Episode 4: Iridescent | Iridescent~ Linkin Park
'I hit the ground hard, falling from my bed as a nightmare breaks me from my surprisingly peaceful sleep. I scramble away from my tangle of sheets, desperate to catch my breath and recover from the surreal experience I just had.
God… it was so real… so horrible. I- in my dream… I- I was 13 again and I was with Chloe. She was alive and so was William! I stopped him from leaving, so Chloe could be happy again, I thought I fixed it… I thought I'd made things better but no. I still moved and… and instead of William getting into a car accident… Chloe did.
She… she was completely paralyzed and… barely clinging to life and… it was all my fault.
I know deep down that it was just my subconscious trying to fuck with me, but dear god… it felt too real, like… like I had actually been there like I had somehow managed to go back in time and change history.
I pull my knees to my chest and start sobbing again, the memory of the nightmare still fresh in my head. This Chloe… The "Dream Chloe" she was so different from the real one (from what little I actually know about her) she was upset at me for not staying in contact but she was happy, so fucking happy that I was back and that I was with her again.
But that happiness didn't last.
"Dream Chloe" was suffering and she was in pain and she was slowly dying and… and she didn't want to be a burden anymore. The last thing she asked me before I woke up was for me to… to. I shudder visibly as "Dream Chloe's" words ring in my head.
"I'm saying that I want this time with you… to be my last memory. Do you understand?".
I had nodded, knowing she was in pain and that she didn't want to fight. It was clear that she had given up a long time ago. It hurt… it hurt so fucking much seeing Chloe, real or not, in pain. It killed me inside knowing that I had unknowingly did this to her.
"All you have to do is crank the I.V to 11. I'll just drift asleep, dreaming of us here together forever".
So I did… I did as I was told.
I gave my best friend, the girl I realized I loved when it was all too late, a lethal overdose. I knew doing this would cause some major consequences but I didn't care. Nothing mattered to me except Chloe. And if doing this made her happy, made her forgive me for all the shitty thing I had done to her, then I wouldn't hesitate for a second.
Chloe Price wanted to die. And Chloe always got what she wanted.
"Thank you so much, I'm so proud of you for following your dreams. Don't forget about me… I love you, Max. See you around".
And that's when I woke up, and that's why I break down in violent sobs, small screams emanating from my throat.
I'm a murderer… I fucking murdered my best friend. I killed her, I killed her. And it felt so real. It was so real. I don't even realize how loud I am until a loud bang on the door breaks me from my depressive trance.
"Do you mind shutting the fuck up in there? Some people are trying to enjoy the rest of their evenings in peace!".
I sigh and mutter a pathetic apology even though I know they can't hear me. I'm not surprised at this… I knew that… Eventually, the other students would get sick of me screaming and crying 24/7.
It's not like I can help it, I just need to cry sometimes and that's okay.
It's okay not to be okay.
I'm not okay.
There… I said it.
I'm fucking psycho, I'm crazy.
I'm fucking insane in the brain and not in a good way.
I'm scared to go back to sleep now, scared that I'm going to go back to that nightmare-scape and be trapped in there forever.
I slowly rock myself in place, my tears seemingly falling endlessly from my eyes.
"I'm so sorry".
I honestly don't know how much longer I can keep this up. I mean, sure the funeral is tomorrow but… what do I do after that?
I refuse to go back to fucking Seattle… I've left enough of my life here and now I promised myself never to abandon Chloe again.
I'm going to stick to that even if she isn't really here anymore.
I eventually settle down, but a loud buzzing sound makes me jump out of my skin.
"It's your phone, Max. Stop being so fucking paranoid," I scold myself as I get up off the floor and walk over to my phone which sits on the small bedside table near the door. I grab it and pull the phone to my ear without checking to see who it is. "Hello?" I say in a hoarse, rough voice.
The other line is silent for a moment and all I can hear is the wind howling in the background.
I press the phone closer to my face, trying to figure out what's going on. "Hello?".
"Max?" says an echoey and hauntingly familiar voice.
I drop the phone and stumble back, falling back down on the floor in a desperate attempt to get as much distance between me and my phone as possible.
"No, no… no," I mutter, shaking my head vigorously.
No.
It's impossible, it's not real… I can't be hearing her voice, not now, not right now!
I swallow hard and inch closer to my phone, continuing to hear a muffled voice calling from the other side.
"Chloe…".
I pick the phone back up and press it lightly against my ear, "H- hello?".
["Max! Hey, thought I lost you there for a second. Is… is everything okay? I haven't really seen you around all that much this week. I mean, I get why and all but… I'm worried about you"]
I sigh weakly and sit on the edge of my bed, running a shaking hand through my matted hair.
