A/N. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas! I didn't get Big Time Rush for Christmas so I still don't own them. . . Darn.
"As long as friends and family are with us, every star will shine tonight. We can make it beautiful this Christmas." - Beautiful Christmas by Big Time Rush
The boys return to Logan's house just in time. The sun has started to set, darkening the world around them, and snow has started to fall once again, getting heavier in volume with each passing minute. Carlos shivers a little as he and Logan drag the tree up the porch steps and as close to the door as possible. He watches Logan fumble for the keys, blowing on his fingers before he can get a good grip. "Maybe we should leave it here overnight," he suggests, nodding to the tree.
"Why?" Logan asks, looking like Carlos said they should take it back to the tree lot.
"Well," Carlos shoves his hands inside his coat pockets and balls them into tight fists. "We won't be able to decorate it until tomorrow. The branches need to settle after being wrapped up so tightly. It'll be fine out here, Logan. It was outside in the tree lot, remember? Here, it's even safer. The porch is kind of a shelter for it."
Logan bites his bottom lip and continues to stare at the tree while speaking to Carlos. "But what if. . . what if someone steals it, Carlos?"
If someone steals this tree, then I will hunt them down and find them and- Carlos stares at Logan for a while, taking note of the embarrassed flush of red that colors his friend's face. "No one would-" he starts to say and then breaks off, shaking his head. "Go ahead and open the door, Logie. I'll bring it in."
They set the tree up in the corner of the family room and Carlos unties it, stepping backwards in a hurry as pine needles rain down on his head and shoulders. "There," he says in satisfaction. "What do you think, Logan?"
Logan stares at the tree, seeing past the bald spot and slightly scrawny build. "I think it's great," he says, looking and sounding so happy that Carlos has to look away and pretend to be absorbed in brushing away pine needles. "What do you think, Carlos?"
It's crooked, scrawny and partially bald, not to mention shorter than Carlos himself. Honestly, it's one of the worst looking trees Carlos has ever seen in someone's house. But that's because he's grown up with having a grand Christmas tree in his living room every single year. Part of him wants to go back to his house and take his tree and put it in Logan's house. Logan deserves it way more than he does. But as he watches his friend walk around their sad excuse for a Christmas tree, Carlos realizes that this one might be perfect after all.
He can't explain it. There's just something fitting about how the small, sad tree fits perfectly in with the rest of Logan's small, sad life. Like Logan said earlier, all the tree needed was a little love and it could be changed for the better. Maybe the same is true for Logan himself. He can't love Logan and not love this little tree. It would be hypocritical of him. Then again, the tree is inanimate and Logan is a human being and Carlos' best friend, so-
"Carlos?"
Logan is still waiting patiently for Carlos' assessment of the tree. Carlos grins at him and then looks at the tree. "I think it's great too. Just wait until we decorate it tomorrow."
Logan smiles back at him and Carlos knows that he's said exactly the right thing. "Come on," he wraps his arm around Logan's shoulders and walks him into the kitchen. "Think we should do some baking?"
"Baking?" Logan repeats, a mixture of doubt and excitement in his voice. "Like, Christmas cookies? I don't know, Carlos. I can cook all right, but I've never really baked anything. Have you?"
"Sure!" Carlos nods enthusiastically and decides not to tell Logan that the only time he bakes is with his younger sisters as their mother helps and supervises the entire time. How hard can basic sugar cookies be?
"Okay. . ." Logan says slowly, letting himself be convinced all too easily. "I think we have a cookbook around here somewhere. Honestly, I taught myself to cook. I never looked at any recipes. I made it up as I went along and it usually turned out just fine."
"I have the recipe for sugar cookies memorized," Carlos assures him. "We make them every year for every holiday and all our birthdays. And, as you know, we celebrate a lot of birthdays in my family."
Logan laughs and nods. "Yeah, you do." he agrees. "Well, okay then. What do we need?"
"Um. . . sugar." Carlos says helpfully. "Lots of it. And salt, margarine and eggs. It's a pretty simple recipe."
"What about flour and baking soda? Aren't those standard baking ingredients?"
Carlos snaps his fingers and grins. "Right! I knew I forgot something!"
