Worship of the Gods
People just blindly grabbed at whatever there was: communism, health foods, hypnotism, group encounters, orgies, herbs, Catholicism, withdrawal, vegetarianism, painting, conducting, yoga, copulating, gambling, drinking, Beethoven, Back, Buddha, carrot juice, suicide, and then it all evaporated and fell apart.People had to find things to do while waiting to die. I guess it was nice to have a choice.
Charles Bukowski, Women
Chapter Four: Vertigo
Ellie bolted upright, panic surging inside of her bones. She clawed at her bedsheets, throwing them off of her body.
"Get away from me!" she cried, tumbling out of the bed. She hit the floor with a painful thud and sat in the darkness with sweat dripping out of every pore. Her nightdress was soaking. Only sat in the silence, with breathing as her only companion, did she realise that it was a memory.
There were no wargs. She wasn't on London Bridge. Her legs weren't ripped off.
After lifting her nightdress, she looked at her bare legs and thighs. The marks were deep red. Painless, yet they ached with nightmarish agony. Ellie shot the door a shy glance, scared that someone had heard. Was she screaming aloud?
With no concoction to shut her entire brain now, Ellie was forced to dream again.
Her tear-filled gaze drifted upwards and to the tapestry above the door. It was one of Thor and Loki sitting at a table with Asgardians. There was a bountiful feast laid out and they were smiling with happiness. When she looked at Loki, she saw his pale skin and blue eyes. His raven-black hair and dark attire.
Ellie's mind flashed with monstrous memories – ripping, biting, screaming bodies. Her throat so sore that she felt it bleeding into her lungs. The screech of her car and the blinding lights. Heavenly Father, take it all away.
Pressing her hands together, she sobbed into them and couldn't muster words. She curled into a ball, gentle lying on her side against the sewn rug. Her ear pressed to it, she heard distant noises and rumbles. In the silence, the Kingdom was so alive.
Cecelia's words shouldn't have been so haunting. A crowl. Ellie's could scarcely imagine what the creature was like up close. With a fleshy body, the colour of rotten milk and dripping with slime. It crawled over Ellie, sliding over her skin and consuming her. The ooze went in her mouth, choking her.
"Stop it," she hissed, "stop… stop thinking."
In this world, wargs were not the only predator out to kill. There were millions of them, crawling over realms; in search of flesh. Protected by an ancient society, she was safe from them. Or was she? Ellie trembled. She was so weak and so easy to kill. If Loki hadn't saved her, she would be dead.
Ellie whimpered, tears sliding off her face. She wanted to go home; back to her pathetic apartment, with screaming neighbours and chippy-stinking Landlord. She had missed Doctor Montgomery's therapy session on Wednesday. What day was it? Frigga's incident had been on Monday.
Would she ever see Montgomery again? Or the Chippy Landlord? Would she ever stand between the neighbour's physical disputes again? Probably not. Even if she was in London, safety was impossible. Creatures could cross dimensions like stepping off a bus or train platform. And she was… so weak.
She wandered out the room, momentarily surprised that there were no guards. The corridor was exposed on the opposite side, pillars lining the stone wall. Ellie rested against it, pressing her bandaged leg to it so cold could seep into the healing wound. The cool air liberated the sweat.
Ellie walked along the corridor. Slowly. She craved freedom from the chamber, but also a painless existence. Her leg still ached.
She walked down a winding ramp which led onto a path. Beside her, were gardens molded onto rolling hills. They were laid out for miles it seemed. Ellie could smell the sweet perfume of flowers, hear the chirp of insects hidden in the bushes.
Continuing down, she walked enchanted by the moonlight. It cast a yellow light over Asgard and the stars shined so much brighter. Ellie craned her neck as she stared up at them. With all of the lights of the city, it didn't stop their shine.
A noise broke the peace, ripping through the air with a trampling metallic clatter. Ellie turned, her horizon was suddenly a dark, giant shadow. It rose against the orange sky, crying out.
Ellie yelped and cowered as the horse lost its footing. Its dark rider and stead slipped down the bank, tumbling past Ellie. There was vigorous swearing coming from the rider. He crawled from the ground as the horse gained its stability and continued down to the path below.
"Oh shit," Ellie gasped, approaching him. "Are you okay?"
"Curse that wretched Midgardian tongue," Loki Odinson hissed. His harsh voice was then followed by a groan of pain. Ellie went to him, bending down to reach his anguished state.
