Labyrinth – Lessons Learned

Chapter 3: Dread

"You are . . ." he said, voice little more than a whisper,"Very beautiful, you know." The man seemed almost hesitant to speak the words. As if he was embarrassed. How sweet!

She felt giddy and light-headed. Was this because of the dance? Because of the compliment?

With a tiny smile, she rested her head against his jacket. Such a very nice thing for him to say. She enjoyed being beautiful.

His jacket was blue and it glittered in the dim lighting of the candles. The room looked blurry. It wasn't that her head was hurting, it was simply . . . spinny. Yes, that seemed like the right word. Spinny. The room was spinny, not only blurry.

"Much better looking than the rest of . . . these . . ." Sarah implied, waving her hand at the other dancers. Then, she stopped speaking, because she didn't know what to call them. They obviously were not human. Everyone in the room looked frightening, not to mention fascinating. (Was that a person with antlers coming out of his head?)

The man chuckled, taking her words as a joke, although it was more of a question, since Sarah felt confused. Really, who were all these people? Where was this place?

Part of her mind seemed to know the answer – she was dreaming! It was a vision that she had dreamed of before, several times. But she didn't know how to control the dream. She could only watch.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Monday morning, she ate two bowls of cereal. Bran flakes had never been so delicious, she thought. And her stepmother seemed pleased to see her consuming so much breakfast. Sarah didn't stop to discuss it.

Nope. She didn't have time to chat. She was a girl with a mission. Once the first class began, she would pretend to be sick, and go straight to the nurse's office. Maybe the nurse would have a professional medical opinion about her stomach flu, one which involved Not Being Pregnant. Because that still didn't seem possible.

As she walked to school, Sarah became nauseous only three times! Once at the corner of a wide street, when she smelled car exhaust. Once, while she walked by the laundromat. And once, as she passed the bakery, when she detected cookies. Apparently, the odor of bread didn't bother her, but cookies were awful.

Upon entering the nurse's office, she was greeted kindly by the older woman, whose name tag read 'Mercy' in bright blue letters. Sarah had never taken the time to visit their school health center, so she hadn't known the woman's name. Now, she felt a pang of sympathy. A nurse named Mercy – that could only invite puns from silly teenagers.

The lady didn't seem to be bad-tempered about it, though. When she saw the direction of Sarah's gaze, she just winked. "Yes. It's destiny. I was meant to be a nurse."

"Oh, I didn't mean . . ." The brunette was embarrassed to be caught staring. Especially because she was not planning to mock the poor woman's name. She had merely considered how other students probably did.

"How can we help you, today?" Nurse Mercy continued, over-riding any attempts at apology.

"Um. . ." stammered Sarah. Until this instant, she hadn't considered how to phrase her question. "Well, I . . ."

Once more, the plump, homely woman took charge of the conversation. "When boys come in here, any number of things could be wrong," she announced merrily. "But when girls visit me, it is usually one of two things."

Giving the nurse a wide-eyed look of alarm, Sarah hunched her shoulders slightly. Was it so obvious? Then, she realized the lady hadn't actually said what two issues brought most girls to the office. "What two things?" she asked.

"Ah! I've been caught!" the nurse replied. "I thought perhaps you would tell me."

Sarah rolled her eyes. That was a silly trick. But at least, this woman was in a good mood. Maybe it would help.

"I was wondering if you knew . . . are there any other reasons for . . . nausea and feeling fat?" Sarah began slowly, with several false starts. "Other than pregnancy, I mean?" It seemed important that she mention pregnancy was not the answer she hoped to hear.

"Oh, yes," Mercy replied jovially. "Hormonal changes from ceasing to take birth control pills or changing the type, even stress – all these things can cause drastic difference in our body."

Relief poured over her like cool, refreshing rain. She had been so focused on an idea that she wasn't willing to accept, but now, she realized there were other possibilities. That was wonderful! Sarah felt better immediately.

It must have showed in the way her posture changed. The nurse laughed. "You were rather concerned, I see," she added. "Honestly, you know more than I, about what sort of activities you have been doing. If there's reason to think . . ."

"No!" Sarah protested, "No, no. I'm not. I mean, I didn't. I haven't." Even getting the words out started to fluster her.

