Uncharted Territory
Disclaimer:
Y'all know the drill.
Rating:
M
Genre:
Romance/Hurt/Comfort
Pairing:
Spirk
Lyrics Used:
Reba McEntire - "You're Gonna Be"
Corbin Bleu feat. Vanessa Hudgens - "Still There For Me"
Megan McCauley - "Reverie"
You're Gonna Be
I'm afraid you're gonna have to suffer through some of my mistakes | Lord knows I'll be trying, oh, to give you what it takes | What it takes to know the difference between getting by and livin'
'Cause anything worth doing is worth doing all the way | Just know you'll have to live with all the choices that you make | So, make sure you're always givin' way more than you're takin'
You're gonna fly with every dream you chase | You're gonna cry, but, know that that's okay | Sometimes, life's not fair, but, if you just hang in there
You're gonna see that sometimes bad is good | We just have to believe things work out like they should | Life has no guarantees, but, always loved by me | You're gonna be
Someone's everything | You're gonna see | Just what you are to me
After finishing Quade's interrogation, Kirk made his way back to Spock's quarters to return the ultrasounds he had borrowed as well as to check on the Vulcan. Entering his Captain's override code, Kirk entered his first officer's quarters. Spotting the Vulcan sat on the edge of his bed, Kirk carefully crossed the room to join him. "I presume you spoke with Lieutenant Quade." The Vulcan spoke in a flat, dead, monotone as he recalled the man responsible to assaulting him.
"You presume correct, Spock." Jim sighed, lightly, not missing the printout that Spock had been staring at, in his hand.
"Did your plan succeed?" The Vulcan questioned, his stare remaining fixated on the photo of his unborn child in his hand. "Did the Lieutenant tell you what you wished to know?"
Sighing, once more, Kirk ran a tense hand through his hair as he spoke. "Yes and no." He offered, hoping to elicit some sort of reaction from the Vulcan only to see that his gaze was still unmoving.
"Which was it?" Spock questioned.
"Yes … I suppose." Kirk offered, lamely. "Just … I guess I just didn't care for the way in which he expressed it." He elaborated, vaguely.
"And, how was that?" The first officer pressed.
Kirk considered his options for a moment before responding. He considered the consequences of each option. In the end, he decided Spock was better off not hearing about the picture that Quade painted of him. "…'s not important."
"I see." Spock hummed, still lost in his trance.
Finally deciding he could no longer stand it, Kirk decided to voice the question weighing heaviest on his mind. "Spock, are you okay?" Brilliant, Jim! He chastised, himself. The man just found out that he's pregnant with his rapist's baby! Of course he's not okay! The Vulcan simply remained silent as he continued staring at the picture in his hands. The captain could tell that he was struggling with something, he just wished the Vulcan would open up and tell him what it was so that he could help him. "You know … You don't … have to go through with this … if you don't want–"
"How could you even speak of such a thing?!" Spock demanded, shock evident in his voice, as he leapt up off the bed. "How could you even suggest that I–" He added, as he began pacing back and forth in front of Kirk, the photos long forgotten on the bed, before the Captain cut him off.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Spock." Jim interjected, holding his hands up in mock surrender, realizing that he had misspoken and that Spock had taken him the wrong way. "I'm not suggesting abortion, here!" He elaborated. "I just meant that … You do have other options." He began, carefully, mentally relieved when the Vulcan visibly calmed himself before rejoining him on the end of his bed. "You could always look into adoption, if you're not up for this."
Spock calmed himself, as he sat next to Jim at the foot of his bed – unconsciously moving closer to the Captain – as their shoulders touched. "No." He declared, softly. "No, I want this." He added, his hands coming to rest over his abdomen, once more, as he looked down to where his unborn child lay. "I want this baby, I just…" His voice trailed off, as he attempted to voice his concerns. "It is just … I do not know … I do not know how to raise a child." He admitted, quietly, hating the rising feeling of vulnerability he felt as he voiced his concern aloud.
"Oh, Spock." Kirk sighed, softly, as he carefully wrapped his arm around his first officer's shoulders while Spock unconsciously leaned into the embrace, resting his head on Jim's shoulder. "I know it's not much comfort, but … I honestly don't think that anybody really knows what they're doing when it comes to raising a kid – especially, the first time around." He offered, lamely, knowing that the words would have little effect in calming the Vulcan's worries.
"That is of little comfort to me." The Vulcan replied, voice thick with all of the fears and concerns that he'd felt since the moment he'd learned that he was with child.
"Yeah, I didn't really figure it would." Jim conceded, softly. "But, it's the truth. It's something you really only learn through on-the-job training – or, so, I'm told." He elaborated, carefully. "I guess the key is … Is knowing that you're not alone." That earned him a curious and – dare he say it – hopeful look from Spock's chocolate eyes. "You're not alone, Spock, because you're surrounded by people who care about you." The Captain pressed onward, hoping and praying to whatever deity would listen that he was getting through to his friend. "You've got me, Bones, Jolene, Uhura, Sulu, Checkov, Scotty … We're all here for you, Spock."