Logan looks skeptical. "Are you sure you know what you're doing?"
"Okay, no not exactly." Carlos admits with a sigh. "But really, how hard can it be?"
"Not too hard, I guess." Logan gives in. "I just hope we have everything. We should." He starts opening up the cabinet doors and looking inside for the various ingredients that he and Carlos need for their cookies. "Do you want to preheat the oven?"
"Sure. . ." Carlos looks at the oven, trying to remember what temperature it's supposed to be at. Isn't 375 the temperature for most types of cookies? Anyway, how bad could it turn out if he's wrong?
Logan soon finishes getting everything out and he and Carlos set about combining all of the ingredients together in one big bowl. Logan doesn't question any of Carlos' instructions even though the other boy seems to be making wild guesses at the amount of flour and sugar and salt. A simple, "That looks right to me," is enough to convince him.
Unfortunately, there aren't any cookie cutters or sprinkles to decorate the cookies. While Carlos is in the middle of considering going home to get their supplies, he hears Logan come up with the most desperate and random solution ever. "What?" he asks, sure he heard wrong.
"What if. . ." Logan chews on his bottom lip and reached up to rub the back of his neck. "What if we just cut them ourselves into different shapes? It can't be that hard can it? And we can decorate them with. . . chocolate chips or. . ." Logan trails off, lot in thought as he searches through the kitchen. "We could sprinkle them with more sugar. Then they would at least sparkle. . . kind of."
Carlos is frustrated, but trying to hide it. He just wants to give Logan a good Christmas and so far things are only going so-so. They decorated the house all right, but the tree is crooked and a little bald, and now they can't even decorate the cookies properly. The worst part is that Logan is completely fine with all of it.
"You don't think it's a good idea." It's a statement, not a question, and Logan looks incredibly disappointed. Carlos shakes his head quickly. "No, Logan! It's a great idea! We could. . . make snowmen and sprinkle them with sugar and then use chocolate chips for the buttons and eyes and stuff. . ." He trails off, afraid that his faked enthusiasm might be unconvincing, but he's surprised when he sees Logan smile and nod.
"Awesome, so let's do it!"
They use butter knives of course, because Logan's normal, sensitive personality chooses that particular moment to make an appearance. Carlos ignores how crooked their pathetic little snowmen are because Logan seems to love it and he doesn't want to let him down.
The preheated oven warms them up quickly and after Carlos spills half of the flour all over the floor and Logan sweeps it up, they manage to get the first batch in the oven without anymore trouble. "What should we do while we wait?" Logan asks.
Carlos laughs a little at Logan. "Well, we'll only have to wait about ten minutes for each batch, so we don't want to go too far. What if we watch another Christmas movie?"
"I left the old movies in the other room," Logan tells him. "Let's go pick one out." He leads Carlos back into the family room where the TV is and pulls out the box of old videotapes. "We watched Rudolph last night, right?"
"Yeah," Carlos sits down next to him and flips through the untouched collection of movies. "Let's see. . .How about Frosty the Snowman?"
Logan studies the cover and then nods. "Looks good to me."
It's totally beyond Carlos' comprehension that Logan knows so little about what Carlos and his little sisters grew up with during Christmas. He's tempted to ask his friend if he even knows what happens, but doesn't want to hurt his feelings. "This is Chloe's favorite movie," he says instead because he feels like he needs to say something.
"I know the song," Logan tells him. "And I think I'll remember what happens after we put it in. Like with Rudolph yesterday. I just need a reminder."
A reminder. It isn't as if Logan was in a coma for several weeks and lost part of his memory. There is no accident to blame for this. Only neglect on the part of his father and. . . and all of them. They let Logan's dad hurt him.
Carlos feels sick with the revelation. They've been around Logan since they were all five, so why did they let all of this happen? It's not just Christmas, but everything. They could have saved him so much heartache. They should have saved him so much heartache. It matters very little that Logan constantly insists that they make him happy, they still let him down.
Logan seems to be to into the start of the movie to notice Carlos at first. But soon, he glances over at him, concern in his brown eyes. "Are you okay, Carlos?" he asks very softly.
"I'm fine, Logie." Carlos lies, avoiding his friend's gaze. "I was just thinking. . ."
