(Maisie Pevensie)
"Shit!" May hissed under her breath.
Remus' head snapped up. "Shit is right." He said, staring at the red blood blooming from her finger. "That looks deep."
"What kind of demon book is this? Bloody paper cuts." May grumbled, slamming the offending book shut.
"Let me have a look," Remus said, his bigger hands enveloping hers. May noticed that his hands were soft, far softer than hers, but she could feel the lines of scars along his palms, she wondered how he'd gotten them.
"How'd those happen?" May asked.
"How did what happen?" Remus said distractedly, fussing over her finger. He mumbled a spell and tapped his wand to the bottom of the cut, watching as the skin began to stitch itself back together leaving nothing but a little redness that was sure to vanish over the next day or so.
"Thanks." May said, feeling the now smooth unmarred skin. "These though, I meant." She said, flipping Remus' palm upwards, pointing at the numerous white marks that criss-crossed on his hands.
He immediately yanked his hands away, and May suddenly got the sinking feeling she'd said something wrong.
"Don't remember." He said, turning back to his book.
May suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable, she hadn't done anything wrong, had she? It was just a question, but Remus was always so hot and cold with her. He could spend the entire day talking to her, and then spend the next day ducking through corridors to avoid her. Alice had said she must have been imagining it but she knew what she'd seen. But she hated it when she upset Remus, mostly because she never really knew what would or wouldn't.
"I'm bored," May moaned, "Let's do something?"
Remus looked up from his book and gave her an indulgent smile, from anyone else something like that would have been condescending. However from Remus it was a sign that he wasn't reluctant to be influenced. She'd seen the exact same expression given to Sirius and James on numerous occasions. Her chest felt lighter, he wasn't angry.
"Like?" He asked.
May shrugged. "I hadn't thought that far honestly." But she did know what she didn't want to do. Although it was the easiest option, she wasn't interested in suggesting that they hang around with James and Sirius, Sirius annoyed her and James liked to embarrass her. It was selfish but she wanted Remus to herself, the guys got enough of him anyway!
The Quidditch pitch was out, the Ravenclaw team had it booked for practice. That idiot Jason Biles had beat her to it. The common room was littered with their friends and first years.
She shrugged. "You got any suggestions Lupin?"
Remus raised an eyebrow, he had a peculiar way of doing this. The amount of expression that he could contain within one simple twitch of hair was impressive. Sad, angry, disappointed. She'd seen him do it all, and profess far more emotion than any crying fit or tantrum could. But right now it conveyed the best of all, mischief.
He silently began collecting his things, carefully putting away his quills and ink bottles, May began feeling giddy and shifted impatiently in her seat. "Hurry!" She nagged.
"Have you no patience Pevensie?" He said. "Alright, if I show you something you have to promise it's between us!"
May put a finger to her lips. "They're sealed!"
Remus rolled his eyes good-naturedly. "Don't think I don't know about that big mouth of yours." He said wagging a finger at her. "No gossiping amongst the girls in the dormitory later. I'm serious."
May bit her lip, it was going to be so hard not to tell if it was something good! The boys seemed to have a deep and thorough knowledge of the castle, they knew how to sneak into Hogsmeade and often disappeared for hours on end. She'd pestered James but had had no luck, he would pat her on the head and say 'maybe when you've grown older'.
"Alright fine!" She conceded, on a scale of things Hogwarts secrets would have to outweigh loyalty to her friends here. She'd be forgiven, they'd understand.
Remus looked pleased. "Come on then." He said, standing up from his seat. She quickly shoved all of her things in her bag, far less neatly and carefully then he had. She just hoped an ink bottle didn't shatter over her things, even with her best charm work getting out stains was a pain.
Remus moved elegantly and quickly out of the library, and although tall herself she scurried to keep up with his swift steps.
"Gum?" She offered, pulling two sticks from the pocket of her robes. He silently took one, and as they crossed the lengths of the castle there was no sound but their chewing.
Suddenly a low chuckle broke through. "You chew so disgustingly May." He said.
She giggled, this hadn't been the first time she'd been nagged about her terrible table manner, and obnoxiously smacked her gum in his ear. "You mean like that?"
"Precisely like that," He said shoving her away gently, but his amused tone gave him away.
