Here you are the fourth chapter! It's a little longer than I expected but it is the highest point of this story. From now, everything is going to change. I hope you'll like it and that Derek won't be very OOC.

Thank you for your kind support and your awesome comments! Please, keep reviewing, it's only for you that I am writing this story.

Enjoy!


"Meredith. You look... incredible."

"You look pretty good yourself, Derek."

"You haven't aged a day!"

"Same goes!"

They are both beaming at each other in a kind of amazed joy, like someone who's won a raffle and come up to collect a dodgy box of chocolates as a prize and found out it's actually a thousand dollars in cash. They cannot believe their luck.

Actually, a lot can change in almost twenty years.

"So." Derek gestures charmingly at her chair and Meredith sits down. "How have the last fifteen years been?"

"Fine, thanks." She laughs. "What about you?"

"Can't complain." He meets her eyes with the same mischievous grin he always had. "Okay, that's the catch-up done. You want a drink? Don't tell me you are a teetotal now!"

"Are you kidding? I've always been a tequila kind of girl. And I am still!" Meredith smiles. This is going to be a great, great evening.

Two hours later, she is buzzing all over. She is exhilarated. Derek and Meredith are amazing together.

Okay, Meredith hasn't stuck to her resolution regarding alcohol. But that was a ridiculous and stupid resolution. Dinner with an ex-boyfriend is potentially quite a tense, sticky situation. That could have been awkward. As it is, with a few cocktails down her, Meredith is having the best evening of her whole life.

What's amazing is how connected Derek and Meredith are. It's as though they have picked up exactly where they left off, as if the last fifteen years never happened. They're eighteen again. Or, at least, Meredith is eighteen again. Derek is five years older than her. They are again young and big-eyed, sharing wild idea and silly jokes and wanting to explore everything the world has to offer.

Derek immediately started telling her about a play he'd seen the week before, and Meredith countered with an art exhibition in New York (she didn't mention that Finn actually took her), and their conversation has been flying since then. There's so much to say. There are so many memories. They haven't done the tedious list of who-what-when. They haven't exchanged job details, previous relationships, any of that boring crap.

Meredith knows he is single. Derek knows she is single. That is the only update they needed.

Derek has drunk quite a lot more than she has. And he also remembers much more than she does about their time in Greece. He keeps sparking old memories which she'd buried. They've talked about that fishing boat sinking and about that night they played table tennis with those two Australian guys.

"The calamari." Meredith closes her eyes briefly. "I've never had calamari like that in my life."

"And the sunsets," chimes in Derek. "Remember the sunsets?"

"I'll never forget."

"And Richard." He grins reminiscently. "What a character."

Richard was the guest house owner. They all worshiped him and hung on his every word. He was the mos mellow guy Meredith has ever met, fiftyish or maybe older, who'd done everything from attending Harvard to founding his own company and going bust to sailing round the world and ending up on Ikonos, where he married a local girl. He would sit every night in the olive grove, getting gently stoned and telling people about the time he had lunch with Bill Clinton and turned down his job offer. He'd so many adventures. He was so wise.

"Remember the steps?"

"The steps!" Meredith groans. "How did we do it?"

The guest house was set on top of a cliff. To get down to or up from the beach, it was 113 steps, set into the cliff. They used to spring up and down several times a day. No wonder she was so thin.

"Do you remember those old videos of Dirk and Sally?"

"Dirk and Sally!" She exclaims. "Oh my goodness!"

"Partners at the altar, partners on the block," begins Derek in a corny voice-over voice.

"Partners to the death!" Meredith joins in, doing the Dirk and Sally arm salute.

Derek and she watched every singe Dirk and Sally episode about five thousand times, mostly because it was the only box set of videos at the guest house and they had to have something different from Greek news while they were eating their breakfast in the mornings. It's a 1970s detective show about a couple who meet while they're at the police school and decide to keep theur marriage secret while fighting crime as partners.