"Are you missing your family?" Logan inquires then, looking afraid of the answer.
Carlos turns so he's looking straight at Logan then and says firmly, "I am with my family. Just like Chloe said the other night, we're like brothers, Logan. Actually, we're not like brothers. We are brothers as far as I'm concerned."
Logan brightens, but he still looks hesitant, like Carlos' words are too good to believe. "But what about your mom and dad and all your sisters? Don't you miss them?"
"I do," Carlos finally admits. "But only a little bit. They'll be back with my grandparents in time for Christmas and we'll all be together. I'm having a lot of fun with you, Logan, trust me. You're a great person to hang out with." He wants to go on and on and tell Logan what a fantastic, smart, selfless, funny and loyal person he is to be around, but Logan is already talking.
"So are you," Logan says right away. "Your whole family is really fantastic. And Kendall and James and their families too. I'm really lucky to have all of you."
The oven beeps suddenly, interrupting them. But as Logan jumps up to go check on the cookies, Carlos follows him, whispering, "You're not lucky if you have what you deserve." Logan deserves them even though they've let him down. Maybe they're the lucky ones. Because, the question that now plagues Carlos' mind and heart is, do they deserve Logan?
The cookies taste absolutely horrible. Carlos knew there was something wrong with them as soon as Logan took them out of the oven. They were almost completely flat and the chocolate chips had melted straight through them onto the cookie pan. The sprinkled sugar that missed the cookies was burnt onto the pan and it immediately filled the kitchen with an unpleasant smell.
But that is far from the worst part. Carlos has made cookies with his family that don't look all that great. It's disappointing, but what really matters is the taste. And these cookies are not even edible. Logan gagged and almost choked on the cookie he tried to eat and now he's still trying to drink away the taste with whatever he and his dad have in the fridge.
"Logan, that's beer." he says, taking a can of beer out of his friend's hand.
"Oh yeah," Logan blushes and goes for the orange juice again.
Carlos sighs and puts the beer where it belongs. . . in the trash can. . . and turn watches Logan. "So are you okay now?" he asks, not able to hide a smile.
Logan laughs. "Yeah, I'm fine. Those cookies are really horrible though. They're really salty."
"Oh." Carlos' eyes open wide. "Logan, I. . . I might have mixed up the salt and sugar. . ."
Logan starts laughing again, this time even harder than before. He laughs so hard that he gets tears in his eyes and Carlos wonders if he did consume any beer after all. "Are you drunk?" he finally can't help but ask.
"Drunk?" Logan repeats in disbelief, still laughing. "Carlos, no! You took the beer away from me, remember?" He finally gets control of himself and sits up, wiping at his eyes. "I don't know. . . I just. . .think it's really funny that we screwed up the cookies so much. What are we going to do with the rest of the dough?"
"I don't know," Carlos admits. He laughs and shrugs helplessly. "Logan, I know you think it's funny and all, but I'm still really sorry about this. I think we'll just have to throw them out. Maybe the animals can use it for food or-" He stops when he notices Logan giving him a horrified look. "What?"
"We can't feed this to the animals!" Logan explains, taking the dough away from Carlos. "It's not fit for human or animal consumption." He tentatively sticks his fingers in the bowl and plays around with it. "I bet we could use it for some kind of. . . glue."
Carlos groans and slaps his forehead and the palm of his hand. "Is it really that bad?" he asks.
"Yup." Logan sniffs the dough and grimaces. "Oh well. It could be worse. At least it's not poisonous or anything. And we didn't burn anything." He sets the bowl of dough aside and begins to scrap the remains of the baked cookies off of the pan and into the trash can. "So what do you think we should do now?" he asks, glancing up at Carlos.
"I don't know." Carlos says glumly. Now the cookies went wrong. He's afraid to try anything else. "What do you want to do?"
Logan looks at the clock. "It's getting late. . . too dark to do anything outside. Let's watch another movie downstairs and then go to bed. Tomorrow we can decorate the tree and then go outside. We can go to the pond and skate and then maybe-" Logan suddenly cuts himself off and turns bright red.
"What do you want to do?" Carlos pushes, his eyes lighting up with curiosity.
