Kevin wasn't sure how to explain anything at that point. Too much was running through his mind. He wasn't sure he himself understood what had just occurred. It was like he had left his body and floated above himself, watching it all play out. Thanks to Kevin not being able to control his anger and frustration, Castle had found out. He didn't even have time to process Alexis being pregnant, let alone her father standing there looking at him with a stare that could have caused anyone to cringe. He had no time to do or think of anything, before Castle started asking questions. Kevin had no control over his body or mind. It was as if his mind had shut down, because there was too much going on all at once. Kevin was surprised he didn't faint.
He remembered Beckett trying her hardest to keep Castle's anger at bay, but it didn't work, all that did was cause Castle to get even more angry, something Kevin didn't know was possible. He remembered a faint scream from Beckett and then a sensation across his jaw as he fell to the floor. All the air in his body had vanished and Kevin wished at that point he would wake up from this dreadful nightmare. He had no such luck.
Castle threatened him and tried to hit him again, but Beckett stood over Kevin, protecting him. She reasoned with Castle. She told him something about his anger making things harder on Alexis. Something about how he needed to restrain his anger because it wasn't about him.
Kevin quickly left as Castle backed down. Kevin had never been afraid of Castle. Castle was always someone he found to be level headed. He should have guessed finding out that his daughter was pregnant with a married man's child wasn't going to get a gentle reaction from him, but he was still surprised by the punch, even if he did deserve it. He deserved many more, if he was being honest with himself.
How was he supposed to process this all? How was he supposed to come to terms with what had just happened? How was he supposed to tell Jenny? It was impossible to have to do this, but he couldn't pity himself. He was the one who made all of this possible. He couldn't hate anyone—just himself.
Kevin walked back to his apartment. He needed to face this music. He had just found he was going to be a father and had been punched in his face. How could the night get any worse for him?
When he walked into the apartment, Jenny called out, "Babe, is that you?"
"Uh, yeah," he called back, trying to decide how to explain this whole thing. He didn't have much hope that things would go smoothly. He moved into the kitchen, where Jenny was. He leaned against the entryway.
"What happened? Did you go to Javi's?"
"No, I went to see Alexis."
Jenny's hands, which were cutting up tomatoes, stopped.
"You did what?" She turned around to face him, and that was when she saw the bruise. "Kevin, what happened to your face? Did she do that? Why were you even with her?"
He sighed, "Castle punched me."
Jenny's face softened a bit and then a frown covered her mouth. "Did he find out what happened?"
Kevin nodded.
"How?"
He shook his head. He wasn't going to lie. "I let it slip out in front of him."
"I still don't get why you went to see Alexis."
"Beckett told me that Alexis was going through something—that she was scared. So I assumed she was just having a hard time with what happened between us." He sighed. He didn't want to talk about this, but he had no choice. "I went over there to try and help her."
Jenny's frown deepened.
"She wasn't sad about that. Not entirely."
"What?" Jenny asked in a tone that made Kevin think she didn't really want to know.
His eyes connected with Jenny's and he shook his head. How could he tell her?
"She's pregnant."
Jenny's eyes widened and Kevin's heart started to race. He had done it; he told her. It didn't feel good, but he had to do it.
"No." She shook her head. "No, Kevin—tell me it's not yours. Please, tell me."
He looked away, not able to see her looking at him that way.
"I'm so sorry."
She exhaled loudly. He bit his lip.
"How?"
"You know how."
"You didn't use–"
"No, we didn't."
Her eyes filled with tears and she backed away from him. He had already told her the hard part; he may as well tell her everything.
"She told me and I freaked. I ran out, went to see Beckett, and before I knew it I had accidentally told Castle and he punched me." He didn't know if she was listening. She kept shaking her head, repeating the word no.
"How could you?"
"I don't know. I wasn't thinking obviously."
"She's sure she's pregnant? Maybe she isn't."
"She is." He was caught off guard at her attempt to hope. "She went to a doctor to make sure."
"She's sure it's yours?"
Kevin nodded, knowing each question she asked would lead to more heartache in the end.
Jenny turned her back to him and walked back over to the kitchen counter, holding onto the edges. Soon her body began to shake, and he knew she was crying. He expected it, but it still made him cringe a bit.
