A/N: Finally able to update! I have been really surprised and flattered by all of the reviews and alerts for this! The response this story had gotten has been completely unexpected. Thank you all so much for all the support! Only ended up being one rose this chapter. Started writing this memory and kept going. I'm really curious to see the response this chapter gets. I've been trying to highlight all sorts of different sides/aspects of their relationship and for the most part it's been mushy, gushy and fluffy. This time we're heading straight into some angst and drama - because I figure in eight years as a couple everything can't be all sunshine and rainbows. Bad things happen to people, including Ryan and Kelsi. I think you learn the most about a relationship during the hard times and that's the reason for this chapter. Hard one to write and may be tough to read - I'm rating this chapter T due to the subject matter. Kind of unsettling with some violence, nothing graphic. This chapter is like a normal chapter with a oneshot inserted into it. You'll see what I mean by that. The sadness/drama of this rose may seen odd after the humor/fun of the last one. Personally I like it because it's such a direct contrast. Hopefully you will too and you won't hate me for steering this into angst territory for a rose. Two roses in the next chapter and then back to five. Let me know what you think!


Carefully tucking the yellow rose and note beside her, Kelsi reached over and gently peeled back the tape from the light peach rose and its note. Curious as to what this new message would be about, she leaned back in her seat and slowly opened it.

Hi honey,

As I was trying to figure out what to do for all of the roses, I kept going back and forth on this one. On one hand I wasn't sure I wanted to bring up these memories. It was such a tough time for you and even though you've long since found the strength to move past it, I didn't know if I wanted to drag everything up again. On the other hand, it seemed kind of wrong for me to list all sorts of other reasons why I love you and leave this one out. A tough time, yes, but it ended up making you – and our relationship as a result – stronger. So much stronger. It's a huge reason why I love you and too important not to include.

Kelsi paused as the memories came rushing back. Once again she knew exactly what he was talking about. Only this time the memories weren't nearly as pleasant. She turned back to the letter.

I hope that as you get to the end of this letter that you will understand why I decided to include it. I wanted you to have this letter now, while you're surrounded by some of our best friends, because I didn't want you to be alone when you read it. Maybe this might even inspire you to tell them about it. Of course that is entirely up to you. As you read, I want you to remember how things have turned out. How you have become one of the strongest people I know after dealing with it. Remember the promise I made to you and remember how much I love you. And remember that you have never been alone. Remember.

Kelsi took a breath as she closed her eyes and forced the memories to come back in full focus. It would be a little painful, but she also knew that time had dulled the pain some. She took another breath and felt herself drift back to that horrible winter day back during their last year at Julliard. The memories were so real that it was almost like she had actually found a way to go back in time...

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It had snowed all day the day before and the Julliard campus looked like some sort of winter wonderland. There had been snow on the ground more often than not that winter. Kelsi usually liked the snow, but it had reached a point where she was getting somewhat desperate for the green grasses of spring that seemed to be a lifetime away. She sighed heavily as she left the building that housed the practice rooms and made the trek towards Ryan's apartment which happened to be a few short blocks away. It was sometime in the late afternoon and the two of them had made plans to meet at his place for dinner like they so often did. Usually Ryan would meet her at the building and they would walk to his apartment together, but that day Ryan had been stuck at work. It was kind of funny. Ryan Evans came from the wealthiest family that Kelsi had ever known and still had insisted on getting a normal job. He didn't want anything handed to him, especially when it came to his career. He wanted to make it or break it in New York on his own merit. It was something Kelsi both admired and loved about him. But all of that was beside the point at the moment. That particular day Ryan had hated his job because he hated the thought of Kelsi making the walk alone.

She had laughed off his concerns, reminding him that they had been going to Julliard for three and a half years and nothing horrible had ever happened. She assured him that she would be fine and he had reluctantly agreed just to meet her at his apartment. Though he had insisted that she keep her cell phone accessible at all times. She had rolled her eyes when he had made that request, but a part of her couldn't help but be touched that he was so concerned for her safety. She had set out of her walk and was so lost in her thoughts about him that she didn't see the other person until it was too late.

"Oh!" she gasped as she literally crashed right into them. She had blushed furiously as she looked up at the guy she had just plowed into. "I am so sorry! I wasn't paying attention to where I was going...well obviously." The guy had been fairly large, looking like he would fit in better on a football field than the Julliard campus, but he flashed her a smile. A smile that for some reason seemed creepy.

"Don't worry about it," he said. "Pretty girls like you can crash into me whenever they want."

"Well..." she didn't know what to say to that so she trailed off awkwardly. "I'm still sorry."

