Title: Sudden change of heart
Chapter:
Author: sodapoplover
Warning: Guy/Guy
Pairing: Dallas & Tim
Book: The Outsider (I own nothing! All of these characters are property of S. E. Hinton)
I was almost getting tired of waiting. Soon I saw Darry's truck coming up. He stopped the truck and said, "hop in." I didn't want to hop in. I didn't want to go anywhere. I just wanted to get away. I thought I might be over reacting but it's not every day I lay with a hood. I didn't move. I just stood there like a dumb idiot staring at Darry in the eyes.
"You getting in your not Dal?" he asked impatiently. "O-Oh yah," I said. Man Dal this ain't like you. I never felt stupider in my entire life. I felt like … dumb shit. "Dal, you don't look too good," Darry said concerned as he began driving. Darry didn't look too good either. "I don't feel too good," I mumbled. I could tell he was looking at me from the corner of my eye. One thing I knew was that Darry wasn't stupid and he could tell something was bothering the hell outta me. And something was bothering the hell outta me. It was Tim…
"Look Dal I know you ain't good with talking about personal problems and all but if something's beating you you can tell me." I looked at him. "I bet it's that. What'd you do?" "What?" I asked stupidly. "You look awful." "Yeah?" "I'm sorry Dal." Sorry about what? "About?" I asked blankly. He cleared his throat. "I'm damned about too Dal but there ain't nothing we can do. Just forget, I guess." "What?" I asked angrily. I mean the guy wasn't making any since. "Johnny," he murmured. Again I sat frozen. I can't believe for a minute I forgot all about Johnny and that he's out of my life forever. I forgot he was dead. And all because of Tim.
Then he came back in mind. I gagged.
"Well, we can stop talking about it if it's bothering you," he insisted. "Yah," I said ashamed. I was ashamed. Ashamed I forgot all about Johnny. How could I? The bad thing about it was that I couldn't forget about Tim. And worst, I hoped he was thinking of me as crazy as I was thinking of him. "Look, I'm sorry I left Pony at the hospital alone," I said after minutes of silence. He looked at me. "What's a matter?" He said quietly. I couldn't talk. No, I could have told him, I just didn't feel like it. I didn't even feel like being in this truck. I just wanted to be on a bed. With no one around. No one in the house. Just sleep… all alone. And wake up a day later. Going to Buck's was a mistake. Really was.
"Boy, Dallly. You really don't look good." I stared out the window. "I mean you look like shit," he said as he cleared his throat. Maybe he felt the awkwardness that I did. "I'm fine. Man," I said rubbing the back of my neck, "I'm just really tired. I need some sleep." "Well I don't see why you can't crash over at our house for as long as you want." "Thanks." I felt like sleeping for hours and forgetting everything but part of me didn't want to forget. Part of me wanted to finish what Tim started. I know it sounds stupid but it's a messed up feeling I can't help. And right when I started to close my eyes and fall asleep I saw him.
Tim. He was walking with the Shepard gang. Curly was three feet behind all of them. Tim kept walking flawlessly not even looking at Darry's old truck coming up. He looked straight forward as he explained something important to his gang. I could tell because he had that informative-explaining face. It was almost as if he didn't remember what we did. I was beginning to feel upset. Then Curly made eye contact with me just as the truck made its way by the Shepard gang. It was an ugly glare. Well I got news for the kid. I'm not afraid of him. I could kick that guy's ass if I felt like it. I mean Curly Shepard was strong. Almost as strong as Tim just not smart. Boy, Curly was one slick son of a gun but he just couldn't be clever like his older brother. No one was like Tim. I shook my head. Stop thinking about Tim! If I keep dazing off and thinking about Tim I know for sure Darry would tell something's up. That guy ain't stupid for nothing. I feel kinda bad that Pony has trouble lying to him. It's like he can see through your lies. Creepy. "That kid. I hate the fact that Pony hangs out with him. Nothing wrong about Tim or his brother. I'm just saying I don't want Curly being an influence to Pony. Then he's gonna become a hood and began trashing people's property and he's gonna start smoking even more. The kid smokes enough for Christ sake!" Darry said. "You know become someone like you." I stayed quiet. "No offense Dal," he said shamefully. "None taken," I laughed. "I'm happy with the way I am. I'm tough." Darry chuckled. "And besides I doubt Pony would ever turn like that. The guy's too much of a goodie-goodie. And too smart for that matter." Darry looked at me with shocked eyes. "Did you just compliment Pony?" I did, didn't I. "Yeah, I mean the kid is smart. He's good." I laughed at myself. "Haha, if only Pony were here to hear this."
