Chapter 4
Bella
The light outside was dull from the permanent overcast but it strained my eyes never the less while I looked around the room. Sure enough, there was Edward sitting in my childhood rocking chair. The way his hair hung in his face as he was bent down in deep thought was breathtaking. My heart lurched at the sight of him and I felt complete. His very presence made me feel better and I forgot all about how much the low-intensity light burned my eyes or how my face was stiff from last night's tears; all I can think about is how he's here.
Even through my euphoria I didn't forget how he had abandoned me last night. How he made me feel all of those emotions again and think all of those horrible thoughts all over again. Last night I was reliving one of the worst days of my life and for him to just waltz right through my window and to be sitting in my rocking chair like his behavior is acceptable when it's not. In fact what he did was so painful for me that I didn't know if I would survive to the next day, but I'm glad that I did.
"Oh look who finally came," I grumbled throwing the covers off of me.
I walked across the room and grabbed something that I didn't need just to capture his attention because Edward was just sitting there in the rocking chair not even noticing that I had woken up, usually he notices right away whether or not I'm awake.
Edward's head snapped up and he looked at me like he didn't realize I was there. He tried to spread a smile across his lips, but it just made him appear like he was in excruciating pain. The empty look in his eyes didn't help much either.
"You're up," Edward said quietly. His voice sounded hoarse like he was anticipating me to be in a bad mood—which is, of course, the correct assumption.
I glared at him in response. "Of course I am," I snapped. "It's nine o'clock, why wouldn't I have slept last night? Did think I'd stay awake the entire night waiting for you? You're not exactly this essential part of my life that I need so that I can function on a daily basis."
Edward's face crumpled, knowing that I was lying because I had told him otherwise. "Bella …," he said gently standing up slowly from the rocking chair. He glided his way towards me and placed one of his cold hands to my face and caressed my cheek with the lightest touch.
"Don't 'Bella' me," I fumed. I turned my head so that his hand wasn't touching my face, but it wasn't like I backed up from him completely. Edward was still only a few inches away from me and I had to control myself not to erase that tiny space in between the two of us.
He tilted his head to the side and studied me. "I've upset you," he said gently.
I could feel my anger boiling up inside of me. "Of course you've 'upset' me! You left me here alone again! I didn't know if you were coming back for me ..."
He wrapped his arms around me gently and brought me closer to him. He placed his head on the crook of my neck and exhaled slowly. It was so unexpected for him to get so close like that without any initial warning. His reaction to everything was so obscene that I didn't know how to react to it. I stood stiffly not knowing if I should keep on yelling at him or wrap my arms around him and let us just be there for however long we wanted.
"Bella, please forgive me," he said with his lips icy lips brushing on my skin. His voice was so raw with emotion and he sounded as innocent as a newborn baby. It was hard to resist forgiving him on the spot. I couldn't help but to feel sorry for him and whatever had made him feel so horrible.
"Edward, what happened?"
Edward breathed in deeply, with his head still buried in my neck, and then exhaled slowly with his mouth. He brought his face level to mine and I noticed for the first time he was here how broken and exhausted he looked. There was some problem that he wasn't telling me.
He looked away and said, "Carlisle left last night."
"What?" I gasped in disbelief.
Carlisle could not have just picked up everything and left. Carlisle doesn't leave, none of the Cullens do. They are strictly beings who stick together. I can't picture them apart of without each other for a long period of time. It just wasn't possible, especially for Carlisle of all people to be the one who left.
His gold eyes were burning with some sort of emotion that I couldn't name. "He left." The violent edge in his voice unnerved me.
"He couldn't have, Carlisle isn't the type of person who'd do that."
Edward let out a bitter laugh. "I thought that was true too, until last night that is."
The room was quiet for a minute as I tried to absorb all of the information I was fed at once. It was all too much to take. And none of it made any sense. Edward watched me process it in my head making his own judgments on me.
"Is that why you didn't come?" I asked in a whisper, breaking the silence.
Shame immediately covered his face. "Bella you know I would never leave you like that ever again," He used his hand to guide my face to his. "I love you, Bella. You are the only person I've ever loved. I walked this world for a century and didn't find anyone I could possibly have feelings for until I met you."
His words made me melt and I believed him.
"Why though?" I asked Edward. "Why did Carlisle leave?"
Edward snapped out of his romantic moment and there was a deadly glint in his eye again. "It's complicated."
"It has to be if Carlisle left you," I said reasonably. "Just tell me."
