Nerd Dictionary
Marauder's Map - Magical map from Harry Potter opened by the words "I solemnly swear I am up to no good."
US Dictionary
Uber is like a taxi service. You click a button and a driver appears. It's rad.
Bella put her hair up in a ponytail, checked that her glasses were on straight, and pulled the laptop into her lap.
"Hey, cats and kittens. So, we've come to the end of another glorious convention. So much has happened. I've met Daisy Ridley. I've met Mark Hamill, who, oh my god, how did we not know before now how much of a treasure he is? I've talked to awesome people who did amazing things, but do you guys want to hear about that? Noooo.
"Yes, I have received your bajillion forms of communication. Your tweets. Your Facebook posts. Your incessant questions on my Instagram photo with Misha Collins. Come on, man. You don't ignore Misha Collins-my sweet cinnamon bun, too pure for this world. Not even to ask me increasingly more personal questions about my date."
She tilted her head, giving them a mock-stern look. Then, she let her shoulders lump. "Okay, fine. Yes, we have another date tonight, and I have no idea what's going to happen."
This wasn't true. She was pretty damn sure of at least one thing that was going to happen tonight. It was why her legs were freshly shaved and she was wearing her prettiest Harry Potter lingerie. There was, however, a limit to what she would share with her followers.
"A lot of you are asking if I'm going to see him again. You know, after the con. Can the magic last?" She threw her head back with dramatic flair. Straightening, she shrugged. "I don't know. He lives in L.A.; I live in the OC. Taylor Swift could write a song about it."
She laughed at her own drama. "No, it's doable. Ya know, if I were counting my chickens. And that's about all I'm going to say about that. With my luck, this will be the day my social media-impaired date figures out what a vlog is and finds me. I'm not up on the rules of the dating scene, but I'm pretty sure that's some kind of a faux pas."
Bella clapped her hands together. "That's all you're going to get before I figure this guy out. Let's chat nerd-stuff."
~0~
The Sunday of most cons was low-key. Most convention-goers were heading home. There were few panels. A good many of the booths had been packed up and put away.
Bella had taken the train to L.A., not wanting to pay for hotel parking. Edward had volunteered to pick her up when she checked out of her hotel at noon. It seemed a little presumptuous not to have an official ride home, but there was always Uber.
Of course, Uber was, optimistically, plan B.
At noon on the dot, she was waiting in front of the hotel, luggage at her side. She smoothed down her dress—the furry Chewbacca dress—and tried not to pretend she was scanning the road for a now-familiar silver Volvo.
He was there only a minute later. As he pulled up, Bella could see his lips turn up when he saw what she was wearing. He put the car in park and made a show of banging his head on the steering wheel. He got out of the car and and stepped to her side. He drew one finger along her side, sending shivers down her spine. Finally, he looked up into her eyes. "Are you trying to kill me?"
Bella's throat had gone tight, so she had to swallow before she could speak. "I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about."
"Uh huh." He ran his hand around to the small of her back and pulled her in close. Bella held her breath.
His kiss was chaste, the tease. When she opened her eyes, his wicked grin told her he knew exactly what he was doing. He bent at the knees, his body close enough that she felt his warmth, and picked up her bag.
The effect was ruined when he grunted. "Christ, what's in this?"
Bella bit her lip to hide a grin. She reached out for it. "I can get it. I'm used to it."
He stepped back, keeping the pack out of her reach. "I didn't say I couldn't handle it." He pulled the handle out of her suitcase, and went around to the trunk. "Did you carry this around all weekend? You're going to be crippled by the time you're thirty."
"Well, I have a few good years left in me."
Bella couldn't quite read the expression on his face, and he waited until they were in the car before he asked, "So, exactly how many good years do you have left before thirty?"
"Oooh, now you're worried about my age?"
He shot a smirk at her as they pulled into traffic. "See, this is the reason I wanted to take you to a bar on the first night. You had me sweating for a minute there until your ID passed muster at the door."
"How old are you?"
"I'm about to be twenty-seven, and you haven't answered the question."
There was an interesting conundrum if ever Bella had heard one. Talk about her age or continue to press him about his birthday? She had the urge to make a crack about what kind of gift she wanted to give him, but that was presumptuous as hell. Christ, this guy had her all discombobulated.
"I'm twenty-two. In three more months," she said, pretending that didn't make her self-conscious. It wasn't as though it was a huge age gap. "So you thought I might be younger than twenty-one and yet you still asked me out?"
He scoffed and flashed her a smile. "You were worth the risk."