Meredith has a sudden memory of sitting with Derek on the old sofa in the dining room, their tanned legs tangled up, both wearing espadrillas, eating toast and watching Dirk and Sally, while everyone else was out on the terrace.

"No one I've ever met has seen Dirk and Sally," says Derek. "Or even heard of it."

"Me neither," Meredith agrees.

"The cove." His thoughts have moved restlessly on again.

"The cove. Oh my God." Meredith meets his eyes and it all comes flooding back. She is almost transfixed again with hos, teenage-level desire. The secret cove was where they first got it together. And then again. Every day. It was a little tiny sheltered stretch of sand round the bay. They had to get there by boat, and no one else could be bothered. Derek would sail them there, saying nothing but occasionally flicking her a meaningful look. And she would sit there, her feet up on the side of the boat, almost panting with anticipation.

She looks at him now, across the table. Derek is thinking exactly the same as her, she can tell. He's back there. He looks as intoxicated as she feels.

"The way you nursed me trough the flu," he says slowly. "I've never forgotten that. You cradled my head. You sang me to sleep. I was delirious, but I could hear your voice, getting me through the night." He takes another swing of wine. "You were my guardian angel, Meredith. Maybe I went off the rails because I didn't have you in my life."

His guardian angel. That's so romantic. Meredith is quite interested to know how he went off the rails- but to ask him would spoil the moment. And who cares? Everyone goes off the rails. Then thay come back on the rails. It doesn't matter what they were doing meanwhile.

Now he glances at her left hand. "How come you haven't been snapped up, anyway?"

"I haven't met the right guy." Meredith shrugs casually.

"A gorgeous girl like you? Should be fighting them off!"

"Well, maybe I have been." Meredith laughs, but for the first time this evening her composure slips a little.

And all of sudden, she can't help but have a flashback to the first time she met Finn, at the opera.

"Oh God." Derek is peering at her. "I am sorry, I must have said something. What's wrong?"

"Nothing!" Meredith smiles hastily and blinks. "Just... everything. You know. Life."

"Exactly. Exactly." He nods fervently as though she has solved some massive problem he was wrestling with. "Mer, do you feel as fucked up by life as I do?"

"Yes." She takes a deep slug of her tequila. "Yes, I do. Even more so."

"When I was twenty-three, when we were out there, I knew what I was about." Derek is staring moodily into space. "I had clarity. Bout then you start life and somehow it all gets... corroded. Corrupted. Everything closes in on you, you know what I mean? There's no escape. There's no way to say, Just stop a fucking moment. Let me work out what I want."

"Totally." She nods.

"That was the highest point of my life. Greece. You. The whole deal." He looks gripped by the memory. "Just the two of us, together. Everything was so simple. There was no shit. Is the same for you? Was that the best time of your life too?"

Her mind does a hazy rewind over the last fifteen years. There have been a few high points here and there, but in general she has to agree. She was eighteen. She was hot. She could drink all night with no hangover. When has life ever been better?

Meredith nods slowly: "Best time ever."

"Why didn't we stay together, Meredith? Why didn't we keep in touch?"

"Stanford-New York," she shrugs. "New York-Stanford. Impossible geography."

"I know. But that was a crap reason."He looks angry. "We were idiots."

They had the "impossible geography" conversation many, many times on the island. He had just graduated at Columbia University and was going back to New York, in order to work at his father's company. Meredith, on the other hand, was going back to Seattle and then she enrolled at Stanford.

It was only a matter of time before it ended. There was no point trying keeping things going beyond the summer. The days after the fire were awkward and weird. Everything started falling apart. They were all billeted in different guest houses, all over the island. People's parents swooped in. some actually arrived on the next boat, with money, clothes and replacement passports. Sadie, Meredith's friend, left to Australia, where her mother used to live at that time. The party was over.

"Weren't we planning to meet once in Los Angeles?" It comes back to Meredith in a flash. "But then you had to go to San Diego with your father."

