Puck POV
'i don't think this relationship is gonna work out.'
Rachel Berry just dumped me. I was actually starting to like her, more than i've liked anyone since... ever. I had started to fall for her in only a week.
'i think i just agreed to us being together because i thought it would make Finn jealous.'
Yet again, i come in second to Finn. Yet again, golden boy gets everything. I'm nothing but a step in the stairs towards Finn. Even the girls i want love him instead.
'you're kind of a jerk, no offense.'
I know. I know i'm a jerk. But how does anyone expect me to be anything else, when i'm always gonna be second best? Being a jerk is the only way for a Lima Loser like me to survive in this fucked up town.
'this relationship was built on a fantasy...'
And now it's over. Here i thought everything was going well. I guess i was so caught up in the fantasy, i let it cloud the reality.
'i just hope we can still be friends.'
Ultimate break up line. It's official. I was dumped. By Rachel Berry. And i'm moping about it. Grasping at the last seconds of the fantasy. But there's nothing left. It's over.
Here i am, Noah Puckerman, Ultimate badass, sulking around about a breakup from a week long relationship. What the hell is wrong with me? I'm supposed to be a badass.
It's like watching one of those sappy YouTube videos of the couple you're shipping from your favorite tv show. All the little things and the big things, every scene is flashing while sad sissy music is playing in the background. But the thing about television, it's scripted, so there's always a happy ending.
This isn't tv, so you're really just staring at the nothingness of your ceiling, while laying on your bed. There's no music, no scripts, and certainly no happy ending. Just a false hope that the other person is going to realize their mistake and run back to you, begging for forgiveness.
But it's not going to happen. Nobody's going to come knocking on your door.
'Knock, Knock, Knock.'
Holy shit. Did that really just happen?
"What do you want Ma?" I called towards the door, not making any effort to move.
"Uhm... Noah, it's me. Rachel." Now i know i'm imagining it. "Do you mind if i come in?"
I didn't say anything, but slowly the door opened. Rachel was there, in the flesh. My mind must be playing some fucked up trick on me, cause I know this would never be happening in real life for two reasons. 1) Rachel would never be coming over to my house, into my room, especially right after she dumped me. and 2) Mom would never let a me have a girl in my room.
"Uh.. Sorry to barge in on you, i was hoping we could.. talk. Your mom let me up." Wow, this dream has thought of everything. Dream-Rachel sat on the edge of my bed, where i was still laying. Though, usually when i dream about Rachel (which was oddly a lot lately), she was wearing a lot less clothing, and never wanted to just talk. "Look, i know i probably shouldn't be here. I just... I wanted to apologize to you. For everything."
I still kept my mouth shut. Curious where this dream would take me, and also 'cause i felt like i couldn't even talk if i wanted to.
"You don't have to say anything, just hear me out." Dream Rachel took a deep breath. "I know now what i did was wrong. I think i realized, that... I should have never broken up with you."
False hope that the other person is going to realize their mistake... my own words... err, thoughts, rang through my head.
"I know i shouldn't be saying this... i just, i miss you Noah. I was hoping i could explain myself. Or what i've realized i guess." I still didn't move. Didn't say a word. Just stared at the lifelike Rachel in my room.
"I was in my room, and it was like... I realized... Noah, i'd chosen something completely imaginary, all in my head-Finn, over something real-you. Something that could have blossomed and developed if i had only given it a chance. I made the wrong choice, and i'm so sorry for that. You don't deserve to come in second to anyone." Seriously, i like just said... er thought that. "I just... I wanted to tell you i was sorry, Noah. And i know this doesn't change anything. I just wanted you to know that i regret it. It was a mistake and I wish i would have realized that sooner. You were... To everyone else, you were their Puck. And i guess it just took me longer to realize that you were my Noah. And I gave that up.. For, for, for what? A fantasy that could never even compare. I'm just.. I was so caught up in the fantasy of Finn, that i ignored the reality, or rather.. I was so focused on him, that i didn't see what was right in front of my face... you. You gave up the most important thing in your life for me. Football. And, you walked around school, with me-the glee freak, on your arm. And you did it, knowing that everyone was staring.. that everyone was watching, and yet you still didn't care. Like you were proud of me. Even when it cost you a slushy facial. You remembered i like grape the best, although that kind of came from the years tormenting me and throwing slushies in my face, but i think the point is that you.. payed attention to me. Even when we were enemies. I guess i never noticed the little things, or even the big things, that you did for me. And now that they're gone. I miss them... I miss you. Do you think, maybe you could.. ever forgive me? Would you ever consider, taking a chance on me, trying again?"
run back to you, begging for forgiveness...