Finally we made it to his house. I was ready to hit the hay. When I stepped inside I heard Two-bit scream ,"there he is!" Steve got up and came up to me. "Hey man, where the hell have you been?" "I've been out," I said quietly. Two-bit and Steve gave me an awkward glare. "You ok?" they both asked me. "Everyone's been asking him that," Darry said shutting his eyes as he laid on the couch. "Man, I need some sleep," he said tiredly. "Yeah," I said, "what time is it? Why aren't any of you sleeping?" I asked. "It's 3:30-ish. After what happened tonight none of us can sleep." Sodapop said. Steve looked at me sadly. "Pony told us." "Told you?" I asked confused. "Johnny. Johnny passed away," Two-bit said eyeing me suspiciously. Great all I needed was for the gang's goofball to be suspicious about me. "Oh… Yeah," I said pretty carelessly. How dumb. "Well, I'm really tired so if you don't mind I'm gonna go to bed." I walked toward the couch and felt everyone looking at me shocked. I laid my tired body on the couch still thinking about Tim. As bad as I wanted to I couldn't go to sleep. I kept thinking about Tim and why the stupid idea that I liked him came in mind. I laid wondering what was he doing right now. I laid wondering if he was thinking about me. And I hate to admit but it was killing desperately.
After a few minutes Darry went to bed. He told Soda if he wasn't going to sleep to make sure he wakes up early enough to go to work. But when he left Soda whispered to Two-bit that he wasn't planning on going to work tomorrow. He said 'too much shit was going on.' Then Pony slowly walked away and into his room. He almost seemed dead. He shut the door quietly and I knew something was wrong with him. But why shouldn't there be. I mean he's been through a lot of shit these past few days and I should know. He and Johnny brought me into this mess. I didn't mind at all. I didn't expected it but I didn't mind. For a minute I tried to push Tim out of my mind and tried to think of Johnny. Sadly, I failed and I hated myself for that. It was only Two-bit, Steve, and Sodapop up discussing about Johnny in the kitchen. I wasn't asleep. I only pretended and I didn't intend to fall asleep when I heard Two-bit talking about me. He was telling the boys that I wasn't being myself and he wasn't wrong about that. But, I still hated the fact that they were having a conversation about me. It's not like I was gonna sit up and tell them that I could hear them. I would oblivious mess up whatever topic they're gonna bring up about me. "Was it just me or did he not seem to care about Johnny," Two-bit asked quietly. Not quiet enough. "Na, I kinda sense that too," Sodapop agreed. "I thought Johnny was everything to Dal." "Shoot, so did I," Two-bit said. "Come on guys," Steve said, "I'm sure he's hurt about it and just doesn't want to talk about it. Johnny met the world to him and he just doesn't want it to be brought up." I smiled. Good ol' Steve. "Yah, I would feel the same way if it were you," Soda said. I assumed he was talking to Steve. That was his best friend of course. Then I heard smacking noises. What? "Geez, guys don't do that in front of me..." Two-bit whined. "It makes me feel lonely." They all laughed silently. It almost sounded like they were kissing but I could be wrong. Soda kissing Steve? Impossible. But then again it was impossible for me to have kissed Tim. Tim Shepard crawled into my mind once more and with smile I fell asleep.
I woke up to the strict sound of Darry's voice. He was talking to Pony and Soda. About what? I could hardly care. Then I heard him say ,"and if anyone has the time. Check up on Dal. Something ain't right with him.
One he stepped out the house I waited at least ten minutes before "waking up". "Hey," I greeted everyone as I stretched out of bed. "I'm starving," Two-bit said, "anyone wanna go out and eat?" "I sure do. Pony?" Soda asked. "Yah, I'd like to get out." I stayed as they walked out the house. Then Pony popped his head back in. "Ain't you coming Dallas?" I was trying to find the words to say. "Um, na. I'll just stay." He looked at me then Two-bit came in as well. "Naaaaa, "he grinned. "Come Dal, you weirdo you." Weirdo? I was slightly offended. No one jokes around with me like that and I didn't like it. But I didn't comment or argue. I couldn't I was too tired at the moment. Probably made it even more obliviously that something was wrong with me. "How long have I been out?" I asked tiredly. Two-bit looked at me awkwardly. "Man, something ain't right with you." I looked like shit. I felt sad and not to mention I was in pain. I didn't want to go out. I didn't even want to step out anywhere. I just wanted to stay here, I was too afraid to go out. I didn't want to see Tim. But, honestly why should I be scared? I'm Dallas Winston. And Dallas Winston ain't scared of nothing. Am I right? I gave my usual grin and said, "Yah, let's get the hell out of here." Pony and Two-bit smiled at me and I could tell that Pony was sort of happy to see me happy. I guessed- I could be wrong, again- but I guessed if I had some hope even though Johnny was gone, he'd still have some hope. I took a step forward and joined the gang for some breakfast. Some nice delicious breakfast. And what better way than to go out with my best buddies. I had to forget Tim Shepard some way. I put my arm around Pony and gave him a thankful smile. He gave me the brightest smile I've seen him have lately. That sort of made me glad.
"Don't worry," I whispered to him, "we'll be okay without Johnny. I'll make sure of that." And for the first time EVER, what shocked the hell out of me and made me gasped lightly, Ponyboy had hugged me. An embracing horrifying hug with warmth. It took me while- and this shocked me too- but I, Dallas Winston, hugged him back. I put my arms around him and whispered…
"You'll be just fine without Johnny… I promise."
