"Yeah, Sum can you just take me home now?"
"For sure." Summer never could get rid of that valley girl phrase it just suited her.
At the Cohen's pool house
"Ryan, man that was so awesome." Seth held a Kleenex to his nose.
Ryan just looked in his direction not sure what to say.
"Man, the way you just jumped on Luke." Seth said imitating the events of the night. "Sorry but I kind of let it slip that you are from Chino...I was just trying to get him off of me.'
"And on me?" Ryan shot back.
"Nah man not like that, well yeah I guess sorry dude. You totally had my back out there."
"Anytime Seth, anytime." Ryan was laying on the bed Rosa had made for him and starred at the ceiling.
"Dude, I am so wasted." Seth laughed laying back onto the couch.
Ryan raised himself out of the bed and walked to the side of the pool house. He breathed in the cool ocean air and sat himself down in the softly dewed shrubs. Ryan never felt safe not once, he had to be alert for anything, but somehow being in Orange County with Seth he wasn't the scared little boy he used to be. Suddenly he heard a car drive into Marissa's driveway. He figured it would be Luke's truck pulling up but it was some kind of SUV. Marissa stepped out of the car and waved to the driver. She sat down to collect herself on the porch. Under the porch light Ryan saw her eyes deepen into thought. Something she thought made her cry a little, Ryan hated to see anyone cry but she look beautiful even when her whole face was wet with tears. Ryan decided now was not a time to see how she was doing. Ryan returned to the pool house sick at how he couldn't help her.
At the Cooper house
"GOD DAMNIT JIMMY, if you had thought about our family you would have woken up!" Julie was always yelling now a days.
Marissa passed them and her father waved.
"Hey kiddo."
Marissa nodded and ran to her room locking the door behind her. She opened her drawer to reveal all her makeup; she reached far back into the drawer to pull out her blade. She opened her purse and got out the Vodka and washed the blade with it's sour drops. Marissa couldn't cry now, you can't do it when you are emotional. She sat in her vanity chair and placed a washcloth on the table. She took a deep breath, a swing of the rest of the Vodka, and placed the blade close to the higher part of her arm. She carved the blade deep into her skin below the older scars. She scrapped a sour arch on her shoulder letting the blood come to the surface; she sighed a breath of hurt and pleasure at the pain that followed the marks of the blade. Her hand rested on top of the newly fresh mark made on her skin and let the warmth of the blood calm her. She let herself cry the cut was already made so the emotion could come into play now. She slid the razor back into the hidden place in her drawer and placed the towel on the wound. She got out a fresh bottle of Vodka from a shoebox hidden in her closet and took a drink, and to increase the pain she poured 1/3 of the Vodka onto her arm, she winced a little at the pain but soon she was fully numb. She laid down on her bad fully satisfied at the deep cut on her shoulder; she eyed it all night waiting for it to bleed blue. She once cut deep enough that her blood turned blue, but she couldn't ever get it to happen again. She closed her eyes and rested the bloody towel on the floor under her bed. ' Pain isn't why I like the steel of that blade on my arm it's better if I focus on the physical pain rather than this mental strain that is taking me under.' Marissa let her blood that was still running fall down her arm and down to her wrist. She slept with her head in a clearer state than it had been earlier that night.
Next Day at the Cooper house
Marissa woke up in the same position she fell asleep in, arms above her head legs sprawled out. The Vodka bottle was still sitting on her bedside table, she grabbed for the bottle and drank a good amount and set it back in the shoebox it was in before. She slowly lifted herself out of bed, and the room spun a little, she didn't know if it was loss of blood or the Vodka so she laid her head back again.
"Mariss!"
'God what is it now?'
"Yeah mom?"
"Get down here!"
'Fuck.'
Marissa quickly threw on a sweatshirt to cover the cuts and threw a piece of BED RED in her mouth. Julie was waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs, and she looked pissed.
"Luke called." Julie barked.
"So?"
"So, he is very upset that you left without him yesterday."
"He is a big boy he'll get over it." Marissa had never talked back to her mom before but damn it felt good. Marissa retreated to her room for some "release" and continued the ritual that she started again last night.
At the Cohen's pool house
Ryan woke up looking for Marissa, when he realized he didn't go try to talk to her, he didn't try to save her at all. Seth stirred in his sleep, snoring soundly. Ryan pulled off his covers and threw on a clean tee shirt. No way was he going to let Marissa slip away crying, if he could help it. He brushed off his wrinkled jeans, and walked out into the burning California sun. He knew he had to talk to her, he knew what he would do when he was depressed, and she tasted like alcohol when he had kissed her. He looked for a way to figure out which room was hers; but he didn't need to think to hard she had a sign with her name on it propped up in her window. He picked up the first rock he could find and chunked it upward. The window opened slowly; 'yes she is awake!' Ryan called out her name several times before she saw him.
"What are you doing here?" She yelled down at him.
"Can I come up?"
"I guess," She answered uneasily.
' What is he doing? Did I not explain to him that I am with Luke, well was with Luke.'
Ryan climbed up the side of the house, surprisingly quiet. He reached the window and Marissa franticly tried to hide the razor and Vodka but to no avail. He had seen it and made sure she knew he did.
"Why?" Ryan asked blankly pointing to the Vodka and razor.
"You wouldn't understand, now what do you want?" Marissa avoided his eyes and looked at the now empty Vodka bottle.
"I was just checking on you, I saw you crying last night after the party." Ryan stood slightly in front of the bottle to get her to look at him.
"You saw me crying?" Marissa asked as if she didn't know what he was talking about.
"Yeah. Outside your house, I was out getting some fresh air and I saw you crying."
Marissa put her hands in front of her face trying to block the tears that were forming. Ryan grabbed her arms and pulled them off her face and wiped the tears.
A/N whoa chapter four I am lovin' this! It gets really dark in this chapter so if it upsets you sorry but i warned you on the summary and the title kind of tells you its ganna be dark....but i love dark romantic things so here it is my story LOVE YOU, CONVERSES ROLLED DOWN