[ Chapter 4: An Empty Weight ]
You look just like your brother... You look just as strong... Are you going to be like him too?
(begin flashback)
The sound of Naruto and Sakura bickering could be heard in the background. Kakashi insisted they all eat out rather than train for the day. Preoccupied with other thoughts, as he usually is, Sasuke excused himself to go to the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror. Though he didn't care to acknowledge it, Sasuke had a handsome face. Dark hair matched his dark eyes, which changed depending on the situation. The change of eye color was a trademark. Red eyes with three black blades within it. It was the mark of the Uchiha. Few people possessed it. Kakashi, however he obtained it, had one eye. Sasuke had a full set of his own. Standing in the restroom alone, Sasuke's stony gaze looked back at a pair of Sharingan. They were so many things at once for him. Sasuke's heart wrenched. So many of his own features bore a strong resemblance to the legacy of his clan. And to that man... He looked so much like him. The eyes, the hair color, the frame shape...
You look like your brother...
You look just as strong...
There is no doubt Sasuke also possessed the same strength and skill characteristic of the Uchiha. To Konaha, the Uchiha is a highly revered clan. Hopes ran high for Sasuke. Everyone knew he had been blessed with that skill and power.
Are you going to be like him too?
Or perhaps it was a curse. Sasuke had always blamed himself for not being strong enough. Could it have been that that man was just too strong? And because he was too strong he went berserk. Was that incident a result of an evil in that man's heart, or had something else pushed him to do it? Sasuke looked into the mirror which revealed a strong set of Uchiha features. He looked like him. Was he going to be like him? The red eyes that looked back at him made no answer.
The color red, the same color as passion, the same color as anger, the same color as blood.
Sasuke tensed up. He couldn't help it. Looking at his own image reminded him of the image of that man. The resemblance was so strong. Looking at his reflection, he could see the inheritance of strength, or he could see the faint image of the man he hated the most. It was sadly ironic for Sasuke. He hated the man he had the most in common with. He loved his blood for the strength it gave him, he also cursed his blood because it was the same that flowed through the veins to that man. What was he really supposed to think.
At that particular moment, he thought of hatred. Looking at himself in the mirror, Sasuke's fist clenched.
Kakashi watched Naruto take on another bowl of ramen.
"Don't you ever stop?" he asked, leaning his elbow on the table.
"Kakashi-sensei," Naruto started after slurpping some noddles "you wanted to take us out, but you're not even eating."
"I think it's because he doesn't want to remove his mask." Sakura whispered.
"Well, since Kakashi-sensei isn't going to eat, I'll eat for the both of us."
"I'm not the only one who hasn't been eating." Kakashi said.
Sakura stopped eating for a second and glanced at Sasuke's untouched food. A look of concern crossed her face. He'd been in there for ten minutes.
The sound of shattering glass came from the men's restroom. Without thinking, Sakura got up and bolted for the door, Kakashi and Naruto following behind her. The three burst into the room, Sakura covered her mouth with a horrified gasp.
Across from her stood Sasuke with an extended arm to the mirror before him. His fist was clenched and was dripping with blood; he had punched it. The blood from his fist splattered on the mirror and on his face and arm. Sasuke glared at his distorted image in the shattered glass. He barely noticed Sakura, Naruto, and Kakashi coming to his aide.
-----Sasuke and Sakura sat on a covered bench as the nighttime rain poured from the sky. Since injuring his hand in the mirror, Sasuke was told to take it easy until it completely healed. Unwilling to stop training completely, Sasuke decided to go running since he wouldn't need his hands. While running, he found Sakura, who was on a nightly walk herself, and asked her to sit with him.
"What are you doing out in the rain?" he asked.
"Me?..." Sakura said nervously. She knew, of course, that he was talking about her since she was the only one there. But she felt odd talking to him at the moment. It was the first time Sasuke invited her somewhere with him. "I was taking a walk."
"It's so late."
"I take walks to calm down when something is bothering me. It's easier to clear my mind when I'm alone."
"I see."
Sasuke leaned over with his elbows resting on his knees. Having gone out in the rain without an umbrella, his entire body was soaking wet. He spent a few moments trying to squeeze water out from his clothing. Sakura who, with an umbrella, was perfectly dry, looked away. Silence filled the air between them. However, it was not the same silence that followed when they walked home together. It was different now that Sasuke was the invitor. Sakura couldn't help being a little nervous.
"What's bothering you?"
She was so lost in her nervousness that it took her a few moments to realize Sasuke spoke. "Well..." she looked over to his bandaged hands "I'm just worried about a few things."
"I see."
"What about you?"
"I wanted to go for a run."
"So late?"
"Since I'm limited to what kind of training I can do, I do a lot of running to make up for it."
"I see."
Ten minutes passed, again, in silence. Then out of no where, Sakura spoke.
"I have bad dreams sometimes..." Sakura started softly and still a little nervous. Sasuke turned to her half-attentively to show that he was listening "They always take place in the same location."
"What kind of place?"
"It's like a plain, an endless one only the ground is of concrete and the horizon is completely black. It's the kind of place were no life is possible. There is no sun, there is no vegetation. It's just a endless, lifeless plain."
"What kind of dreams do you have?"
