Chapter 4: Blow to the Heart

Remus walked slowly to Professor McGonagall's office. He knew he really should be hurrying, but he was too shocked to do much more than trudge. He was gripping his prefect badge tightly in his sweaty fist, it's hard edges cutting into his palm. He felt numb. He wasn't fully processing what had just happened. He was losing his prefect badge? Sirius and James had known this, but hadn't told McGonagall the truth- that it hadn't really been Remus?

Maybe, looking back, he shouldn't have been surprised. They had been making him complete his counterpart's detentions, had let him take the blame for their pranks, had been ditching him, all week. It felt like he'd been replaced. Yet Remus had never said anything. Why? Because he didn't want to lose the only friends he'd ever had. It never occurred to him that if they weren't very good friends if they left him for sticking up for himself. He supposed that he shouldn't be surprised they had found a new Moony. Fake-Remus was, after all, so much more of a Marauder than he was.

But that didn't make it hurt any less.

He should have said something. Then, if they abandoned him, he'd still have Lily as a friend. But by now he had waited too long- Lily had given him dirty looks all week, since she thought he was behind all the dangerous pranks. Now he had no one.

Then there was the matter of his prefects badge. When he had first gotten it, he'd been terrified of how his friends would react. They had teased him when they found out, but hadn't mocked him as he'd feared. But he'd been secretly proud to be wearing it. Ever since he arrived at Hogwarts in his first year, he had worked hard, to prove that he deserved to be there. Getting his badge proved that he wasn't just Dumbledore's charity case, but a valued student- that it didn't matter that he was a werewolf. Getting it taken away like this- it felt like a blow to the heart. Like someone was telling him that a werewolf could never be deserving of such an honor. Like he couldn't amount to anything simply because of his lycanthropy.

But worst of all, he felt like he was letting down the only wizard who had ever given him a chance.

He stood in front of McGonagall's office, dread pooling in the pit of his stomach. His hands trembling, he opened the door, forgetting to knock. He slipped inside, closing the door behind him.

"It's about time, Mr. Lupin. You're nearly a half hour late." snapped Professor McGonagall.

This was it. This was when he'd confess everything- explain about the book, and the counterparts, and how it hadn't really been him.

Either he was a coward, or a fool.

He didn't confess. The instinct to protect his friends was too strong, even though they had done nothing to deserve it. As he handed his badge over, he realized that they were even now. He had more than paid them back for the Animagus thing by doing this.

It didn't console him in the slightest.

McGonagall sighed as she took the badge from him. "I must admit, Mr. Lupin," she murmured disappointedly. "I had high hopes for you. It appears I was mistaken."

The wind was knocked out of him. She couldn't have said anything to make him feel worse.

Fighting back tears, Remus excused himself from her office and raced to the library. In that moment, he hated his roommates. Hated them for treating him like something expendable.

Hated himself for believing they'd come around.

He was Moony no longer. The Marauders were finished, in his opinion. They could all rot.

Remus was going to throw himself into his schoolwork until he graduated. He would avoid the others. He'd look into joining a werewolf pack. He gave up any hope that he'd be able to find a wizarding job. He'd look for one in the Muggle world. Just the thought of that deeply wounded his already-low self-esteem.

Lily ignored him at dinner. She had heard what had happened and was disgusted that anyone could treat something she greatly treasured with such carelessness.

Oh, Lily, he thought as he glumly stared at his potatoes. If only you knew.


James waved sadly as their counterparts entered the freaky-blue-light-thing. "Maybe we'll see you around, Moony!" he called.

Fake-Remus turned and grinned. "Probably not. You've got a lot of broken pieces to put back together." His grinned turned… evil.

Beside James, Sirius frowned. "What do you mean?"

"You self-centered prats!" Fake-James suddenly yelled. Everyone stared at him in shock. This was so unlike Fake-James that everyone was stunned into silence. "I thought the three of you would be better people, he talked about you so highly! But I was wrong! You left him. Do you know how that feels? No. You don't. But you threw him away without any thought as to how he'd feel. I know his secret! I'm surprised he's lasted this long, with friends like you." He spat the last word out, and whirled around and disappeared into the light.

"What?" Sirius asked, dumbfounded. "Who're you talking about?"

Fake-Sirius sighed. "James may be quiet, but he's perceptive. He's my best mate. I always make sure he's alright, not left out, because it's easy for people to forget about him. He's like your Remus, who, in case you've forgotten, still exists." He left.

Cackling madly, Fake-Remus began to disappear. "Don't blame me, boys! Just causing a little mischief!"

The light vanished, taking the Imposters with it.

Peter turned to his friends with wide eyes. "Merlin. We missed the full moon. We called that guy Moony! We-" he gasped in horror. "We got Remus' prefect badge taken away!" Peter pulled at his hair. "We're the worst friends in existence! We deserve to get mauled next full moon!"

Sirius looked worried, but tried to act casual. "Wormtail, chill. He's probably just been hanging with his super-smart friends. And why would he care about the stupid badge?"

Peter glared at him. "None of his 'super-smart friends' like him, because he hangs out with us! He doesn't fit in there! And he cares about his prefect badge because it makes him feel like he can get over his lycanthropy and amount to something! You two don't even try to consider how hard everything is on him! I was the only one to ask him how his career advice went last year. You know what he said? He said McGonagall told him a job in the Muggle world was his best bet! That's an insult to his intelligence! He was upset for weeks, and all you two could talk about was how you couldn't wait to be Aurors! He constantly feels as though he has to prove himself worthy of being here, while we just take it for granted! We made him feel like he didn't need to prove anything to us, and what do we do when his counterpart without his lycanthropy comes? We replace him, like there's something wrong with him! Remus deserves better friends than us. We're terrible people." Shoulders slumped, Peter began to walk out of the common room. "I'm gonna find Moony and apologize! Hopefully, he'll listen."

Silence. Then-

"Bloody hell," Sirius breathed. "The rat's right." Sirius looked down at his shoes. "I really am a Black, through and through."

James felt beyond ashamed. "I didn't know Moony felt that way. And to think, we've been treating his condition like some minor problem…"

James and Sirius felt their precious friendship crumbling away. They had broken the Marauder's Code. They had betrayed a member. And they hadn't even realized, until it was too late.

A/N:

Hey! I really appreciate everyone who has read this story. You all make my day. :)

I just wanted to say, thanks for taking the time to read. Also, I really like getting feedback- whether its constructive criticism, or praise. And, finally, reviews make updates happen more quickly, so...