She laughed and got closer to his face and blew a large pink bubble, raising her eyebrows in a challenge. Remus didn't speak, he merely lifted a brow to a slight peak, and then wordlessly popped the bubble.
May gave out a loud gasp."You popped my bubble." She said, her words muffled by the sticky gum that covered her lips.
Remus laughed. "So I did, what you going to do about it?"
Although the question was simple enough, she felt her heart skip a beat. That was how she knew she liked Remus, he made her insides flip over on themselves. And not for the first time she wondered what her life would be like if she was dating Remus, because if she was, her rebuttal would have been to kiss him.
But instead she shrugged, "Nothing I suppose." And then she grinned mischievously at him. "I don't really have a mafia behind me you know?"
"We are not a mafia!"
"Oh you so are!" She said. "A group that's come together for some nefarious purpose? Reacts violently to those who oppose them? Have you seen James and Sirius? Those are your friends."
Remus sniffed haughtily. "Gang would be a better term. Besides it's not like you girls are any better!"
"Oh yeah because Lily is also out right now hexing students isn't she?" May responded sarcastically.
He laughed. "While you're not wrong that those two are out now doing just that, the lot of you are a different sort of gang. Gossiping and plotting against us poor men up in that dormitory. You've even got an impenetrable entrance."
May giggled. "You guys haven't had any luck figuring out a way in?" At one point in summer James and Sirius had become extraordinarily incensed about the fact that they weren't allowed in the girls dormitory and had sworn to find a way to defy the charm.
"Those two have the attention-span of goldfish. I think that plan was immediately abandoned in favour of something else." Remus scoffed.
"Ah and that really doesn't help you, does it?" She teased with a waggle of her eyebrows. "You just want to get a gander of the Gryffindor girls in their knickers? For shame Lupin."
Remus sighed, loudly and dramatically, "Yes," He said forlornly. "What I wouldn't give to get a peek at McGonagall."
May erupted into a roar of laughter. "Ew!" She squealed. "I said girls, not McGonagall."
"She was a girl once!" He protested through snickers. "And I'd rather have a look at McGonagall than you lot, she's a dame."
"That is positively revolting."
"Oh wait, we're here." Remus said, stopping his laughter on will. "Keep it down May." But her body felt independent of her mind, and she continued to giggle and gasp for breath.
Remus clapped a hand over her mouth, and she felt her heart skip again. She wondered if he was oblivious to his effect on her or simply all too aware of it. Either way, neither of those were preferable. "Are you done?" He asked.
She took a deep breath and composed herself, then nodded furiously.
"Are you sure?"
She narrowed her eyes at him and shot him a rude hand gesture. He chuckled, "Alright then." His hand slipped back to his own side, her face felt hot and tingly where it had touched her.
"Here we are!" Remus announced. "Tap the witch." He said, indicating towards the life-size statue of an old one-eyed witch.
May gave him a sarcastic look. "Well we only just met, I don't think I'm interested like that."
He rolled his eyes. "With your wand. Dissendium is the charm."
May stared. Remus stared back. Finally with a sigh, she pulled her wand from the pocket of her robes and tapped the witch on the nose muttering the charm. She gasped as the large hump of the wizened witch slid open slowly to reveal a darkened tunnel.
"Told you!" Remus said smiling at her surprise. "Come on, let's go."
"Down there?" May eyed the tunnel suspiciously.
"Scared?"
May flashed Remus a glare. "Absolutely not." She scowled, squinting at the dark passage.
"I can go first." Remus offered.
"I'm fine," May insisted, swatting aside his offering hand, stowing her wand away deep into the pockets of her robes. "Alright," She said, appraising the statue carefully, turning her body away from Remus and gripped tightly onto the polished stone of the entrance using it to slide herself down into the darkened passageway. The journey down the stone slide was quick and she couldn't resist a childish cheer as she travelled down.
The tunnel was dark, May immediately lit her wand and the gentle light illuminated the dark space. It was less dingy than she'd first thought, the walls were smooth and carved neatly and the floor was laid with the same marble as the rest of the castle, it had the vague musty smell that was often associated with closed spaces that had recently been opened up.
