Cowboys-and-coffee - Thanks again for reviewing! Yeah I have a love/hate thing going on with Derek also and I'm glad that its coming across. I mean the guy is seriously flawed when he can't see how great our stunning red head is, but when he does it makes it even more beautiful! And thanks for the Meredith compliment, I wasn't sure at first whether to indulge in her view but something was missing if i left her out (mainly some good old fashioned whinning, oh the woe)

simbagirl - Awww thank you so very much! I'm glad you're enjoying it! Addek is the only way to go ( but i feel that maybe you have to scoot around Merder to get an even better appreciation for it lol)! They're such a great couple, they're hot when they're all loved up and fiesty when they're not. Damn that chemistry!

devane - A big thank you to you also!! I think Derek is driving me a lil bit crazy too, especially as it seems that he may be a flip-flopper for a while longer (i love that word 'flip-flopper', made me chuckle) And don't worry other fav characters will be popping up more often in the next few chapters to add a bit of spice

Thanks to all you guys so far for reviewing, I really appreciate your comments and as long as you guys are still reading i'll keep writing. Lexi-Nou xxx


"I'm Dr Shepherd." Addison told Ciara Jenkins with her best comforting smile. The 15 year old girl looked completely in a state of shock as she sat up right in the hospital bed, her forehead badly cut and bruised, her eyes blood shot and swollen. Bailey said that she was in a car with her boyfriend. Young and reckless they had been racing friends down the block but it was raining and the roads were slippery and sent them spinning and crashing into the side of the local 7-eleven.

"I haven't..."she stuttered and paused and looked up at Addison's baby blue eyes and began to well up, placing a hand over her stomach she shook her head. "I haven't felt it move since the accident...I think…I think it could be,"

"We're just gonna smear some of this onto your stomach and then we'll take a look hey?" she interrupted pulling the scanner along side and grabbing her jelly. She could see sadness in the girl's eyes and her heart sank. They both knew deep down that with the extent of her injuries and the shock there was no way that that baby could have survived. Addison gave her hand a slight squeeze before lifting up her top to reveal a badly bruised stomach and ribs. Addison began to roll the scanner over Ciara's stomach, her youthful skin had tiny little stretch marks dotted along. They would be a permanent reminder. "How far along are you Ciara?"

"Oh bout 7 months." Addison raised her eyebrows slightly in shock.
"I know, I was 14. But it just kinda happened. We were in love, he loved me and well it felt right you know. I wanted to show him how much I loved him and...I just forgot one thing, careless I know." she blushed a little and sighed.

"I was actually envying you on how slim your figure is and what a perfectly tiny bump you had." Ciara chuckled some more. Addison smiled a bit of relief. It was good that she was relaxing and opening up to her. She wanted to make this easy.

"My mum was the same with me. Good genes." As Addison rolled over the bump she looked at the monitor and felt Ciara's hand clasp around hers. "You don't have to tell me. I know." her eyes were watery but her face brave and she wiped her tears away with the back of her hand. Addison chewed her bottom lip until it bled as the baby laid perfectly still in Ciara's womb. "He looks peaceful right? You don't think he was frightened?" her voice quivered and eyes beamed up at her eyes big and wide and Addison remembered that she was talking to a 15 year old girl. One brave girl.

"No. He wouldn't have felt a thing." There was a relief in Ciara's face and Addison felt that some comfort was better than none.

"Good." Ciara placed her hand upon her stomach and gave it a slight rub. Addison turned towards Bailey who stood with pity in her eyes at the young girl, her eyes flicking back and forth between her and the monitor and Addison knew that she was thinking about her own son and how lucky she was.

"Would you like me to see if you're boyfriend is fixed up? I'm sure he'd to know." Bailey offered pointing towards the corridor when the young lad laid out, his leg in plaster. Ciara shook her head her braids dancing across her shoulders.

