Chapter Four:

Living With Ophelia

That evening they were all hanging out in the living room by the fire. Morticia and Ophelia sat on the couch together and Wednesday sat on the floor while Morticia combed her long hair.

"In school today we talked about what we want to be when we grow up," Wednesday said.

"And what do you want to be darling?" Morticia asked curiously. Wednesday had already gone through a series of things she wanted to be when she grew up.

"A dark sorceress."

"A dark sorceress?" Ophelia said incredulously. "That's morbid. When I was your age I wanted to be a princess."

Wednesday looked at her aunt as if she were a squashed bug. "Ew."

Morticia resisted the urge to laugh. Wednesday definitely took after her mother, Morticia remembered when she wanted to be a dark sorceress and spent all of her time memorizing spells from her grandmother's spellbook. "You can be whatever you want to be Wednesday, remember that."

Ophelia observed Wednesday playing with her dolls while Morticia ran a comb that looked like it was made from fangs through her hair. "Wednesday, don't you have any Barbie dolls? Every little girl has Barbie dolls."

Wednesday reached into her basket of dolls and pulled out what was definitely a Barbie dolls but she was wrapped in a straight jacket and her hair was shaved off.

Ophelia gasped.

"This one has been committed to an insane asylum where they've cut off all her hair to give her electrotherapy." She pulled out another one with a knife shoved through her forehead. "This one was murdered by Jack The Ripper." She pulled out one more that looked mostly in tact but half her face was melted off. "This one had her face melted off in boiling acid."

Ophelia stared at her in shock. She looked at Morticia hoping her sister was just as horrified but she instead had an amused smile on her face. She should have known, this was the exact type of thing Morticia did when they were kids. Ophelia then crossed her arms and sighed. "You're definitely your mother's child."

The next morning, Gomez and Morticia sat at the kitchen table having breakfast with their children. Mama had made them delicious blackberry pancakes which were Wednesday and Pugsley's favorite.

"What's happening in school today kids?" Gomez asked.

"My class is going on a field trip," Pugsley replied.

"Oh that's right, you're going to the Spy Museum. Make sure you take a look at memorial of spies tortured to death. They have replicas of how some of them died. It's spectacular."

"Cool!" Pugsley exclaimed.

"Have fun dear," Morticia said. "What about you Wednesday?"

"I'm presenting a project on the Salem Witch Trials."

"Make sure you talk about Great Aunt Calpernia."

"I have three slides for her."

All of a sudden a high pitched scream rang throughout the house.

"Oh my…" Morticia said.

"Was that Aunt Ophelia?" Pugsley asked.

Before anyone could say anything else, Ophelia burst into the room soaking wet with shampoo in her hair wrapped in a towel.

"Ophelia, what's the matter?" Gomez asked. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

"There was a snake in my shower!" she shouted.

"A snake?" He and Morticia looked at Pugsley. "Pugsley, did you let Carl out of his cage?"

"He was bored," Pugsley replied. "I let him out so he can stretch."

"That thing is gigantic!" Ophelia exclaimed.

"He's a boa constrictor."

"You keep a boa constrictor in your house?!"

"Ophelia, it's okay," Morticia said trying to calm her sister down. "Carl is harmless."

"Morticia, it's a giant snake!"

"And he won't hurt you. Look, it won't happen again. Pugsley, while Aunt Ophelia is here how about you keep Carl in his cage. And if you let him out make sure you're watching him or keep him in your room."

"Okay," Pugsley replied.

Ophelia felt something crawl across her foot and screamed even louder when she looked down and saw a spider. "AHHHH!"

"What? What's wrong?!" Gomez said.

"It's a spider! Get it away! Get it away!"

Wednesday bent down and picked up the black tarantula.

Ophelia screamed even louder. "Get that thing away from me!"

"I left the cage open so they could breathe," Wednesday said. "Roberta must have gotten out."

"Go put her away for now darling," Morticia said. "The same rule goes for you too."

"Yes mother," Wednesday said before going off to put the spider in the cage with the others.

Ophelia was still shaking and looked absolutely horrified. Morticia gave her a sympathetic look. Deep down, Gomez was jumping for joy. Maybe if Ophelia was afraid of the kids' pets she'd leave sooner.

The next evening Ophelia was looking for her sister and when she walked into the kids playroom, she screamed as a knife soared inches past her face and lodged into the wall.

"What are you doing?!" she shouted.

