Chapter four- the Folly of the Foolish Flautist

"Well, after all that effort we put into this score, it turns out that not a single one of you has learned the music for Faust!" chastised the Maestro.

"Mr. Maestro, I know MY part." piped up Anna Sue, waving her flute around like Don Juan himself.

"That's fantastic, Anna, could you please play for me the ballet?"

"Umm… Gonna pass, no thanks, darlin'." Anna Sue stated, embarrassed.

"Okay then… Care to explain yourselves?"

"We all have a bad feeling about tonight!" one of them stated. "If Carlotta is the lead, then the Phantom will be displeased!"

"Is that your excuse?! Every time something goes wrong around here, you all blame it on the Opera Ghost! You are all absolutely crazy!" he yelled whilst shoving his toupee down his trousers, and whining like a horsey. The flautists all blushed in embarrassment.

Anna sue knew what she had to do. The Phantom was going to mess with shit again, and Anna had the whole evening planned out: He'd come to torture Carlotta for Christine's sake, then Lola would probably pick a fight with the phantom, that's when Anna would build her trap…

Just then she spotted the Persian leaning against a pillar as usual, smoking a cigarette. She charged up to him, and pushed him to the ground!

"YOU!" she yelled.

"Whore, I mean Anna!" he exclaimed.

"You worthless piece of garbage, you! I WANT A FOUR PAGE APOLOGY FOR WHAT YOU DID TO ME YOU ASSHOLE!" Anna yelled in his face before storming off.

"What did I do to you, eh? Get back here!" he shouted at her. He knew damn well what he did in another universe that he had no idea existed. She then proceeded to turn a corner, and when she did, she slipped and fell right on her ass! She opened her eyes to see Phillip overhead.

"Anna Sue, did you not see the wet floor sign?" he asked.

"What? NO!"

"Oh, my bad!" he said as he took out a wooden sign saying 'wet floor' and placed it next to Anna's head.

"Phillip! I gotta build a trap to catch the Phantom!" Anna screamed.

"You are always plotting! So much time you waste on plotting against a guy who doesn't even know you exist." Phillip stated in his sexy voice. "In fact, let me explain to you-"

"Phillip, please help me!" she squealed. He looked at her with pity, and finally said 'yes'. Then he put his finger to his chin, and started to think.

"Hmmm.. I KNOW! What if we prop up a box with a stick, and put a note from Christine under it! Of course, the note will be written by us, and not Christine! We will attach a string to the stick, and when he finds it, we will pull the string, and trap him under the box!"

"Phillip, you're a genius!" Anna yelled.

"Yes! I sexy genius!" he said boastfully. Anna sue grabbed his arm, and dragged him through the halls to her room.

"Okay, look for Phantom-sized boxes! I can get sticks and string!" Anna sue began foraging, and pulled out some barbed wire.

"This shit'll do!" she proclaimed. Suddenly she heard a loud, crunching noise from Phillip's direction!

"OH Yuck!" Phillip declared. "I stepped on some weird kind of Cock-a-Roach!"

"A roach? I don't have roaches!" Anna said, but then she looked down at his feet to see that the 'roach' he was speaking of was actually the reality-travelling remote! It lay there, broken, and now missing several components.

"Oh no… Lola's gonna be pissed." Anna sighed.

"What, did I kill her pet, or something?" asked Phillip.

"No… but we only have about thirty minutes till' the opera starts!" Anna exclaimed. She grabbed up the remains of the mechanical wonder, and threw them in one of her drawers.

"I know!" declared Phillip "We can take out one of those drawers, and use THAT as a trap! I very VERY sexy genius!"

"That's a good Idea!" Anna yelled as she opened a drawer, and began tossing things out of it. Phillip then joined her, tossing out more of Anna's useless shit.

"Anna, I do not think that this drawer is big enough…" Phillip stated "We're going to have to go get another one."

"But we only have fifteen minutes left! Just then, someone entered the room, and screamed.

"Dear God, ANNA!" It was none other than Madame Giry, who was after Anna Sue's hide. "What are you doing to your furniture!? Why aren't you with the orchestra?!

"I… uh.. I need my BACKUP PICCOLO!" she declared, as she grabbed the nearest metal rod, and bolted out of the room, leaving a speechless Madame Giry, and an even sexier Phillip alone.

"Phillip, please clean up this mess..." said Giry, as Phillip nodded. "Remember, Phillip, you don't have to wear a shirt…" she added as she exited the room. If only she knew….

Anna sue sat grumbling in her seat next to the other flighty flautists, while watching Carlotta gallivanting on stage, putting out quite a performance. Anna was at least happy that Christine wasn't playing lead, but still the idea that a phantom attack was unavoidable drove her off the walls! Finally the moment came during the middle of the performance, when a boisterous voice came a-callin' from the ceiling!

"Did I not instruct…"

Oh shit… Anna thought.

"That box five was to be left empty?"

The whole room then became loud with concerned, boisterous whispers, as Carlotta tried to carry on the opera. She began to open her mouth, and sing (she's a really good singer, in my opinion, why she get so much hate?) suddenly, her voice started cracking! Like a giant-ass toad! Anna knew who was behind this, and by golly, she wasn't going to sit tight.

"He's there, The Phantom of the Opera!" she yelled at the exact time Meg Giry did, as she frequently had done.