"He's not the father. The father did a runner. Sometimes love just isn't enough." she said simply and slipped down her t-shirt to cover her bump as if to say goodbye. The girl was wise beyond her years, Addie thought to herself. Why couldn't love be enough? Why couldn't Derek remember the love they had and think of the love they could have? Her throat dried and she cleared it with a cough, silencing the room.

"What's going to happen won't be nice." she warned, placing the scanner back on the trolley and placing away the jelly, taking her hand in hers and warming it slightly. It was so cold. Her finger tips like ice and it trembled in her clasp. Ciara nodded.

"In a strange way it's a blessing." Addison looked to Bailey as her hand slipped around her wrist, her fingers pressing into the skin. "I wouldn't have been a very good mum and he, he over there doesn't love me, not really, and he didn't even know I was pregnant when he got with me. He's just doing the honorable thing. It wouldn't have worked in the long run. I couldn't have done it by myself." Her voice slowed and turned to a whisper. "This...this is easier." her eyes shut and hand went limp in hers.

"Call the crash team!"

Meredith gave Mrs. Kent the thumbs up as she checked over her charts and passed her the pills and water. The old lady popped them in her mouth and smiled. "Can you raise your tongue please Mrs. Kent." Mrs. Kent rolled her eyes and swallowed hard and proceeded to open her mouth and reveal its now empty contents to Meredith who smiled warmly with approval.

"Sometimes you people treat me as a child." Mrs. Kent folded her arms over her chest sulkily and turned to the window. Meredith thumbed her fingers through the blinds to see only the dreary darkness of cloud that had began to take over the city.

"Mrs. Kent, George…I mean Doctor O'Malley informed me that you have this habit of hiding your pills under your pillow until you have your free hour where you attempt to sell them to the patients on psych claiming there magic beans." a mischievous grin spread across her face.

"Me dear? I swear that O'Malley he's a nice enough boy but he has a wild imagination."

"In return for cigarettes!" Meredith added as Mrs. Kent rolled her eyes in defeat, pulling open her side draw and thrusting the young intern her carton.

"It's tough you know. A woman my age having to give up smoking! I've been smoking my entire life and now, now you want me to quit." she huffed and puffed with a playful tint in her surprisingly bright hazel eyes.

"Mrs.-"

"Please Dear Call me Violet."

"Violet." Meredith began, her attention wavering as she watched Derek pass the door and look in on her briefly. It made her go hot under the collar. She stuttered and stalled and her cheeks began to flush bright red. She was glad that Bailey wasn't around to see her fault.

"I know I know if I don't stop then you can't operate. I heard you the first time. But I'm an addict and I'm stubborn and I'm used to getting my own way so it's just going to take time." The old woman jeered smoothing down the side of her bed and thumbing the white cotton of her sheets. "Now you are going to give me your excuse."

"Excuse me?" Meredith turned around shocked only to be met with Violet's intimidating motherly glare and a pat firmly on the side of her bed.

"You can't hide anything from me girly. Now sit yourself down and tell me why it is that when ever that dishy doctor with the dark hair and tight ass walks by you go all beetroot on me."

"Violet! I do, I do don't I!" Meredith sat down defeated. "We had this thing, once, a while ago. But he had a wife."

"Oh." Violet grinned practically from ear to ear with excitement.

"He still does. She works here too. But I didn't know because they were separated. But now they're trying again. And last night, last night we..."

"You're his dirty little mistress!" She bellowed and Meredith hushed her instantly. Violet shrank into her pillow and placed her wrinkled bony finger to her lips pressing it with a smirk.

"But I'm seeing this guy, Finn, and he's such a nice guy."

"But he's boring." Meredith shook her head. "No dear he is. He doesn't make you go beetroot and he doesn't make your heart flutter and those butterflies...they just don't spread their wings in his presence do they?" Meredith shook her head shamefully and collapsed her head into her hands. "I should know!" Meredith let out a slight laugh and pushed her hair back from her face, starring out of the door towards where Derek had previously been. "Don't end up like me dear. 70 odd wishing you were 21 again! You only get one chance in life and if you think that you could have a second chance of happiness with this man that does make you get butterflies then you have to grasp it with both hands!"

