Team Mustang Collection

Chapter 4

Annual Assessment


It was the worst time of the year for Colonel Mustang, once again it was time for him to write annual employee reviews. He had no idea why the military bothered with employee appraisals, it's not like this was corporate Amestris where people's pay was determined by some unfair, biased supervisor paperwork. This was the military and pay grade was determined by rank, not by how well he delivered written assessments to his own supervisor, the wicked HR woman or payroll. He stared at the box of reviews sitting on his desk and grumbled. "Why don't you just all write your own reviews. It's how I plan to develop your leadership skills, you need to review each other as peers and submit them to me for approval and signatures."

"You can't delegate this, sir." Hawkeye shoved the box in front of him and returned to her desk. "There is also a new form, 876B, that you are required to fill out this year."

"Seriously?" Roy exclaimed. "Is that bitch from HR trying to strangle me with her red tape just because I won't date her?"

"Why is it that you assume every woman wants to date you?" Hawkeye asked.

"Because he can't date you." Havoc replied.

Breda chirped, "And tries to overcompensate by being a man whore in order to avoid thinking about you when you're not beside him."

"I want to date Colonel Mustang." Fuery said. "Especially after he took my glasses and threw me on the bed that one time…"

"Fuery, stop romanticizing it. It was for an undercover assignment. " Breda said and patted the kid's head. "That wasn't about you, no matter how much you want to think he was trying to have Hawkeye cosplay you,"

"Undercover…." Falman said quitely. "Or under the covers?"

Fuery smiled as he thought about that. His unpublished yaoi fanfiction, 'Raising Kain' was already 20 pages of the Colonel trying to seduce him at the office. Sure he just took Breda's Royai office smut fanfic and used his address labels to paste his name over Riza's but…."I mean…ha. No. That's not what I was thinking it was."

"Need I remind you all that the Colonel always leaves these reviews to the last minute and I end up suggesting most of what he writes?" Hawkeye asked and watched the men smile back at her.

"You looked cute with glasses." Havoc said and reached for a cigarette.

"Thank you." Fuery purred and then turned red when he realized it wasn't directed at him.

Roy picked up form 876B and read it. "So according to this I need to survey my employees and ask them to describe me, their supervisor, in one word. Then assess myself and provide a game plan for improving myself for the next year. Ha. Well I don't know how you improve on perfection, but sure. I'll play along."

Riza cocked an eyebrow. Well he was in for a rude awakening. She looked up as Ed and Al entered the room, the Elric brothers being the embodiment of convenient timing.

"Ok, So if you were going to describe me in just one word, what would it be?" Roy asked as he poised his pen over the form to fill out everything quickly and hopefully earn a few points with Hawkeye.

"Asshole." Ed said without so much as a pause.

"Badass" Havoc said, hoping to score points for his review

"Dumbass." Hawkeye chimed in.

"Smartass." Breda answered

"Fine ass." Falman said and added a grunt of approval.

"Asset?" Fuery said.

"Asshat!" Ed answered again and the Colonel glared at him.

"Halfass?" Al shrugged.

Roy put his pen down. "Clearly you all think about my ass too much. So if I were to submit this the only course of action I can recommend for the next year is wearing a mini-skirt so you can see more of it."

Hawkeye heard Al gasp, Ed screamed in pain at the mental image and the rest of the team cringed. Except for Falman who seemed to nod in approval. "Sir, we already have stalkers and fangirls reporting spottings of your pronounced crotch bulge we don't need a whole new fandom to emerge because you show your bare-ass to the world."

"Well then, I expect this form…" Roy stood up and grabbed his uniform jacket off his chair. "Form 876B to be filled out in it's entirety when I get back from lunch or I will be submitting my sweet ass self-improvement plan to HR for implemenation in the coming year."

Riza glared at him as he waltzed out of the office, thrilled to have tricked them into doing his work for him. "'Beat his ass' is going to be what I recommend."

Breda whistled. "Well we walked right into that one."

"How the hell does he do that?" Havoc looked around at them all. "How the hell does that man use his powers for evil every time?"

"Probably because he wants Hawkeye to spank his ass for being a bad boss." Breda looked over at her and winked.

"Get to work." Hawkeye snapped. Someday she was going to enjoy telling these boys that that was exactly his motivation, but that would have to wait.