This is Forever
Chapter 4
A/N: I am so sorry that I haven't updated in so long. I had my school musical last weekend, and my life has been crazy with multiple hour rehearsals everyday for the past two weeks. I will be updating more frequently though. I DO NOT OWN TSLOTAT OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS; THEY BELONG TO BRENDA HAMPTON AND ABC FAMILY.
Amy POV
I pull my car up in front of the house and send a quick text message. Within a minute I hear a short knock on the window of my SUV and I unlock the door. Ethan climbs into the passenger seat and I being to drive away.
"I don't know why you wanted to hang out, but thank you," Ethan said, "There is no way that I can sit through another one of Margaret's lectures, I've already gotten two today." Over the course of the summer and the beginning of the school year, I've gotten closer to Ethan.
I don't see Ricky at school, since he is in college, and I have grown apart from Madison and Lauren since everything that happened at the graduation party. Even though they have made up and are friends again, I'm not as close to them as I used to be. Not nearly close enough to them to make the mistake of trusting them with a secret, like the one I have, again. This has led to me becoming closer and better friends with Ethan. I have also gotten close with Grace, but this isn't something that I want her to know about right yet.
This isn't something that I really want anyone to know right yet.
"Ricky stopped by like 20 minutes ago and dropped of John," Ethan mentions, "Is everything ok with you two?"
"Everything will be fine, we just got into a little argument and needed some space," I respond calmly, not taking my eyes from the road.
This is part of the reason why I called Ethan; I know he won't bother me about whatever is on my mind. I know that he wouldn't pry me to tell him what was wrong, like Grace, or any other girl for that matter, would. If he asks me what's wrong and I give him an answer like "nothing," "I'm fine," or "I don't want to talk about it," he will drop it. Right now I just want someone to be with me, so that I'm not alone. Even if they don't know what's going on with me, I just can't stand to be alone.
Ethan starts up a new topic of conversation as I try to ignore what's really on my mind. Hopefully I will be able to get my mind off of the situation that I am in. If only ignoring the problem would make it go away. All I want to do is ignore this. But I know from experience, ignoring it does nothing to help, it only makes things worse.
Ricky POV
I sit impatiently in the waiting room chair. My feet lightly drum out a rhythm causing my legs to shake. There is no music in the waiting room, only soft nature sounds coming from the speaker system, as well as the sound of trickling water emanating from the rock waterfall fountain mounted to the wall.
Ever since I was little drumming has been a good outlet for my frustrations, anger, and really any intense emotion. Right now I am worried. Worried about Amy. Worried about the future. I am angry. Not angry with Amy, but angry with myself. Emotionally, I am back to that scared sixteen year old boy who just found put that he is going to be a father, just as I am sure Amy is revisiting a time in her past I'm sure she only wishes she could forget.
Before I can get further lost in my thoughts I hear my name being called. I walk down the familiar hallway and into the familiar room. I have spent many hours in this room, some more helpful than others.
I sit down; making myself comfortable, for what could potentially be a very uncomfortable hour.
"It's nice to see you Ricky, it's been a while," Dr. Fields says from his seat across from mine.
"Yeah, it has been a while," I respond, still feeling slightly uncomfortable and overwhelmed.
"Well, how are you? Is anything going on? I figure that something must be going on, because you don't usually call to make an unscheduled appointment unless something is going on," Dr. Fields says, with a hint of curiosity. He knows me all too well.
"Well, yeah, something did happen," I say, hesitating slightly.
"Did something happen with Amy?" Dr. Fields asks. I simply nod my head. Many of my romances and one night stands have come up in this room for the years I have been coming here, but less since Amy and John have come into my life. But relationships will probably always be hard for me, and I will have to work more than the average person to maintain my relationship with Amy. It didn't surprise me that that was Dr. Fields' first guess.
"Something like you two broke up? Was there something involving cheating?" Dr. Fields asks, not wanting to directly ask Ricky if he cheated on Amy.
"No, no," I respond quickly, "Nothing like that." I take in a deep breath and spit out the words, "she's pregnant."
Dr. Fields lets out a sigh, "I see." I ran my fingers through my hair and rested my head in my hands. "How far along is she?" questions Dr. Fields.
"About a month, maybe five weeks. I really don't know." I lift my head up, grab one of the decorative pillows sitting beside me on the couch, and pull it close to my chest. "She only told me today and I think she just found out today. We haven't been to the doctor yet."
"How do you feel about this new change in your life? This is a very big change," Dr. Fields says, bringing up a topic of discussion.
"Well, right now I'm still in a state of shock," I begin, "but I'm scared. I feel like that scared boy I was three years ago when I found out that I was going to be a father. But this time I'm not scared that I'm going to be my father."
"Good," Dr. Fields says with a smile on his face, "What else are you feeling?"