Edward frowned. "I honestly don't know."
None of this was making any sense. "How can you not know? You can read minds for God's sake!"
"With obvious limitations," he said bitterly. "You're not the only one who can block out thoughts."
I paused.
"Someone else can block out thoughts like me?" I said trying to conceal my excitement. Of course I'm bemused that a vampire could have such similar powers to my possible future one but, maybe, when I get turned, I'd have abilities like that vampire. It would be nice to see what my potential that everyone was so curious about might turn out to be.
He nodded, but I noticed how his jaw was clenched. "Not only that but they can communicate mentally from a distance to multiple people at once, erase memories, block out a person's mind entirely, and prevent Alice from getting visions."
My mouth gaped open.
"That's … that's not possible. How can that even happen? Aren't vampires supposed to only have a single ability?"
Edward looked at me in the eye with a serious look to them. "How can you even say something's not possible after everything you've seen Bella?"
I flushed, not able to think of a quick enough response.
"The person who does have all of those abilities contacted all of us last night only saying one word: help. I don't know how I was supposed to react to that. It's only a single word. How are we to help if we don't know where to go or who it is? Then Carlisle just runs off to save them." Edward started pacing around my room at a speed too fast for me to see. He began to blur a bit; he was on the periphery on turning invisible to my feeble human eyesight.
"Do you know who it is?" I asked quietly.
Edward scoffed. "Apparently I used to. We all used to except for some weird reason, I don't remember. No one remembers except Carlisle and when he thinks about it I can't read his mind. It's like his mind has been programmed to purposely block me out so I can't know who it is!" he roared frustrated.
I froze waiting for him to stop his venting so he could see something logically and not entirely on his frustration.
"Maybe the person didn't want any of you to remember, maybe you weren't suppose to remember because it's something bad," I suggested hopefully.
"Like what?" he stopped in his tracks to look at me.
"I don't know! It was just a suggestion." I sighed exasperatedly a bit terrified at Edward's frantic state.
He frowned like I was going to actually come up with the solution to the mysterious person who had mentally cried out for help in his head. He ran a large hand through his thick bronze colored hair.
"I don't know what to do," he admitted softly. He looked at me with his large golden eyes that were glistening for a speck of hope.
I stepped forward so I was closer to him and grabbed his hands with mine. I felt the tense muscles in his hands slowly relax, but were still rock solid.
"Edward," I said gently into his eyes. The way that his lip was slightly pouted and his eyes were on mine in a manner that I know that his thoughts aren't going to wander off and think of solutions to problems he cannot fix. "You can't get Carlisle to come back."
"But—"
"No," I said quickly cutting him off. "Hear me out first. The person who asked for help obviously needed help and Carlisle left, he would only leave if one of you were in trouble far away. Maybe the person used to be an important part of the family."
"And they just left? Bella, we don't work like that, you know that."
"Didn't you run away for a while?" I pointed out recalling Edward's confusing past.
His face darkened a bit. He was probably remembering how life was for him when he did run away from Carlisle and Esme in his own teenage rebellion phase.
"We're not talking about me," he grumbled frustrated.
"But what if it's the same thing?" I suggested. "Maybe they needed time to figure things out and to understand everything."
Edward looked like he was processing this possibility slowly in his head. Then he finally nodded.
"Being turned into a vampire does have a tendency to overwhelm even the best of people," he agreed. "But that's still no reason to wipe them from our memory completely."
"Maybe whoever did it didn't want you all to worry while their gone," I said.
I could finally see Edward warming up to the idea. He definitely didn't look worry free—he never did—but he did look monumentally better than he did when I saw him first thing in the morning. But the underlying tension he had still frightened me. Edward has a tendency of thinking about a situation too much and then overreacting. I hope both don't happen otherwise he might do something drastic.
"How does everyone else feel about this?" I asked, breaking the silence.
He pursed his lips together. "Everyone's reaction is different."
I nodded expecting as much.
"Esme is heartbroken, she didn't want him to leave, but of course she wants his—our friend to be all right. She wishes though he would have at least taken her with him, but that's not the case.
"Alice is confused that she wasn't able to see any of this before it happened. But she approves of Carlisle's decision. She thinks it was the best thing to go and find them since they do need help. Like Esme, Alice thought it was idiotic of him to just leave without taking anyone or explaining anything to us," Edward's hands clenched into tight fists.