It's just Warren, Max…, not Chloe. Chloe was never really there, you're just hearing things.
Maybe… maybe I am going crazy. I keep hearing things, having those visions and nightmares and… they're getting harder to tell apart from actual reality.
"I- I um, I'm okay, Warren. I just need a little space until the funeral tomorrow" I mumble, my voice shaking slightly, but not enough to be noticed, "Y- you're coming... right?".
["Of course I am! But I- I really don't think you should be alone. You've been through a lot and you're going through a lot and I think you should talk to someone"] he insists, [ For example… me."]
"I'm fine, Warren… honest, I am. I- I just need time to… to… I don't know. Grieve, I guess. Chloe was… *sigh* she meant a lot to me and I'm just struggling to come to terms with what that means now that she's gone. I am okay though, Warren. I don't want you to worry about me… okay?" I reply with a tiny sigh.
The line goes silent for a moment before Warren speaks again.
["Fine. You be that way!"] he snaps aggressively. ["I've done nothing but be kind and nice to you, I'm always there when you needed me and this is how you thank me?!"]
"Jesus, Warren… calm down. I- I'm sorry but I really want to be left alone right now," I reply in a small, slightly intimidated voice, "I'm sorry if that upsets you".
["You're damn right it upsets me! I'm just trying to be a good friend, Max and this is the thanks I get. You know what… I don't believe that you're sorry. You never sound sorry, you always blow me off like I'm fucking nothing. You always blow me off! Well, guess what, Max? It fucking worked this time… I get the message. Don't bother trying to call or talk to me again!]
The call ends and I'm left there confused, hurt, scared and dumbfounded.
Did… did Warren just dump me… as a friend? But… what… what did I do? I- I mean, wanting a bit of space after watching somebody gets killed isn't a reason to not want to be friends anymore… right?
God, this is such a mindfuck. Warren is never like this, he's always so happy-go-lucky.
I grip my phone in my ever shaking hand and stand up, hot tears burning in my eyes.
"It's not fair… it's just not fair!" I say, forcefully throwing my phone against the wall, watching as it shatters upon contact.
I start crying again, feeling more alone than I have in days, even with the kindness and support of my friends. My whole life has gone to shit in a matter of days. My best friend is dead and she'll never know just how much I loved her. Then, my other friend basically tells me to go fuck myself because I'm in pain because I don't know what to do with myself now that the girl I loved is dead.
"Fuck. This. Place." I mutter, grabbing my tote back and charging out the door, nearly running directly into Victoria, Taylor, and Courtney as they pass by.
"Watch where you're going, bitch," she snaps, aggressively shoving me away.
"Yeah, bitch, watch where you're going," Taylor quips.
I blink, taken aback by Victoria's sudden change in mood. What the fuck is going on? One day Victoria is being nice to me, then the next she's back to being queen "b"?
"Did you even hear me, or has hanging out with that dropout numbskull girlfriend of yours made you dumber?".
I blush, "Girlfriend? What… what are you talking about? Who, are you talking about?".
"Don't play fucking dumb, Max. That blue-haired bitch you've been sneaking around with all week!" Victoria snaps, a smile coating her face when a visible flash of pain crosses mine.
"*Gulp* Chloe… y- you're talking about Chloe" I mutter.
"Yes.. her. You know, I always took you for a queer. Huh, maybe that's why you're so fucking weird".
She pushes me back again, making me pin myself against my now closed door.
"W- why are you being so mean to me?" I ask in a low timid voice.
"Give me one fucking good reason why I should be nice? You fucking mocked me when I got splashed with paint on Monday and took pictures! You blame me for Kate trying to off herself when we all know she was fucked up in the headspace. Ugh, and don't even get me started on Nathan. I just know you had some play in his expulsion!".
I blink a few times, trying to process all that new information.
I never mocked Victoria for anything, and when and why did Kate try to… to hurt herself? Nathan is god knows where hopefully locked up for shooting and killing an innocent girl. I- I don't… I don't understand what any of this means.
"Oh, shit… look. Her nose is bleeding" Courtney whispers to Taylor.
I immediately press my hand against my face, feeling warm blood pool on my upper lip.
"You're such a creep, Max. You know that… right, Caulfield?" Victoria says, walking even closer to me.
I swallow hard and desperately try to get myself to calm down.
"See. This is why you don't have any friends,".
"Stop…" I mutter quietly.
"You never talk to anyone. You always have your nose shoved behind that hideous Polaroid camera of yours" she says, now standing mere inches away from me.
"Please… stop" I mutter again, my voice heavy with pain and tears.
"Aww, look. I made poor, scared little, Max cry. Huh, it serves you right. Nobody messes with me bitch!".
I lose it at that point and shove Victoria away in a desperate attempt to get away from her but she, of course, takes is the wrong way.