Spock had to admit that he did find the Captain's elaboration comforting. "I appreciate that, Captain."
"I can't speak for anybody else." Jim carried on, needing to convey to the Vulcan in his arms that he would do anything he needed for him. "But, I will, personally, be there – right here – right by your side, every step of the way." He offered. "Whatever you need – day or night; I don't care – you come to me. I'll be there, guaranteed." Jim felt relief wash over him as he felt the tension bleed out of Spock's body.
"I appreciate your support, Jim." Spock replied, shifting his position so that he could look Jim in the eye. "I cannot, adequately, convey to you how much it means to me."
"Don't mention it, Spock." Jim smiled, softly. "Come on … It's getting late." He offered, helping Spock to stand. "You should get some sleep."
Spock considered all that had happened. "Yes, perhaps, you are correct, Jim." The Vulcan conceded. However, he soon began to feel a rising sense of anxiety as he watched Jim step back, away from him – presumably to give the first officer his privacy to prepare for bed. "No, Jim!" He declared, out of the blue, as he reached for the Captain's arm.
"What is it, Spock?" Jim asked, clear-cut concern etched into his voice. "What do you need?"
"I need…" Spock began, uncertainty dripping from his voice. "Stay? … Please?" He begged, hating how pathetic and helpless he sounded.
"Of course, Spock." Jim replied, warmly, before guiding Spock around the side of the bed before gently ushering for him to sit. "Make yourself comfortable." He added, gently, before releasing Spock to move around to the other side of the bed. "I'll be here, with you, all night."
As the Captain sat next to him, Spock reached a hand out to rest his hand atop Jim's. "Thank you, Jim."
"Spock … Listen to me…" Jim began, the warmth of his care and support evident in his piercing blue orbs. "You never have to thank me. … I want to help you. … In whatever way that I can." He offered, desperately hoping to convey his support.
Lately, I've been thinking | About the things that we've been through | And, I don't know if I'd be here | If not for you
I had to take a little time | To try to work things out | And, you should know that | I have never meant to let you down
'Cause I, I | Wanna tell you that I'm sorry | And I, I | Even when I'm not giving enough | And, I'm taking too much | You're still there for me | Even when I got nothing at all | And, I'm ready to fall | You're still there for me | There for me | There for me
"You wanted to see me, Doctor McCoy?" Lieutenant Jolene Callahan greeted, curious as to why her boss had summoned her to his office at such a late hour.
"Yes, I did, Jolene." Doctor Leonard 'Bones' McCoy replied, rising from his seat behind his desk – steadfastly ignoring the spike in his heart rate as he laid eyes upon his assistant. Completely unprofessional, Bones! He mentally chastised himself, as he fought to maintain a calm, professional exterior. Besides … She's way the hell outta your league. "Please, have a seat." He added, gesturing toward the small sofa in his office. "I'm, uh … I'm sure you're probably wondering why I asked you, here, so late."
"The thought did cross my mind, yes." Jolene replied, ever so slightly amused, as she studied the doctor's very subtly nervous and mildly awkward behavior. Nuances so subtle that the average person would never pick up on them. However she prided herself on her ability to read body language. She had seen this behavior in her boss from the day she'd first been assigned to the USS Enterprise. She was curious as to the cause of the behavior. On one level she wondered if he had ever picked up on her feelings for him. But, he'd never said anything about them, so, it would be impossible to know for certain.
"I wanted to talk you to about the hypospray of Vecuronium that disappeared the day that Commander Spock-" Bones began, trying to formulate an appropriate apology. However, Jolene leapt to her feet – anger and frustration blatantly evident in her body language before she ever even spoke – as she cut him off.
"For the last time!" Jolene reiterated, frustrated that her boss was still interrogating her about the missing hypospray that she still had yet to figure out how it even went missing. The lack of answers ate her up every day after the Commander had been attacked. "I don't knowwhat happened – how the hypo went missing!" She declared, angrily. "I double checked the inventory – printed out the inventory logs and requisition forms – before I locked the cabinet and left! I don't know how-"
"At ease, Lieutenant!" Bones finally interjected, taking pity on his clearly frustrated assistant, as he moved to stand in front her – not even realizing how his hands came to a rest on the Lieutenant's shoulders. "I know you weren't responsible for the drug going missing." He added, watching the tension visibly bleed from the Lieutenant's body. "I should have known, all along and, I'm sorry." He went on, his thumbs absently rubbing her shoulders. "I wanted you to know that … And to know that I'm going to have the report stricken from your record."