"You're hurt," she said. "I'm sorry. I didn't see you."
"Don't touch me," he spat, and Ellie retracted her hands, still wavering in front of him.
"I'm trying to help you, your highness."
"You are Midgardian." Loki struggled to push half of his body weight up. Exhaustion swarmed his face, making his frown protrude. Ellie had seen pain in him before, and now it was her fault. Just like last time. "You should be fetching the guards or healers for me."
Ellie recalled Frigga's words. "You find my entire being-here humiliating," she dropped her voice to a gentle note. "I didn't think you'd want to be carried on a stretcher again, especially because of something I caused."
"Justifying your kindness; how mundane. Why would you help me of your own accord?" he slithered, his voice crawling over Ellie like ice cubes. His Asgardian senses picked up on her pounding heart.
"You saved me from the warg," she said quietly.
"And?"
"I just wanted to help. It doesn't matter than you're a prince. It's the nice thing to do."
In the pale moonlight, three different shadows were cast over Ellie's face. The muscles in her throat contracted as she swallowed her nervousness. In the silence of midnight, the only noise was the pairs breathing.
"Please?" Ellie asked again, raising a hand. "Why are you out here? Frigga said you haven't been able to leave for days."
"Perhaps we are as foolish as each other," he hissed. Ellie laughed gently, agreeing with him and accepting the half-insult. Loki glanced at her. "My horse - bring him to me."
Ellie nodded, shuffling down the hill and approaching the horse. It was more than double her size, with eight legs that kicked the ground. Ellie watched them nervously, finding the creature genetically closer to a gigantic spider.
The horse whinnied and Ellie took a worried step back, earning a sigh of frustration from Loki. "They know when you're afraid of them," he drawled.
"Well, it's making me nervous knowing that it knows that I'm nervous," she said back. There was another beat of hesitation and Loki exhaled dramatically. "It'll be better for the both of us if you bring me to him instead."
Turning around without a second thought, she went back to Loki and placed one of his arms around her shoulders. He groaned, tightening the muscles in his stomach. Ellie limped heavily, struggling to hold the Asgardian's full weight.
"It's laughable," Loki said, his voice strained. "that you fear a horse and yet, you didn't think twice about going near the wargs."
"Maybe it was the adrenaline," Ellie admitted.
"Wouldn't be the first time you had such an outburst."
Rolling her eyes, Ellie huffed. "I woke up on an alien planet. There was a fairy in front of my face. I was either dead or tripping."
"You were neither," was all Loki said. They hobbled beside the horse, both exerting more energy than they could afford. Ellie's eyes darted down to the 6 extra legs hanging beneath the creature and shivered.
"Your father believes I'm a traitor sent to kill you."
"Maybe you are," Loki admitted. "A terrible traitor, might I add. Unless you're disguising the monstrous form of a hag. Are you?"
"What does a hag look like?"
"They are deformed, overgrown women who eat the hearts of children. Balding, with hair sprouting from their ears and noses like rat tails." Loki shot Eurelia a look, almost amused by the fright which took over her face.
"That's quite a description," she said. "You paint me well."
"It's a gift," he drawled unpleasantly. "The stench of a hag is repulsive, or so I've heard."
Ellie scoffed, "definitely must be one. Thank you. Truly."
"The stench of a Midgardian, rest assured, isn't far off." Ellie let out a cry of disbelief, shooting the prince a look, trying to figure out if he was joking. He looked sincere, meeting her brown eyes in the darkness. Ellie coughed.
"So, uh, the stench of a human is as bad as a hag? I shower twice a day, you know. Or I did. Now it's more baths. My apartment wasn't big enough for one…"
"Midgardians stink of ignorance and mortality," Loki interrupted. He was angry again. "You can smell their decomposition. The ones who inhale rot into their lungs stink worse…." He made a noise of repulsion in the back of his throat.
"You can smell me decomposing?" Ellie asked, disgusted.
"Not entirely. It's a faint waft. It leaks off your skin like a fog."
"And all Asgardians think I stink?"
"No. It's complicated. I won't divulge – you wouldn't understand."
Ellie shot him a look. "You said that before – on that night – that I wouldn't understand. I'm not stupid. I might be able to wrap my tiny human brain around something." Loki tensed, clenching his fingers behind Ellie's back. There were several beats of silence.
Loki didn't answer, having already shed enough light on himself. They neared the horse and its front left leg tapped the ground anxiously. Loki shushed the creature, murmuring its name so quietly that even Ellie couldn't hear it.