"You okay?" The shadow of Remus' figure was loomed large on the slide, "I'm coming down!" He said as she quickly stepped out of his drop zone
"There," He said, wiping invisible dirt from his robes and lighting his own wand. "That wasn't so bad was it?"
"Not all all," She said, "How did you lot even find this place?"
Remus' responding smile looked even brighter in the dim light. "You girls would be surprised at what this castle has to offer if you look around."
She rolled her eyes. "Yes, but not having an invisibility cloak makes lurking around a little harder. Maybe if James were to lend it to us…" She hinted obviously.
"Oh no, no," Remus said, beginning to walk down the passage. "That's your problem with James, I'm not involved. If you want to borrow it, ask him."
"He refuses to lend it to me! Can't you just flick it?"
"Oh, absolutely not!" He scoffed. "Why would I do such a thing?"
"Aw, don't be such a stickler Lupin. Where's that Gryffindor bravery?"
"Why are you even trying? This is not a remote possibility!"
"You're just a weenie is all."
"Because I won't participate in your foolish plans?" Remus chuckled. "It's not like they ever end well."
May pouted. "That's unfair! I've been the brains behind many an excellent scheme."
"Like what?"
She flushed a little, "You can't just put me on the spot like that!" Grinning like a Cheshire cat. "Gimme a couple of hours and I'll make you a list."
"Bullshit!" Remus mocked. "Admit it, you're jealous of our brilliant pranking skills!"
"Now it's your brilliant pranking skills? What happened to calling your friends deviants? A hypocrite of the highest order!"
Remus shrugged. "Perhaps I'm not as innocent as you thought. Ah, and we're here." He said as they reached the end of the passageway. "Alohomora," He said, pushing the now unlocked door open just a crack.
"Take off your robes."
"Excuse me?"
Remus blushed. "I mean, so we can go out. The Gryffindor robes, they make it a little obvious we're from Hogwarts. See?" He said, loosening and removing his own tie.
"Oh, oh!" May said, understanding dawning her face. "Jeez, no need to get all red Remus, I'm not that hideous in the nude." She giggled.
He rolled his eyes, "Just get them off."
"Dominating. Cute." She quipped, slipping her robes off her shoulders and stuffing them in a bunch into her bag, quickly followed by the red and gold tie.
Without their robes and ties, they looked ordinary enough. Perhaps a little too muggle dressed, but nothing unmistakably underage student.
"Just follow my lead, yeah?"
May nodded silently, she was sure that they were headed into Hogsmeade and she wasn't feeling up to mess up an adventure like this.
Remus slipped out through the door like a cat, and she felt awkward and clumsy as she tried to keep less than a hairs distance between them. They passed quickly through a dimly lit storeroom, littered with boxes yet to be opened and other various supplies. She hardly had a second to even register the surroundings before Remus shuffled them up a large staircase and through another door. The sudden, bright light stung her eyes and she blinked rapidly in an attempt to adjust them, stopping in her tracks.
"Merlin," She muttered, rubbing at her eyes.
"Come on!" Remus whispered hurriedly, grabbing her hand to pull her behind him. By this time May's eyes had adjusted to the new lighting, and she stared curiously around her. Shop shelves overstocked with various brightly coloured packages, white and turquoise painted walls, it all looked vaguely familiar to her. Then suddenly it hit her, Honeydukes! They were in Honeydukes!
"Honeydukes?!"
Remus looked back at her with a huge grin, "Pretty brilliant isn't it?"
"It's fucking fantastic!"
"Oh, then just you wait Pevensie." He said, still pulling her through the shelves and out of the shop.
May heard the ding of the bell as they slipped through the door, and wondered vaguely what the Honeydukes shopkeepers would think. But perhaps they were used to it, the boys clearly did this a lot. Outside, the ground was covered with crunchy leaves of every fall colour. Red, yellow, orange and just a few that had somehow managed to maintained just a tinge of green chlorophyll. The Hogsmeade streets were emptier than she was used to, without the sea of Hogwarts students she could see the town for what it really was. A charming, quiet little village, she wondered what it would be like to live in such a town. The arbid thought crossed her mind, what would it be like to live with Remus in such a town? She felt a flush cross her cheeks and she snuck an embarrassed glance at him, thankfully he wasn't a legilimens.
