Kids: Pony Joe

Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony. It belongs to Hasbro and the wonderful team that crafted this world.

Hey, buddy. You wanna buy something? We've got whiskey, beer, some nice Appleoosan cider… or if you're willing to pay, I could hook you up with some stuff not on the menu. You want Salt? Maybe some nice Dash or Buck? It'll cost you extra, but it's… who the hell am I kidding? I don't want to do this. If you're honestly coming here for drugs, you want to go home and rethink your fucking life. I wish I had the strength to.

I didn't always work as a bartender, you know. I used to run a donut shop near the local high school. It used to be a big hit with the kids. They'd spend all their pocket money at my shop, buying the best donuts in Canterlot. I was like their friendly older brother, always looking out for them, keeping them out of trouble. Whenever you had a problem, you brought it to ol' Uncle Joe, and he'd fix you up a nice hot chocolate donut and help you out.

It started out slowly. They thought that I couldn't see them, in their expensive carriages parked behind the school, peddling their wares to the kids. A few times I told the Luna-damned bastards to fuck off, but they never quite seemed to get the hint. My customer base began to dwindle. Kids stopped stopping by after school. When all you care about is drugs, who has money for donuts?

I held out for the longest time. For Celestia's sake, these ponies trusted me! I wasn't going to betray that trust, even to put food on the table. But my family was starving! It wasn't like I had a choice to start peddling that shit… did I?

Once it began, some things in the way I ran the shop changed. If you had the bits, you could order one of my special donuts, the ones with salt or other drugs baked in. My shop became the center of teenage life in Canterlot. And at night, the parties. I'd hosted quite a few parties in the shop before, but I'd always ensured that there were no drugs or alcohol available to the teens. This new breed of parties was different. It was louder, longer, and everything was available. Sex, drugs, alcohol, you name it, I'd get you some. It was so wrong. They were just kids, but I was killing them.

Do you think that I don't regret it? That I can forgive myself for ruining their lives? So many of the kids that I corrupted either dead or severe addicts. Berry Punch had to prostitute herself to pay for booze. Noteworthy overdosed on Dash. And Vinyl… oh Vinyl. Vinyl didn't turn out to well either.

She was a friendly and intelligent filly. She always had a joke ready for you. Sure, I knew that she was going to that club and that she was drinking, but I also knew that she never touched any of the harder stuff. I had been trying to get her to stop drinking so much for about a year. But it wasn't one of the fuckers at the club that first gave her salt. It was me, at one of my fucking parties. Soon after she got hooked, she dropped out of school and moved downtown with her girlfriend. I wish I could meet her again, just apologize for getting her hooked, and try to help. Then again, I'm the last fucking pony to give somepony else advice. I've got so many of my own issues. And besides, I doubt I could recognize her now. It's been over four years since I last saw her.

I was doing great during that time. I had more bits than ever before and I could afford to get anything my family wanted. I was making so much money that I ignored what the crap I was selling was doing to my customers. Who cares that they're dying? I'm rich! I can do whatever I want! That euphoria lasted for a few years, but then one day, I killed two fillies. They were only about fourteen. I caught them after hours trying to steal a bit of my salt from the back of my shop. They were stealing my money! I bashed in the skull of one of them with a frying pan, then beat her companion to death with my bare hooves. I dumped their bodies in the river. It wasn't like I could just turn myself into the police… could I? My family needed me. So I remained silent, even after their bodies were found in the river. Even when rumors of a serial killer in Canterlot began to spread. By a bizarre coincidence, the newspapers nicknamed this new menace "Joe the Ripper". Now ain't that fucking appropriate?

They were just kids. They had their whole lives in front of them, but I ended it. I will forever remember their names. Peachy Pie and Sunny Daze, wherever you are, I hope you can forgive me.

My wife moved out and took the kids a few days later. She'd been planning it for years, but decided to finally move out. Pretty soon after, I sold the shop. Moved downtown. I was hoping that I might find Vinyl down here and redeem both her and myself. But as days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months, I couldn't find any sign of her. All I had heard were rumors that her girlfriend had gotten murdered. Poor filly. Sure, I didn't get her hooked on drugs, but I ruined her all the same.

I finally settled down and got a job at a bar selling the same shit as before. It revolts me, but that's the only way I'll find her. Maybe one day she'll be looking for salt and stumble into my bar… just maybe, she might forgive me.

I miss the time when all I sold was donuts. It was simple. I was the good guy, everyponies' best friend. I wasn't a murdering, drug-dealing, scumbag. I was just Joe. Ponies looked up to me. Now… now there's nothing to look up to. I'm such a fucking hypocrite. I know what I continue to do is wrong, but yet I'm still fucking doing it.

A little blue-haired unicorn filly once told me that real monsters aren't manticores or hydras. Those are just beasts, with no idea what they're doing. Real monsters are ponies. Ponies who understand the wrongness of what they're doing. I guess that makes me one of the worst.

I have a conundrum for you, dear readers. I have drawn up basic plans for several ponies, but I have but two more chapters in which to fill. I have three contenders for the next chapter: Berry Punch, Big Macintosh, and Lyra.

Berry Punch is the obvious choice, considering that one of her few onscreen appearances had her drinking, as well as the fact that she was mentioned in this segment. However, it just feels too… easy to utilize the fan-determined alcoholic. And besides, my plan feels a bit like a mash-up of Sara and Vinyl's stories.

Now before I say my reasoning for the next choice, I'm just going to get out there that I don't like Big Mac. He just feels so… lifeless and dull, especially when compared to his sisters, who are in my opinion, some of the most interesting characters on the show. However, he might be interesting to write about, and besides, isn't the point of this fic to provide a different perspective on the side and background characters. Though, to be honest, my plan for Mac seems a little bit too OOC, making it seem like a parody of a grimdark fic.

And finally, there's Lyra. My current plan for her involves her lifelong love for… The Cake! And her depression following it's sudden but yet inevitable demise at the hands (or rather, mouth) of a parasprite.

I've set up a poll on my profile. So go! Vote! And please, choose soon, as I desire to start work on the next chapter as soon as possible.