"Oh, you want to fight, bitch? You want to fucking fight, then come fight!".
"No… I- I don't-" I mumble, getting cut off when Victoria throws the first punch.
I fall to the ground, stunned. I grab the side of my face and stumble away, tasting something metallic in my mouth.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry".
By now, some of the other girls have gathered in the hallway, watching as I make a beeline for the door.
"That's right, you better run!" Victoria snaps, trying to break away from the other girl's grips.
I don't stick around to see if she does, I'm out the door and flying down the stairs and pushing through the main doors.
I reach the main building, but I keep going.
I reach the parking lot, but I keep going.
I reach the edge of campus school, but I keep going.
I reach the forested outskirts surrounding the school, but I keep going.
I only slow down when I trip, landing hard in a puddle of fresh rainwater.
"Sh-shit…".
I struggle to get up, my knees and palms stinging from the impact with the dirt.
I cough a bit, feeling blood drip from my busted lip and watch it drop into the puddle below me.
I whimper a little and pick myself up off the ground, feeling cold, icy rain pelt my back.
It's… raining?
I look up at the darkened sky that swirls in unnatural ways. Thunder rumbles in the distance and wind whirl around me.
A storm… there was no storm scheduled for today… unless…
"The tornado," I mutter, my mind going back to the visions I've been having all week.
They can't be real… right? Right?!
I swallow hard and shake my head, trying to convince myself that it's all in my head.
I fumble for my phone for a moment before remembering that it's in pieces in my dorm room.
Dragging my already damp hoodie sleeve across my face, I look around at my surroundings, realizing that… I have no clue where I am.
I spin around a few times, trying to see if I can pick up where I am and if I'm still close to the school.
I take a few steps forward, my legs feeling weak from all the running. I continue to walk forward, opposite the way I came.
*Sigh* there's no use going back to my dorm, that is unless I have a death wish.
God, what happened back there? Victoria was being so kind and nice to me and poof! She punches me straight in the face.
I wince a little when I touch the side of my face, feeling a bruise beginning to form. I knew that she could get her rage on but this is uncalled for.
And… and why was she acting like the shooting never happened, talking about Chloe like she never died?
Was she just getting close to me so she could tear me down even more than I already am?
I rub my head and sigh, pushing through the bramble until I hit the road leading up to the school.
I made it pretty far in a short amount of time and considering I'm no athlete, I'm vaguely impressed with myself.
Looking down the hill a little ways, I spot the bus stop that will take me back to town and start making my way towards it.
The rain slows me down a bit and by the time that I reach the covered awning, I'm a drenched, shivering, sniffling mess.
I already decided to go and take Joyce's offer and stay with her for the rest of the night, not exactly feeling safe at the dorms after today.
The diner should still be open, even this late (it's probably around 10 or 11).
It doesn't take long for the bus to arrive and once I on get on and sit down, I realize just how bad I'm shaking. My body is wracked with violent shivers and short spasms.
Maybe running out of the dorms like that wasn't such a good idea, I should have gone back and hidden in my dorm until tomorrow.
I'm in nothing but a thin t-shirt and hoodie which offer little to no warmth now that I'm drenched head to toe.
The bus driver doesn't question my state or why I'm all wet and riding on the bus at 11 o'clock at night.
I'm thankful for his silence, the only sound on the bus is of a few people chattering and my awkward sniffling and pathetic whimpers.
After a few minutes, the bus pulls up and lets me off at the Two Whales diner, which is already locked and closed up.
I sigh sharply and return to the bus stop, only to find that the bus is already driving down the street.
"W- wait!" I cry, running after it even though I know it's no use.
I stop, my chest heaving as I cough painfully.
"F- fuck!".
I look around me, seeing that most of the town is deserted, all the shops and businesses are closed up for the night.
And now, I'm stranded without shelter.
I sniffle a little, looking up towards the sky, seeing the lighthouse breaking through the sleet and the rain.
Without even realizing it, I start walking towards it. It's almost as if I'm drawn to it by some unseen force, guiding me to the safety of the tall building. The nature trail begins a few blocks down from the Two Whales, so I get there in no time at all and start making my way up the slippery, water-soaked hill.
This has to be some sort of fate, I think to myself, realizing that all my visions have led me to the lighthouse.
There has to be a reason for all this insanity.
Everything is the same as in my vision. The wind picks up and thunder and lightning crash all around me. I reach the top of the cliff, horrified to see the tornado actually manifesting before my eyes.
"N- No… this isn't real," I mutter, shuffling back towards the steps of the lighthouse.
My leg gets caught on some loose debris and I fall back, immediately placing my on my head, covering my ears as the wind seems to be screaming my name.
Max! Max! Max! Max!