"Well. . I was thinking. . ." Logan says slowly. "That we could do some other stuff outside. . . stuff we did when we were little kids. Like, build a snowman? And maybe a fort?"
Logan is completely serious so Carlos doesn't dare laugh. He doesn't even smile. He's afraid of hurting Logan's feelings when he's already had to deal with several letdowns over the past couple of days. Besides, he thinks Logan's ideas are absolutely fantastic. There aren't many ways you can screw up building snowmen and snow forts. "Sounds good to me," he replies, knowing that a simple answer is what Logan needs and wants right now.
Logan actually sighs in relief. "Great," he says, relaxing with a smile. "So let's just relax for the rest of tonight. We'll finish Frosty and then you pick the next one. What is your favorite?"
"The Grinch Who Stole Christmas," Carlos says with a grin. "And that's the Dr. Seuss one, not the weird one with Jim Carrey."
"Well, lucky for you, I completely missed out on the latter," Logan says with a laugh. "Come on, let's go get ready."
After cleaning up the rest of the cookie disaster, the boys head back downstairs to the basement and finish Frosty the Snowman. They're about the start the next movie when Carlos' cell phone rings. "Hang on," he says to Logan who is by the VCR. "It's my dad."
"Hey, Dad." he says, watching Logan out of the corner of his eyes as he sits back on his heels and waits patiently. "Did you guys get to Florida all right?"
"We did," Mr. Garcia confirms. "The flight was very nice. We got to your grandparents' house a little while ago and we just ate a late dinner. Everyone says hi and we miss you."
"Tell them I said hi too." Carlos smiles. His eyes dart nervously to Logan who probably has no idea that he's staring longingly at his friend, obviously wishing he could be in the same position. Carlos' throat tightens up and he looks away. "How's the weather down there?" he asks jokingly, hoping to ease the tension. It works a little bit. A tiny smile crosses Logan's face as he continues to listen to Carlos' half of the conversation.
"Much warmer," his dad chuckles. "But enough about us, we'll be home soon enough. How are you boys holding up?"
"Great," Carlos responds cheerfully. "Last night Logan and I decorated the house and we got a tree today too. We're going to decorate it tomorrow after the branches settle. Oh, and we tried to make Christmas cookies, but something went wrong. I think we got the salt and sugar mixed up."
His dad laughs loudly and Carlos can hear people in the background asking what's so funny. "Anyway," he says with another smile. "Tomorrow should be pretty nice, so after we decorate the tree, we're probably going to spend the day outside. We'll go to the pond and mess around in the snow. Stuff like that."
"Good to hear. You boys have fun. Be careful though, okay? I know that you're both responsible, but it's different with the two of you and no family to help. Watch out for each other."
"Always," Carlos promises softly, glancing to Logan again. "I'll let you go now, Dad. Logan and I have been watching Christmas movies. We've already watched Rudolph and Frosty."
"Not The Grinch?" his dad teases. "That's your favorite, buddy! What are you waiting for?"
"That's next actually," Carlos tells him. "So far I think Logie likes Rudolph. But hopefully he'll change his mind in an hour or so."
"They're all good movies," says Mr. Garcia. "I'd better let you boys get on with it."
"I love you, Dad. Tell Mom and the little sisters I said hi and that I love and miss them."
"We all love and miss you too, Carlos." his dad says warmly. "Hey, before you go, mind if I talk to Logan real quick?"
Carlos brightens and shakes his head even though his dad can't see him. "Not at all, that's a great idea! See ya, Dad." He surprises Logan when he tries to hand him the phone. "It's my dad," he says unhelpfully. "He wants to say hi to you."
Logan's eyes widen and he looks almost frightened at first. "He wants to talk to me?" he asks.
Carlos rolls his eyes. "He misses you too, Logie. They all do. He wants to talk to you. Humor him, please."
A blush colors Logan's face and he sticks his tongue out childishly at Carlos before taking the phone. "Hello?" he says shyly. "Hi, Papa."
A huge grin splits over Carlos' face and he trades places with Logan, pretending to be absorbed in setting up the movie, while he listens to the ones sided conversation.
"We're good. Yeah, Carlos has been great, thanks again. How are you guys? Did you get in safely?"
