Sorry for not updating in ages. I wrote this like three weeks ago and kept forgetting to type it up, so by the time I finally got around to it, I was even surprised by some of the stuff I had written! I must apologize here to Austin Powers, who was sadly edited out of this chapter. I own nothing!
The Return of the Cow
Things were going well for Glinda and the bohemians. They had adopted the oompa loompa and were receiving child support from Willy Wonka (which they used to buy pumpkin pie). There had been no raining gummy bears, rampaging munchkins or people tied to the bottom of a lake. Everyone was happy. Except for Galinda. But no one cared, cause they thought she was dead and stuff.
On December seventh, they celebrated Exotic Egg day with a chocolate feast provided by Willy. There was chocolate covered turkey, chocolate covered potatoes and chocolate covered chocolate. Glinda looked around the table, at Mark and Roger, who were debating which was better, lemons or limes, at Maureen and Rob, who were discussing Maureen's last trip to Narnia, and at Joanne and Jeff, who were happy because their names were alliterated. A dog named Riff Raff was also there, but he wasn't really doing anything. The oompa looompa was passed out on the floor. Glinda sighed happily.
Then, all of a sudden, there was a knock on the door. Roger yelped and hid under the table, fearing it was the munchkins returning. Joanne took out her shotgun, fearing it was the chocolate squid salesman. Mark went and opened the door, cause, you know, Mark is smart like that.
All the bohemians were surprised to see that there was no munchkin behind the door, nor was there a salesman, chocolate squid selling or otherwise. It was-
'Elsie!' Maureen cried. 'Oops… I meant to invite you!'
The cow stamped her hoof angrily. 'Of course you did,' she huffed. 'And my name is Bob the 200th!'
Roger looked puzzled. 'When did you change your name to Bob the 200th?' Elsie glared at him.
'That's not the point.'
'Well, what is the point?'
'The point is… I'M GOING TO KILL YOU ALL!' Elsie pulled out a chainsaw. Everyone screamed. 'I've already assassinated Collins.' They all gasped.
'NO!' exclaimed Rob despairingly, picking up a chocolate salt shaker and stabbing himself. Very few people knew that Rob was madly in love with Collins. He had even written a haiku about him. It went like this:
Oh, Thomas Collins,
You are my light in the dark.
I love you a lot.
Alright, it wasn't Shakespeare. But haikus are hard! You're only allowed to use seventeen syllables! Anyway, Rob's love poem didn't matter now, because both he and his love were dead.
'Elsie!' Maureen sobbed. 'How could you kill Collins? He made you mittens!'
Elsie smirked evilly. 'I have joined Galinda in her quest to destroy you all. She will supply me with cupcakes in return.'
'Galinda?' Roger cried. 'I thought Maureen had killed her.'
'What do you mean?' Mark asked. 'Glinda's right here.' He pointed to his sock puppet friend.
'That's Glinda, Mark,' Joanne informed him.
'Yes, Glinda.'
'Not Galinda.'
'Yes, it is Glinda!'
'GALINDA!' Jeff the potato cried. 'Like, with an "a"!'
'Of course Glinda has an "a",' Mark responded. 'Otherwise it would just be… Glind.'
Elsie rolled her eyes and charged at Mark.
'NO!' Glinda screamed as her beloved fell to the ground. She rushed to his side.
'Mark, are you alright?' she asked.
'I'm fine,' he responded, then began coughing up blood.
'Someone call an ambulance!' Jeff cried.
'No, honestly,' Mark told him in between coughs. 'I'm fine.'
'I think your arm is broken,' Glinda sobbed.
'It's not broken, I'm- OW!' he cried as Glinda poked his arm. 'No, really, I'm fine… just… fine…' And with that, he went unconscious.
'Elsie, you used to love Mark,' Maureen reminded the cow tearfully.
Elsie laughed evilly. 'Not anymore,' she said. 'Now I love no one but Galinda.'
'That's right,' a voice from the doorway spoke. 'No one but me!'