"I feel kind of guilty. I know this isn't all on my, but I feel guilty. I can't believe that I got Amy pregnant again. Wow, I can't believe I'm old enough to say that I got a girl pregnant, AGAIN. I felt so guilty when I saw the look of pain in her eyes when she told me. It really hurts me to see her in pain. I love her, and I wish I could never see her in pain." All of this was true. I couldn't stand to see that look of pain in Amy's eyes. I couldn't stand to see her hurt in any way. A single tear escapes my eye, but I quickly turn and brush it away. Even though I know I am safe in this room, I hate crying in front of anyone. "I know it's not true, but before Amy and I got together I always felt like I ruined her life. I always felt so guilty that she had to walk around with the physical evidence of the pregnancy, and I walked around with nothing, not even a pregnant Amy by my side. I felt guilty that I could go see John, but then walk away and continue on with my life. I was still free to do anything I wanted, but Amy was chained to the inside of her house by a baby. I always felt guilty, and this is just bringing those feelings to the surface again."
"It's important to let these feelings out, Ricky. I would expect an event like this to bring back old emotions, as well as bring out new ones. You have been sharing a lot of emotions that you had when Amy had John, and have resurfaced, but are there any emotions that you are experiencing this time that you didn't last time?" Dr. Fields adds, continuing on with the discussion.
"Yeah," I say with a faint smile appearing across my lips, "I'm, well, kind of excited. When Amy was pregnant with John I never really got a change to get excited about her having a baby because we weren't together, and, at times, I honestly didn't know if she was going to end up keeping the baby. But this time Amy and I are together, I know that for Amy there is no decision to make, she is keeping the baby. And Amy and I are a family. We are engaged, we are living together, we have John, and we are just expanding our family. I have more love for John than I knew I could ever love anyone, and I know I will love this new baby just as much, because I already do love it.
"That's great to hear," Dr. Fields says with a genuine smile across his face. "I am glad that you are able to look at this with a positive outlook, and I am glad that you are able to get excited about this, because even though you and Amy are so young, this is exciting. I wish the best for you Amy."
The next morning.
I walk up the steps to the apartment, mentally preparing myself for whatever Amy has to say to me. My clock reads 9:08 AM. I take in a deep breath before unlocking and opening the door. I was not greeted by the immediate reprimanding from Amy as I expected. Instead I look to find Ethan seated at the kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal.
"What are you doing here?" I question, walking over to the table.
"Amy invited me over last night, she got lonely after whatever argument you two had yesterday," Ethan says nonchalantly with a slight smirk as he continues eating his breakfast. "She said that she just didn't want to be alone. Maybe you shouldn't storm out after every argument you guys have, just a suggestion."
"I wasn't the one who stormed out this time," I say with a strong tone of frustration in my voice, "Where is Amy anyway?"
Ethan simply points to the closed bathroom door. "She says she ate something yesterday that upset her stomach, she's been in there for like 15 minutes now. And last night she looked pretty pale."
I walk over to the bathroom door and knock gently. "I'll be out in a few minutes," Amy whispers, just loud enough so that she could be heard through the door.
"Amy, it's me, Ricky," I say softly, not to cause her more alarm.
"Ricky, not now," she whispers, "give me like ten minutes."
"No Amy, I'm here for you," I say as I open the bathroom door to see Amy. She sat beside the toilet bowl, her head rested on her arm which was gripping the toilet bowl for support. Her face was a pale, pasty color and was covered with small beads of sweat. Her eyes are swollen and red, and her cheeks are streaked and tearstained. For a moment I stand to look at her. Amy. My fiancée Amy. The mother of my child, and soon to be children. She is the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on, even curled up on the bathroom floor. She is the only girl I have ever truly loved, and will remain the only girl I will ever love, unless she gives me a daughter. I look at her and can't help but feel guilty. Guilty that I am, at least partly, responsible for the pain that she is going through, and the pain that she will have to go through within the next few months, and the next however many years. Guilty that I am the reason that she is here, curled up on the bathroom floor, back as the scared girl she was barley three years ago.
"Ricky, please," Amy whispered, mustering all of the strength that she could, "Please just leave me alone, I don't want you to see me like this." She shut her eyes tight and a few tears escaped her eyes and rolled down her cheek. I kneel down beside her and brush a tear off her cheek.
"Amy, I am here for you. This is something that we are going to get through together," I say, "I know that last time you were in this situation you felt like you had to go through it all alone, because we weren't together. I know that even though you had people with you, and people supported you, you still felt that you had to do this by yourself. I know that even though you had Ben with you, you always felt guilty because this wasn't his responsibility. I know that this is bringing back all of those old feelings, but Amy, this time is different. I am here for you. We will make it through this together. I am sorry that you thought that I didn't want this baby. I am sorry if you felt that I was pulling away like I did last time, but this will be different. I promise you Amy, I promise you that I will be there with you every step of the way and that I will be there for you and this baby till the day I die. I love you Amy, and I love this baby. Now and forever." I pull her into my lap, holding one hand against her head as she cries into my chest.
"Now and forever," I whisper, kissing the top of her head.
