Bea was lying in her room with Allie sleeping softly next to her. Her red blanket on the chair next to Allie's clothes. Bea wished she could sleep but her mind kept drifting back to this mornings breakfast. Everyone was quiet. Bea had been around long enough to know the silence in prison is never a good thing. She breathed deeply her mind racing to work out what she was going to do. She knew she would be attacked but by who and when?
She had made a lot of enemies in her time at Wentworth, but through her actions to get revenge for her daughter and through her role as Top Dog. But Bea had changed, she was softer now, compassionate. What was it that Liz once said "someone to love, something to do and something to look forward to" Bea smiled ironically. When she first heard these words from Liz she laughed sarcastically. She was lifer, a woman whose violent reputation for murder and revenge well known both in and outside of Wentworth prison. The idea of love seemed impossible to Bea because the only person she ever truly loved unconditionally was Debbie, but she was gone forever.
Bea now smiling to herself as she looked at Allie sleeping peacefully. Her blonde hair mixed with Bea's red curly ones. Her breathing slow and even. She looked even more beautiful without the charismatic smirk that she always seemed to be wearing these days. Bea had the first part of Liz's statement next to her. Someone to love, yeah she loved Allie. She just couldn't find the words yet. Something to do… "stay alive" was the first thing that popped into Bea's head. Something to look forward to, Bea thought as a smile filled her face "10 years with Allie."
Bea sighed, staying alive was going to be hardest one of all. She thought about how she stayed alive and retained her softness and compassion with Harry. She was smart and tougher than he ever gave her credit for. She learnt very early on in prison from Jac's that asking nicely is weakness and will be punished by a severe beating, just so you knew who was in charge. She also knew that the easiest way to hurt Bea, wasn't through physical beatings. Because Bea had more beatings that many of the women had hot meals, and she still got up, every time stronger and wiser for it. It was through hurting the people she loved, playing on Bea's insecurities of being unable to protect her loved ones. Jac's had also taught her that. But Bea had won in the end, Debbie maybe gone but so where the ones who took her life. Life in prison seemed a good price to pay for Debbie.
Franky used drugs to control the women. Both the dealers and the users. Bea hated drugs, almost as much as she hated the Holts. She wouldn't stand for them. Franky wasn't as ruthless as Jac's. She still had power, and she wasn't afraid to use it. She even did her own dirty work, on special occasions. Franky was smart, and knew what she had to do to survive. But like Bea, Franky changed in her last few months of prison. Ms. Westfall had a good impact on Franky. Franky's anger and need for control waivered but the strength in herself and ability to see what was happening in her life and those around her increased. She was a better person for it.
When Bea herself had been Top Dog she had rules, and the women must follow them. She dealt with the petty squabbles that reminded her of high school easily and efficiently. She was smart and only used violence when she had to. Yes, although she had made some tough decisions, and she knew pleasing everyone was impossible. But at least they had order. Bea herself wasn't happy. It wasn't that she was unhappy. It just that she was existing, going through the motions, "dispensing justice" Like Allie put it.
Allie had changed Bea. She had shown her what love and light was. She shown Bea her own internal needs and desires, and that she too, as much as anyone else deserved to be happy. As much as Bea was confused and fought it early on their relationship. She knew Allie was right. Bea needed Allie, just as much as Allie needed her. Together they were stronger. But it also gave Bea her weakness. She knew that being with Allie so openly had made Allie a target with the women. A fact Allie, didn't seem to appreciate it.
Bea, breathed deeply so now what to do. She thought long and hard. She knew Tina and her crew would attack her, probably as a crew and definitely with shiv's. Knew that Juice and her boys' would also like a piece of the former Top Dog. Bea knew that her revenge would be more personal with Juice, broom handles maybe. Possibly even rape, since that seems to be her preference these days. Then there's Kaz's crew. Bea knew that Kaz would want to show the whole prison who was in charge, now. Public humiliation, yeah the Red Right Hand would love equal power for the woman. No class or ranking. Everyone the same. Bea smirked, in an ideal world yes, but this was Wentworth. And prison is built on violence, power and control. Bea thought even the Freak knew that. The Red Right Hand flower power policies wont last long. There will be chaos, with drugs running rampant, OD's every week and bashings for fun. Bea laughed Kaz can have it. She'll be begging for my help in no time. Then there's the Freak. Bea knew deep down she had not heard the last from the Freak. Bea knew that taking her down, and putting inside of her own prison would not be easily forgiven or forgotten. Bea was more afraid of the Freak, than the rest combined.
Bea knew, that although Tina, Juice, Kaz and the Freak were the obvious threats to her, there was always something else going on behind the scenes. In the shadows. Bea thought she needs to paly a long game. She knew there will be physical suffering to be had, and mind games to be played. She just had to be smart, patient and tough.
Bea felt Allie snuggle closer, wrapping her arm over Bea's waist. Bea smiled, breathed in Allies shampoo and thought, "the threats can wait for tomorrow". "Right now, with Allie in my arms, I have my someone to love." She enjoyed these uninhibited moments with just her and Allie. The smile returned to her face, she felt a warmth in her chest, a feeling she's getting used to, she closed her eyes, at peace in the present moment.