Christ, if he kept talking like that, she was just going to hand over her panties right then. Except, he was a cop, and he probably wouldn't be impressed with her wanting to break the law. Was there a law about distracted driving, cell phones aside? She made a mental note to ask him when it wasn't so incriminating.
She cleared her throat. "Okay, smooth criminal, where are we going?"
"I didn't bother planning anything since I figured you'd just hijack my plans anyway."
"Ugh, are you still holding that against me?"
"I'm just playing the odds. You've hijacked half the dates we've been on."
"I change my mind. I don't like you. I don't care how many Star Wars tattoos you have."
Edward pressed his lips together, looking amused. "They're not all Star Wars, you know. My tattoos."
Bella folded her arms across her chest, determined to give him a hard time. But curiosity got the better of her after only around ten seconds. "Damn. You tease. You win. I— Oh!" Bella twisted in her seat. "Oh, that was Whimsic Alley, wasn't it?" She looked back at him. "Edward, I know I—"
He burst out laughing. "Way ahead of you." He was already turning on a side street toward a parking lot. "This place is on the way to my place, so I figured you would see it."
Something deep inside her coiled tight with his words. "You planning on taking me to your place, officer?"
His cheeks flamed red. "Shit," he said under his breath. "That was...I mean, there was a possibility… I mean—"
She reached out and put a hand on his knee, giving it a squeeze. "Tattoos in third date kind of places, right? Trust your instincts, young padawan."
Shaking his head, he put the car in park and turned toward her. "Come here," he said, curling a finger beneath her chin and tilting her face up to his. "You are a very wicked woman, Bella Swan," he said before he leaned in and kissed her.
It was a heated kiss. Too hot. It was the kind of kiss where, if they were in a fanfiction, she would have magically crossed the console in between them to straddle his lap; where they could have had sex right there in the car despite the fact there was limited space between the steering wheel and his body. His hand cupped her cheek, the other pressed against her side, stroking his fingers through the Wookie-fur dress. She whimpered into his mouth, her hand drifting further up his leg.
He made a strangled noise as he pulled back. "We, uh…" He laughed, the sound a little disconcerted. "We should stop."
She blinked, trying to gather her wits again. "It would be awkward if you had to arrest yourself for public indecency."
His hand was still warm on her side, and he stroked his fingers through the fur of her dress again. "Believe me, if I was going to arrest one of us for public indecency, it would be you. Furry dress," he muttered, shaking his head.
"You like stroking my Wookie," she said, noting that his fingers hadn't stopped petting her.
His hand froze, and she realized belatedly how utterly filthy that sounded. Now it was her turn to giggle nervously, stumbling over, "I mean, uh...um."
He laughed, facing forward and banging his head back against the headrest. He rolled his head to look at her, mischief, danger, and something that looked like adoration in his eyes. "Same page, right?" He reached out, climbing his fingers up her side. "Do you want me to stroke your Wookie?" he asked, his voice low and sexy.
She shivered. "Ahhh, hell yes." She started to lean in to attack his mouth, but just as quickly, she drew back. "Gah!"
"What?"
"I'm conflicted. Most of me wants to tell you to forget about all this and let's go to your place."
His lips twitched. "And the rest of you is very aware you're around the corner from Whimsic Alley?"
"Yeah," she said sheepishly. "But it's a really close call."
He chuckled and got out of the car. He offered his hand. "Come along, you nerd."
Whimsic Alley was a shop modeled after Diagon Alley, a fictional area from Harry Potter full of shops that catered to witches and wizards. Whimsic Alley catered to nerds. They had miscellaneous nerd culture paraphernalia and collectibles. Bella gave an excited hop as they came around to the front of the shop.
"This is so cool. Wrong, but cool," she said, pointing to a standee of Dean Winchester from Supernatural.
"Why wrong?"
"He's wearing a Hufflepuff scarf."
"Surely not Hufflepuff."
"Dean Winchester is Gryffindor material. The Sorting Hat would be a foot from his head and still sort him into Gryffindor."
"I'll take your word for it." Edward opened the door for her, his hand on the small of her back as he guided her inside.
Bella was in her element. She took it all in first, wandering from room to room to see what fandoms were represented. Edward wasn't unaffected. He was a little wide-eyed with excitement as he found detritus from his favorite fandoms. She caught him chuckling at a few of the clever Marvel t-shirts.
They came away from the front room chattering about Game of Thrones family crests and mottos.