Heaving a sigh of relief, Jolene replied "Thank you, Doctor." She replied, though, she suddenly felt acutely aware of the light grip on her shoulders. She knew she should have been somewhat alarmed by her boss's actions. But, somehow … she wasn't. "How did you know I didn't do it?" She wondered, curiously.
Suddenly acutely aware of his hold on his assistant, Bones awkwardly withdrew his hands. Trying to brush it off, he simply ran a nervous hand through his hair – hoping that Jolene hadn't felt any awkwardness – as he began pacing, slightly, while getting his mind back on track. "The good Captain decided to take it upon himself to go and interrogate Quade, again … Try to make him talk." He began, carefully.
"And, I'm guessing Kirk must have succeeded, this time." Jolene offered, acutely aware of the cold patches of skin where Bones's hands once lay.
"Hoh, yeah." Bones chuckled, darkly. "He did. … Bastard gave us every sickening detail." He added, mentally shuddering at the memory. "Told us how he stole the hypo to use on Spock."
"Well, I suppose that answers the question of how he managed to overpower the Commander." Jolene reasoned, fighting to keep her mind on the matter at hand.
"Yeah…" Bones replied, distractedly. "Yeah, I suppose it does."
Sensing that something was bothering the doctor, Jolene rest her hands, gently, on either side of his face – acting on pure instinct – to halt him in place. "Is something wrong, Doctor?" She asked, gently, her voice laden with concern.
Left, here, alone | And, unsure of what I feel | Unclear, but, I see | Just what I'm afraid of
I can't find my way, anymore | And, I | Cannot heal the wounds I've created | And, I can't let go | Of what's killing me
It took a moment for James Kirk to figure out the trembling, next to him, in the bed was responsible for waking him. Rolling over, he only had time to rest a gentle hand on Spock's shoulders before the Commander sat, bolt upright, in the bed, chest heaving with effort of catching his breath. "Spock!" Jim called out, gently. "Spock, you okay?"
"It was another nightmare." The Commander observed, absently, still struggling to return to reality. "I am sorry for waking you, Jim." He offered, apologetically.
"Hey." Jim whispered, tenderly, gently clasping Spock's still trembling hand in his own. "Hey … Don't ever apologize for that … For needing somebody. … For being human." The Captain added, gently. Wrapping the Commander up in his arms, Jim carefully lay back down in the bed before drawing Spock into his embrace – the Vulcan's head resting on his chest. Rubbing his hand up and down his dear friend's back in what he hoped was a soothing manner, Jim carded the fingers of his other hand through Spock's hair. "Just relax…" He whispered in the Vulcan's ears. "Close your eyes and try to get some sleep."
Comforted by the security he felt with his protector's embrace, Spock felt himself settling and slowly drifting back off to sleep even though something still gnawed at him from the inside. However, he could not put a finger on precisely what it was. Instead, he tried to put it out of his mind as he relaxed into Kirk's protective embrace.
When Kirk awoke, a few hours later, the sound of the shower caught his attention. Noting Spock's absence in the bed, something didn't sit right with him. On some level, he briefly wondered if he was being paranoid. But, after failing him the night that changed their lives forever, the Captain decided that would not happen, again – even if that meant being overprotective. Climbing out of bed, he quickly made his way into the bathroom. Once there, he heard something that set off even more alarm bells in his head. Scrubbing. "Spock?" He called out, carefully. No answer. Fighting against the rising sense of panic, he called out, again, as he approached the shower. "Spock, are you–" Jim's voice cut out as he slowly pulled the curtain back. The sight before him chilled him to the core. Spock stood before him, scrubbing his arms violently – whimpering slightly – as he watched the Commander's arms bleed from the scrubbing. "Spock, what's going on?"
The pain shining through the first officer's deep brown eyes cut through Kirk like a knife. But, nothing hit him harder than the broken voice the responded to him. "I cannot – It will not … I cannot get myself clean!" He whimpered, brokenly, before the dam finally broke. A heavy, violent, sob erupted from deep within his chest as he collapsed into the Captain's waiting arms.
Kirk was at a loss as he held the sobbing Vulcan in his arms. He didn't know how he'd missed the warning signs. He only knew he'd failed Spock … again. "Come on." He muttered, gently, ushering Spock back to the bedroom after shutting the shower off. "We gotta get you taken care of."
"No!" Spock declared, shakily. "No I just need to–"
"Spock, this isn't going to go away on its own." Kirk insisted, quietly. "It's okay to need help. That's why I'm here – to help you! But, I can't do that if I don't know what's going on!" There was a note of desperation to the Captain's voice that did not go unnoticed. "I can't solve a problem I don't know about."
After silently allowing Jim to help him dress, Spock finally spoke. "Okay." It was a simple word. Small. Quiet. But, it was there. And, it was enough for Jim to recognize that Spock was finally accepting the help he was offering.
Author's Note:
As always, I hope you've enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I've enjoyed writing it. And, if you did … please please PLEASE review!
~Skye Coulson
