Kylo Ren had lain in the snow for some time. He ached all over, frost bite threatened to eat away at him each second if he was not moved soon. Barely alive, he felt himself being picked up and placed into the warmth of a ship. He felt the bed underneath him, he heard the roar of the engines and then he realized he was safe.
Safe and all as he was, his body temperature was dangerously low, on the cusp of hypothermia and his injuries made survival look doubtful. Consciousness was not a priority. He did, however, get snippets of sound in between his blackouts. Two voices he knew only too well. One cruel and distinguished. The other rough but passionate.
"Remember, doctor. He dies so do you."
"Well then maybe you should have abducted an actual fuckin' medic, you fuckin' idiot!" As the days (?) progressed, Ren's consciousness was still fitful but he appeared to be stabilizing with the care he received from beyond the dark of his eyelids. She may not have been a medic but she did what she could out of love. General Hux often arrived while she sat at Ren's bedside like any loyal friend would.
She had no defense other than her own venom which was usually enough to get left alone. He was up to something. She knew it. His snide, snarky comments would ring in her mind though. What if Ren didn't wake up? When his consciousness did return to him, however briefly, he always fought to open his eyes, to speak or even just to see her but none of his efforts prevailed. He'd hear things when he was semi awake, usually Normay.
"Come on, Ren. For the love of fuck, wake up." More often than not, she was beside him. "He's drivin' me mental, I need you." He knew who she was talking about. When Ren finally did wake, he was set upon with the tightest hug he had probably ever received. If he hadn't been so sore, he would have returned it gladly.
"Ow! May, off! Off! Oww! OWW!"
"Sorry!" She whimpered, drawing back but leaning forward again after a few seconds, just to be close to him. "Jesus Christ, you scared me."
The scar on his face didn't seem so prominent when his face was motionless but now that he was awake and speaking, it creased into his face in a way that he could probably feel.
"I've missed you so much." She told him quietly; silently grateful that he'd woken. For a while it looked like he wouldn't. "You should rest. If he hears us, he'll come in. I've only just gotten fuckin' rid of him." Ren lay back in the bed and gazed up at her. She did the same back down to him, adjusting her hand on the bed to cover his and give it a light squeeze.
"How did you come to be in such a dreadful condition?" She asked him forlornly after a while, unable to hold her question any longer. "What happened out there?" He didn't answer. The look on his face told her that his pride and his soul had been injured along with his body. Ren moved his hand under her's. She was about to pull it away, sensing unease but he enveloped it in his instead.
"I did something terrible." He answered meekly, shame pouring from his words and diverting his gaze from the silver haired female. He simply looked down at her hand in his and gently stroked her paler skin with his thumb, almost as if to distract himself.
"Ren?" She questioned softly, pulling herself even closer. "Whatever it is, we can fix it-"
"We can't. It's too late. And it didn't even work. I feel no different…. Actually I do. The pull to the light is stronger..." Normay truly began to worry when Kylo Ren's voice started to crack and he still refused to look at her. " I…..I can't face Snoke…."
"Course you can…." She whispered encouragingly with a small smile, obviously not realizing how deep this went. "You'll be fine." Ren couldn't take anymore. They were probably on course to Snoke now. He struggled up, dropped her hand, growling as he forced his body into a sitting position, injuries be damned. She knew this behaviour. Things were about to get nasty.
"Ren." It was like a plea. He wasn't listening. He had hauled himself up, ignoring the stitches in his side that threatened to burst and the bandages on his bare abdomen that had been prematurely disturbed by the sudden movement. She watched despairingly as he prowled the small medical quarter as though looking for prey. Now would not be a good time for Hux to enter the room so she kind of half hope he would. It was not to be.
"Ren, whatever it is…. It can't be that bad….."
"YOU DON'T KNOW!" He rounded on her, his chest heaving from both pain and rage. He stared her down; eyes alight with something she'd never seen in him. She'd talked him down before but this was something else. "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'VE DONE! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO HAVE TO DO!" Kylo Ren allowed himself to fall against the wall behind him, dark shaggy strands falling down into his face to mask the torment.
She waited. There was no point in approaching him until she was sure it was safe. This seemed like the kind of incident he'd have to ride out on his own. She sat and watched as he slowly began to subside, stretching one arm across his chest almost like a calming self-embrace.
"I…. I killed my father." Normay's breath caught in her throat. Had he really just said that? She couldn't see his face but his posture, just slumped helplessly against the wall, screamed regret and anguish. Just then, she didn't care if it was safe or not. Normay's heeled boots carried her across the room, clicking as she went and dragged him into her arms.
What could she say? There was nothing she could possibly say to make this any better. There must have been a reason; an altercation of some sort. Maybe it was an accident. Ren wrapped his arms around the doctor and cuddled her close in a way he'd never really done before, despite the pain that having her pressed up against his wounds caused. He buried his scarred face in her hair and with heavy breaths; the once cruel and vicious Kylo Ren began to sob.
"Ssshhh….." Normay whispered as comfortingly as she could; like she used to when her youngest brother had a nightmare. Ever so gently, she eased them both down onto the floor and just continued to hold him and stroke his hair. "Ren…." She began delicately after a few moments of silence with the intention of putting him back in the bed to prevent him getting a chill.
"Don't call me that." His voice was strained from his outburst but strong with determination.
"I…..What….?"
"Ren…. Kylo Ren…. It's not my real name." The female leaned back so that he had no choice but to remove himself from her hair and look at her. Normay stared him down with confusion, her expression alone demanding an explanation. He realized that while they were close, very close, even in such a short space of time, she knew virtually nothing about him. About his past or his family.
"Ren…. Kylo Ren…. It's not my real name." He repeated solemnly, guilt creeping into his tone. She felt him about to get worked up again and so placed a hand on the side of his face. It worked. "I'm so sorry…." He uttered, placing his forehead against hers, lining their noses together, both their eyes closing at the closeness.
"You gonna tell me your name?" The male hesitated. This was about more than just his name. It would mean leaving behind his progress towards the Dark Side and killing his father would have been in vain. To renounce Kylo Ren was to renounce the Dark. It would mean returning to the life he had known as a child, returning to his mother.
"Ben." He answered suddenly. "Ben Solo." He didn't expect her to stiffen in his arms. Nor did he expect when he opened his eyes to be met with a wounded, betrayed gaze. Normay tore herself from Ben's (?) grasp though he couldn't understand why. The doctor paced the room as though processing this new information. He'd lied to her about his name. Surely that didn't change anything?
"This…. This doesn't change anything, May."
"Yes, it does!" She turned on him suddenly and it killed him to see tears in her eyes. "You killed Han!"