"Want to make it up to me?" he asked suddenly. She had looked into his eyes and felt an odd sort of chill run through her body.

"Excuse me?"

"How about you let me buy you a cup of coffee. A drink to smooth things over, so to speak." There was that somewhat creepy smile again and Kelsi suddenly had an urge to get as far away from him as possible. She mentally chided herself at the thought. She was probably just being paranoid after remembering all of Ryan's concerns.

"I'm actually on my way somewhere, but thanks for the offer." She gave him a polite smile and started to head on her way again when she felt a hand on her arm.

"Oh come on, what's your rush?" he asked. There was that chill again.

"I'm meeting someone for dinner. My boyfriend actually," she informed him. "I don't want to keep him waiting."

"Then maybe we can get a cup of coffee another time then?"

"Um..." she looked past him, suddenly desperate for an escape. "I don't think so...I do have a boyfriend after all," she reminded him. "I'm sorry again for crashing into you." She gave him another polite smile and started walking again. Once again she felt a hand on her arm. The first time he had only put his hand on her arm to stop her. This time he actually grabbed at her arm and pulled her back towards him.

"You know I have to wonder about this boyfriend of yours," he said. "What kind of guy lets his girlfriend walk home alone?" Kelsi raised an eyebrow, suddenly annoyed.

"Not that it's any of your business, but my boyfriend usually walks me home. He just had to work and couldn't meet me, so I told him I'd just meet him at his place. He didn't like the idea but I didn't give him much choice. So if you would please let go of me so I could be on my way," she jerked her arm back and tried to ignore the anger that flashed in his eyes. The chill was back once more. She started walking again, this time walking a bit faster. The urge to get away from him came rushing back and she hurried her steps even more. She was passing one building and coming towards the next when it happened. Someone suddenly reached out and grabbed her, pushing her roughly against the wall of one of the buildings. She bit back a gulp as she realized it was him.

"Now see...I think me and you could have some fun together. You just have to give me some kind of chance," he said darkly. "What your boyfriend doesn't know won't hurt him."

"Please let me go." She had wanted to sound threatening, but the words came out in a whisper as she was engulfed by a wave of fear. He moved a hand up to grip her chin tightly.

"You know sweetheart, I was willing to make this fun for you too but now you're starting to annoy me," he said, sneering at her.

"Then let me go," she tried again. He laughed at that. In the shadows between the buildings it was a dark, evil sound.

"Oh don't worry, I'll let you go," he promised. "After I have my fun that is." He had then tightened his grip on her chin to the point of pain and forced his lips on hers. She clenched her lips together in response, furious and terrified at the same time. He moved his hand over her mouth to keep her from screaming as he dipped his head down to kiss her neck. She squeezed her eyes shut and forced back the bile that rose up her throat. Thinking only of getting away from him, she quickly brought her leg up between both of his and jerked it upwards as hard as she could. The move served as enough of a distraction for her to shove at him as hard as she possible could and that gave her a tiny window where she was able to start running. She then screamed as loud as she could while she ran. Surely there were other people in the nearby buildings that could help her. She heard footsteps behind her and from the sounds of it; he was gaining on her quickly. Too quickly. She had just opened her mouth to scream again when he had lunged at her. She hit the ground hard and before she could even blink he had flipped her over on her back.

"You really shouldn't have done that," he growled at her. She hadn't even seen the slap coming and cried out instinctively at the pain in her cheek. She struggled against him furiously, even managing to scrape her nails across his cheek but it was no use. She soon found herself completely pinned underneath him, unable to move at all. He then managed to reach into his pocket and pull something out. She heard a click and then her eyes widened as she realized that it was a knife. "Look sweetheart, I tried to make this easy on you but you just wouldn't cooperate. I didn't want to have to use this." As she stared at the knife she couldn't help but wonder if it was actually possible to die from sheer horror alone. She whimpered as he slowly drug her shirt upward and then let out a short scream as he swiped the knife across her side, hard enough to leave a mark but not enough to do any serious damage. "Aw, did that hurt?" he asked in a mocking tone.

"L-let me g-go. P...P-Please," she whispered.

"What was that word? At the end there?" he asked, seeming greatly amused by her terror.

"P...Please," she repeated, tears streaming from her eyes now. He laughed and it occurred to Kelsi that apparently evil had a sound.

"Aw but sweetheart, I haven't had any fun yet," he said. He suddenly pressed his lips against hers again and she was convinced that she would literally be sick. The hand lowering the knife lowered away from her neck. She struggled as best she could but all it did was anger him further. He brought the knife to the side of her face and pulled away from her slightly. "You're determined to make this difficult aren't you?" he growled at her. He raised his hand that held the knife and she somehow managed to get an arm up to protect her face in time. The knife slid down her arm and she bit back a scream at the pain. "I didn't want to have to do this but you give me no choice." He eased into more of a sitting position, keeping her pinned down with his legs. He raised the knife back and paused as if waiting for the perfect moment to strike.