"All right, dear," the nurse smiled, patting her on one arm. "I'm not trying to insult you. Just keep track of what has been happening, and if it continues for . . . let's say . . . longer than one week, you return to the Health Center again?"

Sarah agreed. Really, she did feel a great deal improved, merely hearing a knowledgeable person say there were other reasons to be sick the way she was. As she stood to leave, the nurse told her one last story. "You know how I learned I was pregnant?"

Sarah shook her head.

"I woke up – and I just knew!" Mercy winked again. "My doctor didn't believe me, because it hadn't been long enough, he said, for any signs to appear."

They both smiled and exchanged a few more pleasantries. Enormously relieved, Sarah went to her next class. It wasn't until she sat in the desk, when she processed what the nurse had actually said. Ceasing birth control. Changing the type of pill. Stress.

She had never used birth control pills, so she couldn't have stopped or changed them. And she hadn't been particularly stressed. Not before all these symptoms showed up, at least.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Another week passed. Sarah's health didn't improve. She could not eat properly, and she skipped meal after meal with her family. Finally, last night, Karen had gone on the war-path. The stepmother had insisted that she remain at the table, even if she didn't eat. Then, to be kind, the woman had offered Sarah every type of food on the table, repeatedly. When Sarah politely demurred, Karen had offered to cook anything – anything else! – that Sarah might desire.

It had been mortifying to see the insulted, distressed look on her stepmother's face, because she kept turning down these generous offers. Thus, Sarah had surrendered to fate – she ate a heaping portion of all the foods that they had for dinner. It comforted Karen a lot. And it made Sarah spend the next few hours in the bathroom. Luckily, no one else noticed, since she used the bathroom in the hallway, while her parents had their own bathroom in the master suite.

Despite the fact that she didn't want to believe it, she was tempted to suspect she was. . . pregnant. All signs pointed in that direction. Sure, there could have been one or two other causes, but then, she wouldn't have remained sick for such a long time. Even the nurse had implied symptoms should disappear after one week!

Denial turned to dread. What would she do? If she was really pregnant, then she would have to tell her parents. They were going to notice, eventually. It wasn't something that one could hide forever. Maybe she could wear baggy dresses and eat too much food and gain lots of weight, and then, she could tell people that she became fat from over-eating? Hmm. No. Maybe she could run away from home? That idea had potential . . . but it wouldn't solve the real problem.

What would happen when her father, her family learned the truth? She didn't even know. In fact, she couldn't tell them the whole truth, because they wouldn't believe it.

Perhaps the tale would sound better if she framed the Goblin King as a bad-guy. He wasn't very nice. A trustworthy, decent person wouldn't do this sort of thing to a young girl. It was like date-rape. Even if she seemed to consent, that peach had been drugged! She clearly hadn't been herself. So, he was an evil person who had ruined her life, and it would be fine to tell her parents that he had raped her. Right?

Except that would encourage them to call the police. There would be an investigation, and everyone might wonder how a strange man entered their home. She had been babysitting Toby, for heaven's sake! It wouldn't help to imply that she had been at a party, when her parents knew that wasn't true.

With a moan, Sarah collapsed back on the bed. Saturday afternoon, and she had been hiding in her room, all morning. It wasn't reasonable to pretend to 'sleep in' anymore; she needed to go downstairs.

As if the thought had summoned one of her parents, she heard a knock on the door. Her father's voice came through the wood, and she could hear concern in his tone. "Sarah, honey?" he said, "Are you awake?"

She went to the door and opened it, without thinking how the room might look to an outsider. The shades were drawn and she hadn't turned on any lights. She hadn't even gotten dressed for the day. The whole place reeked of teenage-angst or depression.

Mr. Williams appeared surprised. "Oh," he resumed, after glancing through the door, "Hello there! We planned to go to the library, with Toby. Do you want to come?"

Belatedly, Sarah realized how gloomy she must look, sitting alone in the dark. But it wasn't that she was depressed. Honestly, if she had to name one emotion that she felt, it was anger.

How DARE that bastard do this to her? Stealing babies was one thing. Making them was an entirely different matter.

