There Was A...Boy?

Chapter Four

Later that same night, while everyone else was 'getting down with their bad selves' as Riff-Raff had suggested, I decided it would be best for me to go down to my own room and try to get some writing done. But I couldn't, I couldn't even get one single word typed. I could only think of that sweet transvestite. And the noises upstairs weren't helping either, as I had never found incestuous moaning to get my creative juices flowing. What a time for writer's block! Looking for inspiration I got up and peered out of my window, which happened to have a pretty good view of the Moulin Rouge as well as the elephant in front of it. And, unless my eyes were deceiving me, there was Frank sitting right on top of it! I couldn't help myself and I left my room to go over to talk to him. I rushed over as quickly as my poor feet could carry me (nobody ever told me high heels were that painful!) and climbed up the elephant's tail. Once I reached the top and caught my breath, I went up to Frank and touched his shoulder.

"Fra—"

"GAHHHH!" he screamed as he whirled around to slap me, causing me to lose my footing and fall all the way down to the ground. "Oh! My bay-he-by!" Frank exclaimed when he realized it was only me. I rubbed my bruised tailbone (which, if you remember, had already been abused earlier that evening) and climbed back up. "What are you doing here?" Frank asked as soon as I reached the top once more.

"I just...I was just thinking about earlier tonight, when you...when you kissed me. Did you...mean for it to..."

"Mmmm no, I'm just a horny motherfucker. Why, did you think I actually (snort) loved you?" he said, suppressing his giggles.

"Well I..." I blushed and looked down at my hands.

"No dear. I can't fall in love with anybody."

"Can't fall in love? A life without love! That's...why that's terrible!

"No! A life on the street, with no (sob!) no... (gasp!)... no sex is terrible!"

"But...but love is oxygen!"

That caused the scientist in Frank to look at me as if I had lobsters crawling out of my ears. "You're kind of stupid, aren't you?"

"No no no, that was a figure of speech."

"Oh. But still, it is a bit foolish to believe that love is that important. All it does is tie you down. Variety is the spice of life, you know."

"You're just saying that because you've never been in love and don't know what you're missing."

"Well have you ever been in love?"

"Yes! I—"

"Puppies don't count."

"Oh. Well no! But I think, maybe, tonight, for the first time I..." I stuttered, my blush becoming a deeper crimson, until I heard Frank making gagging noises. "Please, Frank, be serious!'

"I am being serious! You're the one that's being silly, thinking you're in love with me! You've known me for three hours, and yet here you are ready to profess undying love. And on top of that, this job is my home. I can't afford to love anybody."

"My father is old and rich, and I'm an only child."

"Really? Hmm... And how much exactly does he have in the bank?"

"Oh...half a million, if I remember correctly."

After reviving Frank, we reviewed the entire situation and discovered that there were more pros than cons to my side after all.

"Well, before we get into this any further, there is something I must tell you," he said and sat me down.

"Oh my God...you're dying of consumption aren't you?!"

"Er...no."

"Oh."

"I..." he began, taking my hands into his. "I'm not really a woman."

I stared at him, dumbfounded.

"No shit."

"(Gasp!) You mean you already know?!"

"Of course. The first time I saw you, you sang a song telling everyone you were a transvestite. Plus don't have any bosoms. And, I mean, your knickers don't hide that much. And your name is Frank."

"Oh. Well in that case, I mean I..." he took my hands again, "I'm an alien."

I stared at him again.

"No shit!"

"(Gasp!) You mean you've known THAT all along too?"

"Yes. The first time I saw you, you sang a song explaining that you're from Transexual, Transylvania."

"Oh. Well then, now that there are no secrets between us, come here my little love muffin!" he exclaimed before sucking half of my face into his mouth and reaching his hand down the back of my trousers.

"Wait!" I said, pulling away and gasping for air.

"Tut, tut! Don't change your mind now, pet."

"No, it's not that, it's just..."

"Yes?"

"I've only ever kissed before."

"You mean you're...?"

"Uh-huh. I thought there's no use getting into heavy petting. It only leads to trouble and seat wetting."

Happy as a clam, Frank took my hand and stood up.

"Oh honey! I can make you a ma-a-a-a-aaan!" he exclaimed, then lead me into the elephant.

It looked as if my poor bottom was about to be abused for the third time that night...