"But Finn?" Violet took Meredith's hand in hers and rubbed it tenderly and for a second it felt to her as if she was sharing a secret with her mother when she was little. That touch, that sensitivity and care. That bit of advice and support was all she needed. Violet turned to her and clenched her tightly.

"Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind." Mr. Kent brushed through the doors and Meredith shot up as Violet slunk even further back into her pillow, her head turning once again to the blinds. The old man smiled wearily at her as she passed with a slight nod and watched as he settled himself down in the chair beside her bed and began to fill in the crossword, not a single word passing between them.

"Addison! Addison wait up!" Addison was practically power walking along the corridor, in extremely high heels. It was something that amazed and baffled Derek as he attempted to catch her hand as she passed him but failed, barely grazing her finger tips.

"Not now Derek." She smirked to herself a little, normally it was the other way round, it was her running after him and he dismissing her. But now was not the time. Her head was full and cloudy and she needed space, just a moment or two to process what had just happened. She pushed open the family room door and slumped herself down heavily onto the sofa sinking into the creases. The nursing staff hadn't opened the blinds from the night before and the room was dark and still. It had a musty smell that no matter how much cleaning products were used couldn't budge. It was the smell of nerves and fear and worse of all grief. She looked around the room and remembered how many time she had found herself being the barer of bad news or holding the hands of nervous relatives trying to be of comfort. She let out a huge sigh and before she knew it tears began to trickle down her face. She wasn't sure why she was crying. She had grown strong, caring but strong and tried never to let patients get to her. Yet she sat in the dark feeling weak and pathetic crying into the palms of her hands.

Derek opened the door quietly and peered in. Addison looked small and sunken, hidden by the shadows but he could tell from the quiet muffles that she was crying. She looked so helpless and vulnerable alone in the shadows and instinct took over. He walked towards her and sat down beside her, slipping an arm over her shoulders and drawing her in close to him. He ran his hand up and down her back and smoothed her hair tenderly. "Tough day?" he asked and she nodded blowing her nose on the tissue he handed her out of his pocket. She half expected Meredith's knickers to appear but she made and mental block and focused on the feeling of her being in his arms.

"I think things have just gotten on top of me that's all." He wasn't completely convinced but he remained silent just holding her. She was warm and soft and for a while fragile. He didn't like to admit it but he loved her most when she was like this, when her walls broke down and he could take care of her. Addison had a way of holding things all together so much so that it felt unbelievable, but here crying in his arms, he remembered that she wasn't wonder woman, she had feelings too and a pang of guilt twinged in his heart. "She was 15 Derek. She lost her baby and she looked up at me and she was so strong. I don't think I could ever be as strong as that." He shook his head at the strongest person he knew. "Do you know what she told me? That it was easier this way! How could losing your child ever be easy?"

"She was 15 Addie. Naive."

"And now, now someone else has lost their baby. It's not right Derek, it's just not right." He drew her closer and rocked her tighter. He knew that sometimes Addie's job could affect her more than anyone else could realise.

"Some things just aren't meant to be." She raised her head and looked up at him deep in the eyes. Those blue eyes that made her knees weak. She could see into his soul, she could see a side of him that she knew no one else ever would.

"Do you think so? Do you think that's why we --"

"You know I've finished for the day." he interrupted shuffling her in a more up right position as he stood up and made his way to the door. "Do you fancy grabbing some take out, take it back to the trailor? I don't know if I fancy cooking." Addison starred blankly at her husband. His frame had slunk a little and his hands fidgeted nervously by his side. She swallowed hard and wiped the tears from her eyes harshly with the back of her hand, taking in a deep breath and shook her head. She got up and straightened out her jacket and fixed her hair back into place from his ruffling.

"I've still got some things to do. You get what you want, I'll just pick up something here and I'll see you later." He nodded and the pair exited the room and went their separate ways. She stopped half way and turned back to see him walking past with out a care. It had been the first time they had talked all day and he still couldn't say the words she wanted to hear.