Carlos gives up on pretending he's not listening and turns around to stare at Logan, a small smile turning up the corners of his mouth when he sees how happy his friend is right now. He tries to avoid thinking of how Logan should be this happy all the time. He deserves to be this happy all the time. He needs to be this happy all the time.
"Yeah. We're hoping my dad will like it too." Logan is saying softly. "If not, then. . . well, I love it. I won't ever be sorry about what Carlos and I have been doing. It's all been worth it. I never noticed how much I missed it until yesterday."
Logan deserves so much better than the cheap, second rate Christmas the Carlos is giving him. Carlos bites his bottom lip and listens to the rest of the conversation while he tries to hold back tears that are surprising even him. Maybe he's just overly frustrated after so many disappointments.
"I love you all too," Logan's voice sounds funny and when Carlos looks up, his brown eyes are shinning with tears. "Take care." He hangs up the phone and stares at the blank TV for several long seconds. "Are you okay, Carlos?" he asks after a while.
"Me?" Carlos says, confused.
"Do you miss them?"
"Of course I do. . ." Carlos says slowly and carefully. "But I'd still rather be here with you. I'm just. . . Logan, I'm sorry everything has been going wrong today. I wish I could give you a better Christmas. You deserve-"
"Hey wait, are you serious?" Logan interrupts, shaking his head in disbelief. "Carlos, this has all been fantastic. You've been fantastic."
"But. . ." Carlos shakes his head. "The decorations could probably be better, the tree is scrawny, the cookies were a disaster, and-"
"Carlos, is this movie anything like the book?" Logan asks, holding up video tape case.
Confused again, Carlos nods. "Yeah, it's just like the book. Why?"
Logan grins. "Let's just watch it then."
Unwilling to argue, Carlos sits back on the couch and obediently starts to watch it. At first, it isn't as enjoyable as it usually is when he watches it every year with his family. But that's not because he's not with his family, because just like Chloe said the day before, Carlos is with his family. It's because he's just so disappointed by everything that's gone wrong.
But then. . . as the movie progresses, Carlos realizes why Logan was so insistent on not arguing about the day and just watching the movie. He watches as the Grinch steals all of the Who's Christmas decorations and presents and food. He watches as he takes it up to the top of the mountain and prepares to drop it off the cliff. And then he closes his eyes and listens to the rest.
To his surprise, Logan quotes the last bit. "Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas perhaps, means a little bit more." Then he turned to Carlos and spoke softly enough so that they could still here the movie, but just loud enough to get his point across.
"Carlos, this has all been really great. The decorating, the tree, the movies, and even the cookies. It's been so much fun. But like I said before, the best part about all of this, is that I'm doing it with you. You're one of my best friends, Carlos, and it means so much to me that you're giving all of this to me and that it matters so much to you. But. . . and this is going to sound really corny, the best present you've given me is you. Your friendship is the best thing I could ask for and have, Carlos. The same with everyone else."
"Christmas isn't about decorations or anything else we've done today. Yeah, it's really nice and fun and now that we've done it this year, you're going to have to help me do it every year. But I wouldn't want to do it by myself. I have you and Kendall and James and all of your families. That's what Christmas is to me. My friends and family. I have no idea what I've done to deserve you, but I'm just so thankful for every one of you, every single day."
"Logan, you shouldn't be questioning why you have us." Carlos says quietly. "It's us who should be questioning why we have you. You're just too. . . good for anyone. You deserve the best."
"I already do have the best." Logan replies without pausing. "And maybe. . . maybe if we think that we don't deserve each other. . . that's what makes us deserve each other. I mean, all of you make me really happy and. . . and. . ."
"And you make all of us really happy." Carlos finishes. "And you're absolutely right about everything. Everything you said about Christmas is just. . . perfect, Logan. You're perfect."
Logan raises one eyebrow and shakes his head. "No one is perfect, not even you, Carlos. No matter what our lives are like, how good or bad they are, they're pretty messed up. But that's why we have each other. We have each other to care about and love and be happy together. For Christmas and every other day of the year."
A/N. I feel like I need to use up this author's note by reminding you all that this story is bromance only. No slash. However, I am perfectly okay with those who choose to read it otherwise. . . lol. Have a great weekend, guys!