"Emmett is opposed of it completely, unless he was invited to go along and fight—of course. Jasper, his reaction surprised me. I would have thought he would have disapproved of the whole thing and thought Carlisle's actions were unwise in the eyes of a past general, but actually he admires Carlisle's decision and action.
"Rosalie though, she's the complete opposite," Edward sighed. "She's a creature of habit—which is why your appearance unnerved her so much in the beginning. The change terrified her. Even throughout the decades she existed she somehow has made things remain constant. I don't know how she does it, but Rose manages to do so. She thinks Carlisle's absence is going to drive all of us crazy or manically depressed like Tanya's family."
"And what about you?" I asked him about the last family member's opinion.
He looked surprised that I asked at all, but he got over his initial shock quickly and covered it with a reflective expression. "I don't like it at all."
I waited for further explanation but all I got was Edward's reflective silence. I noticed how he shoved his hands in his pants pocket and had this distant look in his eyes. It was clear he wasn't telling me something, but he was too busy worrying about Carlisle that he had no time to tell me, or remembers to tell me.
"Edward," I started carefully. I watched as he turned towards me patiently. "If Carlisle's gone, then who's in charge?"
Edward stiffened. His face was then impassive. "He placed me in charge."
I knew it made sense, Edward has been alive the longest and has plenty of experience even though Jasper had more experience commanding a large group of people, he didn't have the self-control and restraint that Edward has.
"He did?"
Edward nodded grimly.
"Then why aren't you with everyone? To help them figure out the whole Carlisle's disappearance thing?"
Edward looked guilty that he couldn't be with them right now. I realized how essential he was last night, how he had to be with the rest of the family.
"Oh," I whispered quietly.
Edward cocked an eyebrow. "What?" he asked.
"That's why you couldn't come last night," I murmured gently in realization. "You had to help the others …"
Edward just looked at me with this expressionless face. "Yes," he said gruffly.
"Then why are you here with me? We should be at the house with everyone trying to figure everything out," I said.
Edward cracked one of the first smiles he's made since he's been here. It lit me up a little bit inside, wearing off the feeling of abandonment.
"We?" he questioned with a light tone.
I crossed my arms over my chest. "You really believe that I would let you go without me?"
"No." He laughed half-heartedly.
Looking up at the ceiling, he released a loud sigh then looked at me with a wary smile playing on his lips but his eyes contrasted dramatically with their seriousness.
"Let's go."
— — —
We departed the house quickly; it was no hassle since Charlie had left hours ago for work. The only thing that slowed us down was the fact that Edward felt it was necessary for me to eat before we left. I know that I have to eat more often than he does, but I don't exactly need every single need to sustain myself. So I quickly downed a bowl of cereal since that took the least amount of time to make and clean up and Edward just watched in fascination at the speed I willed myself to do in order for us to get the Cullen house as soon as possible.
When I did finish, we headed to my car—apparently Edward ran from his house to mine. The engine stalled a few times before I could get it going, but when it did start it deafened my ears a bit from the intensity of its roar. I knew it seemed annoying and pretty much incomprehensible to Edward and the rest of the Cullens why I would want a car that is past its expiration date, but I love this car. The fact that is old and sturdy—pretty much indestructible. I don't know, it's just a good reliable car no matter how its appearances are.
I went as fast as the archaic engine would take me, which isn't that fast but it would take me where I wanted to go. We got there a lot slower than Edward would have liked, he made a few quiet comments on how he could have gotten there faster if he would have just ran there. I just rolled my eyes, ignoring his irritation because it was his way of dealing with things at the moment.
When we went past the vegetation that surrounded the house I could see that there was a frenzy of things going on inside the Cullen house. Everyone was there but not a single one looked happy at the current situation. As I drove closer I could see the discomfort growing on Jasper's face.
"What's going on?" Edward demanded as we entered the house.
There were voices everywhere; everyone seemed to be yelling at someone for something. The tension in the room was thick in the air and gave an uncomfortable feel to the room. It didn't feel like the Cullen house that has a bright and cheerful atmosphere, here it was dark and heavy. Things weren't going smoothly.
Rosalie was the first to react at Edward by giving him a dark glare. "Where have you been?" she hissed.
"I went to get Bella," he said carefully assessing the situation in the household.
He quickly assessed the room in the only way he could—by reading minds. He had a look of concentration on his face that indicated to me he was doing so. He looked shocked at the information he found out.
"Esme …?" Edward looked at his mother questionably, almost in disbelief.
