continue to tug on his collar.

"You're such a tease!" He says before his lips brush against mine again as he undoes the zipper on my skirt and it falls to the floor. This time the kiss is filled with hunger, need, as I quickly work to extract him from his shirt before reaching for his zipper.

"And don't you just love me for it." I reply huskily as I lick my lips.

I see something flash in his eyes but before I have time to analyze it he kicks off his pants, lifts me off of the floor and I wrap my legs around his waist.

I'm lying here beside you
In someone else's bed
Knowing what we're doing's wrong
But better left unsaid

Your breathing sounds like screaming, it's all that I can stand
His ring is on your finger, but my heart is in your hands

"Which way?" He asks.

"First door -" I bite on his earlobe. "On the right." I finish as my lips find his again for a brief moment. With my back to the bedroom door, I reach down for the handle and Dawson pushes us against the door, forcing it to open as I bring my hand up to cup his cheek. "I'm gonna miss you, you know?"

Damned if you love me - Damned if you don't
It's getting harder holding on, but I can't let you go
Damned if you don't need me, damned if you do
God, I wish it wasn't me standing in these shoes
Damned, Damned

His only reply is to kiss me as he lowers me to the bed, his body partly covering mine. Loosening my grip on his hips he moves off of me a little. "You look beautiful right now. I'm not sure if I ever told you that before."

I can't help but blush, even as he moves off of me a little just so he can look at me some more. Before I start to feel self-conscious I lift my head to kiss him gently but soon the kiss heats up and he brushes his tongue against my lips while stroking my thigh.

His hand moves to stroke me through the fabric of my panties as I run my fingers through his hair, his tongue brushing against mine.

Door slams like a shotgun, jumping to your feet
It's just the wind that's blowing through the secrets that we keep
Made me want to want you, God knows I need to need you
By the time this love is over, I'll be sleeping on the streets

If I were to lose my memory tomorrow with the option of remembering just one thing, I'd make it this. My senses heightened, on edge, focusing on Dawson, only on him and the way I feel right now.

My hips move off of the bed against his probing fingers until his hands move to remove my top and I sit up in order to help him remove it while scooting closer to him.

Damned if you love me - Damned if you don't
It's getting harder holding on, but I can't let you go
Damned if you don't need me, damned if you do
God, I wish it wasn't me standing in these shoes

I trace the outline of his jaw as he undoes the front clasp of my bra before lowering the straps and throwing it aside as I kiss him. I snake my arms around his neck as he moves closer to me, lowering me back onto the bed before he lays over me, flesh to flesh.

Dawson kisses down my body, paying particular attention to my breasts before removing both my panties and his boxer shorts, while I reach into the drawer of the nightstand for a condom.

Why won't you talk to me? Because I'm too blind to see
Why won't you look at me? Because I'm afraid to breathe
What do you want from me? All that I can stand
The lies are on my tongue and I can't turn back I know
My soul is damned

I help him with the condom, try to ward off any feelings I have that this may be the last time we're like this.

As he enters me I place my hands on his shoulders, close my eyes as I adjust, as I try to commit it all to memory.

Looking into his eyes now I can't help the wave of emotions that take over me. "I wish we could stay like this forever." I say before capturing his bottom lip between mine before rocking my pelvis against his.

Our bodies start to move with and against one another; he cups one of my breasts as I run one of my hands down his back. He buries his face in the crock of my neck, nipping on a sensitive piece of skin. I clasp my fingers in his as our breathing quickens and we continue to move in time.

His name falling from my lips in moans over and over and with each moan he pushes into me deeper. I move my free hand to his shoulder and as the orgasm takes hold I can't help digging my fingers into flesh as I throw my head back, screaming his name.

He continues to move against me, my hand still clasped in his until Dawson orgasms too before collapsing on top of me.

Don't worry I ain't gonna call you when you say my name
And if you see me on the street, don't wave just walk away
Our lives are getting twisted, let's keep our stories straight
The more that I resist it, my temptation turns to fate

He lays there for a moment as we come down together, our breathing slowing and returning to some sense of normality. Dawson moves off of me a little, his body still covering part of me.

"Well that's one way to pass time when waiting for a flight." He says and I can't help but laugh.

"The airlines should be more accommodating for pastimes like this." I grin up at him as I trace the outline of his jaw before kissing him quickly. "This is better than a coffee any day."

"Oh I don't know Joey, give me a latte before sex anytime." He replies with a straight face.

He rolls onto his side and I push him before moving on top of him. "You'd rather a coffee to this." I say as I straddle him, running one of my hands down my body his eyes following my hand.

Damned if you love me - Damned if you don't
It's getting harder holding on, but I can't let you go
Damned if you don't need me, damned if you do
God, I wish it wasn't me standing in these shoes
Damned, Damned

"Well when you put it like that." He trails off as he playfully squeezes my ass and I scream in surprise as his mouth comes up to meet mine before we both lay back down again.

"I knew you just needed a little perspective." I reply with a grin but suddenly the mood seems to be more serious as it finally dawns on me where we are, what we did...that's he's leaving. "Why do I feel like I'm never going to see you again?"

"I'll be back in a few days." He assures me, kissing the top of my head.

Damned if you love me - Damned if you don't
It's getting harder holding on, but I can't let you go
Damned if you don't need me, damned if you do
God, I wish it wasn't me standing in these shoes
Damned, Damned

*Bon Jovi - Damned*

We lay there for a few more minutes, basking in the presence of the other before we have to leave (stripping the bed and putting the stuff in the washer before we go). As we drive we don't say much, I still have this feeling that I'm never going to see him again, I don't know why.

Maybe it's just because the last time one of us left it was nine years before we saw each other again. I drop him off at the terminal and he leans in the car window and kisses me.

"I'll see you Dawson."

"I'll see you Monday, Joey." He says before turning to walk away.

*to be continued...*