"What did it mean?" she finally asked, wringing her hands together. "Me touching the stone did something, didn't it? I'm not an idiot. I need to know what's happening."
"And you think I'm the one to tell you?" he retorted sharply. It stung Ellie to be regarded as intellectually inferior of knowledge about herself.
"Yes, you have to tell me!"
"I have nothing to tell you, Midgardian." With a pained grunt, Loki lifted himself up and slid atop the horse naturally. Ellie took a step back. Loki's outline against the moonlight reminded Ellie of the Headless Horseman, but with the head. It was sinister and intriguing.
Loki shot the human one last look. He couldn't muster an inch of gratitude to his lips. Tightening his jaw, he shot Ellie a curt nod and pulled the reigns, taking off into a slow trot back towards wherever he had appeared from.
Ellie wrapped her arms around herself, rubbing her hands up and down the skin. She made her way back towards the stone steps, taking longer to return to bed now her energy was diminished and was left feeling emptier than before.
When Ellie awoke, her head felt like it was packed with cotton balls. Running on little sleep had its terrible perks, she supposed. Before she had time to finish the bread and butter Cecelia left her for breakfast, an irritatingly snippy seamstress appeared.
"Oomph. Do we really need it to be that tight?" Ellie hissed in pain as the seamstress tightened the string around her waist. The old woman was Asgard's finest. Not that Ellie could tell, it was an agonising and embarrassing moment.
"Discard your undergarments," the seamstress ordered. Ellie covered her front and lower region with her hands, eyes wide as she watched the elderly lady pull out another tape measure.
Bare, the cool air made her shiver. She gritted her teeth as the seamstress measured her legs, thighs and hips. Muttering: "terrible child-bearing bones", "less material here" and "hmph".
With the ordeal over, the seamstress gave Ellie garments to wear for the day before her clothes were made and ready. It was a sheer viridian green dress with see-through flute sleeves.
"Is there any chance I can have my bra back?" Ellie asked her as she looked over her reflection in the mirror. "I was wearing one before."
The seamstress appeared over her shoulder, shooting her an agitated glare. The white belt around Ellie's middle tightened. "The Queen has requested you wear Asgardian attire. As for your Midgardian clothing, they were discarded by the sanctuary."
"Oh," Ellie said breathlessly.
With the parting of the seamstress, Cecelia arrived and giggled at Ellie's uncomfortable inability to sit down.
"I feel like I've shit myself," she groaned, awkwardly perched on the ornate chair in front of the vanity.
"You don't look it, my lady." Cecelia parted Ellie's hair, her delicate fingers trying to be gentle with the knots.
"So, Odin wants me to meet a Völva…" Ellie chewed bottom lip. "Völvas tell people's fortune, don't they? We have spiritualist and clairvoyants, and they're not the same thing."
"He's not just a Völva." Cecelia pulled Ellie's curl harshly and tucked it into a larger braid. "He is the Völva. The Völva of Eternity."
"So it'll tell me my fortune? Sort of like a fairground attraction, I s'pose."
"They are seers. They can see the future, the past and present."
Mystical and dangerous. Ellie shivered, thinking about how true Cecelia's words were. Fortune tellers were a type of joke to Ellie; they told her things she already knew. She'd live her life by her spiritual guide. She wasn't ambitious. She is saving herself for marriage
Most of it was completely untrue. Ellie remembered the giggles her and her friends shared over the marital prophecy. "Are they Gods?" she asked, "or Goddesses?"
Cecelia met her eyes in the mirror. "Both," she said.
Ellie followed Cecelia towards the Oratio Hall, not needing assistance anymore. She held the smooth material of her dress, having tripped up the stairs twice.
"Bastard thing," she grumbled, clutching the railing of the stairwell.
Cecelia spared her a glance. "Come, the Seer is waiting." Ellie attempted to speed up her unangelic walking.
"Surely, he'll see me coming, then. Won't he?" Ellie replied saracastically. "Might even tell the King that the attire of Asgard isn't exactly the dog's bollocks."
That one startled Cecelia into shutting her lips and getting the human to the hall as quick as possible. They arrive at the door and Cecelia bowed, insisting she didn't need to be reminded of the Völva's appearance.
Confused, Ellie entered with her eyebrows furrowed. A gasp left her lips, eyes landing on the Seer sat in the corner of the room. He was hunched in a mound of black capes, draped over his body and the floor.