Everything from then on seemed to happen in some sort of strange slow motion. She was convinced that he was about to kill her and images of Ryan came flooding into her head. She wished that she could tell him that she loved him one more time and prayed that he knew. Her attacker shifted the knife in his hand so the point was aimed right at her throat and pulled that arm back even further. He seemed to get some sort of joy in prolonging the moment. She squeezed her eyes shut and waited for the pain to hit her but it never came. Instead she felt a strange rush of air and the next thing she knew, her attacker had more or less flown off of her. Now it sounded as if a fight was in progress. She slowly opened her eyes. Her glasses had gone flying and she fumbled around in the snow desperately so she could better see what was going on. All the while, a sense of relief came over her as she figured out that someone had saved her. At least for the moment. She finally found her glasses, banged up from the fall, and shoved them on her face. She let out a gasp as she realized who her hero was. Ryan.

And she let out another gasp as Ryan took a hard hit that left him reeling. Kelsi felt her eyes widen in fear as her attacker reached for the knife that Kelsi imagined had gone flying when Ryan had tackled him. Thinking quickly, she hurriedly made a snow ball hoping that if she could aim it just right, that it would at least give Ryan an opportunity to make a move of some sort. Saying a quick prayer that her aim would be good, she reared back and fired. The snow ball, by some miracle, hit the assailant right in the face. Just as Kelsi had hoped, the snow ball had distracted him enough so that Ryan was able to throw a hard punch that knocked the other man to the ground. Ryan then brought his foot down on the assailant's arm, which caused him to drop the knife. As soon as the knife hit the ground, Ryan kicked at it to send it as far away as possible. It was only at that moment that Kelsi realized she could hear the sound of approaching sirens. She looked around and was stunned to notice that a couple of other people had gathered, probably drawn out by the sounds of the fight. Someone had obviously called the police. As soon as her assailant had hit the ground, a couple of the bystanders had hurried over and were currently holding him down.

"Ryan," she whispered his name and was somewhat surprised when he turned around. Their eyes locked for a moment and all of a sudden the reality of what had almost happened hit Kelsi like a ton of bricks. She somehow made it to her feet and stumbled over to a trash can that was conveniently nearby. She reached it just in time and leaned over it as her stomach proceeded to empty itself. She heard him approach but still jumped when she felt a hand on her back.

"Sorry," he whispered. "I...I'm going to reach around to hold your hair back, okay?" He seemed determined not to scare her again. She barely managed a nod before she threw up again; feeling his hands softly brush against her face as he gently pulled her hair back. Once Kelsi was convinced that she wouldn't be sick again, she eased back and slowly turned towards him. She couldn't bring herself to look at his face, so instead watched his hand pull something out of his coat pocket. A pack of gum. He silently pulled out a piece and offered it to her. She took it, grateful for anything to help get rid of the awful taste in her mouth. She could feel him studying her with his eyes and kept her own gaze lowered to the ground. She heard him mutter a string of curse words under his breath. She shifted her gaze to her shirt, noting that it was torn in multiple places from the struggle. It occurred to her that she didn't know what had happened to her coat, which she didn't have on for some reason. She also realized for the first time that she was shivering uncontrollably. She couldn't say if it was from the cold or from fear though she suspected it was both. Ryan, meanwhile, peeled off his coat and draped it around her shoulders. She finally risked glancing at his face while he busied himself with making sure the coat wouldn't fall off of her. His lip was bleeding and it looked like a nasty bruise was forming on his cheek. She bit her own lip, feeling bad that he had gotten hurt on account of her. She took a closer look at his face and noted that in addition to that, he also looked to be a study in controlled anger.

She softly cleared her throat. "Are...are you okay?"

"Am I okay?" he repeated. "Well let's see...I just found my girlfriend pinned to the snow by some sort of monster...with a knife no less...now a mess in front of me and you're seriously asking if I'm okay!? Of course not! I'm furious!"

"I..." she blinked as she was overcome by a fresh wave of tears. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry you got hurt... I'm sorry this happened..." Sniffing loudly, she yanked his coat off and shoved it at him. "Don't bother with me...this is all my fault," she said softly, starting to stumble away from him as best she could.

"What?" she heard him say, sounding somewhat bewildered. A second later she heard what sounded like a palm hitting a forehead followed by another curse word. "Oh no...Kelsi," he called as he rushed towards her, catching up to her easily. "Where are you going?" He moved in front of her, blocking her path.