"That's right." He exhales sharply. "I should have bailed out on him. I should have switched to Stanford." His eyes suddenly focus on her. "I've never met anyone like you, Meredith. Sometimes I think what an idiot I was to let you go. What a fucking stupid idiot."

Her stomach turns an almighty somersault and she almost chokes her tequila. At the back of her mind, she was kind of hoping he could say something along these lines. But not so soon. His blue eyes are boring into her expectantly.

"Me too," she says at last and takes a forkful of her salmon.

"Don't tell me you've had a relationship better than ours. Because I sure as hell haven't." Derek bangs the table with his fist. "Maybe we got our priorities screwed up. Maybe we should have said, Fuck university, we're staying together. Who knows what might have happened? We were good together, Meredith. Maybe we've wasted the last fifteen years not being together. Don't you ever think that?"

His speed is taking her breath away. She doesn't know how to react, so she stuffs some more salmon into her mouth.

"We might be married by now. We might have kids. Mi life might make sense." He's almost talking to himself.

"Do you want kids?" She says before she can stop herself.

She cannot believe she has just asked a guy on a first date if he wants kids. She should be struck off. Except... this is not a first date. If it's anything, it's a millionth date. And he mentioned them first. And, anyway, it's not a date at all. So.

"Yes, I want kids." His intent gaze lands on her again. "I'm ready for a family, prams, going to the park, all that shit."

"Me too." She feels tears spring to her eyes. "I am ready for a family, too."

"Remember the pact?" His question takes her by surprise.

No way. Adrenaline had flooded her body. Her lungs are squeezed so tight, she can't breathe. She didn't think he'd remember the pact. She wasn't going to brig it up. It was a teeny, tiny, jokey promise they made once. It was nothing. It was ridiculous.

"Should we exercise it?" he's looking at her frankly. She thinks he might be half serious. Or serious. No. He can't be serious-

"Bit late," she manages, her throat tight. "We said if we were unmarried at thirty. I'm thirty-three and you are thirty-eight."

"Better late than never." She feels a fresh jolt. His foot has found hers under the table and he's edging off her shoe. "My flat's nearby," he murmurs. Now his hand is taking hers. Her skin starts tingling over. It's like muscle memory. Sex memory. She knows where they're heading.

But... but... is that where she wants to head? What's going on there? Think, Meredith.

"Would you care to see the dessert menu?" The waiter's voice snaps her over of her trance. Her head jerks up and she takes the chance to whip her hand away from Derek.

"Er... Thanks." She scans the dessert menu, her cheeks beating with blood, her mind circling furiously. What does she do now? A little voice inside her head is telling her to rein in. she's totally playing this wrong. She's making a mistake. She has a terrible sense of déjà vu, of things following the same old pattern. All her long-term relationships have started like this. Handòholding over a table. Pulses racing over her body. Nice underwear, everything waxed and hot, inventive, fabulous sex. The point is: the beginning is never the problem. It's afterward. She is feeling a strange conviction she has never felt before. She needs to change everything she's doing. Break the pattern. But how? Derek has taken her hand again and is kissing the inside of her wrist, but she ignores him. She wants to marshal her thoughts.

"What's wrong?" He looks up, his mouth against her skin. "You're tense. Meredith, don't fight it. This is meant to happen. You and me. You know how it is."

His eyes have that languorous, drunken sexy look she remembers. She's already feeling turned on. She could surrender and have a sizzling, delicious night to cheer herself up. She deserves it, after all. But what if there's a chance of more than a great night? How should she play this? What does she do?

"Derek, you have to understand." She pulls her arm away again. "It's not like when we were young, okay? I don't want just a shag. I want... other things. I want marriage. I want commitment. I want to plan a life together with someone. Children, the whole lot."

"So do I!" He says impatiently. "Weren't you listening? It should have been you all along." His eyes are burning into her. "Meredith. I never stopped loving you."

He loves her! She feels a rush of tears and, looking at him, it comes to her that she never stopped loving him either. Maybe she didn't realize it, because it was a kind of low-level, steady love. Like a background hum. And now it's swelling back up into full-blown passion.