He had no eyes. They were sunken pits of skin, marked with black charcoal and his charcoaled lips were sinister against his grey skin. As the door creaked, the Seer tilted his head in her direction.
The black-lined lips crept into a smile, flashing yellow teeth.
"Welcome Ellie," Frigga said softly. Her voice didn't stop the shivers running down Ellie's spine. Odin approached the human.
"Indeed, welcome, Ellie Adams," he said. "As requested by his holiness Freyr and by the guidance of the councillors of the Nine Realms we hereby introduce you to his graced Völva, a servant of the stars and divulger of the universe."
"Right," she said, her voice hoarse. "Right. O-Of course. Hi, uh, there."
"Come forward, Eurelia," the Völva barked, making Ellie jump. "I've been waiting. You're the talk of the universe." She very much doubted this.
Approaching the Völva, she was overthrown by the stenches of herbs and spices he emitted. There were beads of dried fruit and vegetables draped over his black shawls, shells hung on a necklace and a crown of thorny crystals atop his head. Ellie took the seat opposite him and held her breath.
"The Allfather asked about your soul," he said, his voice like a broken violin. "I wish to know what you ask of yourself."
"M-Me? Uh," she murmured. "What am I doing here?"
"The Gods cursed you as a child. You were a vessel, passing through one place to the other, heaved and towed like cargo until you felt the contents of your being slipping through the cracks," he croaked, tilting his head up as if to look at the sky. Ellie narrowed her eyes, unnerved by the cryptic speech.
"Why am I here?"
"Traitorous blood; you possess not." Odin appeared to shift at this, he tilted his head at the Völva. "However… there is a possession of the soul. You are bound to the Àlkar, you are bound to the snake, and you are bound to the war of the universe."
"What do you mean? The war of… what? I'm nobody. How many times do I have to tell you all? I'm nothing."
"Then why do you crave a purpose?" Ellie's blood ran cold at the Völva's words. He rolled his head side to side, stretching the muscles. "This is your purpose, Eurelia. Return the Àlkar and bring life to the Light which rots in the darkness."
"What if I want to go home?"
"Home is not the orphanage – the leaking walls, the cupboard of nails, the whipping stick, or prayers." Ellie's hand went to her mouth. "Home is not the apartment on the edge of Finsbury Park – the screaming neighbours and dead rats, the festering milk cartons and stale bread. Home is blood, flesh and bone."
"How do you, how do you know about that? Who are you?" she demanded, flaring with anger. "Who, the hell, are you?"
"Our time is over, Eurelia-"
"Adams," she hissed, "my name is Ellie Adams."
"Is it?" The Völva began to laugh, cackling loudly. It took Ellie's breath away, she leaned back with her heart racing. Spits flew from his open mouth, exposing black teeth and missing canines. His tongue was white and painted with mould. She looked to Frigga for help. She simply stared at the Völva, full of understanding and calm patience.
"The offering, Ellie," Frigga said gracefully. "Give him the offering."
Ellie, still disturbed and at a loss, leaned forwards and licked the Völva's hand. He tasted of salt and rose petals. Continuing to laugh, the noise only became louder as he hobbled from the room. His dried food chains rattled against the floor like metal. Ellie listened to the noise become fainter and fainter, until it was gone entirely, and the door was shut.
Odin dragged his fingers along his beard. "Well, now that one issue is clearing. I have another. Ellie, you spoke to your handmaiden about this false God." Her hand tightened around the Rosary, eyes snapping to the King. "You frightened her with your words."
"Are you taking the piss?" she suddenly spat. "That creep just opened me like a book and told me that I'm not allowed to go back home? Shit, you're all insane."
"Ellie," Frigga warned. "It's difficult but do not talk to the King in such a manner."
"Talk to…" Ellie said, borderline hysterical. "Talk to the King like that? How is anyof this normal for you people? Return the Àlkar? I'm not some next level doomsday warrior and I certainly haven't got a clue how to help you with any of this!"
"You will listen, Eurelia," Odin warned, his voice dangerous. Ellie shot him a look.
"You know what? I didn't mean to scare Cecelia. Surely, you know what human beings believe? They don't believe in eyeless creeps, or prophecies and they certainly don't believe in you anymore!"
Odin's head whipped up, exposing his rage filled eyes. "Do not question my knowledge," he retorted. "I have watched over Midgard for thousands of years. I know the nature of Midgardians far more than the likes of a failed philosopher." Ellie leaned back as if she'd been scalded with hot water.