"Away from you..." she sniffled. "I know you're mad at me..." He had started shaking his head the second she started speaking.

"Kelsi," he sighed, looking heartbroken. "I'm not mad at you."

"You're...you're not?" She felt herself sway slightly and he raised a hand to steady her.

"Of course not...why would I be mad at you?" he asked gently.

"You said you were mad..." He sighed again.

"Kelsi, I'm an idiot. I didn't realize how that sounded when I said it. Yes, I'm mad...but not at you. I just...I was running late after work and by the time I finally got home you weren't there so I decided to walk over here and see if I could maybe meet you along the way so we could walk back together. I turned a corner and heard you scream..." Ryan's face twisted in pain at the memory. "And then to see you on the ground with that...that monster over you with that knife...Kelsi, I thought I was going to lose you...I'm mad about what happened, I'm mad at him," Ryan sneered, jabbing his hand behind him to where her attacker still was. "But honey, I am in no way mad at you."

"You should be," she sniffed. "It was all my fault...you were right, I should've waited for you or not practiced today..." She continued listing off all the things she thought she had done wrong.

"Kelsi, no," he said softly, cutting her off. He carefully put his hand on her cheek, still not wanting to scare her. "It wasn't your fault." Kelsi sniffled again and looked past him. The police had arrived on the scene though she didn't know how soon it had happened after she first heard the sirens. As she watched, her attacker was handcuffed and hauled off the ground. A violent shudder went through her when she saw his face and Ryan stepped over to block her view. It was at that moment that another reality clicked into place.

"You saved me," she whispered.

"If only I had gotten here sooner," he sighed sadly. "I should've taken off work early and met you..." Kelsi shook her head.

"You saved me," she repeated. "If you hadn't of shown up..." Ryan held a hand up.

"I don't want to even think about that." Kelsi looked at him for a few moments. She knew she would have to talk to the police and she knew that she would have to go to the hospital to get checked out. Her arm probably needed stitches. She knew there were all these things that had to happen and she knew that they would happen very soon. But at the moment, there was only one thing she wanted to do. Only one thing that could give her the feeling of security that she so desperately craved at the moment. She flung her arms around his waist. He seemed surprised at first but then slowly put his arms around her. She tightened her hold on his in response, even though doing so sent a fresh wave of pain shooting through her arm. She didn't care about that. The instant she felt his arms come around her, she had the overwhelming sense that everything would be okay. It might take a while to happen – in fact she was sure about that – but sooner or later she would be okay. She let out a small sob as her tears started falling harder.

"Don't let go of me," she whispered. She pulled back just enough to look at his face, noting that by now tears were streaming down his face as well. Maybe they had been the entire time but she hadn't noticed. "Don't ever leave me...please." She brought her head back against his chest and tightened her grip even more, probably cutting off some of his air supply in the process. "Don't leave me." He rested his head on hers.

"Sssh, it's okay now...I'm here." He brought a hand up to lightly stroke her hair. "I won't leave you, baby, I promise..."

"Please Ryan…if I push you away, push back…Don't leave me."

"I won't," he whispered. "I'm not going anyway, honey…Ssh…you're safe now."

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Kelsi sniffled as she pulled herself out of the memory and back to the present. Ryan had kept his promise that day. He had stayed by her side with an arm around her while they talked to the police and he had gone in the ambulance with her to the hospital. He had stayed with her in the exam room and on the way back to her apartment where had had set up camp in a chair by her bed. That night she had woken up screaming after a horrific nightmare and he had been by her side instantly. Kelsi smiled slightly as she remembered how she had then asked him to sleep with her and then had blushed furiously as she needlessly explained that by sleep with her she meant actually sleeping as opposed to anything else. He had climbed in the bed beside her and pulled her into his arms. After that she hadn't had any other nightmares – at least not that night, anyway. She wiped at a couple of stray tears that had fallen from her eyes as she returned to his letter.

The light peach rose has all sorts of meanings tied to it. Appreciation, sympathy, gratitude, admiration, innocence…it's really hard for me to pick any one of those to go along with this memory because so many of them apply. You almost had your innocence stolen from you in the most awful of ways. Up until that point I thought I had a pretty good handle on the concept of fear, but I was wrong. I didn't even have a clue until I found you that day. I was so terrified I wouldn't get to you in time. I have never prayed so hard in my life, before or since, and if I had any doubts about God before they were erased that day. Because you lived. A day hasn't gone by since that I haven't started out every morning by saying a prayer of thanks that you're still alive. I am so grateful for you as a person, as a girlfriend, but above all of that I'm grateful for your life. You make the world so much better by being in it, Kelsi.