"I have been dreaming about an emptiness. I would be in that plain and there would be an intense feeling of cold and emptiness. There would be nothing in the plain, but I can feel it. It's a sharp feeling of lament that pierces you at the skin. Fear raises in me every time because it's so deep. It's like peering into a deep pit and fearing what it would feel like if I fell into it. Fearing how that might feel as I fall and how that might hurt when I reached the bottom. And I would be overcome with sadness because I'd that isn't the way to live. NO ONE deserves to live like that, in a cold and empty place. NO ONE."
Sasuke thought in silence. Somehow, Sakura's dreams felt familiar.
-----"I have a place in my dreams too." Sasuke said as he and Sakura stood in front of the Haruno residence. Again, he caught her on a walk during his nightly jog. Again, they spent some time on a covered bench to sit out of the rain. And again, there was little conversation, but the air wasn't uncomfortable. In fact, Sasuke caught Sakura a few times since the first. Each time he asked to sit with her and each time they spent in quiet. Through the span of those few days, both of them realized it wasn't so much that they couldn't have a conversation. Rather, both sensed something else was always on the other's mind. Identifying that was easy enough, making the connection was the problem. No one wanted to open up scars. Sakura was especially cautious about that with Sasuke. She was very keen on being sensitive to him, though he probably didn't realize he needed it.
"I call it Dead Village." Sasuke continued. Sakura listened intently while being careful about not forcing out what Sasuke didn't want to say. "It's a village full of shadows. All the buildings appear pitch black and pierce up in sharp angles. The sky has no sun, but it's blood red... All my nightmares take place there..."
"Sasuke..." Sakura said softly, unsure of what else to say.
"I'd dream of death and murder. People being slashed, blood flying everywhere, screams being screamed... Sometimes I'd be so afraid that I wouldn't be able to move. I'd be stuck in whatever spot I'm in, forced to watch what's happening before me...."
Sasuke looked at a puddle next to him.
"Each nightmare... I've had so many... Sometimes I'm afraid to sleep at night because of it... Maybe that's why I act so cold sometimes, maybe it's because I don't get a lot of sleep... But I wasn't always like this... I didn't always have this kind of nightmare..."
Sasuke's reflection in the puddle rippled from the raindrops. Peering down into his reflection, Sasuke felt himself get tense.
"The nightmares started when that man..."
Sasuke could feel the blood rush to the surface of his skin. Anger began to rise within him again.
"They started when that man fucking massacred his own clan!"
With a burst of rage, Sasuke slammed his right fist into the stone wall of the main entrance. Blood began seeping through the bandages that covered it; his wounds had not fully healed. After a few moments, Sasuke fell to his knees. Sakura bent down to catch him almost simultaneously. She predicted his next few moves. She'd attempted to catch many times in the past; they were merely routine motions at that point. Sasuke wouldn't take notice of her and then move away.
However, it was different. The two stayed in their bent positions for a few moments. The rain began to pour down more heavily. Both of Sasuke's hands held lightly onto Sakura's arm which had been holding him up somewhat. Rather than moving away, he moved towards and into Sakura. Her eyes widened as he pressed his forehead onto her shoulder, his hands still holding onto her arms.
More moments passed in the pouring rain. The two held their partially crouched positions.
"I..." Sasuke began weakly "I don't know where to run..." Sakura felt Sasuke stir a little as he spoke. "I continue to pursue revenge because it haunts me and there is no other way I can escape it. Everything reminds me of him. Even when I'm alone... Whenever I look in the mirror, I see his face instead. Ever since I was young, I looked up to him. People likened him to him. it was set that I would follow his path. Now I can't go any other way, he's someone I will have to face in one way or another..."
Detecting a slight tremble in his voice, Sakura realized he was crying.
"When I think about revenge..." he continued "it's like I'm running after him... But sometimes, it feels like something is chasing me at the same time. And when I feel it, I get scared. I get afraid of the day it catches me... I don't know what to do... The more I run, the farther I feel from reality. It even feels like a part of me... perhaps the real me... was left behind while I was running... It feels so empty running this way... I don't feel like I even have myself anymore..."
Sakura held her position while letting Sasuke silently let out his tears. She bent over as if to further shelter Sasuke. Her expression was sad, but not completely unknowing. His pain penetrated her. As he revealed to her his suffering, she began to feel as if it were her suffereing as well. The sadness in his heart was one she subconsciously knew and felt was already there, it was a feeling she saw in his eyes. The more she saw it, the more she wanted to bear the heaviness of that empty feeling.
After a while, neither knew how much time had passed. But both were tired and both needed to get out of the rain. Sakura reluctantly motioned towards her house, allowing Sasuke to be on his way. As she reached for the handle on the gate, Sasuke's own hand intercepted hers.
"Wait." he said abruptly. "Please... Come with me."
Sakura didn't move. She merely stared before her incredulously.
"Come with me, Sakura... To my apartment...."
(end flashback)
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ff.net is doing some funky stuff to the formatting again. I'm not going to bother very much with trying to fix it. If you get what's going on with the story, we're in good shape. : )
Ah, another big delay in the chapters. To tell the truth, in addition to being kind of busy, I've been having a hard time writing this story up. I promise a few big things in later chapters, but because of that, writing these early chapters is getting a little difficult. I know it's taking a long time for this story to progress, just hang in there with me. It'll end... someday.