She was a teenager. In her world, an older man having sex with a teenager was illegal and immoral and improper and . . . just plain wrong! So, yes. She was mad.

And there was pretty much nothing that she could do about it. Convince Ludo and Hoggle to undertake a suicide march to assassinate their ruler? Not feasible.

Meanwhile, her father was waiting on a reply. "That would be fun," Sarah answered finally. "But I have to . . . finish my homework. And then, I was going to act out a scene in the park."

He seemed disappointed, although not disbelieving. It was great to have an old, stand-by excuse that people readily accepted. She had been play-acting scenes in the local park, for a long time.

"Well, okay." Before he left, her father attempted to cheer her up. "Uh . . . why don't you pick out what we have for dinner, tonight?"

Sarah smiled thinly. It was exactly the wrong way to make her happy, but it made sense. Both her father and stepmother worried that she wasn't eating enough lately.

"Sure, Dad," the brunette finished. "Let me think about it."

Deep down, she wanted to tell everyone to eat cereal for dinner. That would be great. Instead, she'd pick something plain and simple, like chicken and rice. That wouldn't seem too weird.

For that matter, Sarah wondered, how long CAN a person live on nothing but cereal? It is fortified with vitamins and minerals. And bran flakes have fiber and protein. Maybe I can survive on nothing but Raisin Bran?

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Fluorescent lights illuminated her current dilemma in stark, white colors. Sarah was standing in the local pharmacy, staring at the shelves full of pregnancy tests. There were no less than ten types, and they were all more expensive than Sarah thought they should be.

She only had ten dollars available. The average price for a box, with two sticks inside it, was twenty dollars. Sarah imagined trying to bargain at the cash register: 'I only want one test strip, may I open the box and pay half-price?' Sadly, this wouldn't work.

Also, the pregnancy tests were on the isle named Family Planning – which wasn't the case, to her way of thinking. Even more ridiculous: condoms cost more than one dollar each! It was a scrap of latex. It shouldn't require fifteen or twenty dollars to purchase a box of condoms, with all the fuss that adults made about safe-sex and educating teenagers about using these things. Or maybe that was a secret way that society planned to bring down the birth-rate.

She groaned. This was so stupid. She would have to borrow money from her father or stepmother, merely to use a test-strip that she didn't want. Hopefully, the test showed a negative result, after she had already told her parents why she needed the money.

Discouraged, she trudged back toward their house.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

By the time she returned home, the rest of the family was back from the library. Karen was putting away dishes in the kitchen, where Toby was playing on the floor. Of course, when Sarah entered the room, he turned all his attention to her. "Wah!" the boy cried out.

It could mean nothing at all. But Sarah chose to interpret this as her name. Toby crawled her direction, and she smiled.

He had been trying to walk for months, yet he hadn't managed to take steps on his own. Still, he could get into lots of trouble crawling around and pulling himself to a stand on top of whatever he could reach.

For an instant, she imagined Toby as a baby, alongside another child in the house. A little brother or sister. Children were cute, yes, but the mere concept sent a chill down her spine. Sarah had been there, while her little brother was an infant. So, she knew how difficult, how painfully demanding it would be to raise two young kids at the same time.

Of course, by the time she had a baby, Toby would be older. It might not . . .

Closing her eyes, Sarah tried to stop thinking. She didn't like the way her thoughts were straying onto impossible subjects. After all, nothing had been confirmed yet. There was nothing quite as alarming, frightening, and awe-inspiring, as the idea that she might be pregnant. Even if it was true, she still hadn't decided what to do about it.

"Can you put away the silverware?" her stepmother asked, from where she stood by the countertop.

"Sure thing," she replied. No point in avoiding her family, while they weren't eating or doing anything that made her feel sick. Not that she could avoid family dinner-time much longer, at any rate. She was running out of plausible excuses.

Toby seemed distraught when his latest playmate (Sarah's shoes) walked away from him. He sat on the floor and stared at her footwear, as if it betrayed him. The idea flashed through her mind, once more. Toby had blond hair; what would her child look like?

She shuddered, banishing the thought. Hopefully, by keeping her hands busy, she could avoid such stupid speculation! Grabbing the silverware tray, she sorted forks and spoons into their drawer as fast as possible.