I still couldn't speak. I was shocked that my subconscious could come up with this. But i wasn't going to humor the impossible. In the end, it would just cause me more pain.
After a moment of silence, a tear rolled down dream rachel's cheek, and before she could catch it and wipe it away, it slipped from her skin and onto my forearm. I looked down at the wetness there.
"I get it. I'm sorry if i hurt you, Noah. I'm sorry i messed up. I've got to go. I guess i'll see you at school. Sorry to bother you. " Dream Rachel stood up. "I just wish things could have been different, Noah." With that, she quickly bolted from the room. I still stared down at the tear drop that was soaking into my skin. With my other hand, i reached over, and wiped it off with my finger. Then i stared at the wetness of my finger. That's when it hit me. This was a real tear. Rachel was really here. She was really crying. And she was really begging for my forgiveness. She was really asking me to take a chance on her. She was really picking me over Finn. And i had really just ignored her, staying silent, while she was pouring her heart out.
So, quick as i could, i came to my senses. I hoped out of bed and ran to the door, almost tripping over the pile of dirt laundry laying on the floor. I flew down the stairs, and ran past my mom, who was giving me a knowing look. I wrenched open the front door, and ran out into the front yard just in time... to see her car pulling away from my driveway, away from my house, away from me... and taking Rachel with it. I was too late. I ran into the street and tried to get her attention, but she kept driving away. I watched as her car drove farther and farther into the distance, until it disappeared.
I had though my epiphany had taken only seconds, minutes at most. But i was still too late. For the second time today, i had let Rachel walk away from me without a fight. And i was determined to never do it again. I had a plan. Tomorrow, at Glee, I would sing to Rachel Berry, in front of everyone, for the second time this week, and i would get her to forgive me for letting her walk away, and i would make sure she never did it again.
Rachel POV
There's this moment, when you realize what a colossal mistake you've made, and you wish, with all your might, that you could take it all back. But you can't. You can't just go back to the way things were and pretend you never ruined it. You made the mistake, and now you have to deal with the consequences. Because it's just too late. It's too late to take it all back. Too late to realize that you shouldn't have done it, whatever it was. It's too late to wish and to hope and to dream that things turned out better. But just because it's too late, just because you know you have to deal with the consequences that your mistake brought on, doesn't make it any easier. It doesn't make all the regret go away. And it sure as hell doesn't mean you stop trying. You never stop trying. When you stop trying, that's when you give in to failure. And failure gets us nowhere. Rachel Berry does. not. fail. EVER.
My moment, of realization i guess you could say... realization of my mistake, realization of failure, realization of how screwed up i made things...
I'd just gotten home, and i had some steam i wanted to blow off. I figured i'd just exercise or something. I ended up pressing shuffle on my iPod, hooking it up to my speakers, and... collapsing on my bed. I was too tired to work out. So i just stayed there. Staring up at my ceiling, listening as song after song passed until...
Where it began, I can't begin to knowing. But then I know it's growing strong...
That was my moment. When those lyrics passed over the speakers and flowed through my room, i knew i had made a mistake. I'd broken up for the one guy that actually showed real interest in me, and was never ashamed. For what? For someone who was clearly in a relationship. Someone who was already in love. Someone with a child on the way. Someone who was already happy. I was trying to ruin a relationship, a family. I think that's also the moment when i realized i was never truly in love with Finn. Just, so obsessed with the idea of him, the idea that someone could love me as much as he loved Quinn, the idea of the perfect guy, the idea of... happiness; that i essentially ignored my chance at love and happiness and the perfect guy and all that. I think, that's when i realized, that Finn was Quinn's chance at those things that i wanted. And maybe, just maybe, i had just ruined my chance. What if, by some chance, what if, Noah Puckerman was my chance? My chance at Love and Happiness? What if he was the perfect guy.. for me? What if i had just ruined my chance to have those things, because i was too busy chasing after someone else's happiness? Someone else's love? Someone else's perfect guy?