He wanted to say something make her feel better, try to find some kind of silver lining, but he knew there wasn't one. It just was what it was, which was possibly the one thing that could pull him and Jenny apart for good.
Not that he really thought things were perfect between them. Nothing was really the way it used to be between them. Deep down, Kevin was waiting for something to happen, and here it was, out in the open.
Jenny had said she could forgive him for cheating since she had done the same, but now—now everything was different and he knew there was little hope that she could forgive him for this. If he were in her shoes, he didn't think he'd be tolerant enough to forgive her.
He started to think of his sleeping options, because by the look of things and the hurt on Jenny's face, he wasn't going to be staying there.
How did things escalate so fast? How could everyone know? How could everything be out in the open when she had only told two people?
Kate had called Alexis and told her everything that had happened. Not too long after that phone conversation, Castle showed up at Alexis' place. He was very unhappy. She had barely gotten any words out before Castle had already made up his mind. He told her to stay away from Kevin, to not let this hold her back. He wanted her to move back to the loft.
She had been so angry that she told him that it was her life, not his. He couldn't make her decisions for her. All she needed from him was his love and support, and if he couldn't give her those two things, then he could leave. She was furious that it had reached that place.
It felt like her life was imploding and she was the only one there to clean everything up. She felt the lowest she had ever felt. She was sad, angry and scared.
It had been three days since Alexis had seen Kevin, and she wasn't sure what to do. Pretend he didn't exist? Try to reach him? She decided against calling him; she was too angry with him for that. He had left her when she could have used his support. How could he have done that?
A knock at her door snapped her back into the present. She sighed, walking to the door, mentally preparing herself for another confrontation with her dad.
Instead, when she opened the door she found nervous blue eyes staring at her. She didn't know what to do. She wasn't expecting to see Kevin at her door, especially after their last encounter.
She crossed her arms. "What do you want?"
"Can I come in?" he asked, giving her a pained look.
"Are you sure you want to?" He wasn't in the mood to stay earlier. What had changed?
Kevin sighed. "Please? I really want to talk to you."
"What about? Because a few days ago you said you couldn't handle this and ran off."
"I know." He frowned. "Please let me come in, so we can talk about it."
She moved back, keeping her arms crossed. "Nice bruise."
"I'm sorry."
"Sorry?"
"Yes. I'm sorry for what I did—leaving you after what you had just told me. I should have stayed."
"Woulda, coulda, shoulda."
"Come on, Alexis. Please don't be that way."
She bit her lip, trying control herself. "What way?"
"Unwilling to talk."
"I was willing to talk three days ago, remember? It was the day I told you I was pregnant with your child and then you just ran away." She gave into her anger and it felt good.
"It wasn't like that."
"That's exactly what it was. Why are you even here? Nothing has changed. I'm still pregnant, no need for you to stick around."
"Alexis, I had just found out, I wasn't ready to hear that. It wasn't exactly something I was able to process at that time," he tried.
She shook her head with a bitter laugh. "I wasn't ready when I found out either. The only difference was that I couldn't run away."
"I'm sorry. I didn't know what to do."
"You're sorry? Do you honestly think that you saying that you're sorry makes everything better?" She couldn't believe what she was hearing.
"No, I don't."
"Good, because sorry will never be good enough. Never. I was scared and you have no idea how hard it was to tell you, but I did and you left. You just walked away!"
"I know. I know that was terrible. I shouldn't have left; I know that now. I just needed to clear my head. I didn't want to say or do the wrong thing."
Alexis laughed bitterly. "Yeah, because running away is always the right thing to do."
"I'm here now. I'm here, and I am not going to run away again."
"What about Jenny?"
"I told her."
Alexis' eyes widened and suddenly she wasn't sure if the bruise on his face was from Castle or Jenny. "You did?"
He nodded. "She wants a divorce."
Alexis looked away from him and sighed. She had officially done it; she had destroyed their marriage. She didn't say anything to him. What could she say?
"I'm not looking for pity. I'm just here to do step up to the plate. This isn't just your responsibility. Its mine as well."
Alexis chewed on her bottom lip, trying to decide how to move forward. She wasn't sure she could believe that he wouldn't bail on her again, but if he wanted to be in his child life, she couldn't stop that.