She looked down ashamed, with her perfect auburn locks concealing her face. "I'm sorry Edward, but I don't know if I can stay without Carlisle for a long period of time," she admitted still looking at the floor.
"He's coming back," Edward stated fiercely.
"You don't know that," Esme replied with an edge to her voice I've never heard before. She looked up at Edward in the eye and looked like a woman in pain, deep emotional pain.
Edward stiffened from her expression, as taken back as I was.
"Esme, you can't leave." The worry in my voice made my words shaky.
"But I am Bella." She waltz over to where I stood and placed a gentle loving hand on my shoulder. "Would you stay away from Edward for a long period of time? Could you? How would you feel if he left you?"
"I know how I would feel," I said quickly thoughtlessly, then immediately regretting it since she threw me a sympathetic look.
"You out of all people should know why I have to go then."
Edward shook his head. "Esme you can't leave. You wouldn't even know where to find him," Edward reasoned.
Esme looked over to Edward who was standing at my right. "I suppose you're right, but we would find each other some way."
"Esme you're being ridiculous!" Rosalie exclaimed. "There is no way you would find Carlisle."
"You should wait. Leaving isn't going to do us any good," Alice said slowly and calmly shaking her head. "If you leave Esme I foresee confusion among the household. Each of us will slowly fall apart breaking to pieces … choosing sides."
"And if I stay, will that change the outcome?" Esme inquired.
Alice was quite for a while, just looking at Esme carefully. Everyone in the room was quite waiting for her response. The thing about Alice is she has a lot of credibility and when she speaks everyone usually listens since her input is the most reliable when it comes to the future outcome. It gained her remarkable respect not only in the Cullen household but among every single vampire she's ever encountered.
"No," she remarked grimly.
"Then what does it matter if I leave or not?" Esme pressed further. It seemed the more she talked about it the less she seemed inclined to actually leave as if she wanted to be convinced not to leave.
There was a vacant look to Alice's eyes. "It will take slower. Perhaps Carlisle will return before we all begin to break," Alice tried to say hopefully.
I could hear Edward grinding his teeth together, obviously not happy about the conversation topic.
"Why can't you just see when he'll come back?" Rose asked fed up about the whole ordeal.
Alice shot a deadly glare at her and it made Rose tense up. "Because Rosalie, whoever made us forget also made me unable to see her," she spat.
"Her?" I repeated to Alice confused.
"Alice thinks it's a girl," Jasper commented calmly from a far corner in the room. He looked uncomfortable, probably due to all of the intense emotions brewing in the room.
"But how would she know that?" I asked needed clarification.
Alice stopped glaring at Rose to look at me. She shrugged. "The sound of her voice, instinct, it could be a number of things."
"Alice is rarely wrong, why should we question her?" Emmett replied getting an elbow to the rib from Rosalie for supporting her current opponent.
Alice nodded in regards to Emmett's comment. "Esme, please don't leave," she pleaded.
Esme stood torn. From facial expression it was clear she didn't want to abandon the rest of her family, but at the same time she didn't want her mate to be out there alone without her. She didn't want some horrible atrocity to occur and for her to never know whether or not he'll ever comeback. I knew the decision wasn't easy for her and the answer was unclear. If I was in her shoes I wouldn't know what I would do.
"I'll stay."
Relief overcame everyone, it was a effect and Jasper looked more comfortable than he did before.
"But—"
The protests began coming from Emmett and Rosalie while Edward, Alice, and Jasper remained quiet. Esme raised her hand demanding silence.
"But, I'll only wait for a few weeks then I'm leaving," she announced to the room.
"That's absolutely absurd Esme," Rosalie cried.
Emmett nodded agreeing with his spouse. "How are you going to manage to find him?" he added.
"I don't know how, but I will," she swore. "I'm not just going to let Carlisle wander around the world alone searching for someone we don't know anything about."
"Which is what we should be focusing on," Edward said authoritatively.
Everyone, excluding Alice, was taken back at the fierceness in Edward's voice. His determination was so strong that the previous conversation of Esme's departure was quickly forgotten. All eyes were on him.
"We should stop worrying on petty problems like this," he directed his gaze towards Esme. "We should be focusing on who this is and what they want from us. Carlisle will come back and if he gets in trouble he knows we're just a phone call away—it's not like he can't fight for himself," Edward pointed out.
"Why is it so important who it was?" Emmett asked. "If all they want is help, Carlisle's coming for help then she'll be fine. We can just live our lives after that."
"Aren't you the least bit curious to see who it was?" Jasper asked in disbelief.