"Well then, Pevensie?" Remus questioned. "Where to?"
"Hmmm," She said thoughtfully, then linked her arm in his. "Anywhere Lupin! Take me anywhere anytime!" May waggled her eyebrows at him deviously.
Remus rolled his eyes. "You're as filthy as any bloke I know."
"I don't see anything wrong with that," She countered. "Are you saying birds can't be filthy? That's not being very progressive is it?"
He chortled. "This is not an issue of feminism Pevensie! Not to mention, one could counter that referring to women as birds is something inherently misogynistic, no?"
"Shut up, where are we going?"
They ended up spending the day roaming in and out of the various shops, no different from any other Hogsmeade trip, but it felt somehow special. May was secretly thrilled, she'd been hoping for years for Remus to ask her out on a date to the village and perhaps this wasn't quite the same thing but it was nice all the same. And who was to say that pretending to herself was wrong?
Before they left they made a pitstop in the Three Broomsticks.
"Hello Madam Rosmerta," Remus said politely to the witch behind the counter.
The barmaid was a pretty woman, no more than late twenties. Her blonde, curly hair was pinned to the top of her head messily, but several stray strands had escaped and framed her angular, pale face.
"Ah, Remus." She said, smiling at the tall boy. "And what can I do for your lot today?"
Remus dropped several galleons on the bar counter. "2 bottles of Firewhiskey please."
May gaped at him. She'd been going to the Three Broomsticks for years, and the most she'd ever had was a Butterbeer! The boys were generally the middlemen for the Gryffindor contraband, and while she knew they must have had some kind of supply, she had always pictured them doing their deals in some shady, decrepit alleyway. It was a little jarring how… blatant they were. The Three Broomsticks was their supplier? She ate Shepherd's Pie here!
Madam Rosmerta waved her wand at two bottles on the shelf, packing them expertly in brown paper and handed the package to Remus. "That'll hopefully keep you lot good for some time."
Remus shrugged. "You know how Sirius and James are."
The barmaid laughed good-naturedly. "Be careful you lot!" She lectured. "I don't want Minerva banging down my door accusing me of corrupting her students."
May giggled. "Ah, Rosmerta." Remus said, remembering her. "This is May, James' cousin."
She waved her fingers shyly at the older woman. "Hello," She said softly.
"I could tell," Said Rosmerta. "You've come in here before, haven't you dear? Can't believe I didn't make the connection myself, the two of you really do look alike."
"It's the unfortunate curse of genetics." May sighed dramatically.
Rosmerta giggled. "Well, I have it on good record from these boys that James has been overcharging you for my whiskey. Don't let them take the mickey out of you darling, you need anything come to me."
"Seriously?" Her mind already began plotting. She had to tell Marlene! James had been charging them an obscene rate for liquor. Even family couldn't get a discount, bad for business he said.
Remus let out a low whistle, "James is not going to be happy about this." He said in a sing-song voice. "You've cut into his business."
"My business." Said Rosmerta firmly. "Focuses on treating all my customers the same, I can't let you boys take advantage of these poor girls."
"Ha!" Remus laughed, "If you only knew them." He said, throwing a grin at May. "Anyway, we should be off." He scooped the brown paper parcel into her arms. "Thank you Rosmerta!"
"Bye!" May said, a little sad to go. She rather liked Madam Rosmerta.
"Bye dears!" Said the barmaid, waving them off and returning to her work at the bar.
"The Three Broomsticks? Really?" May questioned when they were outside once again.
He shrugged, "All Sirius and James, I can't take credit."
"Oh bullshit!" She exclaimed. "I saw you in there, you and Peter can't play innocent. You're just as much of a part of this ring as those two!"
He chuckled. "And I don't suppose I could expect any different from you girls now. I saw your face when Rosmerta was advertising!"
"She's so nice! How could I say no."
"Oh, yeah politeness is definitely your problem." He said. "Come on then," He said, entering Honeydukes. "Follow my lead."
They entered the sweet shop, Remus waved politely to the couple shop-keepers who waved cheerfully back, seemingly unbothered by the obviously underage pair.
"Do you think I should buy some chocolate?" He said thoughtfully rummaging the shelves.
"Don't you already have an already excessive collection?"