"I mean, you have to want to be in house Stark, right?" Edward said. "But what the hell kind of a family motto is, 'Winter is coming?' It sounds like an old, grumpy man muttering at the sky."
"It's better than house Lannister. 'A Lannister always pays his debts?'"
"Ah, but that's not actually the motto of house Lannister. That's just the tagline everyone says so we can never forget how much money they have. Their actual motto is 'Hear Me Roar!' which is a great deal more impressive."
"I always liked house Baratheon." Bella raised her fist in the air. "'Ours is the fury!' But who wants to be a Baratheon?"
"They're pretty big dicks."
Bella got distracted then, pulled away by a handsome standee. "Oh, yes. This is what I'm talking about."
Edward arched an eyebrow, looking unimpressed as he looked the cardboard cutout up and down. "Who the hell is this guy?"
"James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser. He's from Outlander."
"Christ, does he have enough names?"
"He's Scottish."
"That would explain the skirt."
"It's a kilt." Bella shook her head. "Here, will you take a picture of us?" Bella thrust her phone at him.
"You're lucky I'm not a jealous man," Edward said, giving her a bemused look as she wrapped her arm around the standee's waist.
Bella rolled her eyes. "Oh, yeah. I'm lucky you're not jealous of cardboard." She laid her head on Jamie's shoulder, giving him and the camera an innocent, dreamy look.
"So what's so great about James Bladeblah McBlahersons?" Edward asked as he snapped the picture.
"Are you not looking at him?" Bella asked, teasing as she walked back to his side.
Edward grunted. "Objectively, he's all right."
"You know, traditionally, they don't wear underwear under those kilts." Bella waggled her eyebrows and kissed him on the cheek.
"Uh huh. So, this fictional character is awesome because he fictionally doesn't wear underwear? You know, I'm not so sure about your standards."
"Ah, see, that should have been a foregone conclusion when I agreed to date you."
He screwed up his face. "Damn. I asked for that one."
"You really did." Bella took his hand and led him into another room. She gasped, delighted when she found this one had several racks filled with various costumes, props, and cosplay items. "This is great. Look at this." She took a fancy looking jacket that proclaimed itself to be from Downton Abbey and held it out to him. "Here, put this on."
He took a step back. "I'm not the dress-up kind of guy."
"Oh, come on. You have to try something on." Bella rifled through the rack, trying to keep hold of her utter delight at some of the things they had. "Oh, I know. I see a Hogwarts' robe, and they have a wand shop—"
"Ah, no. No. Definitely not Harry Potter," Edward said.
Bella quirked an eyebrow. "Why not?"
He shrugged. "Just not my thing."
"And yet, you took me to Whimsic Alley."
"Yes, well, somehow, I figured it was your thing."
"I see." Somehow, Bella managed to keep a straight face even as she let her voice dip into sultry tones. "You don't like playing with wands, hmm?"
He stepped closer, and ducked down to murmur in her ear. "Don't you know, little girl? Playing with wands just gets you into trouble."
Though her heart had begun to pound, Bella still snickered. She rested her hand at his waist, meeting his gaze. "I know all about wands and trouble." She waved her hand in the air as though she were casting. "'I solemnly swear I'm up to no good.'" She tapped her finger on his lips.
Just like the Marauder's map, he opened to her, taking the tip of her finger into his mouth, the look in his eyes wicked. Bella's breath caught, and she pushed up onto the balls of her feet to kiss him.
Quickly, the kiss became too heated for the public place they were in, and Bella stepped back with a gasp. She licked her lips and shook her head, trying to shake the daze off.
Luckily, her nerdiness was an excellent distractor. "Ooh." She brushed past Edward and started moving clothes on a rack behind the one she'd been looking at. "Is that… It is!" She held up a replica of the Tenth doctor's coat. "How about this?"
Edward's smile was indulgent. "Allons-y," he said, taking the coat from her hands and shrugging it on.
Bella clapped, grinning. "That looks awesome on you. Please let me take your picture."
"Bella," he said warningly, eyeing her.
"I know you have a phobia of social media. I'm not going to pretend I understand why."
"Because I'm sharing this moment with you. I don't want to invite anyone else," Edward said, the slightest edge of annoyance in his tone.
Bella bit the inside of her lip, chastened. "I get that, but…" She shook her head. His sentiment was sincere and sweet. "Just for me, then? Something to remember this moment, and I promise I won't share it on the Internet."
He eyed her warily, his expression conflicted.
"Are you a vampire?" she asked, trying to tease him. She understood, in theory, that he didn't like social media, but this reaction was so strange. "If I take a photo of you, will you not show up?"