I close my eyes, digging my nails into my skelp.
I don't understand...
What's happening to me… a- and why?
What did I do to deserve this?
Is this my punishment for not doing something to help Chloe?
The wind starts swirling round and round and round. The screams grow louder and louder until they out voice mine. My head is in agony, it feels like my mind is being torn apart. I pull my knees to my chest and curl up into a tight ball, waiting for what seems like the end of the world.
Max! The wind continues to yell, growing louder and louder until once again, all that's left is white noise'.
"MAX!"
I jolt up, feeling something slap across my face. My ears are ringing and my vision is blurred.
"N- no no no no!" I cry, pushing away from the hands the try to hold me.
"Max!" the voice calls again, grabbing my shoulders again.
I can't catch my breath, I can't breathe, everything is going too fast. I cough painfully, my chest heaving violently.
"Max! Max, calm down, calm down, you're okay! You're okay!".
I continue coughing until I eventually feel my lungs relax and I feel like I can breathe again, all my senses slowly coming back to me.
"Max?" the echoey voice says again, giving me a firm shake, "Max? Hey, I think she's coming too, guys!".
I blink a few times, my vision clearing slightly, "V- Victoria?".
"Max! Hey… it's okay… you're okay," she says.
"What… where…" I mutter weakly in a painfully hoarse voice as I look around at my surroundings, catching sight of all my dorm mates.
I'm… back in my dorm room?
"Take it easy, Max," Victoria says, seeing my panicked expression, "You were having like… one of those vivid nightmares, I think. You were full on screaming bloody murder,".
I blink a few times and scoot back, putting a good amount of space between us.
"Y- you h- hit me" I mutter again, "W- why?".
"Max you wouldn't wake up," Brooke says, "We thought you were having a seizure or something".
"I didn't hurt you did I?" Victoria asks.
I give her an odd look before I notice the smell of metal and rust in the air.
"Shit, her nose is bleeding again," Dana says as she runs for the door, "I'll go get some more towels".
I lift my hand up and wipe at my nose, pulling back to see an alarming amount of blood. "S- shit...".
"It's okay, Max. It's just a bloody nose" Kate says, calmly, coming up and rubbing my shoulder.
I pull away even more, "N- no… th- the storm… l- lighthouse… t- tornado! How am I?" I mutter, struggling to get my words straight.
The girls look around at each other confused, lost on what I'm rambling about. "Give her some space guys. She's still spaced out," Taylor says, leading Kate away from me.
I swallow hard and shake my head, "I- I… what… what happened?".
"We… We don't really know, Max. You were out cold for like, the whole day and then you kinda just started crying in your sleep and then it progressed into screaming," Stella says, "Victoria was the one who was able to get your door open and make sure you were okay".
Victoria smiles timidly at this.
So… all that… that whole experience was a dream? A dream with a dream?
God, my mind really must be a fucked up place if it came up with that.
Take a breath, Max, You're okay now... this is reality, it sucks but... you're safe.
"You okay, now? You're shaking..." she says, sounding genuinely concerned.
I nod and sigh weakly, "T- that's kinda a thing now,".
She looks at me again, "Was it about Chloe?".
I swallow the lump in my throat and nod, figuring that would be easier to explain than what I actually dreamt of.
The room goes silent for a moment, everybody other than Victoria not knowing just how much the blue haired girl meant to me.
I sigh and sniffle a bit, my tears mixing with the blood from my nose. "C- can I get up now? I- I need to... w- wash m- my face,"
"Yeah, just... are you sure you're okay?".
I shrug, not really sure myself.
"Alright... come on. Let's get you cleaned up," Victoria says as she gets to her feet, offering a hand out to me.
I take it with slight hesitation, still really shaken up by the surreal nightmare. I wobble unsteadily on my feet and nearly fall over.
"Easy, easy, we got you," Juliet says, helping Victoria and the other girls lead me over to the shower room.
"I- I got it from here guys," I mutter softly once they have me standing steadily in front of one of the mirrors, "I- I need a minute to p- prosses this s- shit".
Victoria nods understandably and pushes the other girls out the door as they complain about not wanting to leave me by myself in case I try anything.
I'm not stupid. Well, I'm not that stupid, anyway.
I sigh and face myself in the mirror, seeing my pale face smeared with blood, my eyes large and puffy from crying, and my sweat soaked hair is sticking to my skin.
I take one of the towels Dana gave me and run it under the tap and begin working on scrubbing the fresh and dry blood off my face.
God, how much did I bleed? I think to myself, realizing I've gotten drops of blood on my shirt too. I should probably shower... and get ready for the funeral tomorrow...
"The funeral," I mutter softly, leaning on the cool ceramic sink, "Just one more day, Max... just one more day".