Up above in the rafters, Joseph Bouquet was having one hell of a laugh watching the nervous ballerinas and the flute-playing floozies sweating anxiously through their performance. Just then, he heard someone in the rafters making the floorboards creak. He put his booze down and headed to the opposite side of the stage, where a cloaked figure stood before him with what looked like a noose.

"WHO THE HELL-" he got out before the noose was flung around his neck, and asphyxiated him. Just when he began to pass out, a knife zipped past his head, and stuck itself in the man's cape! He yelled as more knives rained down in his direction!

"Who do you think you are, harming a poor, innocent, naïve drunkard!" squeaked the Phantom's attacker! A squeaky voice that couldn't be a single person's voice who wasn't Lola Cuchara, La Carlotta's self-proclaimed body guard.

"You will pay for your interference right now!" spat the angry Phantom, as he drew a knife! Lola shot him a threatening stare, as she drew a rapier from her cloak!

"You'll wish you'll have never said that, tyrant! Vivé La Carlotta!" Lola charged him with her sword, which he parried fiercely! Lola was too fast, but too reckless. She fought him, and slashed up rope… After rope… After rope… until-

-CRASH!-

The entire thing bore down upon the stage, knocking out most of the performers, Anna sue leapt out of her seat and headed to the Phantom and Lola. The Phantom emerged unharmed, with and unconscious Lola at his feet.

"Erik! Don't you dare touch that little boy- I MEAN GIRL!" Anna shouted. He scoffed at her.

"Your meddling will be dealt with AFTER this one's!" He threatened her, gesturing to Lola's body.

"You don't even get it, do you?!" Shouted Anna, before he pulled out two smoke pellets, and escaped in a cloud of dust with Lola as a hostage!

"SON OF A-! FUCK!" Anna yelled, as she let loose round after round of profane curses, throwing a large tantrum, as the police filed in the room. In their midst was something large… something portly.. something that bore a moustache similar to that of Ambrose Bierce!

"Okay, lads! I don't want anyone in or out of this Opera House, till… till our job's over." Commanded the obese police officer. Christine ran over to Raoul, who was also in a panic.

"Raoul, we have to get out of here, He'll find us here, surely!" she said anxiously.

"But, Christine, what about Phillip!?" Raoul said with concern.

"Wha-? Who's Phillip?" she asked, as Raoul blushed trying to find an excuse to hide his secret homosexuality.

Andre then approached the fat officer.

"Well, if it isn't Mario McDabby! Weren't you a part of the Scotland Yard before?" He asked. McDabby removed his monocle to reveal beady eyes.

"Well, you know that Sherlock Holmes is always causing a fuss… Tires me out a trifle, Heh!" he said.

"So he made you actually do your job?" McDabby made a fussy sound, and answered.

"Yes, he did indeed. Now, you French ladies, set up one of those chalk lines!" he began shouting

"McDabby, nobody died!" interjected Andre.

"What are you talking about, there's always a- Who is that, Andre?" He said mid-sentence, as his gaze wandered to the red-headed broad who was shouting at the police for ruining her tantrum. McDabby barged his way through the crowd, and then took Anna's wrist in his hand.

"Hello, my fiery demon! Why are you shouting, love? Your breasts are rather exquisite aren't they? Hehe!"

"He's touching me! MAKE HIM STOP TOUCHING ME!" Anna yelled as she swatted McDabby.

"What a feisty demon! What do you wish of me, my love!" he said lecherously.

"SHUT UP, AND FIND MY ERIK!" she said, sobbing.

"Well. This one's clearly mental aaand- Must be going through some sort of loss, but not all hope is lost!" He said, roaming away from the volcanic Anna Sue.

"Where is the Prima Donna toad-lady?" asked McDabby.

"Here, you sleazy little man!" spat Carlotta careful of sounding too loud.

"Now, may I ask you a few questions?"

"NO! I have to find my partner so he can FIX MY –CROOOAK!" she started to fume, and then ran out of the Opera house, regardless of the insecure perimeter that was set.

Anna was still deep in her fit, when suddenly she was pushed out of balance by none other than the Daroga!

"WHAT DO YOU WANT, CREEPY FOREIGNER?!" Anna shouted.

"I finished your shitty letter." He said nonchalantly. He then held up four pieces of paper, each one bearing one, large word: I AM VERY SORRY.

-the phantom's lair-

"and then one day, I had finally had it in Spain, but I couldn't start my life as a fireworks sales person, because I was only twelve. BUUT then there was the Opera, I don't get music in the slightest, save percussive instruments, but I liked the Opera. Not loved, just liked.."

"Are you done rambling yet? You're supposed to be intimidated, and fearful of your life." Stated Erik.

"What? Me? NO! I'm trying to pass time, build up mutual understanding!" said Lola

"Most women fear the very sight of me… But I can see that your mental age doesn't match up to your actual age. You'd at least have be scared if you found out that you'd be kept here for the rest of your life" Said Erik maliciously at the end.

"I don't know what that means, but as I was saying-"

"Does your story have a definite plot to it? You trail off too many times."

"Oh deary me! You tell your story now, I'll listen!" chirped Cuchara.

"My life is no tale of bliss in the city of Spain, by far.. I began my life-"

"TOO MUCH ANGST!" Lola bellowed as the chapter ended.

-end chapter Four-