The moment i heard those lyrics, was when i finally let the truth into my head.
And that was the moment, i realized i needed to fix it all, if i could.
But Rachel Berry is not a quitter. Rachel Berry does not quit, and Rachel Berry is not a failure. Rachel Berry does not fail.
At anything.
She didn't quit when people started laughing at her for being ambitious. She didn't quit when the slushy facials started. She didn't quit when the names began. Rupaul, Treasure Trail, Dwarf, Yentl, Stubbles, Man-hands, Hobbit, GayBerry, Boy hips, Diva, the list really go's on forever. She didn't quit when Jacob Ben Israel black-mailed her with Quinns pregnancy. And she absolutely won't quit now.
So here's the thing about that... It's a lot easier to not quit, when it's only you, you have to worry about. But when trying is hurting the people you care about, you really have no choice to quit. To give in to Failure. So, when I realized how much i really had screwed up with Noah, that he was hurting because of my mistake, and i wasn't helping anyone by trying to reverse it, that it really was too late. That's when I quit. For the first time in my life, I quit. I failed.
I wish so much that i could just go back and change it. If i had known then what i know now. If i had only realized it all a few hours earlier, i could have saved us both from heartache. Nobody would hurt.
It's all my fault. And there's nothing i can do about it. Nothing can change that. I QUIT.
And yet, maybe i hadn't screwed up so bad after all. Maybe, everything was going to be okay. Why would i say that, you ask?
Because the next day at Glee:
"So, Puck. You said you had something you wanted to sing?" Mr. Schue asked. Great, a goodbye song. Something to tell everyone he was really truly done with me and my drama.
"Uh, yeah." He got up and grabbed his guitar. Now this is where i found hope: He sent a smile my way before continuing. "I guess, everybody makes mistakes, and maybe that's okay. You just gotta move past that. So, here's to wishing things were different." My parting line yesterday. I guess he was listening.
If you had three wishes
Tell me what they'd be
A fancy car, a new guitar
Or that money grows on trees
If I had three wishes
I tell you what they'd be
If I had three wishes
You would be all three
I could be wrong, but i felt like he was singing to me. Only me.
You know how the rules go
You can't wish for world peace
Or wish for love from anyone
And we're letting old friends be
You can't wish for more wishes
But that don't bother me
Cause if I had three wishes
You would be all three
I could say I wanna fly
But that would get old after a while
A million things that I could do
But they'd be nothing without you
So I can't think of anything
If you had three wishes
Do you know what they'd be
Would one get saved for a rainy day
Or for someone more in need
If I had three wishes
I tell you what they'd be
If I had three wishes
You would be all three
By the end of it, everyone who had one was smiling at their significant other, and Noah, my Noah, took my hand.
"I'm sorry i let you walk out on me Rache. But i promise, i will never do that again. Do you think you could ever forgive me?" I heard 'awee's and 'yes! say yes dummy!'s from the audience, that for once, i didn't care i had.
"Noah, i'm so sorry. I just-"
"None of that matters now, Rache." and he was right. None of that mattered anymore. I guess all that really mattered was me and him. And i was okay with it.
"I'm gonna kiss you now, okay?" he smirked when i said that, the smirk i was falling for, and falling fast.
"I'd be disappointed if you didn't."
"Well i'm not one to disappoint." i smiled back at him, and leaned in to press my lips against his.
You're going to regret the chances you didn't take, and the mistakes you made. That's inevitable. But quitting isn't. Don't ever quit. Because quitting is admitting failure, and you may not get Three Wishes or even a second chance to fix it. It's never too late to try.
The song: Three wishes-Dave Thomas Junior
I hope you enjoyed, i'm not super sure about the ending, i kind of feel like it could have been a bit more... epic. But review and tell me what ya think! I might just put in a new one ;)