"Nor did I," she says, her voice trembling with sudden conviction. "I've loved you for fifteen years."

"Fifteen years." He's clinging to her hand. "We were insane to let each other go."

The romance of it all is overwhelming her. Talk about a story to tell at a wedding reception. We were apart for fifteen years, but then we found each other again.

"We have to make up for lost time." He crushes her fingers to his mouth. "Darling Meredith. My love."

His words are like a balm. The feeling of his lips on her skin is almost unbearably delicious. For an instant she closes her eyes. But, no! Alarm bells are ringing.

"Stop!" She whips her hand away. "Don't! Derek, I know this will play out and I cannot bear it. Not again."

"What are you talking about?" He stares at me, baffled. "All I did was kiss your fingers."

After the waiter has brushed away the crumbles from the table, she launches in again, her voice lowered and trembling.

"I've been here before. I know what happens. You kiss my fingers, I kiss yours. We have sex. It's awesome. We have more sex. We're besotted. We go on mini-breaks to the Hamptons. Maybe we buy a sofa together. And then suddenly it's two years later and we should be getting married... but somehow we don't. We've gone off the boil. We argue and we break up. It's hideous."

Her throat is tight. It's so miserable and so sad.

Derek looks bewildered by the scenario she has painted.

"Okay," he says later, eying her warily. "Well- What if we don't go off the boil?"

"We do! It's the law! It always happens!" She exclaims, her eyes full of tears. "I've gone off the boil with too many guys. I know."

"There's a good reason you went off the boil with those guys." Derek tries. "They weren't the right ones. But I am!"

"Who says you are the right guy?"

"Because... because... Oh God! What will it take?" He runs his fingers through his perfect hair. "Okay! You win. We'll do it the old-fashioned way. Meredith, will you marry me?"

"Excuse me? Shut up!" She scowls. "You don't have to make fun of me."

"I mean it! Will you marry me?"

"Ah Ah. Funny."

"Will you marry me?"

"Stop it!"

"Will. You. Marry. Me?" Now he's speaking more loudly. A couple at the next table look over and smile.

"Shush!" She says. "It's not funny."

To her utter shock, he gets out his seat, kneels down and clasps his hands. Meredith can see other diners turning to watch.

"Meredith Grey," he begins, swaying slightly. "I've spent fifteen years chasing pale imitations of you, and now I'm back here with the original I should never have let you go. My life has been darkness without you and now I want to switch on the light. Will you do me the honor of marrying me?"

He's actually proposing.

"You are drunk." She parries.

"Not that drunk! Will you marry me?"

"But I don't know you anymore!" She gives a half laugh. "I don't know what you do for living, I don't know where you live, I don't know what you want in life-"

"Paper supply. I moved to Bellevue almost two years ago. To be as happy as I was when I was with you. To wake up every morning and shag your brain out. To make babies who have your eyes. Meredith I know it's been years, but it's still me. It's still Derek." His eyes crinckle in the way they always did. "Will you marry me?"

Meredith stares at him, breathing hard, her head is ringing. This is beyond all her fantasies.

He wants to get married! He wants kids! A noise is playing at the back of her mind. She thinks it could be violin music. Maybe this is it!

She takes a swag of water and tries to fight a way through her swirling thoughts. Let's be sensible. Let's just think this through carefully. Did they ever argue? no. Was he a good company? Yes. Does she fancy him? Hell, yeah. Is there anything else she needs to know about a potential husband?

"Do you have any nipples pierced?" She asks with sudden foreboding. Pierced nipples really aren't her thing.

"Not one." Ben spreads his arms. "All you need to do is say Yes."

Maybe she spends most of her life messing things up because they think too much. Let's not overthink this one. Fuck it, they have wasted enough time. Her head is whirling. She tries to stay rational, bout she's losing her footing. Is this real? Is he just talking her to bed? Is this the most romantic moment of her life or is she an idiot?