She retorted venomously, "I know more than you think. You can't… belittle me into following you or doing what you want me to do."
"You are consumed, Ellie Adams. Remove yourself from the Midgardian body you are imprisoned inside. I crave not your devotion, nor to replace the petty bracelet you rely upon-"
"Rosary," Ellie growled, unable to control herself.
Odin stopped talking. He lifted his chin, staring down at Ellie over his nose. The grimace on his lips made Ellie feel like dirt on the bottom of his shoe. "You are a child," Odin finally said, his voice raised. "You know nothing of the universe. Your claims have insulted my people and their beliefs."
Ellie held her breath, unable to pull her eyes away from the King. She wanted to look at her feet in shame, but the power of the Allfather consumed her.
"Spirituality, courage and unity is what harmonise the beings of Yggdrasil. The cultures do not divide us," Odin continued. His rage only grew towards the human as he expelled her stupidity. The half-dozen court members watched Ellie with unemotional distrust.
Odin told her about the gossip spreading through the Kingdom; entirely about her. Cecelia had fled to the library and taken a book about Midgard. From this, she had taken Ellie's pride with a pinch of salt and told a guard about it all. The guard went on to tell his Captain and so forth.
Ellie should've known to keep her Heavenly Father inside of her head.
With Odin scolding her, even her thoughts felt unsafe. Ellie wondered if he could read her emotions like a book. Did they ripple through the air in sonic waves? Were her eyes the door to her soul?
"Knowledge is not subjective. It is objective. There are lies and there is truth; and there is the soul. None of these intertwine." Odin stood up from his throne, taking a step down the grand stairway. His dark blue cape slid off the seat, shifting over the smooth floor with a swish. Ellie wanted to take a step back, but her judgement told her to stand her ground.
Odin was the predator, lithe and hungry. Ellie, the prey, had to freeze in the long-grass and wait for the danger to leave her.
"You're not entirely to blame. This world is new to you and the customs are alien. Our speech, our mannerisms are thousands of years apart. So, I cannot blame you entirely for the situations that continue to arise and disturb my Kingdom," his voice, soft and stern, reminded Ellie of the father-figure she never had. It was either entirely wrong, or right at the Orphanage. "Head my warning, Eurelia Adams. Do not disturb the peace in my people."
Ellie lowered her head, her muscles tense and painful. Finally, she understood how pretentious she was. "I'm sorry," she said heavily. "I'm sorry, your Highness. I meant no disrespect to you; or Cecelia; or your people but I feel…"
Frigga took several slow steps towards Ellie, her eyebrows knotted together. "Lost," she finished for the human. "My love, may I speak to Ellie alone? I think we all need to clear our heads."
Ellie was led by Frigga outside. If they were followed by royal guards, Ellie couldn't see them.
In a daze, Ellie felt Frigga's arm looping into hers. It was maternal.
"I'm sorry for shouting at Odin," she said regretfully.
"It's in the past, Ellie. We can't change the past, we only learn from it. Don't let it dwell or you'll feel worse."
"I just want to understand why all of this is happening."
"As do we all. We just cope with the few signs we are given. We have to build a path, no matter how few bricks we are given."
Ellie squeezed her eyes together as tears sprang to them. It had been too long since someone motherly had emitted kindness and wisdom. "I can't Frigga."
"I'm going to help you. I am partly to blame for this whole ordeal, perhaps fully. If it weren't for my clumsiness, I wouldn't have landed on Midgard."
"Yes," Ellie sniffled, "but you might be dead."
Frigga shrugged half-heartedly. "Perhaps. All the past now. Why don't we start with the first step?" Ellie looked up at her expectantly, her brown eyes swimming with tears. "Language."
References:
– Rosary - biblical form of prayer in Catholicism. It is a devotion of honour to the Virgin Mary.
– Loki falling from his horse - Jane Eyre. In Charlotte Brontë's novel Jane Eyre, the protagonist first meets Mr Rochester when he falls off his horse. I feel its quite fitting in foreshadowing Ellie and Loki's relationship.
– The Völva - nordic soothsayer. The description of him as well as the offering is from the tv show Vikings. I like the intimacy of the gesture; its unsettling and uncanny.
Comments:
Guest - hello! thank you for reading! I'm so glad you like this story so far and find Ellie pleasant to follow. Thank you x
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