"The phrase 'ignorance is bliss' is Emmett's motto," Rosalie muttered disapprovingly.
Alice strummed her fingers on her sleek skirt. "Obviously, if she wasn't in extreme danger then she just would have called Carlisle, she wouldn't have contacted any of us because she's aware she made us forget about her entirely."
Edward nodded. "But she contacted everyone. And I'm pretty sure we're not the only ones. She probably tried reaching every single vampire she's ever met to help her."
"But what could be so dangerous that someone that powerful could hurt her?" Emmett pointed out.
There was a quite silence among the room as everyone came up with their own ideas, then quickly discarding them for their obscenity.
Rosalie slumped in her chair in deep thought while Emmett stood next to her, towering with his eyebrows contorted in concentration. Esme had settled herself down onto the couch next to Alice, but Jasper still remained at the corner of the room. I don't know if it's because of me or all of the raw emotions that made him keep his distance. I felt my muscles begin to ache from standing at the same spot for a long period of time and joined Esme on the couch while the others began to deliberate a number of ideas.
"What is dangerous to a vampire?" I asked aloud.
"Another vampire," Rosalie suggested.
"No," Edward quickly discarded that idea. "She would have no trouble dealing with another vampire if she could make us forget we exist."
"Werewolves," Emmett added.
"Maybe if there was a pack that she couldn't get rid of," Edward said thoughtfully. "But she could also tamper with their minds too."
"She pretty much seems invincible."
Edward peered at me at my remark. "Why is that Bella?"
"Well, if she has all this power and is a vampire she pretty much has no worry at all."
"Everyone has a weakness Bella," Emmett said gently trying not to make me feel bad for destroying my theory.
They weren't getting my point. "Why would someone who can take care of themselves need help so badly?"
Alice's hair was a half an inch away from smacking me in the face that I flinched at the quickness of the movement. "What's your point?" Alice asked carefully, noticing I was on the point of a breakthrough.
"Are you trying to say that Carlisle's having an affair?" Esme said not believing it was true.
I shook my head. "That's not it. I mean if she's already immortal, powerful, and strong like you guys, what or who could possibly hurt her?"
The room went quiet in thought. No one had answer to my question because there was none. Obviously whoever asked for help was obviously capable of a lot of things and escaping immediate danger was one of them. So why would they possibly need assistance of any kind? None of it added up. Nothing made any sense. Every single theory was immediately discarded because it seemed preposterous with her abilities. The very fact that the mysterious caller was in danger didn't make any sense.
Light turned into darkness and I started to feel exhausted from the mental exertion. Edward noticed this immediately and began to get me out the door to take me home.
"Edward wait," Alice called after him.
He stopped at the door, looking back at Alice. She looked at him with dark serious eyes. Her conversation to him was silent. He looked grim, but all he did was nod. Everyone else in the room looked equally confused as I felt.
"What did you say Alice?" I asked her.
She looked at me with a smile. "I told him that none of us can be separated until we're all together again and when we figure this out. Whoever is capable of capturing someone so powerful is obviously a threat to anyone, including us. So we have to stick together as a family—that's including you Bella."
I was touched that I was included in the family. I already knew that I felt like I belonged with the Cullens since they were the only people I've ever really clicked with all my life, but most of the time I forget that they feel the same.
Edward tossed Alice his phone. Her pale white hand moved unbelievably fast and caught it without my eyes catching the motion. She dialed a number quickly.
"Hi Charlie; Edward, Carlisle, and Emmett left earlier today and I was wondering if Bella could keep me company since Esme and Rosalie went on a spa retreat. I would really enjoy her company for a little while, and since school is out she has no finals to worry about." Alice's velvet smooth phone seemed irresistible with her sincerity and innocence leaking out of it. All of it was fabricated, of course, but it seemed genuine enough that Charlie couldn't refuse.
"Thank you so much Charlie!" Alice gushed like a little school girl. "Uh-huh. Good-bye."
She shut the phone with an audible clap and her face turned serious once more as if the conversation never happened. "I've bought Bella sometime for her to stay here with us."
Edward nodded. "Come on Bella, I'll take you to bed," he said wrapping an arm around my waist leading me to his unused bed. He waited in his room with me, apprehensive, but still patient until the moment I would fall asleep.
"Sleep Bella," he whispered in my ear softly before kissing my lips softly.
And I did.
Author's Note: Hope you liked it. Please review and tell me how you think of it so far.