"I... I think so," she says at last.

"You think so?"

"Just... give me a moment."

She grabs her purse and heads to the Ladies'; she has to think. Clearly. Or at least as clearly as she can.

It could work. She's sure it could work. But how can she make it work? How can she not fall into the same old patters as all her my other dead-end, fizzle,out relationships?

Her mind starts ranging over other first dates with other boyfriends. Other beginnings.

How can she do differently? What can she not do that she normally does?

Suddenly she recalls the words of that mad old woman in the restroom of Space Needle restaurant.

"Men are like animals. As soon as they catch their prey, they eat it and then they fall asleep."

Maybe she wasn't so mad after all. Maybe she had something. Abruptly, the answer comes to her. She, Meredith Grey, is going to reverse the pattern. She is going to the opposite of what she had done with all her previous boyfriends.

She meets her eyes in the mirror and she looks a little wild. If she was exhilarated before, she is euphoric now. She feels like a scientist who's discovered a new, game-changing subatomic particle. She is right. She knows she is right.

She strides back into the restaurant, staggering a little in her heels, and approaches the table.

"No sex." She says firmly.

"What?"

"Until we're married. No sex." She sits down. "Take it or leave it."

"What?" Derek looks flabbergasted, but she just smiles serenely back. She is brilliant. If he really loves her, he'll wait. And there'll be no chance of anyone going off the boil. None. And the best part is, they'll have the hottest honeymoon ever. They'll be connected and united and blissed out. Exactly like honeymooners should be. Meredith pictures him naked, in some gorgeous hotel bed, surrounded by rose petals. Just the idea makes her quiver.

"You're kidding." His face has completely dropped. "Why?"

"Because I want things to be different. I want to break the rules. I love you, yes? You love me? We want to make a life together?"

"For fifteen years I've loved you." He shakes his head. "Fifteen fucking years, we wasted, Meredith-"

She can tell he's going to start another speech.

"So." She cuts him off. "We wait a bit longer. And then we can have our wedding night. A proper wedding night. Think about it. We'll both be gagging for it by then. Absolutely... gagging." She reaches under the table with her bare foot and slowly walks it up the inside of his leg. His face is transfixed. For a moment neither of then talk. Let's say they're communicating in a different way.

"Actually..." he says at last, his voice thick. "That could be fun."

"A lot of fun." Meredith nods eagerly. She unbuttons her top a couple of notches and leas forward, giving him maximum view of her uplift bra. Her other foot is moving up to his crotch now. Derek seems unable to speak as something is stirring below his belt. "Remember the night of your birthday?" She says huskily. "On the beach? We could reprise that."

if they reprise that, she is wearing protective knee guards. She had scabs for a week. As if he's reading her mind, Derek closes his eyes and groans: "You're killing me."

"It'll be amazing."

"Do you know how hot you are? Do you realize how badly I want to get under this table right now?"

He grabs her hand and starts nibbling at the tip of her thumb. But this time Meredith doesn't move away. Her entire body seems wired to the feel of his lips and teeth on her skin. She wants them everywhere.

"Wedding night, huh?" He says at last. Meredith bare foot is still massaging the inside of his thigh and she can feel he's enjoying it. All still in working, then.

"Wedding night." She nods.

"You realize I'll die of frustration meanwhile?"

"Me too. And then I'll explode."

Meredith gasps as he suckled her thumb. They need to leave soon, before the waiter will be telling them to get a room. And when Finn hears about his-

No, Meredith. Don't go there. This has nothing to do with Finn. It's fate she knows all that is rushed, but it feels so right. And if there's still a soreness deep in her heart, then this is like some magical soothing lotion. She was meant to break up with Finn. She was meant to be miserable. The karma for her suffering is that now she gets a wedding ring and the hottest sex of her life.

His eyes are glazed and Meredith is breathing more and more heavily. She's not sure she can stand this.

"When shall we get married?"

"Soon." He sounds desperate. "Really, really soon."