"Well, chocolate doesn't go bad."
"I'm sure that's not true at all."
"Hm, doesn't matter." He said, looking carefully at the owners. "Ok, now follow me." He said, taking swift strides to the back of the shop. May skipped cheerfully after him, pleased with the day and slipped silently through the backdoor after him.
"Lumos," She muttered waving her wand and pulling her robes back on.
"Let's go then?" Remus called over his shoulder, already heading down the passageway. "I think we're late."
"Late? For what?"
Remus shifted the package in his hands. "Who do you think this is for?"
May laughed. "Boys night, of course. I should have known."
He shrugged. "Not necessarily boys night. You're welcome to join us?"
"Really?"
"Yeah, why not? James mentioned he was already going to call you."
"Oh," May said, feeling slightly dejected. "Well then, sure. Should be fun."
"Boys dormitory then. Shouldn't be a problem at all. Merlin this is heavy!" He complained, setting the package down. "Give me a minute. My back!" He moaned, pretending to stretch like an old man.
She nodded. "Thank you though, Remus. Today was fun."
Remus straightened up out of his contortions. "Always May, I had fun too. Would have taken you before, if I'd realised."
"Which you should have!" She said playfully, hitting his shoulder. "I'm loads of fun, something I thought you knew!"
"I knew, I knew. What can I say? We boys have an elite club. No girls allowed."
May bit her lip and stared at him. They were so close, standing barely an inch apart and in the narrow tunnel it felt even closer. If she even leaned forward, their bodies would be touching. And although their wands were lit, she could only barely make out the features of his face but his eyes, still shone brightly at her. They were so brown, so deep. Remus had such a beautiful face, if she were a boy she would want to look exactly like him. He was so sweet and smart and kind and his face betrayed it, he was a nice boy. The best of all of them.
"I think," She said softly, the beat of her heart like a hummingbird. "It wouldn't hurt for you to have girls around."
"No," He said quietly, his eyes piercing her. "We could probably only benefit from such feminine presence."
Goosebumps pricked her skin, making her hair stand up on its end and she didn't think it was because of the cool draft. Was he really going to just stare at her like that? Was such a thing even allowed? He was just as guilty here as her.
"Remus," She said.
"Yeah?"
"You can kiss me if you want to."
"I don't not want to." He replied immediately, she saw his eyes flicker to her lips. Do it, do it! She screamed internally.
"Then don't not do it."
His eyes were trained on her lips, and for one second she was sure he would. Her eyes fluttered shut, but suddenly there was a flurry of movement and they snapped open again. Remus had taken a step back, and any trace of desire she'd seen, or perhaps not really seen, was gone. His face was abashed, and she felt her heart sink to her stomach. The hummingbird had been shot.
Remus cleared his throat, awkwardly and loudly. "Let's get out of here? We really are late." He said, gathering his bag and the liquor.
May was suddenly glad for the darkness, the moment was gone and thankfully he couldn't see her face. She wouldn't have wanted him to anyway, she felt as if she had been punched in the stomach and then slapped in the face. They were silent the rest of the way back, and she berated herself silently the entire time. She was a fool! An utter and complete fool! He was her friend and she was constantly trying to get him to be more, and she wasn't subtle at all. Her persistent crush on him was perhaps the worlds worst secret, and what was Remus supposed to do? Any boy would have kissed her back, lied that he liked her too, but the decent type like him knew that wasn't what you did with anyone, let alone your best friend. Why was she like this? She had other boys, she went on other dates all the time, why did she have to be so obsessed with him? It was that little part inside her, that little voice that kept piping up despite everything else that was rational. That stupid little voice, she'd have it strung up and shot if she could.
But, he'd seemed interested hadn't he? He'd looked at her in a way you didn't look at your friends. It wasn't all her fault was it? Remus hadn't never really said he wasn't interested? In fact, he did everything that indicated otherwise, didn't he?
She snuck a glance at him, then shut up the voice again with her self-loathing. She'd just asked him to kiss her and he walked away, May had to be either dense or a masochist to still be asking herself that question.
Remus cleared his throat again when they reached the base of the slide, May wondered dejectedly if that would be how he would talk to her from now on. She could handle it if he didn't want to kiss her, but if things were bad with him she might throw herself off the Astronomy Tower.