His smile was small but genuine. It fell away almost as soon as it appeared, though. "It's not that I don't want you to have a picture of me. I wouldn't mind that. It's just…"
He seemed flustered, and Bella stepped to his side. "This shouldn't be that big of a deal," she said quietly, slightly mistified.
"But it is, for me. Look, I'm not trying to be a pain in the ass. I know a lot of people are connected to social media all the time, but I've never seen someone as constantly as you. And it's not a problem, Bella. It's really not, except that you can't make me a part of that. I'm a cop."
Bella furrowed her brow. "I...don't understand."
"I can't be seen on social media. At all. The LAPD has a whole task force dedicated to enforcing that rule."
The silence at his proclamation was deafening. But after a few tense seconds, Bella giggled. "I'm sorry," she said, clapping a hand over her mouth. "I mean, that's fine. It feels so dramatic." She tittered again. "Look, the whole social media thing...it's important to me." She waved a hand, dismissing that. She didn't want to talk about it yet. It wasn't that she was ashamed of what she did. She just felt like he might not understand it, or worse, would think less of her for it, and she didn't want to burst the happy bubble they were in just yet. "But it's not a big deal to tone it down. If you're not comfortable with me taking a personal picture, I totally get it, but I'd never endanger your job."
HIs expression gentled, and he held out his hand for her. "Come here."
She took it, letting him tuck her to his side. "Sorry," he said, hugging her to him. "I don't mean to get worked up about it. It's just hard to explain sometimes. Social media is so prevalent now, and a lot of people don't understand." He turned her in his arms so they were face to face, and he kissed the tip of her nose. "I like you, Bella Swan. Maybe this sounds juvenile, but I want you to like me, too."
The nervousness that had crept into Bella's belly eased. He was a conundrum, this man. One minute, he was all cocky swagger. The next, he was jittery and vulnerable—just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking her to like him. "I do like you," she said. She more-than-liked him, but it was way too early to admit to something like that. "I mean, it is totally incomprehensible to think about being so detached from social media. Like, after finding that out, I'm crossing any profession involving the LAPD off my list forever, not going to lie."
He chuckled and kissed her forehead. "Here," he said, reaching past her to pull out a jean jacket.
She grinned, realizing it was Rose's jacket—the tenth doctor's love interest and companion. Edward took her phone from her hand as she shrugged into it. Then he pulled her against him again, holding the phone. He poked at it, looking perplexed. "How the hell do you do this?"
Bella laughed. "Oh, my sweet, summer child. You don't even know how to selfie?" She tisked and pushed a few buttons, hitting the front-facing cam. "Same as any picture. Hit the camera button."
And that was how she got her first photo with Edward Cullen—him dressed as the tenth doctor from Doctor Who, and she dressed as Rose Tyler, tucked against his side.
After they made their purchases—Bertie's Every Flavor Bean, a Supernatural necklace, and a badass cloak Bella had found on sale for thirty dollars—Edward took her next door for milk and cookies.
"I thought you were kidding," Bella said as they entered Milk Jar Cookies where, sure enough, one could purchase milk and cookies.
"You know those donut shops you hear about with the crazy ass donuts? This is that except for cookies, which are a thousand times better than donuts in my opinion." He pointed to the case where, as promised, there were crazy ass cookies, one of them covered in various kinds of cereal.
Bella opted for a banana split cookie. Edward got rocky road, and they decided they had to have the milk and cereal cookie to split.
"We'll just call it lunch," Bella said.
The cookies were delicious. They chatted a bit about Edward's job. He shared stories of people who had gotten in trouble with their task force. Mostly funny stories of ill-advised adventures splayed all across Facebook or Snapchat or Instagram.
As they left the shop, Bella pulled him out of the main traffic, under the awning. She splayed her hands on his chest and kissed him—a languid kiss, licking the taste of chocolate and marshmallow from his tongue.
When they were both breathless, she pulled back only enough so that she could look in his eyes. "You want to pet my Wookie?" she asked, voice gone scratchy and breathless.
He groaned, his hand pressing against her back, stroking down to brush her ass. He licked the taste of her from his lips, a slow smile spreading up his cheeks. "Let's go." He took her hand, and they all but ran in the direction of the car.
A/N: My docs were hilarious. Many thanks to Packy 2.0, Songster, jessypt, Moh, Mina, and barburella for making me laugh my ass off in my sociology class.
Yes, I know I'm cruel for ending it there...but you'll like next chapter. Promise.