"I don't know. I mean, I can't stop you from being a part of his or her life, so if you want to be there, you can be, but I can't just put this behind me. Who knows, in a month or two you could change your mind and flake out."
He nodded with a frown. "All I am asking for is a chance to prove myself."
Alexis sighed. "Okay, but you should know that this isn't going to be easy. Dad's pissed."
"Trust me, I know." He pointed to the mark on his jaw.
She nodded. "So, how is this going to work?"
Kevin slipped his hands into his pockets. "Whatever you decide is appropriate."
"Well, maybe we should just try and wipe the slate clean, in a way. We don't mention anything that might cause a fight, because that will just make this whole thing more difficult. Agreed?"
He nodded. "Yeah, that sounds good." He wasn't looking her in the eyes. She was pretty sure he had been put through the ringer, so she didn't want to add to his sorrow.
"How involved do you want to be? Do you want to go to appointments with me?"
"Only if you would feel comfortable with it."
She nodded. "I don't have an appointment until two weeks from now. Maybe by that time, you could come."
He nodded. "Yeah, just let me know if you need anything."
"Like what?"
He shrugged. "Well, babies are expensive, so maybe I could help buy things?"
She gave him a quizzical look. "Haven't thought about it yet, but if I get the urge to start buying things, I'll let you know."
He exhaled and ran his hand through his hair.
A small wave of guilt settled over her. She was mad at him because of how he bailed on her, but she wasn't blind to the mess that was in front of her. He'd been through a lot and here he was, trying to find a way to make things easier on her. He looked like he hadn't slept since she had last seen him. He looked weak, but somehow he gathered the courage to come over and see her.
She moved forward a little, but he didn't notice. His mind was probably somewhere else. She noticed for the first time since he had come over that he was in a casual attire and there seemed to be no product in his hair. This was her first time seeing him look like this. He looked like he wasn't really there.
Guilt grew and she walked closer and wrapped her arms around him. She noticed his body tense, she wasn't surprised by it though. She didn't move. She just hugged him and slowly she felt his frame loosen and felt his arms wrap lightly around her.
She knew he needed the hug, but what came as a surprise to her was that she was finding the hug oddly comforting. She hadn't had a lot of people offering her support, so even the small gesture of a hug was something she found calming.
She backed away a few moments later, not wanting to make it too awkward between them. She already felt like they had reached their max. He gave her a confused look.
She shrugged her shoulders at herself. "I guess I could use your help getting this place ready. A lot of things need to be moved and I need to get rid of stuff. Maybe sometime this week you could come over and help?"
His confused looked was still on his face, but he nodded. "Of course."
"Alright, I'll give you a call."
"Right. I should probably go."
She nodded and watched him leave. A small part of her found comfort in knowing she wasn't all alone. She hoped it would stay that way.
She wasn't entirely ready for this, not as much as she lead on. She felt a little worried about everything. Every day made every single thing seem that much more real and she was terrified. She knew it was normal to feel scared about being pregnant. So much could happen. Good and bad. It put a lot of pressure on someone to know that they were responsible for making sure that everything worked out perfectly. Alexis felt that pressure. She felt the pressure that not only others put on her, but that she put on herself as well.
She had to eat enough, which was difficult before her because she didn't have much of an appetite. Every time someone brought over food, she thought she was going to be sick. Castle bought food for her whenever he felt like she needed more. She didn't want to complain, but her cabinets were stuffed. It would take her months to eat all the food.
Kevin brought her food, too. She found it easier to forgive him. She knew his worries weren't about her; it was about what was best for the baby. Their baby. Kevin made sure to see her a couple times a week, which was fine with her, because every time he came over he would clean her apartment. Sometimes he would come over and immediately start doing the dishes, or gather dirty clothes and start a load of laundry. It was just something less she had to do that day and she always thanked him for it, even though he acted as if it wasn't a big deal.
They had become friendly towards each other. She wasn't exactly past her anger, but it was getting better. They were both trying to make this whole weird situation work. She didn't want to be one of those people who threw others' failures in their face, so she made it a goal to never mention anything about their past. It was all about their future and how they were going to co-exist in each others lives.
Thank you guys for all the reviews! They mean so much! I'm so happy that you are all liking it so far. Your reviews are always appreciated :)