"Remus, I'm sorry." She said. "I shouldn't have said that before, it wasn't fair of me."
"What?" He said, panicked. "Oh, May no! Don't be sorry. I'm sorry."
"Really!" She insisted. "I am, and if you don't want to…" May felt embarrassed. "Like, whatever. It's perfectly fine."
"No, no! It's not that at all! I'd love to…" He shuffled his feet nervously and avoided her eyes. "Well, whatever with you. It's just… complicated."
The little voice came back buzzing like mad. "Complicated?"
"Things are complicated." He said, running a hand through his hair. "I can… be complicated. And you don't deserve to have to deal with any of that."
"I see," She said, and although it sounded like she didn't understand what he was talking about. She did. If he had said this to her last year, she wouldn't have a gotten a lick of what he was saying, but over the summer she'd come to understand what it was like to be… complicated. She had become complicated, and didn't know what the heads or tails of her own life was. May wouldn't have wanted Remus to deal with her business, she wanted to wrench it from her body, lock it in a chest and throw it in the lake. It would have been unfair to force him to confess, when she wouldn't ever be able to do the same.
"I wouldn't mind at all," She said carefully. "Dealing with any of your stuff. But I understand if you wouldn't want to talk about it."
Remus let out an audible sigh of relief. "Thank you, May."
She smiled at him, and the little voice whispered in her ear. Does this mean he likes me too? "So, I guess we're just going to be a couple of angsty teenagers who no one else gets then?" She sighed dramatically. "What a travesty of a cliche!"
He laughed but stopped abruptly when there was a sudden loud noise from above them.
"What the fu… Merlin's beard!" May exclaimed, somebody had opened the entryway and the bright light from above blinded her.
"It is I!" Boomed a loud voice. "Your lord and saviour himself to save you heathens!"
"Black, you're a fucker!" May retorted back rudely.
"Agreed," Remus grumbled. "How did you even know we were down here?"
"Because it's where he takes girls too!" Peter shrieked in his high voice.
James and Sirius made obnoxious kissing noises and May felt completely embarrassed.
"Shut up!" Remus called up. "James transfigure the bloody stairs will you?"
James snickered. "Sure? We don't mind coming back later." He teased in a sing-song voice.
"We're good! Also fuck you! Madam Rosmerta says you've been over-charging me and Marlene!"
"Shit," James said. "No refunds! Damn, can you believe Rosie of all people outed us?" He said to Sirius conversationally as he muttered a spell that turned the slide into a staircase that the two immediately began to climb.
"What to do my dear Prongs? Women simply can't be trusted."
"Pity then," May said. "I suppose I'll just have to put a notice about this place on the common room board then. Thanks James." She added, taking his outstretched hand and hopping down from the statue.
"Aw, May. You're not a woman. You're our mate, we can trust you can't we?"
"Perhaps, but I'll definitely be using this place from now on."
"Maybe it's Remus that can't be trusted." Peter piped up unhelpfully. Remus rolled his eyes at the smaller boy and handed him the brown package.
"Keep talking and I'll pour all this down the drain."
Sirius gasped and pretended to faint. "He wouldn't!"
"I would!" Remus countered.
"Never you mind these foolish ideas." Said Sirius slinging an arm around Remus' shoulder. "We'll get some firewhiskey in you and fix all these silly Prefect thoughts you have. Pevensie you're coming too I presume."
May shrugged and looked at Remus hopefully. "Yeah, I mean why not."
"It'll be fun," Remus said. "It's the weekend too."
"Sounds brilliant to me," James said. "You lads head up to the dorm, May and I will get some stuff from the kitchens."
They all seemed to be in agreement and the three boys shuffled out, Sirius talking loudly about his plans to get Remus thoroughly intoxicated much to the other boys chagrin.
"The kitchens?" May asked James. "Today is really a special day for me then, where to?"
"Forget the kitchens," James said with a wave of his hands. "I need to talk to you."
May raised her eyebrows. "I don't know how to get Lily to like you James, stop asking me for help. She really hates you."
"Evans, I can manage. This is about you, your mum asked me to give you this." He said fishing a letter out of his pocket. May could see her mothers neat handwriting on the outside of the envelope.