"We're playing darts," Wednesday said.

"Those aren't darts! Those are knives!"

"It's more fun with knives," Pugsley said.

"Sorry Ophelia," Gomez said resisting the urge to chuckle at the disturbed look on Ophelia's face.

Ophelia went over and sat next to Morticia on the couch. The way she slumped over dramatically, Morticia could tell one of her sister's monologue's was about to take place and she wasn't wrong.

"Morticia I'm so upset over Jacob," Ophelia said with a sniff. "We were so perfect together. Sure he was annoying at times, but we were supposed to be together forever."

"Well Ophelia…" Morticia tried to think of a way to make her feel better. "Look on the bright side. Suppose things weren't meant to work out between you and Jacob like you thought. This leaves a lot of new opportunities for you to find someone else." She clapped her hands together. "I've got an idea. How about you try out the rack? It's a perfect way to relieve stress."

"You have the best ideas querida," Gomez said coming over to kiss her cheek.

They went down to the dungeon where the torture rack was in the middle of the dark room.

Ophelia looked around. The black stone walls were lined with torches that were the only light in the room. There were various torture devices around the room including a wheel of pain, various whips, chains, and iron rods. "I didn't know there was a dungeon in your house…"

"It's perfect for disposing of your enemies," Gomez said. "My great grandfather used the stuff in here all the time and so did his father before him and his father before him."

Ophelia chuckled nervously. "You're joking right?"

"There are bones in the closet," Wednesday said as she busied herself with strapping her brother to an electric chair.

Ophelia looked at Morticia. "They're joking?"

Morticia just smirked. They were most certainly not joking.

She led Ophelia over to the rack. "This is perfect to get your mind off of things. I use it all the time. Lay down."

Ophelia lay down and they tied her hands and feet up. "I feel like a prisoner."

"We haven't even started yet," Gomez said. He put his cigar in one of the many conveniently placed ash trays around the house. "Ready?"

"I guess so."

Gomez tightened the rack.

"Oh my!" Ophelia exclaimed as her limbs were stretched.

Morticia looked down at her sister. "She's not turning purple yet darling. Give it another try."

Gomez tightened it again.

"Ah!" Ophelia exclaimed.

"I usually have it four times," Morticia said. "Three should be good for her Gomez."

"Alright," Gomez said tightening it once again.

"Is this supposed to be helping?!" Ophelia said feeling like her limbs were being ripped out of their sockets.

"It'll settle in in a few seconds," Morticia replied.

Gomez lit another cigar. "Are you focusing more on the pain than on Jacob?"

"Yes!"

"Then I'd say this was a success."

"Look mon amor, she's starting to turn purple," Morticia said with fascination.

Gomez pulled her into his arms and started kissing her neck. "Tish, that's French! My god querida, you're so sexy...!"

"Hey! What about me?!" Ophelia exclaimed. "Untie me!"

Morticia ran her fingers across Gomez's cheek. "Later my love."

They began to untie Ophelia.

"Well, how do you feel?" Morticia asked. "Do you feel relaxed?"

Ophelia moved around her arms. "Well...actually I kinda am."

"The rack always works like a charm."

"Maybe we should get her onto the nail bed next," Gomez said.

"I think I've had enough for one night," Ophelia said. She looked around the room once more. "Besides, this place gives me the creeps. Let's go back upstairs."

"Sure," Gomez said. He turned to Wednesday and Pugsley. Pugsley's hair was sticking straight up after being electrocuted and Wednesday looked triumphant. "Kids, do you want to finish our darts game?"

"Yeah, sure!" Pugsley said. He got out of the chair and he and Wednesday ran past Ophelia up the stairs.

Before Morticia could begin to follow them, Gomez took her hand. She looked back at him and she found him giving her a sensual look. "Do you want to come back down here tonight cara mia?" he asked.

Her heart fluttered at the thought of the fun they always had in the dungeon. "Of course." She wrapped her arms around his neck. "We'll make some good use out of the rack," she said with a wink.

Just the thought of it made him want her right then and there. "Can't wait."

She kissed his lips. "Moi aussi."

He started to kiss her again. "You make it impossible to wait until tonight."

Ophelia rolled her eyes. She didn't know what they were talking about, probably another one of their sick games. But in the state she was in, the sight of her sister and her husband's constant affection annoyed her. She turned and went upstairs hoping she wouldn't be nearly skewered by another knife or attacked by another snake along the way.