There were times when I worried about you. Times when you pushed everyone away and shut everyone out of your life. The first week was by far the worst, if you remember.

She did. All too well. After that first night and the following day, something had happened to Kelsi. She had gone down a path full of inner turmoil and depression. She had still blamed herself for what happened, even as everyone she knew who knew about it had tried to convince her that it wasn't. There was one particular point of her attack that had bothered her more than any other: someone other than her boyfriend had kissed her. Kelsi considered herself to be a very loyal person. She stuck by her friends and her family no matter what and even the thought of betraying any of them was more than she could bear to think of. Ignore the fact that the kisses had been were against her will - in her mind she had betrayed her boyfriend. And not only had she betrayed him, but she had been the reason for the fight he had gotten into with her attacker. If things hadn't of worked out the way they did, Ryan might have ended up being killed. The thought of that in combination with the sense of betrayal she felt had been more than she could handle. She had been so disgusted with herself that she had tried to push him away. Tried being the operative word. Ryan was loyal too. Loyal and stubborn. So when she had pushed, he had pushed back just like he had promised.

Sometimes I worried if I might lose you after all. You became such a different person after your attack. Sometimes I think that seeing how hard you were struggling with what happened may have been worse than seeing the attack itself. I wanted so badly to help you, but you wouldn't let me. Not at first anyway. Things changed. I remember you had a nightmare about the attack where I had ended up being killed. At that point your fear of losing me had overcome your misplaced guilt over what had happened. At that point you decided to start fighting. You started opening up to me again and letting me help you. You started going to therapy and joined that support group. Little by little you started coming back to yourself. I cannot even begin to tell you how proud I am of you. Earlier I told you I admired you for your talent. Now I want you to know that I admire you for your strength. Several months after your attack, you started volunteering at the home for battered women and children. A couple of years later and you're volunteering still. Your experience has given you such a heart for these people and I can't even imagine how many times you have used your story as a means to help someone else. The experiences themselves may not be the same, but that doesn't really matter – what matters is that you honestly and sincerely care about these women and their stories. You listen to them and you comfort them. You do so much good over there, honey.

I know that even though you've dealt with and moved past what happened, that every once in a while you'll have a nightmare about it. I know you're also self conscious of the scars you have from that day, on your arm and your stomach. Sometimes I'll notice you absently rubbing at the scar on your arm and I know that you're thinking about it. I always know when you have a rough day volunteering because you'll come over and your eyes will be all red and puffy. Those days I figure you either told your story or heard one that really got to you. It happened last week actually. I was over at your apartment making dinner for us and you came home, eyes red and puffy, and took off your coat and set down your purse. You walked over, rubbing at your arm, and gave me a small smile before slipping your arms around me and asking me to "hold on for a while". It may sound odd because you're sad in those moments, but they always make me smile a little. Because it's such a contrast to those early days after your attack. Those days you pushed me away, now you have a bad day and use that as an excuse to pull me closer. Not only have you allowed what happened to you to make you stronger; you also used it as a way to make us stronger as well. Out of all of the reasons why I love you, this one might be one of the most important.

I love you forever,

Ryan

P.S – I really think you should tell everyone about what happened. I know you didn't want to at first because you felt ashamed and then later you didn't want the extra attention. Now I think you're scared to tell them because so much time has passed and you think they'll get mad at you for not saying anything. I don't think you have anything to worry about. In fact, I'd venture to say that it would only make them love you even more. But it's up to you – just think about it. Love you.

Everything he said in his P.S. was true. Aside from Sharpay and Zeke, none of their Wildcat friends knew about what happened. The only reason those two knew was because they had happened to come out to New York for a trip a few months after the attack. Sharpay had picked up on the fact that something had happened almost instantly. Kelsi had decided that it'd be easier to tell them, since Sharpay wouldn't have let it go until she knew. Though she had made them promise not to tell any of the others, which they hadn't.

"Kelsi?" Kelsi looked over to find Taylor kneeling down beside her looking a little concerned. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Kelsi assured her. "This one just got to me..." She studied her friend for a moment and it suddenly occurred to her that Ryan might be right. "Um...this was about something that happened. Something you all don't know about...I think it's time that I told you all about it."

"Sure Kelsi," Taylor nodded, looking intrigued now. She moved to the seat opposite from Kelsi while Chad and Gabriella each moved to the seats across from them. Troy chose to kneel down between Kelsi and Gabriella's seats. After everyone was settled and waiting, Kelsi let her gaze sweep over all of them before settling on Taylor.

"It happened a few years ago..."