"Why did my mum ask you to give me that?"
"She says you're not replying to her."
May shrugged. "So, maybe I'm not." Both of her parents' letter had gone untouched since she'd arrived at school, all shoved to the bottom of her trunk. She would have done the same with her grandfathers but she didn't have the heart.
James ran a hand through his hair. "May, you should really talk to them."
"James quite frankly, butt out of this." She said with more calm than she felt. "You haven't a clue about anything."
"What is with you girls?" He snapped back. "And also I know, in case you've forgotten. I'm family, so I've got quite a clue about what is going on. And I still think you should talk to them."
She felt her gut twist. "You know?" She exclaimed. "You haven't said anything!"
"Neither have you! But whatever fuck that, May you really need to talk to them. You guys have to figure this out."
"I don't want to figure this out!" She cried out, feeling the pinpricks of angry tears at her eyes. "I don't want any of this! Any of it!" She screamed, feeling childish. "And I shouldn't have to talk to Mum and Dad! They haven't talked to me about any of it my entire life? But now? Now, I have to be the reasonable one? No, no, no, no! That is not fair!"
"It's not about what's fair…"
"Oh, shut up James!" She screeched. "Fuck you! How fucking dare you! You're supposed to be on my side! You're my cousin and you're my friend! Don't come talking to me now just when you haven't even bothered all this time!"
"Aunt Hayley said I needed to give you time."
"Oh?" Snarled May. "She did, did she? Well, how about you go hang out with Aunt Hayley instead and give me that!" She wrenched the envelope out of his hands and ripped it to shreds, if he hadn't been there she probably would have stomped on it for good measure.
"Good Godric, May! Relax! I'm sorry, you're right. I should have talked to you, you're right. I'm sorry!" He pleaded looking alarmed at her fit. "I'm on your side, I'm always on your side!"
"Then bloody well act like it!" She sobbed at him, running out of the corridor, ignoring James' shouting after her. She ran all the way to the common room, leaping up the staircases.
"Billywig." She bawled at the Fat Lady.
"Are you alright, dear?" Asked the portrait, concerned as it swung open.
"Thank you, fine." She choked sprinting across the common room and to the girls dormitory, ignoring the waiting Remus, Sirius and Peter who were lounging on the couches by the fire.
The door to the dorm slammed shut behind her and she was thankful that none of the other girls were there. Marlene, then James. If she had another mental breakdown at someone, they'd throw her into St. Mungo's psychiatry ward. May drew the curtains around her bed and sobbed and raged to herself quietly, whether it was more the latter or the former even she didn't know.
She woke up later to the sound of tapping at the window, it was now completely dark. She could hear the noise of the shower in the bathroom and Alice singing Celestina Warbeck. At the window was James' owl Odgen, she considered for a brief second shooing the bird off.
"Oh, come in." She grumbled, still disoriented from the sleep. She slid the glass open and offered the owl a treat and took the letter tied to its leg as it pecked at the food.
But the roll of parchment wasn't from James, and suddenly every part of her body felt alive.
You didn't come up, are you fine?
Even Remus' handwriting was comforting. "Wait here!" She said to Ogden, who looked back her unimpressed. She grabbed a quill and some ink and quickly scrawled out:
Fine. It's just… complicated?
"Take this to Remus, okay?" She instructed the bird as she tied the note to his leg. "Got it?"
Ogden immediately flew off after she'd finished the knot on the string and was back in less than ten minutes. She threw some more treats at him and he seemed pleased, it was probably the easiest work he'd ever done.
I didn't get the chance to tell you before. But I wouldn't ever mind dealing with your stuff either.
Her heart felt lighter than it ever had and she welcomed back the little voice who whopped cheerfully. "Alice! Sing something more upbeat!" She shouted at her friend.
"What?" She yelled back.
"The Weird Sisters!" May giggled. "Remus likes them!"
"What the hell are you saying? I can't hear you!"
May fell backwards on her bed and clutched the parchment to her chest feeling absolutely giddy feeling absolutely like what she was. A girl silly in love with a boy, and he seemed to like her back. Everything else might have been shit, but at least she had Remus. She had Remus and she was the luckiest girl in the world.
