WARNING:This fanfiction contains graphic depictions of eating disorders; mentions of anorexia and bulimia. If you are recovering from or dealing with an eating disorder, this fanfiction may be triggering. Please be warned and read at your own risk. Thank you.


Control


Its six thirty and Regina is still feeling dizzy and light headed. She shouldn't be surprised, it's a natural side effect but it means she's off her game and that worries her. She's sitting in her office trying desperately to keep from closing her eyes when Henry barges in to the study.

"Mom? What's for dinner?" He asks in the typical way a ten year old does.

Regina's eyes widen and she suddenly realise her avoidance of food for the day has caused her to forget that Henry actually should eat. She stands up, shaking a bit on her feet, so much so that Henry notices.

"Um I'm not sure Henry. I'll just see what we've got," she tells him as she walks passed him out of her study.

Henry watches her curiously, getting the odd feeling that something is not right. He follows after his mom into the kitchen and he can't help but notice the grimace she makes as she opens the refrigerator. He knows something is wrong when she suggests simply having a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner.

He watches as she makes the simple dinner for him, curious as to why she's not making her own. He starts to ask her but she dismisses the question and that worries her more. He starts to wonder if there's something really wrong with her now, like if she's got cancer like Emma had said. The thought makes him sad and worried because even if she is the Evil Queen she is still his mom.


Regina is back at her desk trying desperately to focus on anything other than the feeling of hunger pains in her stomach. She is writing as one hand clutches at her thigh as a distraction, fingernails digging in deeply to her skin. All she can think about are the grumblings from within her stomach, telling her, begging her to nourish herself.

She was trying to ignore it however because she didn't want to have to eat. She wanted to be in control and she would only eat when she wanted to, not because she needed to. The amount of willpower she had to use just to keep herself from getting up and retrieving food was enough to make her feel so in control that she no longer cared about the consequences of what she was doing. All she wanted was to feel in control and this helped her achieve that, no matter how sick it was.

Several hours had passed, Henry was in bed, until finally she couldn't take it any more, the need to eat was too strong and she found herself on her way to the convenience store. She had raided her own kitchen already, hardly finding the healthy food she bought for Henry appealing. Instead she wanted something sugary, something sweet, something indulgent; something so indulgent she could gladly throw it up and not feel guilty afterwards.

As she stepped out of her Mercedes and started towards the door she looked around briefly, hoping not to see anyone. It was bad enough that the shopkeeper was going to be a partial witness to her lose of control; she didn't want anyone else to know too. Stepping in to the store she barely glanced in the shopkeeper's direction, instead heading straight for the back of the store to the ice cream freezers.

She pulled two ice cream containers out, rocky road and triple choc and started back to the front of the store. Along the way she also grabbed a block of chocolate and a pack of chewing gum too. Setting them down on the counter she steadfastly refused to meet the shopkeeper's eyes or even look his way, she was content to bite at her bottom lip and stare at the ground instead. She paid for her things quickly and dashed out the door as soon as the shopkeeper had handed them over, heading straight for her car.

She was on edge, her nerves all over the place as she drove home as fast as she could through the quiet streets of Storybrooke. She bolted inside, barely remembering to lock the door behind her as she raced as calmly as she could upstairs to her bedroom. She didn't bother to lock her door, Henry was already asleep and even if he did wake up, he wouldn't come into her room anyway, considering she was the Evil Queen and all.

Sitting on the edge of her bed she tore the lid off the first tub of ice cream, not even sure of which flavour it was and with the spoon she'd hastily managed to grab, dug in. The first moment the chocolate-y goodness touched her tongue she moaned in appreciation before quickly swallowing it and dipping her spoon for more. Before she knew it however the tub was empty and half the block of chocolate was gone and the feeling of guilt was quickly seeping through her.

She pushed the ice cream from her grasp and stumbled quickly to her bathroom, collapsing on her knee's in front of the toilet bowl. She lifted the lid as she simultaneously plunged two fingers quickly down her throat as far as they would go. She gagged unladylike, almost choking before she felt the bile rise up in her throat, as she vomited into the toilet. She could still feel the excess food in her stomach and once again stuck two fingers down her throat to rid herself of the food and the incontrollable thoughts.

As she coughed and heaved into the toilet bowl she didn't notice the sticky reddish stains on her fingers or the creaking of her bedroom door. She stopped vomiting for a moment, finally feeling in control again when she noticed red mixing with vomit and the metallic taste of blood in her mouth. Her eyes widened at the sight and as she tried to spit the blood out she started to cough into the toilet, only seeing more blood exist her body.

"Mom, is that blood?" Henry asked alarmed as he looked at his mother from the threshold of her bathroom.

"Henry!" she gasped, her voice sore and husky as she turned around to face him.

"That was blood wasn't it? You shouldn't be throwing up blood Mom!" He continued, the worry clearly etched across his face.

"Its fine dear," she tried to say but went into another coughing fit, again spitting up more blood.

Henry looked terrified before turning on his heel and running back out of the room. Regina didn't have the strength to go after him and instead leaned against the toilet as she continued to cough up blood. She had no idea what was going on or what Henry was doing, all she wanted was for the coughing to stop.

Henry ran straight downstairs and to the phone, quickly dialling Emma's cell that he knew off by heart. He waited impatiently as the phone rang, wanting Emma to pick up right away. It was another moment before Emma finally picked up and before she could say anything Henry was already yelling down the phone.

"Emma? It's me, something's wrong with my mom! I think she's really sick. You have to come over right now. Please!" he begged close to tears.


AN: Took me a while to see where I was going with this. A bit disjointed but I don't really care. I like it. Haha. Thanks to my fabulous friends, Kay and Cal, for helping me get out of writers block with all their silly innuendo!

Please review! :) LT.